the notebook theory (tsukishima kei x reader)
masterlist | ao3
Pairing:Â Tsukishima Kei x Reader
Summary: Kei has a cynical and jaded outlook on love. When his friend Tadashi figures out that Kei has feelings for you, Kei isnât sure how to react. After all, love is not something he does but rather, something that happens to him.
"Thereâs a notebook that Kei likes on his desk. No matter what he does, nothing is good enough to put a permanent mark into the thing. Even if he used a pencil, Kei feels like the evidence of the mark would still be there even after erasing it, a molecular change that canât be seen with the naked eye. Kei calls it the notebook theory.
He thinks that might be whatâs happening to him. A molecular change, imperceivable to someone not looking at him under a microscope. Itâs like his DNA is being rewritten and stitched together with bright pink yarn. He feels himself steadily come apart and come together. Itâs uncomfortable, like trying to dream when he has a fever. Kei is nearly certain that youâre the reason."
Content Warnings:Â fem!reader (gender neutral pronouns), no real manga spoilers, slow burn, one-sided pining, angst, mentions of divorce and broken homes, toxic relationship (kei's parents), smut, fingering, oral (f!receiving and m!receiving), pinching, mentions of mark making, overstimulation (m!receiving), multiple orgasms, hair-pulling
Word Count:Â 24.8k
A/N:Â i know i spent forever working on this but it's finally done and while i have a lot of thoughts about it, idk rly what to say. anyway, here's my first attempt at a tsukishima long fic. also i already know that im not beating the tsukiyama allegations, okay? i tried and failed to beat them okay i just think there is no way to put them in a situation without it being a little homoerotic bc.. they r them okay? anyway, i hope u enjoy and would love to hear ur thoughts <3
The morning comes without warning. Kei thinks heâs read that somewhere, though heâs just sure just where he saw it. He also thinks that whoever said that is right. Morning is always a harsh assault and never as gentle as people describe it to be.Â
Keiâs room, the one he rents at university, faces toward the east. In the mornings, when the sun peeks over the horizon, it shines directly into his room and onto his bed before creeping across the light wood floors. His blinds, as useful as they are, always let some through the cracks and the light cuts the ground like butter to a knife. Kei doesnât think it feels half as romantic as it sounds.Â
The light works better than his alarm. No matter how set he is on sleeping in, he never fails to wake up as soon as those slats of light make their way across his bedspread. It wakes him like fever and heâs never quite as comfortable as he felt falling asleep. This morning is no different.Â
He rises like he always has, running a hand over his blonde hair and dragging it down his face after sitting up. Then, he stands once in an attempt to gather his bearings before sitting right back down on the edge of the bed. He fights the lingering remnants of sleep, feeling the ray of sunlight beat down on his back. Then, he reaches towards his glasses on the nightstand and slides them up the bridge of his long nose before standing up again once and for all.Â
Yamaguchi lives in the other room. His best friend since high school, perhaps his only real friend. Theyâd miraculously attended the same college and decided to room together, though his other friends from his youth arenât too far. The arrangement managed to make it all the way until their fourth and final year. Living with each other has become par for the course.Â
Tadashi wakes up later than Kei does on most days, except for Tuesdays and Thursdays. On those days, he has an 8 am and is usually in the kitchen before Kei has even stood up for the first time. Today is a Wednesday, so Yamaguchi is asleep in his room. The morning light doesnât wake him the same way it does Kei. His room faces west, so it isnât until the mid-afternoon, when Tadashi is chased from his room by the afternoon rays and heat, that he notices the sun on its blinding conquest across the sky.Â
Keiâs room is clean and neat. Thereâs no clutter, no collection of items that donât have a proper place. Everything is itemized and stored exactly where he intends for them to be. His floor is void of stray clothes, of socks heâd discarded the night before, his nightstand is bare and his desk is surprisingly empty save for one notebook sitting in its center. Itâs a room that he could leave at any time, despite living here for nearly two years. If Kei chose to do so, he could pack his things and be gone in a day.Â
Yamaguchiâs room is different. Itâs lived in and well worn. Thereâs clutter on the floor, socks and pants heâd taken and tossed away to be dealt with later. Certain things donât have a place and end up living on semi-crowded surfaces filled with things he likes to put down as quickly as heâd picked them up. Kei envies that way of living. A non-temporary way. He envies the rug in Yamaguchiâs room and the way he fills the space with himself. Kei thinks that even after theyâre long gone, future tenants would still be able to feel Tadashiâs presence.Â
To say that Kei is cynical would be accurate. He tends to lean more towards paranoia in his own strange way. He keeps things in order to quell the anxiety in it. Things stay where they are meant to be. As a result, heâs earned himself somewhat of an uptight attitude that makes Kei feel more awkward than relaxed even when heâs in his own spaces. Not that he minds it.Â
Tadashiâs dish from last night is sitting next to the sink. Kei moves around it as he fixes a tea, making an effort not to drag his feet across the floor because he hates the scuffing sound. Every now and then, the glass of his mug will clink against the cheap kitchen tile and Kei will cringe in some paranoid worry that it will wake his friend.Â
As he gathers his things to leave the quiet apartment, Kei wonders where his cynicism comes from. Heâs sure he could pinpoint it if he tried. His parents divorce, his previous experiences with dating that have left him jaded, the holes that wore even in his most sturdy of sweaters. Inconsequential nothings that piled up until Kei had developed an undeniably cautious outlook on the world. To him, all of these things are the same. Like the morning, theyâre intrusive and unsightly, but none is less important than the other.Â
Kei does have things he likes. Art, for one. He likes paintings, sculptures, little pieces of history, and all of the things people make with their hands that he could never do. Kei is hopeless at crafts. His fingers are lithe and long, but theyâre clumsy and hard to control. Despite his need for order, Kei has trouble controlling his urges. The subtle twitches of his fingers always mess up whatever it is heâs trying to craft.Â
He likes writing best of all, specifically curatorial writing. Itâs easy for him to pick which pieces belong together and how to organize them in a space, it suits his talent for compartmentalizing. Kei gets to tell a story that way, be it historical or artistic, sometimes both. The essays that his classmates find tedious, he finds relaxing despite the stress. For him, writing about art and history is a pleasure much like sipping tea that is the perfect temperature, unintrusive and natural.Â
By the time he arrives at the library, itâs nearly 9 am. He works better here, in the quiet section at a table hidden by three tall shelves of books. Itâs almost never occupied and there are hardly ever people seated in the immediate area. Kei doesnât go out of his way to avoid others, but he finds that if he doesnât approach people, they often wonât approach him. He prefers things this way, it makes the good and bad people easier to weed out.Â
From this spot in the library, Kei can see where you usually set up shop for the day. You arrive after him by about 45 minutes and he convinces himself that it is always coincidental.Â
Strictly speaking, youâre Tadashiâs friend, not his. Youâve known each other for a little under a year and have been by the apartment a few times, but yours and his conversations are limited entirely to pleasantries. How are you? What are you working on? Weâre graduating soon, huh? Casual conversation that Kei can weasel his way out of at any time. Like his room, itâs impermanent.Â
Kei has had the idea that nothing stays stuck in his head since middle school. The house he lived in when his parents were together, weekdays with his mother and weekends with his father, graduating seniors, the apartment he lives in now. To Kei, all of it is so temporary that he finds it difficult to get attached to it, not that heâs devoid of emotion. He quite loves the little things he has, but his grip on them is loose and half-hearted. Whatever leaves, Kei thinks is meant to leave, so he makes no effort to hold on.Â
Itâs probably unfair to think of you that way, but Kei canât really help it. He canât change what he is. Besides, itâs not as if he doesnât have a reason to think so. Heâs often approached by people for his looks, people who want to get close because they think heâs tall and handsome, people who collect others like trophies. Heâs not heartless, so heâs been hurt more than a few times. Kei thinks he owes it to himself to be cautious, not that youâve done anything to earn that type of subtle hostility.Â
âThought you might be here,â someoneâs hand lands on his shoulder.Â
âShit,â he groans, âis it that late already?âÂ
Kei glances down at the watch on his wrist, reading the time as just past 10:45 am. Heâs been here for an hour and 45 minutes and hasnât gotten anything done. Tadashi pulls the chair next to him out and sits down, resting his chin on his hand.Â
âSpacing out?âÂ
âA little,â Kei responds, tapping his pen against the table and turning back toward his book.Â
âGot something due?âÂ
âYeah, on Friday,â he exhales. âHavenât started it yet though. You?âÂ
âNah,â Tadashi smiles. âIâm just chasing you around.âÂ
âYouâre like a girl with a crush.âÂ
Tadashi shrugs and lets out a good natured laugh. Itâs a little too loud for this part of the library, but Kei lets it slide, smiling with his friend.Â
Tadashi is the opposite of him, he thinks. He smiles often and says exactly whatâs on his mind when it crosses it, even if it's a little mean. Tadashi used to be a follower, but in his final year of high school and university years, grew into someone befitting of his somewhat sunny and sarcastic personality. Thoughts and words come easily to him and he has no trouble vocalizing his joy or his disappointment.Â
Yamaguchi has freckles covering the entirety of his body. Kei knows this because heâs seen far more of Tadashi than he thinks he should have. His skin is tawny and warm like him. Kei finds himself looking at the ones on his hands as Yamaguchi begins to write in his notebook. Kei canât read his handwriting because itâs terrible and he doesnât much feel like working on his own project, so he watches his friendâs hand mark the page. Then, his gaze slinks across the library to you.Â
Youâve got your head down and look like youâre falling asleep despite it only being 11 in the morning. Your hand moves lazily across your computer keypad. By the time Kei realizes that youâve spotted him staring, itâs too late to look away. His gaze was too intentional, so he smiles at you instead, nodding his head a little.Â
You smile and wave, standing from where you sit and collecting your things. They fill up your arms because you donât bother to put them in your bag, making your way clumsily across the room and setting your stuff down across from him.Â
âHi, Tsukishima,â you smile. âHi, Tadashi.âÂ
You use his friendâs given name and Kei feels a pang of jealousy hit his chest.Â
âHow long have you been here? I didnât see you,â you ask, settling into the seat across from Kei.Â
âI just got here,â Tadashi smiles, looking up from his notes. âHeâs been here for a while though.âÂ
Tadashi motions towards him.Â
âAw, why didnât you say hi?âÂ
âYou seemed busy,â Kei lies.Â
You pout, filling your mouth with air. âNext time just come say hi, âkay?âÂ
âSure,â Kei nods.Â
Tadashi tosses him a sideways glance and Kei shrugs it off. Heâs not interested in being teased this morning, though when is he ever.Â
Kei doesnât like the way you make him feel. When youâre around, he becomes prickly. It sets Kei on edge in a way that he hates. His world, previously so rigid and organized, quickly begins to feel cluttered and structureless.Â
You make his heart pound. You make it hammer against his chest so hard that he can feel it in his ears and behind his eyes. It goes all the way down to his already-hard-to-control fingertips and the tops of his thighs. A previously pastel colored world goes vibrantly candy-colored like itâs been plunged in saturating liquid. He nevers knows how to hold himself, never knows how to act natural. What does it mean to act natural, anyway? How should he rest his hands on the desk? Would it be weird to lace them together? Does he look as stiff as he feels? Itâs entirely possible that he is suffering a massive heart attack.Â
You whisper across the table to Tadashi, leaning forward and laughing at something heâs written in his notebook. You can read his handwriting, something Kei is equally jealous about as he is angry. Kei just watches your conversation, unable to really listen into it on account of the stroke that he thinks heâs having.Â
The three of you stay like this for a while, earning the occasional irritated whisper or dirty look from some of the more studious people in the library. Kei pretends to ignore them, remaining quiet throughout the duration of your study session with Tadashi. His quiet corner is invaded and painted bright pink with your presence and he doesnât know whether to feel giddy or irrationally angry. Maybe itâs both.Â
âCrap, is that the time?â Tadashi exclaims, hunching over himself when someone nearby shushes him. âIâve got class across campus in 10 minutes.âÂ
He hurriedly collects his things. Tadashi does it so fast, in fact, that Kei hardly has time to beg him not to leave him alone with you. So he just watches as Tadashi throws his things clumsily into his bag and tosses it over his shoulder.Â
âBye, ___,â he says in a rushed whisper. âIâll see you at home, Kei!âÂ
âSure,â is all that Kei can muster. His voice cracks when he says it and he immediately avoids looking at you and stares at nothing in particular in his textbook.Â
Itâs quiet for a while. Kei pretends to busy himself by glancing between his textbook and his computer and you sit with your head bowed as you take notes on a lecture youâre listening to through the single earbud in your right ear. Then, you tap the end of your pen lightly on Keiâs notebook to get his attention.Â
Itâs only been about 10 minutes since Tadashi left, but the library now feels like an entirely different place. His heart pounds as he struggles to keep a straight face.Â
When he looks up, youâre looking at him with a tilted head. Your expression is soft and unintrusive, friendly but a bit guarded. You smile softly at him.Â
âYou donât like me very much, do you?â You ask gently. It doesnât sound accusatory, but rather a casual statement tinged with friendliness.Â
âHuh?â Blood rushes into his ears.Â
âI just kinda get the impression that youâre uncomfortable around me,â you say. âAm I wrong?âÂ
âUh, no- itâs not that I donât like you.âÂ
Heâs quick to correct you and he feels heat rush to his cheeks.Â
âThen what?â you question lightly. Thereâs no ulterior motive behind your smile, Kei can tell, but your openness makes him uneasy.Â
âI dunno,â he calms himself a little. âI donât really know how to act around you, I guess.âÂ
You laugh, leaning back into your chair. âIs that all?âÂ
âWell, yeahâŠâ he feels awkward and his palms are sweaty. He drops them below the table to wipe them. âYouâre Tadashiâs friend and Iâm pretty different from him so I justâŠâ He trails off, shrugging his shoulders.
