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it just occurred to me how funny this is, like

when the terrified villagers showed up raving about mythical beasts, George was all willing to go along with it in terms of providing them shelter and food, but he had to draw the line at sending soldiers because he fundamentally did not believe them that a griffin had popped out of legend to attack their village (understandable)

and that just makes me picture a monty python-esque scene where like some village leader is like "IT WAS A MONSTROUS BEAST! IT HAD CLAWS LIKE SABERS! YOU HAVE TO SEND MEN" and George is just like "Mmm, mmm, yes, I hear you...but like, are we sure that maybe it wasn't just...a bird?" and the leader is like "IT HAD THE HAUNCHES OF A LION! THE HEAD OF AN EAGLE! IT WAS NO BIRD MY LORD!" and George was like "Like maybe a really big, kind of aggressive, scary bird though?" and the villagers were like "MY LORD, TWAS A GRIFFIN, YOU MUST SEND SOLDIERS!" and George was like "Yeah...no, I'm probably not gonna do that...but hey, how about we all go have a nice dinner, my treat, everyone get a good night's rest here...and then tomorrow when everyone is feeling more relaxed we can circle back on that bird idea again, see how it strikes you then."

#laugh rule #tortall #george cooper #wild magic #tamora pierce

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3d printed start gate

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#oop #it me

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the problem with reading and writing leading to a strong vocabulary is that you tend to know the vibe of words instead of their meanings.

if I used this word in a sentence, would it make sense? absolutely. if you asked me what it meant, could I tell you? absolutely not.

#wow it’s my entire life story #also the reason i was accused of ‘plagiarism’ once #“because you couldn’t possibly know that word yourself #Dr watch as i not only vibe that vocab #i explain it as a multipart flail that involves a detour into string programming #never accused me of a damn thing again but never acknowledged my existence for the remainder of term either #mutually assured mortification

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You have been booped by this empty wrapping paper tube.

Reblog to boop all of your followers with it.

#laugh rule

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Tubthumping | music by Chumbawamba | Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves | Content notes: none

"If the existing plan fails, I make a new plan."

"So you make plans that fail."

"No!"

Downloads and more info here at Dreamwidth

#dnd: honor among thieves #love this

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Since it looks like Trump will be on the ballot again, I think it is time for a rewatch of Starmania, a gorgeous dystopian French Canadian cyberpunk rock opera from the 70s.

If that description isn't enough to tickle your fancy (how?!), please note that it is also very worth it just to mock the villain- a strikingly familiar seeming billionare real estate tycoon /presidential canidate named Zero, whose campaign promises to "make the city great again" "build a border wall" and "stop giving money to shithole countries" (those are direct quotes from the show - written almost 50 years ago!). He also marries an adult actress and has warring dreams of being a TV pop star and presiding over an ultra right racist and nationalistic fascist government that will let buisnesses destroy the environment while the rich flee to live in space stations. He is opposed by a trans woman leading a haphazard anarchist revolutionary group called the Dark Stars, whose HQ is the bar where the android who serves as the story's narrator works. Despite the huge political upheaval around her, all the narrator cares about is trying to find more meaning in life than just working nonstop to pay rent.

It is so relevant to current politics that if you told me it was written last year I'd absolutely believe you. Alas, the hairstyles give away the fact that it is older than most of us. The parallels are unmistakably eerie though.

You can watch the whole thing on youtube (with English subtitles) at the link below, or apparently a new version started performing live in Paris winter 2023, if you can get over there.

Be aware it is pretty nihilistic; this isn't a "good guys triumph over evil" type of story. But I find the reminder that nothing happening today is truely new or unexpected, and that I am fighting the same fight my elders did, to be rather reassuring. And the music is superb.

#Starmania #Ooh a 'new old' history lesson #📺

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A strange alien doctor stands near the unconscious body of Padme Amidala. “It appears she has lost the will to live.” A older man with a limp hobbles closer with the aid of a cane. “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard,” says Dr. Gregory House.

