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aureshadow · 2 years
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my hearing has been aided and holy shit is this how you guys hear all the time
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aureshadow · 2 years
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my hearing has been aided and holy shit is this how you guys hear all the time
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aureshadow · 2 years
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It is unfair to treat anyone like a finished being. We are always becoming and unbecoming.
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aureshadow · 2 years
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color study of my sink
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aureshadow · 2 years
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sometimes plushies make me cry because it’s like. they’re little guys made to be loved. their only purpose is to be held and hugged and loved. we made them because we love making things and we love loving things. and they’re so cute
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aureshadow · 2 years
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i. angels must think that love is one sided. angels do not understand love like we do, their languages are too dissimilar from our own. how can something with so many eyes only see forward. i think they like that we try, though. i mean, we do send them little gifts. poems and prayers and lonely mornings. they send us back coffee and cupcakes and a little hope under our tongue. in this way, we are both parts of the universe, trying to care for each other.
ii. i tell my dad i think angels are probably made from flowers. there's an angel in charge of every petal. angels are in toast. angels are in gasoline; it's why they burn with holy fire and why motor oil smells so good.
iii. to my dog i am an angel. he tells me he loves me in the language we have both decided is our code - he presses his head against mine, and we both sigh. i cannot love like an animal, which would be better for me - the unname love, without speech.
iv. i think my angel is plucking her feathers from stress. it must be very hard, to love something that is intent on destroying itself.
v. sometimes it is enough to love something, i mean. pressing our fingers to the mirror and breathing our little lives into the fog. today is a hard one, though. maybe tomorrow you and i can be an angel for the bird outside, and watch it take flight. we'll both know we love it, in our own private language - and give our heart into it. i'll be the angel of daybreak. you can be the angel of dawn. we can both collect the spray of the world and spin it into yarn.
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aureshadow · 2 years
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aureshadow · 2 years
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A doctor discovers an important question patients should be asked
This patient isn’t usually mine, but today I’m covering for my partner in our family-practice office, so he has been slipped into my schedule.
Reading his chart, I have an ominous feeling that this visit won’t be simple.
A tall, lanky man with an air of quiet dignity, he is 88. His legs are swollen, and merely talking makes him short of breath.
He suffers from both congestive heart failure and renal failure. It’s a medical Catch-22: When one condition is treated and gets better, the other condition gets worse. His past year has been an endless cycle of medication adjustments carried out by dueling specialists and punctuated by emergency-room visits and hospitalizations.
Hemodialysis would break the medical stalemate, but my patient flatly refuses it. Given his frail health, and the discomfort and inconvenience involved, I can’t blame him.
Now his cardiologist has referred him back to us, his primary-care providers. Why send him here and not to the ER? I wonder fleetingly.
With us is his daughter, who has driven from Philadelphia, an hour away. She seems dutiful but wary, awaiting the clinical wisdom of yet another doctor.
After 30 years of practice, I know that I can’t possibly solve this man’s medical conundrum.
A cardiologist and a nephrologist haven’t been able to help him, I reflect,so how can I? I’m a family doctor, not a magician. I can send him back to the ER, and they’ll admit him to the hospital. But that will just continue the cycle… .
Still, my first instinct is to do something to improve the functioning of his heart and kidneys. I start mulling over the possibilities, knowing all the while that it’s useless to try.
Then I remember a visiting palliative-care physician’s words about caring for the fragile elderly: “We forget to ask patients what they want from their care. What are their goals?”
I pause, then look this frail, dignified man in the eye.
“What are your goals for your care?” I ask. “How can I help you?”
The patient’s desire
My intuition tells me that he, like many patients in their 80s, harbors a fund of hard-won wisdom.
He won’t ask me to fix his kidneys or his heart, I think. He’ll say something noble and poignant: “I’d like to see my great-granddaughter get married next spring,” or “Help me to live long enough so that my wife and I can celebrate our 60th wedding anniversary.”
His daughter, looking tense, also faces her father and waits.
“I would like to be able to walk without falling,” he says. “Falling is horrible.”
This catches me off guard.
That’s all?
But it makes perfect sense. With challenging medical conditions commanding his caregivers’ attention, something as simple as walking is easily overlooked.
A wonderful geriatric nurse practitioner’s words come to mind: “Our goal for younger people is to help them live long and healthy lives; our goal for older patients should be to maximize their function.”
Suddenly I feel that I may be able to help, after all.