âI was worried you hated me,â you smile, chuckling to yourself.Â
âThatâs definitely not it,â he loosens a little, smiling lightly despite the thudding of his heart. It slows down steadily.Â
âIâm your friend too, ya know?âÂ
âThat so?âÂ
âWell, yeah,â you shrug and lean all the way back, crossing your arms. âI just kinda figured that we would be.âÂ
âFriends?â His tongue feels heavy in his mouth. His word placement is awkward.Â
âDuh,â you laugh a little. âYou know, you donât have to speak formally with me.âÂ
âThatâs just the way I am,â he huffs at being read.Â
âWell, you can drop them with me. I donât mind.âÂ
âTall order,â he snorts.Â
You tilt your head to the side. âDid you just make a joke?âÂ
âUh, yeahâŠâÂ
âFunny,â you smile. âWhat are you studying?âÂ
âItâs not really studyingâŠâ he says, glancing down at the near empty document. âIâm supposed to be writing an essay I have due on Friday. Not going well.âÂ
He looks up at you through his lashes. Youâre leaning forward across the table now, your chin angled upward as you try and peek at whatâs on his screen. He turns it so that you can see better.Â
âBaroque art?â You read aloud. âOh yeah, Tadashi mentioned that youâre an art history major. Do you draw too?âÂ
âNo,â he scoffs. âIâm hopeless at it, but I like art. Itâs nice to look at.âÂ
âHuh, you look like youâd be good at drawing,â you say.Â
âWhatâs that mean?âÂ
âI dunno, like a manga author or something,â you shrug. âYouâve got nice hands too. Like an artist.âÂ
âManga?â He laughs a little, trying to play off the color he feels rushing to his face from the compliment.Â
âYeah, you look like the manga type.âÂ
âIs it the glasses?â He raises an eyebrow.Â
âMaybe,â you laugh.Â
Kei looks down at his hands. Theyâre big, like the rest of him, and his knuckles are thin. Heâs hyper-aware of them now that youâve complimented them. He studies them briefly, following the barely visible veins up the back of them, following the line of his fingers to his nails. Theyâre trimmed and somewhat well kept, save for the spots that he tends to bite at when he lays in bed at night. His hands look nothing like Tadashiâs. Tadashiâs fingers are thick and his nails are short on account of him biting them. Kei wonders if you prefer them to his.Â
â
Thereâs a notebook that Kei likes on his desk. Itâs only a bit bigger than his fistâa little thing, reallyâand itâs completely blank. Keiâs never written anything down in it, nothing has ever really been worth sullying the thing. Itâs got brown fabric binding and a semi-thick cover. Itâs malleable, but not so flimsy that heâd need a desk to write in it.Â
Keiâs not too sure why he bought it in the first place. Maybe he liked the size of it, small enough to fit in his pocket, but not so small as to be ridiculous. Itâs practical, much like he is. Heâs considered turning it into a daily planner and putting to-do lists in it, but Kei isnât much of a list guy, itâs Tadashi that likes making lists. Nothing has ever really felt like it suits the book. Heâs considered journaling in it, but his life is one big routine and he doesnât think thereâs anything worth writing about.Â
No matter what he does, nothing is good enough to put a permanent mark into the thing. Even if he used a pencil, Kei feels like the evidence of the mark would still be there even after erasing it, a molecular change that canât be seen with the naked eye. Kei calls it the notebook theory.Â
He thinks that might be whatâs happening to him. A molecular change, imperceivable to someone not looking at him under a microscope. Itâs like his DNA is being rewritten and stitched together with bright pink yarn. He feels himself steadily come apart and come together. Itâs uncomfortable, like trying to dream when he has a fever.Â
Kei is nearly certain that youâre the reason, not that heâs about to admit to anyone else that he likes you. Tadashi managed to weasel it out of him, though he didnât really have to ask. In fact, it was less of an admittance to Kei than it was confirmation of his own feelings. If Tadashi can tell that he likes you, then he must.Â
People seem to know things about Kei before he even knows them himself. At least, thatâs how it seems. Heâs always confronted with his own feelings by other people, not that theyâre really ever wrong, but it seems everyone catches onto what heâs feeling rather quickly. Heâs not too sure why that is, maybe heâs just obvious and hasnât realized it.Â
Come to think of it, when Tadashi had confronted Kei about his feelings for you, heâd been deeply annoying about it. Kei couldnât even try to deny it because Tadashi had come out with his guns blazing, cornering him in the living room and throwing facts about you at him until his face was beet red with embarrassment. Then, with a serious frown on his face, heâd simply stated you like them and that was the end of it. Kei couldnât even deny it. Even he knew that it read plainly in his expression.Â
To be frank, it sucks being told in plain speech how he feels about someone. Whenever that happens, it makes Kei feel like heâll never be able to keep another secret in his life. Sometimes, he wishes that he was able to make the decision to tell someone else on his own, but even Kei knows that that is a little beyond him. Kei can think the feelings just fine, but when it comes to speaking them aloud, he seems to have a padlock around his throat.Â
Tadashi knows this about him and if it werenât for him, Kei would have agonized far longer and far worse over certain situations of emotional turmoil. Most of the time, Tadashi gets it without needing to ask or say anything. Itâs nice to have someone understand him in that way, even if it does mean he canât keep a secret to save his life.Â
Feelings lately make Kei a little angry. Heâs always known that heâs had somewhat of a sour personality. Kei doesnât need to be told that heâs smug to know that he is. Heâs snarky and usually touchy, picky about the people that he hangs out with. Itâs not really a secret that Kei is a hard person to get along with, but lately, he feels like itâs been worse.Â
Maybe itâs because this is new territory to him. As conceited as it sounds, Kei has never liked someone first. Itâs not because he doesnât think anyone is worthy, but rather, because there are very few people he doesnât find grating. Despite how he seems, Kei is incredibly sensitive about things, so naturally, itâs easier to get on his nerves.Â
Heâs dated before, though not for long, and all of his relationships have started the same way. Kei is approached by them, usually on the premise of looks, and he accepts. Heâs not sure why he does. Sometimes itâs because he thinks theyâre pretty, other times itâs because the romantic in him hopes that it will actually work out. It never has.Â
Most of the time, Kei turns out to be different than they expected. Heâs too touchy, too sarcastic, too awkward in his way of trying to love. To Kei, it has always felt like itâs ended just as he was beginning to develop real feelings.Â
If heâs being honest, itâs given him a twisted inferiority complex. Heâs worried that somehow, on a fundamental level, heâs not enough. Sometimes, it even goes so far as for Kei to think that heâs just generally disappointing. He tries not to be. Kei wants to be relied on. He wants to be someone his friends can go to when they need something sturdy.Â
Despite his personality, Kei considers himself sturdy. Well, maybe stubborn is a better word. Kei considers himself stubborn enough to be made sturdy. Heâs just a little awkward. Thatâs all. People seem to mistake that for being unreliable. Itâs a peeve of Keiâs.Â
Tadashi isnât like that. Tadashi is bright and warm, reliable in every sense of the word. Kei actually looks up to him a lot, not that heâd ever say anything like that to his face. Sure, Tadashiâs not perfect, but at least people rely on him. At least Kei relies on him.Â
Tadashi is more easy going than Kei is. He has an easier time going with the flow, which makes him more personable. Kei thinks that Tadashi is the closest thing that heâs had to a better half. In truth, without Tadashi around, Kei isnât exactly sure what would have become of him.Â
Itâs pointless thinking about these sorts of things though. Kei realized a long time ago that thinking about being better wonât automatically make him better. This is just the way he is and Keiâs learned to accept that, whatever it means. Still, none of this changes the fact that he likes you.Â
Kei could mull over thought after thought and he doesnât think it would have any effect on the fact that heâs definitely developed a crush. Heâs positive it will go away. In fact, heâs not even sure if itâs real. Maybe Kei is just jealous of you the same way heâs jealous of Tadashi. Youâre bright and warm like he is. You and Tadashi are cut from the same cloth, so maybe thatâs why the two of you get along so well.Â
In all honesty, Kei wishes he could be a little more like Tadashi for that reason. Maybe if he were more like Tadashi, heâd have the courage to fully accept these new and uncertain feelings for what they are. But he doesnât have that kind of courage, not right now at least. He doesnât have the courage to solidify and lean into his feelings. Kei doesnât want to risk what little comfort and security he has. If the relationship between you both is a blank page, Kei doesnât have anything important to write. What if it ruins the paper? What if when he erases it, it changes the thing on a molecular level for the worse? The notebook theory.Â
âÂ
Despite everything, Kei is rather self-aware. At least in his own head he is. Kei knows that when he pretends he doesnât like you, he really ends up liking you more. He knows that heâs touchy, that heâs awkward, that he comes across more crass than he intends to. Kei is clumsy, not stupid. That doesnât mean that he has to acknowledge it.Â
Youâve been coming around more often since the conversation Kei had with you in the library. Maybe youâre more comfortable now knowing that he doesnât hate you, so youâre happier to join Tadashi in their shared apartment.Â
Kei feels bad about making you think that he hates you. Actually, he feels really bad about it. Like, astronomically bad about it. Embarrassingly enough, it actually keeps him up at night. So he goes out of his way to be a little nicer to you. The only other person heâs ever done that for is Tadashi.Â
He greets you properly when you pass, despite the flare up of a medical condition heâs yet to fully diagnose brought on by your presence. He asks you questions about your studies, partially because he is genuinely curious and partially because he doesnât want you to hate him. He thinks heâd die if you hated him. Keiâs being brave in his own way. Itâs little, but heâs doing it.Â
As a result, the two of you have grown a little closer. Kei has your phone number now, though he rarely has any reason to text you. Typing out a message to you makes him nervous. It makes him red in the face when youâre not even there. Somehow, having your phone number feels vulnerable to him, like he has access to you whenever he wants and you him. It means that if you wanted, you could make him nervous without even being nearby. Thatâs a lot for Kei to think about.Â