#hahaha #star wars #(nominally) #also: #OH MY GOD #laugh rule

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If I was remaking the Princess Bride I'd have Buttercup hire Vizzini, Inigo and Fezzik herself to help her fake her death and take her away so she could go and seek out the Dread Pirate Roberts and get revenge for Westley's death, and also get out of the marriage to Humperdinck, so she rocks up on the ship in disguise and this time Westley doesn't recognise *her*, but she realises it's Westley and she's just making loads of snide remarks trying to figure out why he's been merrily fucking about on a boat this whole time, meanwhile Westley's having a little bit of a bi moment about Buttercup-in-disguise but because he's loyal as fuck he's not going to do anything about it but they get into a fight and Buttercup is like 'Why the hell did you just fucking leave your girlfriend to fuck around being a pirate you could at least have written a letter' and he's like 'Oh I'm sorry???? What on earth would you know about it, this is none of your concern, I should've killed you when you came on board' and of course during this scene they're also having a very tense sword fight with Inigo making quips from the sidelines like a sports commentator, and Buttercup's like 'WELL WHY DON'T YOU JUST KILL ME THEN, FARM BOY???' But then the ship lurches to the side and she gets thrown overboard and Westley is like 'Oh my God I'm so stupid!!!!' So then he has to dive in after and pull her out.

#i love this #fic recs

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i started doing things scared and doing things alone years ago the real challenge is doing things tired

#big mood #and tracks!

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This is a bit random, but I feel like it's something that urban natives assume everyone knows, but isn't that common outside of big cities, and important for pet owners, especially this time of year, when there are so many closures and "special hours":

Did you know- there are emergency vet clinics, even 24-hour clinics?

(I'm U.S.-based, so obviously this might differ in other countries. And if you live in a city, you're thinking "of course there are," if you live in a small town you're thinking "you mean the phone line," but no, I do not!)

It does take time-- in our case, something like 3-4 hours total, and it was a fairly minor issue that just needed some medication and confirmation nothing worse was wrong --my cat threw out his knee like a dad trying his first layup in 15 years at the family half-court game and needed anti-inflammatory and painkillers-- but there are options available that would have never occurred to "rural me."

One of the "24-hour emergency clinics" in my region is called "Blue Pearl," to give an example-- several years ago, I had to take my dog there when I brought her to my normal vet who was horrified I'd brought her to him when she couldn't breathe-- apparently city vets aren't used to dealing with emergencies; you always bring your pets to the "urgent care" vet in that case?

(The mind boggles-- in my smaller towns, there were 3 options: (1) you were fortunate enough to have your emergency during the clinic's open hours and could get to the (singular) vet; (2) You called the after-hours hotline and got some version of "try this and hope nothing else goes wrong"; (3) you were dealing with an expensive enough problem that the vet would come to you, e.g. a whole herd / $x00000 livestock problem)

In larger cities, there are also vets who work as "drop-in" ONLY-- when I went to find treatment for one of my cats today, the local vet who couldn't make an appointment for us for anything less than a couple of weeks out recommended it; you're seen first-come, first served, and (in the case of this vet) you don't go inside at all-- they take your pet from the car and bring them back to you when finished with the exam.

So, no big moral or anything, just...if you're from a smaller place and the city vet is like: "yes, obviously you take your allergic-reaction dog to..." they're not being crazy; it's a legitimate thing. Also, you're not crazy for thinking it all sounds a bit off-- yes, in smaller towns, the vet is the vet is the vet...cityfolk have just specialized a bit, apparently.

And if you're a city-person who just moved to a smaller town and are thinking "What do you mean my options are 'wait until Tuesday' or 'watch my dog and hope they remain steady?!' ...sorry. That's just how we roll out here. Consider it a life lesson, along with "carry paper maps in your car; no really, we mean it"

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I want to write a movie that is sort of the flip side of a Hallmark holiday movie. Not an anti-Hallmark movie, just like the other side of the same coin.

It starts with a well-dressed professional woman driving a convertible along a country road, autumn foliage in the background, terribly scenic. She turns onto a dirt road/long driveway, and stops next to a field of Christmas trees, all growing in neat, ordered rows, perfectly trimmed and pruned to form. She steps out of the car--no, she's not wearing high-heels, give her some sense!--and knocks on the door of a worn but nice-looking farmhouse. An older woman, late fifties maybe, answers the door, looking a bit puzzled. The younger woman asks if she can buy a Christmas tree now, today. The older woman says they don't do retail sales--and the younger woman breaks down crying.

Cut to the two women sitting at the kitchen table with cups of tea. The young woman (Michelle), no longer actively crying, explains that her mother loves Christmas more than anything, but is in the hospital with end-stage cancer. Her doctors don't think she'll live to see December, let alone Christmas. Nobody is selling Christmas trees in September, so could the older woman please make an exception, just this once? The older woman (Helen) regretfully explains that they have a contract to sell their trees that forbids outside sales. The younger woman nods, starts to stand up, but the older woman stops her with a hand and asks her what hospital her mother is in. After she answers the older woman says that "my Joe" will deliver a tree the next day. "Contract says I can't sell you a tree, but nothing says I can't give you one."