“We can order physical therapy — and there’s no need to admit you to the hospital for that,” I suggest, unsure of how this will go over.
He smiles. His daughter sighs with relief.
“He really wants to stay at home,” she says matter-of-factly.
As new as our doctor-patient relationship is, I feel emboldened to tackle the big, unspoken question looming over us.
“I know that you’ve decided against dialysis, and I can understand your decision,” I say. “And with your heart failure getting worse, your health is unlikely to improve.”
He nods.
“We have services designed to help keep you comfortable for whatever time you have left,” I venture. “And you could stay at home.”
Again, his daughter looks relieved. And he seems … well … surprisingly fine with the plan.
I call our hospice service, arranging for a nurse to visit him later today to set up physical therapy and to begin plans to help him to stay comfortable — at home.
Back home
Although I never see him again, over the next few months I sign the order forms faxed by his hospice nurses. I speak once with his granddaughter. It’s somewhat hard on his wife to have him die at home, she says, but he’s adamant that he wants to stay there.
A faxed request for sublingual morphine (used in the terminal stages of dying) prompts me to call to check up on him.
The nurse confirms that he is near death.
I feel a twinge of misgiving: Is his family happy with the process that I set in place? Does our one brief encounter qualify me to be his primary-care provider? Should I visit them all at home?
Two days later, and two months after we first met, I fill out his death certificate.
Looking back, I reflect: He didn’t go back to the hospital, he had no more falls, and he died at home, which is what he wanted. But I wonder if his wife felt the same.
Several months later, a new name appears on my patient schedule: It’s his wife.
“My family all thought I should see you,” she explains.
She, too, is in her late 80s and frail, but independent and mentally sharp. Yes, she is grieving the loss of her husband, and she’s lost some weight. No, she isn’t depressed. Her husband died peacefully at home, and it felt like the right thing for everyone.
“He liked you,” she says.She’s suffering from fatigue and anemia. About a year ago, a hematologist diagnosed her with myelodysplasia (a bone marrow failure, often terminal). But six months back, she stopped going for medical care.
I ask why.
“They were just doing more and more tests,” she says. “And I wasn’t getting any better.”
Now I know what to do. I look her in the eye and ask:
“What are your goals for your care, and how can I help you?”
-Mitch Kaminski
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aureshadow · 2 years
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HELLO if you speak anything other than english would you please tell me in the tags what rice is called in that language??
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aureshadow · 2 years
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what do you mean this scene wasn't in Rule of Wolves
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(based off of this comic by Kate Beaton)
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aureshadow · 2 years
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the uk government is trying to scrap the human rights act.
i’ve not seen a lot in the media about this so i’m going to do my best to put this into words and explain what will happen if the government is successful in replacing the human rights act with the rights removal bill.
this will mean that in the uk:
you won’t be allowed to say anything negative about the government
if you are disabled or chronically ill, you won’t be allowed to say no to being given a DNR in hospital
you won’t be allowed to bring ‘trivial’ human rights violations to court
public authorities (the police) won’t have to actively protect people’s human rights
the uk military will be allowed to basically do whatever they want overseas
if you ever commit a crime, they can disregard your human rights
the government will not be obligated to obey human rights
if you are from the uk PLEASE sign this petition, and also to everyone else, please please please share this.
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aureshadow · 2 years
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big ole comic about adult ADHD diagnosis + big feelings + making sure childhood me is okay
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aureshadow · 2 years
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To all the Tumblr users who tend to use tags very liberally:
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aureshadow · 2 years
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Any good Chinese LGBT drama/ movie recommendations? And where to watch it?
Hmmm I thought I would have a lengthy list of recommendations but limited to just Chinese-language films/dramas, and ones that I would actually recommend, I realise that my list is a lot shorter 😅.
These are pretty much all going to be gay (mlm). Sorry for the lack of diversity 😔. Summaries are taken from Letterboxd for the most part.
Film Recs
(in chronological order)
霸王别姬 || Farewell My Concubine (1993) - China (mainland), Hong Kong - dir. Chen Kaige
Personal rating: 4/5 || [HQ link, EN subs]
Abandoned by his prostitute mother in 1920, Douzi was raised by a theater troupe. There he meets Shitou and over the following years the two develop an act entitled “Farewell My Concubine” that brings them fame and fortune. When Shitou marries Juxian, Douzi becomes jealous, the beginnings of the acting duo’s explosive breakup and tragic fall take root.