Kei sees you in the library sometimes too, but he never takes the initiative to speak to you. You always come up to him first, clumsily gathering your things the way you did the day you and him sorted out your friendship and plopping them down in front of him.Â
Sometimes, you both go several hours without saying anything to each other. Other times, youâll chat away about something while leaning forward on the desk and Kei has to pretend that heâs not wildly nervous at your proximity. Youïżœïżœre so friendly. So genuinely warm that Kei can physically feel it when you talk. Despite his nerves, Kei would describe you as comfortable. Youâre a comfortable person to him, as alarming as that is.Â
His crush is out of hand. It scares him, not that heâs actively thought about that. What started as him noticing you has quickly ballooned into him being painfully aware of you at all times. He kind of feels bad about it. You donât seem to think that heâs anything more than a friend and it makes Kei feel bad that he thinks of you as anything but that. He doesnât want you to be just a crush to him. Kei wants you to be like Tadashi, someone he can rely on and be comfortable with. He almost feels like heâs reversed whatâs been done to him his whole life, like somehow heâs only become your friend because he wants something more.Â
Truth is though, he doesnât want anything more. Kei wants to stay exactly where he is. He doesnât want his crush to develop any further. He doesnât want to confess, he wants to forget. Even now, sitting on a couch in the library, he wants to imagine he doesnât feel anything at all for you. Â
âHey, are you okay?â You tilt your head at him.Â
âHuh? Me?â He questions. âYeah, Iâm fine.âÂ
âYou seem a little distracted,â you smile. âYouâve been staring at your computer for like⊠10 minutes with this blank look on your face.âÂ
âYouâve been staring at me for 10 minutes?â He raises an eyebrow, trying to play off the embarrassment of being caught like that.Â
âNot staring at you,â you huff, âbut I definitely noticed.âÂ
âHa, creep,â he tilts his head up a little, blowing air out of his nose.Â
âYouâre twisted, you know?âÂ
âWhatever,â he shrugs his shoulders and looks back at his computer screen. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees you shake your head and smile before looking down at your work.Â
Tadashi has said the same exact thing to him before. In highschool, after Kei had made a joke about his teammate Hinataâs height, Tadashi had given him a look and snorted that heâs so twisted. Heâs been hearing that sort of thing his entire life.Â
âHey, are you cool if I skip out of here early?â You ask a few moments later.Â
âOh, yeah sure. I donât mind,â he nods, hiding his disappointment. âI didnât realize that we had like⊠set times to be here.âÂ
You laugh lightly. âWell, we donât, but we tend to come and go at the same time, no? I kinda look forward to it.âÂ
Kei envies your honesty. Youâre so honest all of the time. You say what you feel when it pops into your head. He wishes he could be like that, maybe then he would be able to say that he does too. Instead, he just nods and swallows his heart back down. You smile at him again and then gather your things.Â
âYouâll be home on Friday night, right?âÂ
âUhm, yeah? Why?âÂ
âTadashi invited me and a few friends over, did he tell you?âÂ
âI think he mentioned it.â Kei has actually been thinking about it for the last couple days.Â
âGood, Iâll see you, right?âÂ
âYeah, you will.âÂ
âGreat, talk to you later then!â You smile and with that, you walk away.Â
You sounded so certain in that statement. Talk to you later. You said it like it was inevitable. Thinking about that, Kei canât help but watch you go. He even likes looking at the back of you, though he wishes he could see your face too. It feels worse to be walked away from than walked towards.Â
Kei canât tell anymore if what he feels is romance or jealousy. Itâs probably both. Itâs probably some mix of the two that he canât quite sort out. He wishes it werenât that way. Kei gets the feeling that he might be ruined.Â
So he just watched you leave the library. Someone is waiting for you at the top of the stairwell. Kei can tell theyâre a guy and despite the reluctance of his feelings, his stomach drops anyway when you nudge his shoulder with yours and loop your arm around his. Thatâs something you havenât done to Kei before. Touch him. You touch this other person so easily. It makes Kei jealous.Â
It makes sense that you might be seeing someone, that there might be someone else. After all, youâre you. Desirable. You look up at the stranger, leaning on him, smiling and flashing your teeth. Yeah, it makes sense.Â
Turns out, itâs easier to pretend that he doesnât feel anything when he thinks youâre interested in someone else. He likes to think it will save him the time of wondering.Â
â
Kei has cleaned his room approximately four times today. Sure, itâs overboard, but every time he goes into it, he notices something else that needs to be spruced up. Like a pot with a leak, there is always something that he seemed to miss the last time he went through and cleaned up.Â
Itâs not like youâll be in his room tonight anyway, but you will be in his apartment and thatâs close enough to his room that he, for whatever reason, needs to make it so spotless that it looks like a set. Kei knows though, that even when youâre here, heâll be wondering if thereâs something else that he missed beyond the closed door and heâll think about it incessantly.Â
Heâs been avoiding the thought of him liking you. Instead, Kei cleans and cleans and then cleans some more for good measure. Itâs not like he has any sort of claim on you and he knows that itâs stupid to feel jealous over one interaction he witnessed by chance, but his mind is running away with him. Was that person your boyfriend? Has he been begrudgingly pining over a taken person all these months? Do you think that heâs creepy because of it?Â
He doesnât get to be upset over the idea that youâre seeing someone else. Why wouldnât you be? Keiâs done absolutely nothing to indicate his interest in you (or lack thereof), besides maybe telling you that he doesnât hate you. He has no right to feel the way he does, but he spirals anyway. His insecurities, the ones that gnaw at him in the hours before he falls asleep, play in a constant loop in his head. His unreliability, his unpleasant personality, his cynicism, the baggage he carries with him like a badge. All of it piles up one by one.Â
Kei feels like a kid again, losing himself over such a simple interaction, over something so miniscule that it might not even be considered anything at all. There are a plethora of reasons for his feeling like this and Kei thinks he could draw one of his issues out of a hat and it would still somehow address the situation at hand, but all he really feels is hurt and he doesnât want to explain it away. Kei finds that liking someone hurts. It hurts more than it feels good and the uncertainty chews at his patience and leaves it razor thin. Itâs not your fault, nor is it the person Keiâs convinced himself youâre seeing, but he needs someone to blame and it canât be himself.Â
The idea of you relying on someone else makes him nauseous. Heâd never considered the thought before, that you find him as unreliable as others do. Kei wants to be relied on, most of all by you, and that fact makes him upset. Heâs afraid of what you think of him and without the confidence to accept his feelings, it threatens to crush him.Â
Keiâs got this itch over it, so he tries to distract himself. Cleaning his space to prepare for you helps him delude himself that he doesnât quite like you at all. Itâs not your fault. Heâs just confused, like his parents were when they married each other. It hurts. Like they were when they had him to try and fix their marriage, which had started to fall apart even when Akiteru was an only child. Heâs confused. Heâs jealous over your ability to live the way Kei has always wanted to. Thatâs all this is. Nothing more and nothing less. He feels like heâs being split in two, stretched thin between two modes of thinking.Â
Kei glances over his shoulder and into his room one last time. Heâs forgotten to wipe the mirror. He goes back in and the cycle starts itself over.Â
â
Heâs not proud of his behavior. Kei thinks only a seriously huge asshole would be proud of the kind of behavior he displayed tonight. He regrets it immensely, though some part of him is begrudgingly holding onto the idea that maybe he was right to be so short tempered. Of course, thatâs a lunaticâs idea.Â
Tadashi is standing by the apartment door, mumbling something to you behind it. Over Tadashiâs shoulder, he sees you shake your head and in response, Tadashi gives a small bow before shutting the door to the shared apartment. Then, Tadashi turns and walks towards him.Â
Kei doesnât want to look at him, but Tadashi, for some reason, commands his gaze.Â
âIs there a reason you were such a huge cunt tonight?â Tadashi sort of spits the words. They land at Keiâs feet and roll around before settling.Â
âWhat are you talking about? I was normal,â he answers, though the statement sounds like a lie the moment it leaves his lips.Â
âBullshit,â Tadashi says. âYou were being an asshole the second they walked through the door and youâve been one to me all day.âÂ
Kei scoffs, his cheeks burning, âIâve just been tired, dude. Besides, what does it matter? Youâre closer to all of them than I am.â
âWhat? Youâre tired so you just get to be a huge asshole?âÂ
âNo,â Kei responds.Â
âSo then what was that?âÂ
Kei doesnât really know. He doesnât know what prompted him to act so cold or make such snide comments. Itâs true, heâd been in a bad mood all day and he knows that Tadashi has borne the brunt of his misplaced emotions, but even Kei is confused as to why heâd acted the way he did. Still though, there is a part of him that knows that it was connected to his spiraling and what he saw in the library. Heâd sound insane if he said it out loud, like somehow his growth was stunted in the third grade, but Kei is sure it had something to do with liking you and the hurt that comes with it.Â
Itâs not as if heâd been outwardly mean, but he had been cold. There are parts of himself that Kei doesnât want you to see, sections of his personality that he ropes off from you because despite not liking you, he wants you to see the best in him. Tonight, he managed to somehow show off the worst.Â
It started with the noise when everyone had arrived. You, Hinata, Kageyama, Tanaka, Kiyoko, and Yachi had all piled into the apartment in one large group. Keiâd been sitting on the couch and the sound of the door startled him right off the bat. He assumed that by the time they all had rounded the corner into the living room, his face was already sour, because everyone had greeted him cautiously.Â
