automaticcroissantbatsludge

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I am here for you.

Personal post incoming - I'm not even sure where I'll be going with this as my mind is a mess, but I needed to get this off my chest because 1) fuck it, and 2) I don't have anyone who would understand this enough for me to vent to with these things. Maybe I'm getting too old for this shit. Maybe I have high expectations, or even hope too much.

Truthfully, Light of Mine and the stories I planned to write in relation to and the additional severitus ideas I have, are the only things binding me to this fandom. Not much else is keeping me afloat here, and in all honesty, I'm exhausted trying to get my work out there or trying to fit into communities that I either 1) clearly don't belong in, or 2) don't feel supported enough to stick around.

Yes, going through a very rough patch of depression, anxiety, and additional issues I'd rather not divulge...this doesn't help my current state of mind. But it doesn't make me stupid, or incapable of a decent thought process aside from that. Sometimes we just need to get things off our chest so people can (hopefully) understand, and maybe have a little patience or consideration for someone struggling very deeply.

I'm an honest person. There is no way in hell I'm going to sugarcoat or pretend things are fine when they are not. Absolutely not.

I have high expectations of fandom, simply because I was once a part of a fucking brilliant one many years ago, which was the happiest time of my life. And the rest of this rant is merely from an answer I responded to yesterday, because of the nostalgia it brought me.

My first experience being a part of a family community was the Stargate/Sanctuary fandom (hence my username), for about 10 years. We welcomed newcomers immediately and made them feel like they were one of us, and you didn't have to be anxious about sharing anything creative because you knew you quite literally had full fandom support. You never felt lonely or isolated, and you mattered. There was never any doubt. Hell, we were a charity fandom, always raising money for charities connected to the show and the actors, or even raising funds for fellow fans in need who were sick or life's tragedies preventing them from travelling to meet their idols. We were a family who cared for one another, and leaving anyone behind was not who we were.

It was honestly such an amazing time for me, and I still have friends who are my besties today 🥹 These last few weeks have left me with such nostalgia, because of how incredible we were. We were a unit - we protected one another. Sure, there were some unpleasant people amongst the fans as their are in any fandom - no fandom is perfect. But as a whole, no one judged anyone for who they were, and the characters they liked, or who they shipped. Hell, we weren't even divided by ships, or ruled by them. We loved the show for what it was, and that felt perfect.

I eventually left in 2018 because of the politics of the convention scene, and fans were getting to the point where they were harassing organisers because they became a little too much of 'I want this, I want that, I deserve this...' I wanted no part of that.

But it was still a fond, nostalgic time and the happiest I've been in any fandom. That was what a community felt like to truly be a part of, and recently seeing group photos with my friends at the conventions we'd meet up at across the world, and the fanbase we had a ball in, made me realise with a heavy heart that I may never feel that way again.

When someone feels so low, or at a dark point in their lives when they want to find something to act as a welcome distraction, they want to belong to a community where they feel supported, and simply geek out and have fun to take away from their dark thoughts. They want to feel like they are worth being there, or worth someone's time. When that doesn't happen, that's when people start feeling isolated, frustrated, and worthless.

Fandom now is not what it used to be 10-20 years ago. The change I have seen over time has been so devastating, and it hurts to think about it. Nearly four years into this fandom, and I am still struggling to find where I belong. Goodness, this would have never happened in the early days. If you were new to the fandom back then, you were automatically welcomed and didn't feel like you had to navigate through the smaller established groups just to feel included.

Now, one shouldn't have to constantly reblog their own work on a reblog site because very little others would help you. It's not a great feeling knowing your work is essentially just made up of tumbleweed, and most of the reblogs are coming from yourself. If you are already established in a community, then you have no problem - if only you knew how lucky you are. But for some of us who have always struggled to find our place, it becomes a tedious, stressful, and a very disheartening task. We then don't feel supported or worth anyone's time, and we don't get the motivation that others do, so then we feel like what we write/draw is garbage, or that we are generally feeling pretty useless. Some of us are unlucky like that, and I have since come to accept that.

For those amazing few who have constantly supported me and my writing (or even the new art I've been attempting to post), and have been nothing but kind to the content I post, you have no idea how incredible you are. I know there is not many of you, at least from what I gather from those who respond to my work. I haven't given up on Light of Mine - I will ensure that the story is finished, but I apologise with the long wait between publishing chapters. I've just not been in the best mindset or motivational drive to get them done, but I do still have about 50 Word doc pages of notes filled with events, dialogue, and just...more content. I won't abandon or give up on it, because as I mentioned before, it's really the only thing keeping me afloat in this fandom and I know that there are people genuinely interested in this story (😭). I don't want to let you down.

I wish things were better. I wish I didn't feel like garbage, I wish I didn't feel so lonely, and I wish I felt happy to be here. I get why people leave fandoms now, or stop writing for them.

I'm not expecting people to read this or respond, but I just needed to get this off my mind.