Next day "Joe" shows up at the hospital in flannel and jeans, with a smallish tree over her shoulder. Oh, whoops, that's Jo, Helen's daughter, short for Joanna, not Joe. Jo sets up the tree and even pulls out a box of lights and ornaments. Mother watches from hospital bed with a big smile as Jo and Michelle decorate the tree. Cue "end of movie" type sappiness as nurses and other patients gather in the doorway, smiling at the tree.

Cut to Michelle sitting in her dark apartment, clutching a mug of tea, staring out at the falling snow and the Christmas lights outside. Her apartment has no tree, no decorations, nothing. She starts at a knock on the door, goes to open it. Jo is standing there, again holding a tree over her shoulder.

Plot develops: the second tree is a gift, because Michelle might as well get it as the bank. The contract for the tree sales was an /option/ contract, which prevents them from selling to anyone else, but doesn't guarantee the sale. The corporation with the option isn't going to buy the trees, but Helen and Jo can't sell them anywhere else, and basically they get nothing. They'll lose the farm without the year's income. Michelle asks to see the contract and Jo promises to email it to her.

Next day at a very upscale law firm, Michelle asks at the end of a staff meeting if anyone in contract law still needs pro bono hours for the year. No one does, but a senior partner (Abe) takes her to his office and asks about it. She says the contract looks hinky to her ("Is that a legal term?" "Yes.") but contract law's not her thing. He raises an eyebrow and she grins and pulls a sheaf of paper out of her bag and hands it over. He reads it over, then looks up at her. "They signed this?"

More plot develops. Abe calls in underlings--interns, paralegals, whatever--and the contract is examined, dissected, and ultimately shredded (metaphorically). It's worse even than it looks--on January 1st Helen and Jo will have to repay the advanced they received at signing. The corporation has bought up a suspicious number of Christmas tree farms in previous years after foreclosure, etc.

Cut to Abe explaining all this to Helen and Jo while sitting with them and Michelle in a very swanky conference room. The firm is willing to take on the case pro bono, hopefully as a class's action suit for other farmers trapped by the contract--but there's no way it can go to court before January. Which will be too late to save the farm's income for the year. They might get enough in damages to tide them over, but….

After Michelle sees Helen and Jo out, she comes back and asks Abe if there's anything they can do immediately. Abe looks thoughtful for a long moment, then gets a really shark-like grin on his face. "Maybe…."

Cut to Helen wearing a bathrobe, coming into her kitchen in the morning. She looks out the window…and there's a food truck stopped in her driveway. She pulls a coat on over her robe and goes out--two more trucks have pulled up while she does this. Driver of the first truck asks her where they park. Another truck pulls up behind the others. Behind that is a black BMW--Abe rolls down the window and waves. Helen directs the trucks to the empty field/yard next to the house. Abe pulls up next to Helen's car and Jo's truck and parks. He and Michelle get out--Abe wearing a total power suit, Michelle in weekend casual.

The case will be easier if the corporation initially sues them for violating the (uninforcible!) contract, rather than them suing to corporation (damn if I know, but it's movie logic). So they're going to sell the trees now, and rounded up some food trucks and whatnot to draw people in.

Cue montage of Jo and Michelle running around helping people set up while Abe and Helen watch from the kitchen table. The table starts out covered in file folders…and slowly gains coffee cups and plates of cinnamon rolls. It becomes increasingly clear here that Abe and Helen are becoming as close as Jo and Michelle.

Everything gets set up and a very urban, very motley crowd appears--tats and studs and multiracial couples and LGBTQ parents and everything--and everyone is having a wonderful time eating funnel cake and choosing their tree so Jo and a bunch of rainbow-haired elves can cut it for them. At which point someone shows up from the corporation (maybe with a sheriff's deputy?) and starts yelling at Helen, who's running checkout. And suddenly Abe appears from the house and you realize why he's wearing that suit on a Saturday….

Cue confrontation and corporate flunky running off with their tail between their legs, blustering about suing. Cue Jo kissing Michelle. Cue Helen walking over and putting a hand on Abe's shoulder and smiling at her.

I want the lawyers to be the heroes because they are lawyers and know the law. I want a lesbian who lives in the country with her mother. I want urbanites to turn out as a community to help someone who isn't even part of their community. I want Michelle to keep working at her high-power job, loving Christmas and grieving her mother.

#merry christmas #i love this idea

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WORLD OF WARCRAFT • DUNGEONS & RAIDS (9/?) Ulduar

#world of warcraft #ulduar!

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#good advice #💖

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