Itâs no surprise that everyone was so loud. Kei has known this particular group for many years and they, having all gone to school or work nearby, pile into his apartment often for events like these. You were really the only new factor in all of it and while Kei is known as a touchy person, he certainly was more touchy than usual tonight.Â
Youâd been trying to talk to him all evening and Kei, in a desperate attempt to avoid whatever lingering feelings he had for you, had been shutting you down at every turn. Thinking back on it, heâs endlessly embarrassed. You didnât deserve that. Youâd been nothing but kind to him and there Kei was holding a grudge over you for something he had no right to be angry about whatsoever. He had been holding a grudge over something that heâd learned later that evening that wasnât even true.Â
Kei thinks that what Tadashi is referring to, was deliberately picking a fight with Tanaka. Kei and Tanaka have never been particularly close. Even in high school, his boisterous and somewhat obnoxious personality has always rubbed Kei the wrong way. Despite that, Tanaka has somehow managed to maintain a connection to him through university and the two of them have established a tentative but honest friendship.Â
You had been sitting on the arm of the couch beside Tanaka, leaning over him to look at something he was showing you on his phone. Then, you laughed a little too hard and Kei felt that familiar sense of injustice rise to his throat, thick and heavy. Itâs an ugly feeling, the kind that makes Kei feel sick when heâs in bed late at night. Bile rose in his throat in the form of harsh words. Jealousy in the form of the verbal venom Kei excels at.Â
For Kei, Tanaka was an easy target, someone he could poke at and get a satisfying rise out of. In the moment, the rise heâd gotten from Tanaka by making snide comments about the volume of his voice and his particular obsession with pretty girls had been exactly that, satisfying.Â
Heâd picked a small fight. Nothing physical, but just enough to get him irritated. Keiâs not proud of it, but heâd be lying if he said he hadnât done it deliberately. After all, Tanaka has never been the type to be the bigger person and turn his nose up.Â
Sometimes, when Kei is experiencing emotions heâd rather not deal with, he decides to obsess over one single thing. Usually, itâs cleaning or schoolwork. Tonight, it happened to be the volume of Tanakaâs voice, which he knows was a shitty thing to do. Despite wanting to be reliable, Kei canât help but feel that he was endlessly immature, lashing out at someone completely unrelated to the situation just because he could.Â
Tadashi pulls him from his thoughts.Â
âI thought you liked them, dude,â his voice is even, letting up on the anger.Â
âWho?â Kei plays dumb.Â
Tadashi responds with your name and Kei stiffens slightly. âI thought you guys had gotten closer. What happened?âÂ
âNothing happened,â Kei says. Itâs the truth. Absolutely nothing happened. Kei had spiraled all on his own.Â
âWhy did you ignore them then?âÂ
âI didnât ignore them,â Kei says. Again, itâs not a lie. He may have shut conversations down and been a little cold, but Kei couldnât ignore you if he tried, itâs sort of the whole problem heâs dealing with now.Â
âMaybe, but you were cold. Like⊠needlessly.âÂ
âI was fucking normal, Tadashi. You should know me well enough by now to know that,â Kei spits.Â
âThatâs the problem though, isnât it? I know you and I know that shit wasnât normal. Youâre twisted, but youâre not an outright asshole, Kei. Whatâs going on?âÂ
âI was normal, Tadashi. Just because I didnât bounce around or get rowdy, doesnât mean that something is wrong,â Kei answers.Â
âYeah, but you were like⊠majorly fucking weird, Kei. You were being an asshole. Donât you like them? Donât you want to be nice to them?âÂ
âI donât.âÂ
âYou donât want to be nice to them?â Tadashi scoffs, rolling his eyes.Â
âNo, not that. I donât like them like that anymore,â Kei lies.Â
âOh please, thatâs such horseshit,â Tadashi laughs bitterly.Â
âGet off my ass, Tadashi. I donât fucking feel that way about them anymore,â Kei insists.Â
âDid something happen?âÂ
âNo, literally nothing happened! Why does something have to happen? I just donât like them,â Kei feels himself getting indignant. Tadashi doesnât deserve this either, but he seems to be indiscriminate with his poor behavior tonight.Â
Tadashi looks at Kei for a moment, studying him and calculating all of the things only Tadashi could know about him. Kei tries to hide it.Â
âJesus, Kei, youâve got to stop doing this shit,â Tadashi touches his hand to his forehead.Â
âDoing what?âÂ
âGetting all in your head about every single connection youâve ever had with a person,â Tadashi raises his voice.Â
âWhatâs that supposed to mean?âÂ
âIt means Iâve seen you do this a million times! You start to really feel something for a person and then you fucking back away like a dog with its tail between its legs!âÂ
âI donât do that!âÂ
âYes, you do! You sabotage yourself until the other person is forced to do something about it!â Tadashi exhales.Â
âIâve never done that deliberately! What does someone elseâs actions have to do with me?âÂ
âIt doesnât have to do with you,â Tadashi says, âIt has to do with your parents.âÂ
The wind is knocked out of Kei, air sucked from his lungs. He furrows his eyebrows at Tadashi, his mouth slightly open.Â
âIâm right, arenât I?â Tadashi pushes, angry and trying to make him listen. âNot every relationship is like your parentsâ, Kei.âÂ
Tadashi knows heâs stepped over the line the moment he says it. If it hadnât registered before, it registers clearly on his face now, regret settling over Tadashiâs usually bright features. Kei gapes at him for a moment, running through his thoughts and trying to pick out one that best verbalizes what it is he feels. Kei comes up empty.Â
âShit-â Tadashi starts towards him. âKei, Iâm sorry I didnât mean that. Iâm just pissed off I didnât mean to-âÂ
Kei pushes past him. âTadashi, I know you mean well, but donât try to tell me about my fucking parents.âÂ
Tadashi doesnât try to stop him when Kei flings the front door open and walks outside.
â
Kei remembers it like it was yesterday. He remembers all of it.Â
He can clearly recall the way shattered glass looked on the marble tiles of his childhood home. White porcelain, broken up into multitudes by his mother and father. They never laid hands on each other, but everything else in the house was fair game. Keiâs lost count of the amount of broken glass dishes and picture frames heâd swept from the floor.Â
Keiâs parents had always been on and off in their affection for each other. One minute, they were deeply in love and the next, they were at each otherâs throats. Neither of them were bad people, but they made each other bad people. The two of them brought out the worst in each other, maybe on account of knowing the other so well.Â
Akiteru was an accident. His brother knows this because when his parents argued, they never let him forget it. In their spats, leverage was whatever they could get their hands on, and that just happened to be Akiteru and the unfortunate circumstances of an accidental pregnancy.Â
His parents got married at 19, thinking that theyâd be able to handle a child, that their marriage was anything but rushed. They convinced themselves that it was love, when the reality was that Akiteru came because they were too young and stupid to prevent it. At least, thatâs what Kei and Akiteru had settled on in the evenings after the yelling had died down and they were left to make sense of it in their shared bedroom.Â
They had Kei to fix the marriage. Kei knows this because, like Akiteru, his fatherâs marital âsolutionâ in the form of a second child was constant leverage to his mother. Kei grew up asking Akiteru why his mother and father even had children in the first place.Â
Their relationship was rocky and unstable, predictable and toxic. They, like Kei, would do things to get rises out of each other. Theyâd make digs, do things to get under the otherâs skin. They did it for attention, for affection, or out of loathing for the person theyâd decided to make their life partner. When things settled, they got bored. His parents often mistakened calmness for complacency in their relationship. His parents loved each other, but they hated each other just as much, and it was he and Akiteru who paid the price.Â
They got divorced when he was fourteen and any chance of Kei having a normal family went to the courthouse with the divorce papers. Akiteru was 20 at the time and managed to avoid the brunt of the custody battle. Kei still gets unexplainably angry with Akiteru for leaving him alone, though he knows that itâs not his fault. The only way Kei could make sense of it was through blame and it was easier to blame Akiteru for lying about volleyball or leaving him alone than it was to blame himself. Both Keiâs father and mother tried for full custody, not because they loved him that much, but because they knew that it would destroy the other. In the end, Kei spent his weekdays with his mother because she lived closer to his school, and weekends with his father just because.Â
It happens all the time. People grow together, then grow apart, and grow to loathe each other. Kei watched it happen to his parents, he watched it happen to his friends, he watched it happen to himself with his own reflection. Thatâs just the way it goes.Â
The air outside of his apartment is cool and breezy. He can feel the wind through his sweater, cutting through the gaps in the stitching and into his skin. Kei feels like he can think a little better out here, sitting on the short concrete wall with his back to the apartment building. He stares at his feet, outstretched in front of him. He's still wearing his house slippers.Â
Kei did this once when he was younger. The fight that night had been particularly bad and his parents had resulted to throwing things across their bedroom. Kei could hear picture frames shatter through two walls and he wondered which memories theyâd decided to trash. A particularly loud shout had sent Kei out of the front door and onto the curb in front of the house.Â
He remembers crying, staring at his house slippers on the pavement, afraid because he could hear the shouting even from the lawn. Akiteru had come out to get him, sitting down beside him on the curb and putting his arm around him.Â
âAre mom and dad gonna get divorced?â Kei had asked through sniffles.Â
âDivorced? No, no,â Akiteru answered. âItâs just a rough patch. It happens to all couples. Mommy and Daddy will be fine.âÂ
âItâs normal?â Kei sniffled.Â
Akiteru paused for a moment. Looking back, Kei realizes that Akiteru was debating on whether or not to lie to protect him. Kei wishes he hadnât.Â
âYeah, itâs normal.âÂ
Normal. Kei realizes that he doesnât exactly know what a normal relationship looks like. He is his parents' son. What they had in them, he has in him. Kei knows that those habits, the digs, the sour statements, the passive aggressiveness, are all things heâs picked up from watching them. Some role models they were.Â