💔

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Moreover despite the solid proof that they are round. Some idiot still believe they are flat. They live in their own world and ignore everything that doesn't agree with their daydrea

Sev is the earth

1 they are an oddball amongst other. The earth is the only planet that isn't named after the god and the only planet that has living creatures.

2 people take them for granted. They gain benefit from them but don't care about them at all. When they can't gain benefit from them anymore they discard them ,(Many people try to find other planet to live instead of saving the earth)

#pro snape #snape defense #snape #severus snape #snapedefense #snapedefender #anti snaters #earth #planet #anti flat-earther

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Sev is the earth

1 they are an oddball amongst other. The earth is the only planet that isn't named after the god and the only planet that has living creatures.

2 people take them for granted. They gain benefit from them but don't care about them at all. When they can't gain benefit from them anymore they discard them ,(Many people try to find other planet to live instead of saving the earth)

#pro snape #snape defense #snape #severus snape #snapedefense #snapedefender #anti snaters #earth #planet

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Eve of fate

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napping + sev in timeout (he was too mean to students)

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My novel has been published on Amazon

Summary:

Who's life was more pitiful than Talay's? He had never seen his father. His mother was disabled. Moreover, his only friend betrayed him. But since Nil became his friend, Talay became more happy. Oh, but we knew they weren't just friends.

You can buy it from 

You can read book sample from 

Please give me some kudos 

[automaticcroissantbatsludge]

My novel has been published on Amazon

Summary:

Who's life was more pitiful than Talay's? He had never seen his father. His mother was disabled. Moreover, his only friend betrayed him. But since Nil became his friend, Talay became more happy. Oh, but we knew they weren't just friends.

You can buy it from 

You can read book sample from 

Please give me some kudos 

#original novel #original fiction #original character #mlm relationship #mlm fiction #boy love

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his senses are trained to detect invisibility cloak shenanigans

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if this post gets 5 k notes i'll tell my new physcologist about my sh.

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Sirius holding himself accountable after a long and painful realization that Harry is just like Snape and Snape too was just a child without a family who cared for him is my biggest headcannon I think.

It starts with Sirius teaching Harry how to look good for the girls and he comments How greasy and a mess his hair is, turns out he never was able to shower at his aunt and uncles so he didn’t develop a good habit of it. Severus tells him that all that matters now is that he is learning.

Harry doesn’t speak unless directly spoken to, Sirius asks him why, “I’m not used to attention so I tend to stay quiet, scared I’ll get in trouble still if I make too much noise.” Severus feels a sting in his chest. “You’ll get in trouble if you don’t talk here.” He says after the meeting is over.

Harry lashes out, Sirius can’t understand and asks him why, “If you were trapped in a home where you weren’t cared for, but then suddenly everyone made this assumption of you (being a hero), you’d lash out too” Severus tells Harry off, to not lash out at one’s who are there for him and care for him. That he should throw away the only family he has left that actually cares for him. He even makes him apologize to Sirius.

Sirius pokes fun at Harry for studying for school still when preparing for war, Harry tells him he wants to make sure he gets a good job so that people like Sirius won’t be wrongly accused. Severus tells him that killing the dark lord will be more than enough on a resume, but more would help.

Harry knows he’s similar to Snape, hated it at first, but accepted it and was happy about it. Because someone understood him for the first time truthfully about being a weapon and not a person in so many peoples eyes. Severus loathes it, fearful he will turn out like him. He’s happy to see he isn’t.

Sirius meets with Snape alone, doesn’t cry, he spent the night before crying all his tears out, and he apologizes and owns up to everything. He tells him that he doesn’t expect forgiveness, but wishes in the next life he would know better. Snape tells him in the next life they might be friends.

The next life didn’t come. Forever repeating the cycle.

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Severus - weird Slytherin boi, zero social skill, unnaturally talented at making enemies, completely crushing on a Gryffindor girl.

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bad hair day

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Once the marauders made a book called Snivellus show. It was all about Snape's bad moments at hogwarts. (They made sure he had bad moments at least once a day so they could take his photo for the book)

And the picture was on the cover

#anti marauders #pro snape #snape defense #snape #severus snape #snapedefense #tw beuty standard #snapedefender #anti snaters #anti james potter #anti remus lupin #anti sirius black #tw bullying #tw beauty standard

[automaticcroissantbatsludge]

Your cat au is great as always. I hope you are not tired of my requests, because I have about 100k ideas for them, there are not many left) I would like to see an ordinary James treating a cat! Snape, who was injured in a fight with one black dog.

severus' weekly fight with padfoot

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Hello. I really like your art. Snape loving cats is definitely canon. If you can, draw a reconciliation between cat! James and Severus (he definitely deserves to be part of the furry Potter family).

hiiii thank you :3 !!!!! they wouldn't admit it but they're wrapped around lily and harry's paw 🫶 theyre now only allowed to glare at each other

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when we try to befriend cats we mimic their meows and get down on the ground to their level and try to gently coax them to interact with us right

that horrifying entity mimicking human noises at us maybe just thinks we’re cool and wants to pet us?