东宫西宫 || East Palace, West Palace (1996) - China (mainland) - dir. Zhang Yuan
Personal rating: 4/5
A heterosexual Beijing policeman and a young homosexual challenge each other’s sexuality.
春光乍洩 || Happy Together (1997) - Hong Kong - dir. Wong Kar-wai
Personal rating: 4/5 || [link, EN subs]
A couple take a trip to Argentina in search of a new beginning, but instead find themselves drifting ever further apart.
自梳 || Intimates (1997) - Hong Kong - dir. Jacob Cheung
Personal rating: 4/5 || [link, ZH subs]
Set in Hong Kong and China in the early 1900s, an older Wan and Wai travel through China in search of Foon, Wan's true love. Wai, whose on-and-off status with her boyfriend leads her into a struggle with self-identity, slowly learns about the life of the aging Wan. Through flashbacks, we learn about Wan in her early days and Foon, who move in and out of each other's lives.
美少年之恋 || Bishonen (1998) - Hong Kong - dir. Yonfan
Personal rating: 3/5 ~ 3.5/5 (I flipflop on this lol)
Jet is a gay hustler who one night spots a young man walking with a woman, and falls for him instantly. He does some research, and discovers that the man is called Sam, and is an apparently straight policeman.
蓝宇 || Lan Yu (2001) - China (mainland) - dir. Stanley Kwan
Personal rating: 5/5 || [HQ Link EN subs] [HQ link, ZH subs] - Bear in mind these are both the cut version of the movie. There are about 4 scenes cut from this version, which is unfortunately the most easily found.
A love story between a country boy in Beijing to study and a wealthy businessman set against the backdrop of the 1989 Tiananmen Square incident.
春风沉醉的夜晚 || Spring Fever (2009) - China (mainland) - dir. Lou Ye
Personal rating: 3/5
Hired to spy on a philandering husband, Luo Haitao soon becomes entangled in a clandestine affair with the other man. Along with Luo’s girlfriend, they succumb to the delirium of drunken nights, but how long can their tryst last?
谁先爱上他的 || Dear Ex (2018) - Taiwan - dir. Mag Hsu, Chih-yen Hsu
Personal rating: 4/5 || [HD link, EN sub]
When Sanlian’s ex-husband passes away, she discovers he has altered his insurance policy, cutting out their son in favor of a stranger named Jay.
叔・叔 || Twilight’s Kiss (2019) - Hong Kong - dir. Ray Leung
Personal rating: 3.5/5 || [HD link, EN subs]
One day Pak, a taxi driver who refuses to retire, meets Hoi, a retired single father, in a park. Although both are secretly gay, they are proud of the families they have created through hard work and determination. Yet in that brief initial encounter, something is unleashed in them which had been suppressed for so many years. As both men recount and recall their personal histories, they also contemplate a possible future together.
刻在你心底的名字 || Your Name Engraved Herein (2020) - Taiwan - dir. Liu Kuang-hui
Personal rating: 3.5/5
In 1987, as martial law ends in Taiwan, Jia-han and Birdy fall in love amid family pressure, homophobia and social stigma.
Extra mentions (haven't watched these ones yet but they have decent reviews):
夜奔 || Fleeing by Night (2000) - China (mainland)
Saving Face (2004) - U.S.A
盛夏光年 || Eternal Summer (2006) - China (mainland)
Drama Recs
Most of the LGBT dramas I've watched are trash or censored, sorry to say, and I tend to watch movies over dramas, so what's left for me to recommend is just from the HIStory (Linked: wiki with summaries) Taiwanese webdrama anthology:
HIStory1: My Hero (PR: 3/5)
HIStory1: Obsession (PR: 3/5)
History2: Crossing the Line (PR: 3.5/5)
History3: Trapped (PR: 3.5/5)
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aureshadow · 2 years
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reblog to give the person you reblogged this from the motivation to finish a wip
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aureshadow · 2 years
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“How did you get a demon in your chicken?”
“The usual way. Couldn’t put it in the rooster. That’s how you get basilisks.” —T. Kingfisher, Nettle & Bone, on sale now
And don’t forget to check out What Moves the Dead, hitting shelves July 2022
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aureshadow · 2 years
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Kyoshi Book 3: Air (Written for the 2022 Kyoshi Big Bang!)
Kyoshi continues her training at the Southern Air Temple, accompanied by Rangi and Jinpa. Not only the next step in her Avatar journey, the Air Nation brings with it memories of her family, and expectations she fears she will be unable to meet.
[Read Here]   @kyoshinovelsbigbang
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