He needs to apologize to Tadashi. He may have overstepped, but Kei knows that heâd been an asshole tonight. Heâll need to apologize to Tanaka as well. And to you, which is perhaps the scariest part of this. He wants to apologize for his behavior, but apologizing means that he has to admit that heâd acted the way his parents did, out of jealousy and a pull for attention. Yup, heâs his parentsâ son alright.Â
Kei tilts his head up toward the sky. Only half of it is visible, the other half blocked by the three story apartment complex directly behind him. Itâs a clear night, but he canât see any stars and the moon is nowhere to be found. Kei wonders when the morning will come. Itâs a few hours off, but he thinks about how the sky will look when the sun begins to rise.Â
âKei,â a familiar voice calls from in front of him.Â
Youâre a few feet away, your hands clasped in front of you.Â
âThought you went home,â he says.Â
âYeah well, I had intended to,â you start, âbut you seemed off and I felt weird going back without checking on you. Can I sit?âÂ
Kei shrugs his shoulders, mortified and angry at being caught like this. He appreciates the thought, but youâre the last person he wants to see right now. It just means he needs to face his shortcomings sooner.Â
âAre you okay?âÂ
âIâm fine,â Kei answers automatically.Â
âJust decided on some fresh air?â You smile a little and Kei blows air out of his nose.Â
âYup, thatâs exactly it.âÂ
You sit next to him with your legs outstretched the same way his are, your hands are laced together in front of you, hanging down between your thighs. Kei doesnât make an effort to say anything and neither do you. Instead, he just trains his head back up towards the sky and attempts to collect his thoughts, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose.Â
Strangely, tonight he doesnât feel nervous. Maybe itâs because he doesnât have the energy to. Maybe heâs too preoccupied with being sorry to pay any mind to the heart palpitations he gets when youâre around. Maybe itâs because even though he showed you the worst of him tonight, you still came back. Itâs a small hope, but itâs there.Â
âHey,â your voice comes quietly, âI donât know whatâs going on, but if you need- I mean- if you want to talk about it, Iâm a pretty good ear.âÂ
Kei nods a little.Â
âIâm sorry,â he says, âabout tonight.âÂ
âI didnât come here for an apology, you know?â You exhale a little.Â
âYeah, but you deserve one,â he says. âI was pretty shitty to you.âÂ
âYeah, you were,â you agree, catching Kei off guard, âbut it happens to all of us. Sometimes we feel things and just canât keep them inside, you know?âÂ
âYeah,â he agrees, swallowing down his shame.Â
Thereâs another long silence. You donât move to touch him or talk to him, instead, you provide steady company. Kei, as strange as it is, is comforted by your presence.Â
âI fought with Tadashi,â Kei says after a few minutes.Â
âToday?âÂ
âYeah, tonight. After everyone left,â he says. âI deserved it though. Iâve been pretty shitty to him all day.âÂ
You hum, leaning back on your hands.Â
âI did the same shit in high school too, you know?â Kei starts. âWeâve uhm- weâve known each other for a while, the group that was over tonight. Around the end of middle school some shit happened and I uh- I took out a lot of what I was feeling on Tadashi and the others, but mostly Tadashi because he was the only one who knew.âÂ
Kei isnât sure why heâs telling you this. Maybe Tadashi was right. Maybe this is another attempt at self sabotage.Â
âYou bullied him?â You ask, a little surprised.Â
Kei shakes his head. âNo, but I wasnât very nice either. Anyone could tell you that. I thought I was past it, though,â he admits, a little defeated.Â
âDid you ever apologize?âÂ
Kei looks up at you in surprise. Your eyes are full of something, curiosity, maybe pity.Â
âFor what you did in school?âÂ
He nods. âCountless times, and not just to Tadashi either, to everyone.âÂ
âYou know, stuff like this happens,â you say. âWhen I was little, I used to hate sharing. Toys, food, friends. Iâd hate it when my friends were friends with other people. It made me insecure and Iâd get mad at them for it. I grew out of it, but sometimes I still get that way and I have to apologize later.âÂ
Kei laughs. Itâs strikingly similar to whatâs happening now, not that youâd have any way of knowing.Â
âI canât imagine you doing that,â he says.Â
âIâm serious,â you say. âI still get weird over it sometimes.âÂ
Kei shakes his head a little, smiling.Â
âAll that Iâm saying is that sometimes we slip up, thatâs all. Itâs normal,â you continue. âNot that Iâm condoning it. Just saying that it doesnât make you a horrible person. It makes you human.âÂ
âThanks,â he says softly.Â
âNo problem,â you respond.Â
âSo whyâd you fight with him tonight?âÂ
âHe was angry with me because I was an asshole,â Kei shrugs.
âAnd youâre mad that he called you out?â You give a quiet and somewhat incredulous laugh.Â
Kei shakes his head. âNo, Iâm angry about what he said after.âÂ
âWhatâd he say?âÂ
Kei debates on telling you. He doesnât want to make himself out to be a victim. After all, Tadashi meant no harm, even if his comment did exactly that.Â
âThe argument kind of switched subjects,â Kei tiptoes around the fact that the subject was you. âHe brought up a bad habit of mine and I got defensive.âÂ
âOkay,â you say, waiting for him to say more.Â
âRemember when I said that something happened at the end of middle school and only Tadashi knew about it?â When you nod, Kei continues. âMy parents got divorced. They were a bad match and it was messy. He brought it up.âÂ
You nod again, your eyes wide.Â
âHe didnât mean any harm, I know that,â Kei inhales. âBut uh- that stuff kind of sticks with you. Well, itâs stuck with me and I didnât like having it used to explain my behaviors, even if he was right. Iâm not deflecting or anything though. I know I was the problem tonight.âÂ
âSure,â you say. âIâm sorry about your parents.âÂ
Kei shrugs. âItâs in the past. Theyâre both remarried now with new kids.âÂ
The last sentence leaves Kei with a sour taste in his mouth. His parents are good people, but after his childhood, he doesnât think they have any business having more children. Maybe theyâre capable of being good for them, but Kei doesnât like to imagine that. It makes him feel like their marriage wasnât the problem, but he and Akiteru were.Â
âYou say that like they got a new pet,â you smile a little. âAre you still in touch with them?âÂ
âYeah,â he says. âI visit whenever I go back home, though theyâre really not too far from here.âÂ
âThatâs good of you.âÂ
âWell, they are my parents,â Kei says plainly.Â
Youâre the only other person heâs divulged this to by choice and your reactions, understanding and level-headed, make him feel better. Itâs like getting a weight off of his chest. This is the worst of him. This little bit of information, his history of being unable to fully confront his feelings, of taking anger out on others when he was young, is where his problems originate.Â
âYeah, but youâre allowed to feel what you feel about it,â you say. âMy mom died when I was eleven. Texting and driving. Iâm still angry at her for it.âÂ
âIâm sorry,â he says.Â
You shrug and offer him a wry smile. âItâs in the past, but Iâm still angry even though I shouldnât be.âÂ
âAt her?âÂ
âYeah,â you nod. âShe made a stupid mistake that weâre constantly warned about and left my dad and me behind. I was so angry with her, still am. I love her though, perceived faults and all.âÂ
Kei thinks about whether or not he loves his parents. He thinks he does, even if he resents them. Kei canât imagine what heâd do without them. Even though his childhood had few emotional comforts, he still canât think about a world where he doesnât visit home to have his motherâs cooking. Thatâs a world that you live in.Â
âThatâs hard.â Itâs all Kei can think to offer.Â
âIt was,â you say. âGot easier though as soon as I started accepting things. Now I just miss her more than I hate her.â
Another bout of silence follows this. It must be close to two in the morning and heâs been outside so long that he can no longer feel the tip of his nose.Â
âAnyway, about tonight,â you say, âitâs not a crime to feel what you feel, but if you need help, thatâs what weâre here for. Itâs easier to accept feelings and get hurt than to ignore them, donât you think?âÂ
âYeah,â Kei says, looking to face you. âThank you.âÂ
Youâre so pretty. Itâs striking. The curvature and angles of your face, the gentle look in your eyes, softened by the conversation. Kei finds himself thinking that despite not wanting to face you a few hours earlier, heâs grateful that you showed up. Youâre good in ways that Kei can hardly fathom.Â
âYou should go inside. Tadashi is probably wondering where you are,â you say, standing up. âPlus,â you pinch the tip of his nose between your middle and pointer knuckles, âyour nose looks like a cherry tomato.â
âRude,â he says, startled by the sudden touch.Â
âPayback,â you shrug your shoulders and Kei rolls his eyes.Â
âDo you need me to walk you home?â Kei offers, a bit nervous about you walking home on your own.Â
âIâd love to take you up on that, but you seem tired and I donât live very far,â you respond. âIâll call you when I get home though, okay? Since youâre so worried.âÂ
Kei laughs a little and then nods, standing up. âYeah, I am.âÂ
His honesty surprises even him, but you just tilt your head and give him a small smile.Â
âIâll see you on Monday,â you say. âThanks for the apologyâÂ
âAnytime.â
âI hope not,â you laugh and Kei follows suit.Â
You begin to turn on your heel, giving a small wave.Â
Kei doesnât know what overcomes him, but he calls out your name and reaches for your wrist. Before he has a moment to think about what heâs doing, he pulls you to his chest in a hug. You stiffen and then relax in his grip, wrapping your arms around him. Your body is warmer than his, sending heat through the gaps in his sweater.Â
âYou can call even if itâs not to tell me you got home safe,â he says. âIf you want to.âÂ
You squeeze him around the middle. âOkay, I will.âÂ
When Kei lets go, he finds that his face is burning. The cold has been replaced by a flush of blood, making his vision a little syrupy.
âThanks for coming back,â he says. âGet home safe.âÂ
âOf course,â you sound a little dazed, wearing an expression that Kei thinks might match his. âAnd I will.âÂ
Then, you smile at him, flashing your teeth and giving him a wave. You hold up your phone and point to it.Â
âExpect a call!âÂ
Kei nods and raises his arm to wave goodbye.
He stands and watches your figure as you walk down the sidewalk and turn the corner. When youâre out of sight, he lingers by the door to his building, just in case you decide to come back. You donât come back, but Kei lingers anyway, considering the conversation.Â
He goes inside, intent on apologizing to Tadashi. When he opens the door to his apartment, the lights are still on in the living room and Tadashi gets up from the couch and walks quickly down the hall to him.
âKei, Iâm so sorry, I didnât mean to-âÂ
âDonât worry,â Kei says. âI know. Iâm sorry about tonight too. And for treating you like that today. And for high school.âÂ
âHigh school?â Tadashi says, confused. âWhy are you bringing up high school?âÂ
âJust wanted to apologize again.âÂ
Kei can feel his eyes drooping, exhaustion creeping into his body and replacing the elated feeling he had moments before.Â
âI didnât mean to bring your parents into it. How you like someone is none of my business,â Tadashi says. âI was out of line.âÂ
âSo was I,â Kei admits through a tired sigh. âI shouldnât have acted that way. Iâll apologize to the others in the morning.âÂ
Tadashi narrows his eyes a little and nods. Kei, besieged by that sleepy late night feeling, moves towards his bedroom.Â
âHey, Kei,â his voice comes out a little louder this time. âYouâre being surprisingly easy-going. Are we good?âÂ
Kei scoffs a little, rubbing his eyes. âI just had some time to think, thatâs all. And yeah, weâre good.âÂ
âOkay, are you good?âÂ
âYeah, I am,â Kei says.Â
Before he closes the door to his room, he furrows his eyebrows and makes a firm decision.Â
âBy the way,â Tadashi turns to him, cocking his head to the side in response. âI lied. I do like them.âÂ
âCould have guessed as much,â he responds, laughing a little. âSee you in the morning.âÂ
âYup, see you in the morning.âÂ
Kei shuts the door to his room. It clicks into place quietly. His room is spotless. It looks like a room that could be easily emptied at any time. He sighs, stepping into it and laying down on his bed. His phone is on the comforter next to him, lying face up.Â
When it lights up, it illuminates the ceiling above him and he answers the phone without needing to check who's calling.Â
âHello?âÂ
âHey, I got home safe,â he hears your keys clink against something and then the sound of a door shutting. Then, he hears the sound of you laying down on your bed. He imagines youâre lying the same way he is.Â
âGood, Iâm glad,â he says. âNo trouble?âÂ
âNo trouble at all,â you say. He can hear your smile.Â
âThanks again for coming back tonight,â he says, turning over onto his side and letting the phone rest on the bed in front of his face.Â
âOf course,â you say.
He doesnât know what else to say. His nerves have caught up to him and your voice through the speaker sounds so close, like youâre whispering directly into his ear.Â
âOkay, well Iâm going to go to bed,â Kei starts.Â
âKei?â you say.Â
âYeah?âÂ
âIâm gonna take you up on your offer. About calling you. Just wanted you to know.âÂ
âOkay,â he swallows.Â
âI feel a lot closer to you.â
âYeah, me too.âÂ
âGoodnight, Kei,â you practically whisper.Â
âGoodnight,â he responds, lowering his voice the same way you did. You hang up the phone and the call ends.Â
He blinks at his phone for a moment before standing up and getting ready for bed. Kei goes through the motions while thinking about how the evening got here. Heâd been certain before it began that he no longer liked you, that he was confused. Now, heâs certain of the opposite.Â
He decides that heâll like you for real this time. Even if heâs afraid of hurting himself, of hurting you.
Kei lays down in his bed and faces the ceiling. He thinks about his parents, about your mother, about you. The cadence of your voice, the slight tremor in it. He thinks about your expressions, understanding and unintrusive. He thinks about your history, the anger youâd admitted to him and the grace youâd given him in his own circumstances.Â
He dreams of braids, like DNA. Coils of pink yarn woven together in an intricate pattern. A molecular change not visible to the naked eye. Morning comes like liquid gold, spilling across his bedspread in slats through the window.
â
Keiâs apologies go smoothly. Tadashiâs friendsâhis friendsâare good people. They know him better than most and field his awkward, stumbling apology with steady hands.Â
Heâd explained his sour mood in as little detail as possible, deliberately omitting his feelings for you while doing so, and he made a special effort to apologize to Tanaka. Heâs easygoing and quick to forget, but Kei knows that even after accepting the apology, Tanaka will lord it over his head for a week or two. Tanaka thinks those kinds of things are funny and Kei wonât try to tell him otherwise.Â
You do take Kei up on his offer. You call him twice a week now. Sometimes itâs to tell him something relevant to him, other times, you just whisper into the phone that you just felt like talking. Either way, itâs not good for his heart. Kei thinks that at this rate, it might just give out.Â
There are a lot of things that Kei could say about liking you. It makes his days a little brighter. When he remembers that he has someone he cares about like that, he feels a surge of excitement for no particular reason. He finds that he looks forward to seeing you and goes out of his way to do so, more than he did before he was willing to admit it.Â
Heâs noticed the way you eat, like every bite of food is even better than the last. Heâs noticed that you wipe the condensation off of your cups before each sip. Heâs noticed that when youâre studying, youâll pull at the collar of your shirt absentmindedly and then become frustrated when it is stretched out of place. Kei likes all of these things about you.Â
Kei has also found that liking someone hurts. It hurts worse than he thought it would. Insecurity weaves its way into even the most minor of interactions. Heâs self conscious almost all of the time, adjusting his hair, clothing, glasses right down to minor details. As of late, Kei appears more put together than he ever has, but the reality is that heâs probably the least put together heâs ever been.Â
When youâre around, Kei is awkward and clumsy. He drops things, trips over nothing, loses control over his lanky limbs and overshoots things. He feels like a teenager again, not that heâs that far off from one.Â
Still, one thing overshadows all of this. Kei is so comfortable around you, so peaceful despite the nerves and insecurity, that heâs able to forget about the worst of it. Forgetting about the worst of things is not something Kei is particularly good at. Heâs cynical by nature. You help to ease the burden of it.Â
The coffee shop heâs visiting with you today is quiet. The room is decorated with dark oak wood and the tables are accented by the rings of the trees the wood was cut from. The early spring light filters in at angles through the windows letting out onto the street. It falls across your notebooks and the knuckles of your hand, wrapped evenly around a black pen.Â
Youâd brought him here to study instead of going to the library and Kei canât help but think that it feels like a date. His tea sits half-finished in a mug beside his laptop, beginning to cool to room temperature. Your coffee sits by your unoccupied hand and every now and then, youâll reach to take a sip of the warm beverage without even glancing up.Â
Kei has spent so much time watching you today, that heâs hardly gotten any work done. His computer is open on a document with a paragraph of writing about nudity in the classical period, which he hasnât touched in about 10 minutes. Heâs been clicking blankly around the page, adding spaces and then deleting them and then glancing up over the edge of the screen to look at the way you purse your lips when youâre focused.Â
âYouâd get a lot more done if you stopped staring,â you say, not looking up from your notebook.Â
Kei chokes on his exhale. âWhat?âÂ
You laugh a little, looking up at him through your lashes. God, youâre pretty.Â
âThe document?â You chuckle. âYouâre not fooling anyone by clicking around randomly like that.âÂ
âOh,â Kei furrows his eyebrows and shakes his head a little. âYeah, just canât seem to focus.âÂ
âWhatâs the paper on?â You set down your pen and cross your arms on the table.Â
âItâs not really a paper,â he says. âItâs a visual analysis on the Aphrodite of Knidos.âÂ
âIs that the one without the arms?âÂ
âNo, but they come from the same family of statues,â Kei smiles a little.Â
You hum a bit. âDo you like it?âÂ
âLike, do I think the statueâs pretty?â Kei closes the screen of his laptop to see you better. âYeah, I do. Learning about the history of it is a bit depressing though.âÂ
âWhy?âÂ
âWell, Aphrodite was one of the most powerful Greek gods, right?â He says, and you nod your head and roll your eyes because you know that already. âBut this statue group intrudes on a private moment of hers. Sheâs trying to cover up her body, probably just before or after a bath. Itâs meant to be humiliating.âÂ
You tilt your head. âSounds more interesting than molecular structures at least.âÂ
Kei laughs a little. âYeah, I think itâs just a bit more interesting.âÂ
âWhy did you choose to study art history?â You question, leaning forward on your elbows.Â
Kei feels awkward at receiving the question. He doesnât like talking about himself much, let alone his passions. They tend to get away from him.Â
âProbably because Iâm no good at art,â he smiles a little.Â
âSuch a shame, what with your artistâs hands and all,â you reach across the table and tap his knuckle.Â
Kei feels the color rise to his cheeks.Â
âYouâre no good at art, so you study art history instead?â You press for more.Â
âYeah,â he says. âI like things that people make with their hands. Thereâs a lot of human expression in ancient art, good and bad. Gives a bit more context into who we were before.âÂ
You lean back in the chair, grinning at him. Kei bites the inside of his cheek and tries not to notice the slope of your neck.Â
âWhy are you studying molecular bio?â He changes the subject.Â
You shrug your shoulders. âI want a good cushy job that makes me a lot of money.âÂ
Kei watches the corners of your lips curl up.Â
âPlus,â you continue, âI wanted to show off a little bit.âÂ
âSo you put yourself through four years of torture?â He raises an eyebrow.Â
âYup, Iâm a huge masochist,â you grin.Â
âYou STEM kids are unbearable, you know?â Kei snorts.Â
âBut you like me anyway, yeah?âÂ
Kei nods, heat creeping up his neck, and watches you return to your work.Â
Itâs true, he does like you anyway. Kei likes you so much, in fact, that it frightens him. Well, the idea of liking someone has always frightened Kei, whether heâs noticed it or not. Commitment, or lack thereof, make Kei nervous in the same way heights do. He feels like he could lose his footing at any moment.Â
Thatâs probably why he doesnât want to do anything in particular about his feelings. Kei is content with just feeling them. Heâs content to just be able to like you in his own way, even if nothing ever comes of it. He probably shouldnât do anything about them, considering the back and forth battle heâs waged in his mind over the last few months. Heâs too indecisive to do anything but like you, and even that feels herculean to accept.Â
Not that liking you is a hard thing to do. Youâre easy to like. Itâs easy for him to picture touching you. Itâs easy for Kei to imagine late night conversations and little intimacies shared over damp pillows. Youâre easy to talk to, floating through conversations and navigating conflict with a sure step, something Kei canât do. Itâs not hard to find things to admire.Â
Kei imagines what it would be like to be with you. He imagines the feel of your hands in his, how you might look spread beneath him, the inside of your thighs pressing against his hips. He imagines how his glasses might fog up with your breath and slip down the bridge of his nose. What do you taste like? What do you feel like?Â
A little alarm bell sounds in his head. This is a dangerous line of thought, a greedy one. Kei doesnât think he can handle greed, not when it comes to you. He got a taste of it that day when he saw you leave with someone else and again the following Friday. Kei doesnât mix well with it, with wanting. Still, he wants.Â
â
Itâs a breezy day. It cuts the growing humidity as the beginning of May creeps on. This is no doubt one of the best times of year, though Kei prefers the fall or winter. Still, even with the slightly sticky air, his walk to class is pleasant. Heâd even venture to say that itâs good.Â
Light filters through the trees, blooming with their spring flowers, and in the distance he can see a familiar row of cherry blossoms just beginning to bloom. As he approaches them, he finds himself admiring their delicate petals, wondering just how brief their bloom will be before they come cascading down. One tree among the pink rows has yet to open its flowers. The buds sit on their branches, shades of green and gray. A late bloomer. This tree will no doubt flower once the other petals have fallen, and when it does, itâll become the most eye-catching thing on the street.Â
Kei admires it for a moment, standing below the thing and looking up through its twisting branches. Itâs so small, much smaller than the rest of its counterparts, and its branches donât look too full of yet-to-bloom buds either.Â
There was a tree like this outside of Keiâs childhood home, the one his family lived in together when it was whole. It would always bloom a week after the others and every year he would worry that it never would. Of course, he kept this fear to himself, but he often watched it from his bedroom window when Akiteru was out. Heâd press his face against the glass and pray for the flowers to come so that it didnât get left behind. Sure enough though, it would bloom without fail and leave scattered pink petals across his yard and doorstep. Kei wonders if this tree in front of him will do the same.Â
âThinking about changing your major to plant sciences, Kei?âÂ
He jumps, started by your voice and your proximity.Â
âJesus,â Kei turns, âyou need a bell or something.âÂ
âYouâre the one standing in public staring at a tree with no flowers on it,â you laugh a little.Â
Kei shrugs his shoulders, not really willing to give an explanation for the train of thought he was just on.Â
âWhereâre you headed?â he questions.Â
âDropping off an assignment,â you smile lightly, âwanna come with me?âÂ
âI canât. Iâve got a class in 15.âÂ
âFifteen minutes is fifteen minutes,â you shrug. âWeâll make it.âÂ
âWe?â Kei raises an eyebrow.Â
âYeah, you come with me to drop off my paper and then I drop you off at class. Itâs a win-win.âÂ
âSounds like Iâm just doing a lot of extra walking,â Kei snorts.Â
âYeah, but you get to do it with me so itâll be more fun.âÂ
Kei folds and goes with you to drop off your assignment. Itâs an essay assigned by an old-fashioned professor who doesnât like electronic submissions. You comment off-handedly on what a waste of paper it is and Kei nods, just happy to hear about it.Â
Itâs strange. Kei is normally very tied to his routine. It keeps him sane, helps him to organize his thoughts and feelings into neat compartments. For Kei, an orderly life is an orderly mind. Somehow though, you ask him to deviate from that and heâs more than willing, eager even, to oblige you. Better yet, he does it without feeling off-kilter. Well, without feeling as off-kilter about his daily life. When it comes to you, Kei is about as stable as a pogo stick.Â
The walk to your professor's office is only a few minutes from his classroom, just a few buildings over, but by the time you both arrive there, Keiâs palms are sweating. He resorts to shoving them in his pockets and wiping them on the inside of his pants, mortified at the idea of accidentally touching you like this.Â
âHey, about tonight,â you start after dropping the paper off with a quick bow.Â
Youâre supposed to come over. Itâs the first time you and Kei have agreed to hang out at one of your places alone and Kei has been compartmentalizing his nerves so harshly that heâd almost forgotten about it entirely. Maybe that explains his easy-going mood.Â
âYeah?âÂ
âSo, Tadashi may have mentioned it in front of the others,â you give him a sheepish grin, âand they may have asked to come and I definitely told them âthe more the merrierâ.âÂ
âOh, yeah?â Keiâs a little disappointed. âSo theyâre coming too?âÂ
âYeah, is that okay?â You furrow your eyebrows.Â
Kei canât very well come out and say that it isnât, because his reason for thinking that is entirely about monopolizing your time. Kei says he doesnât want to do anything about these feelings, but that doesnât mean that he canât indulge just a little into the foreign feeling of accepting that heâs âin likeâ.Â
âYeah sure, why wouldnât it be?âÂ
You raise an eyebrow at him and Kei misses the message entirely.Â
âI dunno, youâre not really a fan of bigger groups right?âÂ
âNot really,â Kei shrugs, âbut Iâve known them for a while so it doesnât count.âÂ
You nod your head and then smile. âGreat! Now, where is your class?âÂ
âSocial Sciences,â Kei glances down at the brown watch on his wrist. âIn about⊠four minutes.âÂ
âWanna run? Canât be late, can you?âÂ
Kei does not want to run. He runs anyway. Youâre faster than he is and your step is louder. The soles of your shoes thump on the floor with every step you take and your whole body lurches forward with each bound. When you reach the end of the hallway his class is in, Kei is completely winded. Considering that he plays volleyball as a hobby, he should really be in better shape. He attributes his lack of breath to your presence. Maybe heâd been holding it while watching you run.Â
You glance into his full classroom, giving him a relieved look upon seeing that the professor has not begun her lecture yet. Then, you bounce twice on the tips of your toes and start jogging in the other direction.Â
âHave a good class!â You call.Â
âWhatâs the rush?â he questions.Â
âIâve got class now too, dummy. Just wanted to hang out with you for a few more minutes.â Then, you turn and run off, your bag bouncing against the side of your leg as you round a corner and fly down a set of stairs.Â
Thatâs the thing about you that Kei canât get enough of. When Kei takes a step back, when he resigns himself to being okay with just a chance meeting and a brief hello, you take a step forward. Whatever Kei lacks, you make up for tenfold. Your outstretched hand makes him greedier. It makes Kei want more than heâs ever wanted before. He goes to class starved for something that isnât food, a feeling Kei hasnât experienced often, let alone leaned into. He lets himself feel the hunger.Â
â
Day melts away to a cool evening, still slightly wet, but like the dampness before rain. The air loses its warm touch, creeping into something chillier. Kei opens his bedroom window to let the air in. He likes the smell of cool nights. He wants his room to smell like it when he sleeps tonight.Â
âSorry that I spilled the beans about tonight,â Tadashi leans in the doorway of his room.Â
âItâs not like that,â Kei rolls his eyes, already irritated with the implication that whatever you and Kei had organized was anything more than two friends hanging out.Â
âSure it isnât,â he laughs.Â
âIâm serious dude,â Kei fights the urge to throw something soft at him.Â
âYou wanted to hang out with them alone, right?â Tadashi tilts his head. His dark hair falls to the side and around his neck.Â
âI just said it wasnât like that!âÂ
Tadashi gives an even laugh. âYouâre the one making it dirty, Tsukki, not me.âÂ
Heat floods Keiâs face, painting it red.Â
âCaught ya,â Tadashi smiles.Â
âWhen the hell are you moving out?â Kei grumbles and Tadashi gives another good natured laugh.Â
âNot until you do. Youâre stuck with me.âÂ
âNot if I kill you,â Kei doesnât smile when he says this.Â
Tadashi barks a laugh. âSo what changed?âÂ
âWhat do you mean?âÂ
âI mean with you. You seem a little more upbeat lately,â Tadashi says. âNothing like the sad sack from a few months ago.âÂ
âI was kidding before but now Iâm serious. I really will kill you.âÂ
Tadashi shakes his head a little but doesnât say anything, intruding on Keiâs space until he gives an answer.Â
âI just got tired of it, thatâs all,â Kei says evenly, though itâs a little hard to admit.Â
âTired of what?âÂ
âPretending,â he says plainly, glancing up at Tadashi in the doorway.Â
âBecause of them?âÂ
âNo,â he starts. âMaybe. I donât know. Can you leave now?âÂ
Tadashi shakes his head. âToo curious to leave.âÂ
âI donât have an answer for you,â Kei grumbles. âI got tired of pretending I didnât want them.âÂ
âNot like you were very good at pretending,â Tadashi laughs and Kei tosses him a sharp look.Â
He raises his hands defensively, tucking his chin downwards and laughing lightly. âOkay, fine. Iâm gone now.âÂ
âTheyâll be here in an hour or so, by the way,â Kei adds and Tadashi gives a little hum to confirm that heâs heard him as he leaves the room.Â
Kei glances around his room. The floor is bare, save for a small mat by the side of his bed to keep the shock of warm feet on a cold floor in the morning away. That notebook, dear to him as it is, still sits on the desk. Itâs empty, but Kei likes the look of it.Â
The hour before you and his friends are meant to arrive goes by so slowly that Kei worries that heâs gotten the day wrong. He incessantly checks his watch. Itâs a brown leather watch with a square face. Thin and somewhat old fashioned, Kei prefers it to pulling his phone out to check the time. His Dad has one like it, almost matching. It had been given to him as a gift at his high school graduation and Kei had accepted it begrudgingly. Heâd not been on good terms with his parents then and having them both in the same space for his graduation day was more trouble than it was worth. Still, he wears the watch almost daily. Despite having the impression that his parents never really cared about him, it was a fine gift for him and the brown strap suits his light skin tone in the same way it suits his fatherâs.Â
He walks to the mirror in his room, hanging on the wall beside his nightstand, and peers into it. Keiâs curly hair is somewhat unruly. Itâs hard to manage, especially in the warmer months when his waves turn into frizzy curls that he canât seem to keep down. Itâs gotten longer, coming down to just above the bottom of his ears at the back and curls upwards in licks of thick blond.Â
Kei fiddles with it for a moment, tucking it behind his ears and then deciding to pull it forward. He could put gel in it to help calm it down, but he hates the greasy look of it and heâs never been one to primp and preen. He adjusts his glasses on his nose, square frames in a tortoiseshell pattern. They look expensive, though theyâre only a cheap pair that heâd found at the drug store and had the lenses replaced.Â
He looks normal. Kei looks like himself, if not a bit flushed in the face from his nerves. His reflection is one he is oddly unfamiliar with, despite it being his throughout his entire life. At some point during high school, heâd stopped recognizing the man in the mirror as Kei and started viewing him as a separate entity. Kei Two, a version of him that can make a home out of a space and find things to write in his notebook. Kei Twoâs family is still whole and unbroken, and he likes to imagine that heâs a little more friendly than the real-world version. He looks away from the mirror, content today with being the original.Â
Kei is in the living room and around the corner when the front door latch clicks open and is followed by a symphony of raucous voices. He takes a sharp inhale, unsure of why this feels so different from the hundreds of other times youâve all piled into his living room.Â
âWhereâs Kei?â He hears you call, dragging out the syllable of his name in a soft hum.Â
Thatâs why. Itâs because this time, youâve come here to see him specifically. Youâre not here to see Tadashi or by chance, youâre here because youâd made plans to see Kei. Thatâs what makes it different.Â
You round the corner and Kei is hit full force in the chest with his emotions and his nerves. It happens all at once, keeping the air from his lungs. Youâre smiling, beaming even, and Kei thinks that maybe itâs because you can hear the hammer of his heart against his chest.Â
âHi,â you breathe, plopping down next to him on the couch.Â
âHey,â he chokes out.Â
Kei chides himself for his nerves. Heâd been doing better about getting weird around you, but today he feels closer to blowing up than he ever has.Â
Hinata, Kageyama, Yachi, and Noya make their way into the kitchen, each one clapping Tadashi on the back as they do. They beeline for their fridge, opening the door and flooding the floor with artificial white light as they pull out enough beers and sodas to supply a small army. Kei wonders why he and Tadashi ever bought so many of them. Kei hardly drinks, but he supposes that Tadashi just likes to host.Â
âTanaka and Kiyoko?â Tadashi questions as he makes his way into the living room with the group. His beer cracks open with a satisfying pop.Â
âDate night,â Noya says, sinking into one of the arm chairs situated around the coffee table. âSo annoying.â
He groans about Kiyoko, someone heâs all but worshiped since high school.Â
âYouâre just mad it isnât you,â Kageyama quips, giving a somewhat mean grin.Â
âNot true,â Noya argues. âI am the happiest person in the world for them! But now they go on dates and I canât come. Itâs like I lost a bro.âÂ
âYouâre so overreacting,â Yachi adds, her lips forming around high pitched syllables. âTheyâre here most of the time.âÂ
âYeah, most but not all,â Noya pouts.Â
âGive the same energy to Daichi, Suga, and Asahi next time, kay?â Tadashi laughs.Â
Their friend group is a large one, consisting of most (if not all) of their highschool volleyball team. While Hinata, Kageyama, and Yachi are the same age as Kei and Tadashi, Tanaka and Noya are a year older, and Kiyoko is two. Daichi, Asahi, and Suga all went to universities outside of Sendai, meaning they hardly ever see them. All in all, the rest of the group is pretty bummed about it. Kei just finds that he misses having Daichi around to reel everyone in. Now that heâs gone, that job has somehow gone to Tadashi, who is more of an enabler than anything else.Â
âTheyâre different and you know it,â Noya frowns, opening his open beer with a hiss through his teeth.Â
You lean to the side, bumping your shoulder against Keiâs.Â
âWhoâre Daichi, Suga, and Asahi?â You ask softly.Â
âYouâve never met?â Kei furrows his eyebrows and you shrug.Â
âMaybe, but if I have it was only once or twice.âÂ
âTheyâre friends from our volleyball team in highschool, but theyâre two years older.âÂ
âOkay, so one year older than me?âÂ
Kei blinks a few times. âYouâre a year older than me?âÂ
âYeah?â You laugh a little like itâs obvious.Â
âBut arenât you a fourth year?â He furrows his eyebrows.Â
âI took a year off before starting college,â you shrug your shoulders. âThought that I had to get my sillies out.âÂ
âYour sillies?â Kei laughs a little.Â
âYeah,â you smile, âand I had to save up some money. It makes the world go âround, you know?âÂ
âWhat are you guys whispering about?â Tadashi gives Kei a wry grin over the top of his beer can.Â
Itâs only then that Kei realizes the way you both are leaning into each other. Heâs tilting his head down to hear you better and youâre leaning forward. It gives off the impression of two people conspiring, of closeness that Kei hadnât even realized had crept up on him.Â
âI was asking who Daichi, Suga, and Asahi are,â you shrug off the moment, leaning back in the chair.Â
This prompts a chorus of disbelief, everyone jumping in to describe them to you. Kei takes it as a moment to breathe, inhaling and exhaling. He can feel your thigh against his, just barely there and bleeding warmth through the fabric of his jeans.Â
They delve into stories about nationals, little details that Kei had forgotten a long time ago. Every now and then, someone will bring up Keiâs more-than-sour personality and he will feel the need to hide the embarrassment on his cheeks. Even though you know about it, itâs still mortifying for Kei to hear. He wants you to see the best in him, but any hopes he had of you forgetting are quickly washed away as someone brings up Keiâs relentless prodding of Kageyamaâs easily pushed buttons.Â
You laugh along with them like you were there, amused to hear stories about your college friends in their high school years. Kei finds himself thinking that you fit very well into this scene.Â
Still though, despite the fun heâs having, Keiâs battery begins to run out quickly and after a long game of cards, he gets up to take a quick break in the kitchen. Itâs not that he wants the night to end, but rather that he just needs a minute to himself and uses the idea of more snacks as an excuse for it.Â
He reaches into a cabinet, pulling out a half-finished bag of chips and setting them on the counter. Theyâre clipped with a bright red chip-clip from the grocery store and Kei thinks that because of that, they shouldnât have gone stale yet. If it were the peak of summer, Kei might think twice, but this time of year, they should be fine.
Then, he bends down to get a large white mixing bowl from a lower cabinet. Their plates and bowls are kept in various different cabinets, though the only reason they stay somewhat organized is because of Kei.Â
âDone already?â You lean your hip against the counter.Â
âWith what?â Kei struggles to keep his eyes from following the line of your body.Â
âHanging out,â you smile lightly.Â
âNot really,â he says. âJust needed a minute and decided to get more snacks.âÂ
âWanna go sit outside for a bit then?âÂ
Kei glances into the living room where the group chatters away. Heâd hate to be stopped on the way.Â
âRelax,â you laugh. âTheyâre so caught up they wonât even notice that weâre gone.âÂ
Kei furrows his eyebrows and then shrugs, swallowing his heart down with the spit that has pooled in his mouth. He follows you out of the front door, shutting it with a quiet click and heading down the steps of the complex and to the concrete wall lining the shrubbery outside. Itâs the same place youâd come back to talk to him at all those weeks ago, though he is in considerably better spirits than he was then.Â
Itâs a cool night, the gentle heat of the day completely burned off to make way for a crisp breeze. He inhales, wishing that he had brought a drink to fiddle with and sip on to distract him from his nerves.Â
You sit beside him, leaning back on your palms with your legs outstretched in front of you. Your hand is only a few inches from his and Kei sucks in a breath when he accidentally touches it while he gets comfortable. You only offer him a little smile in response.Â
âSorry again about bringing the troops here,â you speak first.Â
âThatâs really okay,â he says. âContrary to popular belief, I actually really like them.âÂ
You snort. âI hope so.âÂ
Kei inhales louder than he intends to and when you look at him like heâs going to say something, he just holds his breath and shakes his head. The air only leaves him when you finally look away.Â
âKind of a bummer though,â you start, âI was kinda excited about just hanging out with you.âÂ
Keiâs breath catches in his throat. He swallows to move the metaphorical blockage.Â
âWe hang out all the time though,â he says like itâs enough. Of course itâs not enough.Â
âGuess so,â you smile a little, though Kei can hear the distinct turn of disappointment in your voice.Â
âYou know,â he starts, already embarrassed at what heâs going to admit. âI wanted to be your friend for a while.âÂ
âOh yeah?â you smile, opening up again and turning towards him. âWhy?âÂ
Kei shrugs, resisting the urge to shut down completely. Itâs embarrassing admitting to someone that you wanted to know them before you actually knew them.Â
âYou kind of reminded me of Tadashi,â he says. âAnd you both got along so well.âÂ
âTadashi? Iâm nothing like Tadashi,â you laugh, shaking your head.Â
âWhat? No, you two are so similar,â Kei insists, lacing his fingers together.Â
âWhat about us is so similar?âÂ
âWell, youâre both sociable and warm andâŠâ Kei trails off. He canât really think of anything else. You look at him with an expectant look in your eyes.Â
âSee?âÂ
Kei realizes that the two of you are not similar at all. Your warmth is where the similarity stops. Heâd been likening you to Tadashi this entire time, not because the two of you are similar, but because you make him feel similar to the way Tadashi does. Safe and comfortable, though with the added addition of deeply awkward. He realizes that without the safety net of you being like Tadashi, heâs never had any ability to deny his feelings and with that they rage full force around the corner and slam into his chest like a heavy blow.Â
âWeâre nothing like each other,â you laugh and lean back against your palms. âThough, it would be cool to be like Tadashi.âÂ
Kei experiences the sudden realization that he doesnât want you to be like Tadashi. Kei wants you to be like him. He wants you to be greedy and want him the same way he wants you. He wants you to be able to keep up with his turns and his moods, something he didnât realize he wanted in the first place. If youâre like Kei, then Kei doesnât have to be afraid of showing you the worst. Youâll have already seen it. If youâre like Kei and he loves you, then what is stopping you from loving him?Â
âEven if youâre not like Tadashi, thatâs fine.â His cheeks burn.Â
âYeah?âÂ
âYeah, I like you all the same,â he admits quietly.Â
âThe same? As Tadashi?â You purse your lips a little. âI thought I was a little different. Was I wrong?âÂ
Kei wants to kiss you. Kei wants to kiss you so badly that his mouth has gone dry and his lips feel like theyâve separated from his body. Anything heâd thought about not wanting anything with you flies out of the window with your proximity. Youâre so close to him. Close enough that if he leaned a little to the right, his shoulder would be against yours. Youâre so close and youâre looking at him like youâre waiting for something, implying that somehow youâre different from Tadashi. Implying that you want him to like you differently than the way he likes his platonic friend.Â
âNo, youâre different,â he says, taking the bait youâve laid in front of him. His heart pounds and he canât look at you. He thinks heâll kiss you if he does.Â
âAm I?âÂ
Kei can hear the smile in your voice. It makes what youâre saying sound honeyed and curved.Â
âYeah, you are.â
âHow so?âÂ
Kei finally raises his head to look at you. Youâre grinning, leaning towards him like youâre watching a show. He feels the way his nerves rise into his throat, pressing against the very back of his tongue. He doesnât know how to answer or what to say. Well, he does know what to say, he just doesnât think he can. Kei is good at thinking about emotions, but when it comes time to speak them outloud, it seems that heâs still got a padlock around his throat. So he does what any logical person would do.Â
Kei leans forward, pushing against his screaming nerves and trying to ignore the tremble in his hands, and kisses you. Itâs awkward and his teeth click against yours before his lips fully settle against your mouth. He feels the breath you draw in, like surprise and relief mixed together, and he finds that he does the same.Â
He can see the way your eyes flutter closed through his barely open ones and he realizes that your lips are so warm. He screws his eyes shut when you dip your head forward to move your lips against his. Yours are so warm and soft, like satin. A kiss has never felt like this to Kei before and he finds that he wants to catalog every single one of your reactions. Maybe thatâs what he could write in the notebook. Maybe he could write down every single thing that you do that leaves him winded and wanting more.Â
Neither of you reach for the other, but he can feel the knuckle of your pinky against his as you slowly kiss each other, tilting your heads side to side. Thereâs hunger within him, the need to take more than what heâs receiving and a greed he isnât quite familiar with, but thereâs also romance. Itâs like a spell thatâs yet to be broken, fed by the click of your mouths as they move together. Kei sighs, flooded with the relief of this kind of physical affection, of being honest with himself at how much he likes it. Kei loves the feel of your mouth. He loves the way your lips and tongue feel and he loves that theyâre all that he can feel right now.Â
The kiss lasts longer than Kei thought it would and by the time he pulls away, youâre both steadily panting and attempting to keep your breathing even. He wants to do it again. He wants it so badly that it makes his chest swell. He wants to do that with you forever, but he swallows down the desire. Itâs a temporary fix, but itâs enough for him to choke out what it is he wants to say next.Â
âI think Iâm in really hot water,â he squeaks.Â
âWhat do you mean?â You breathe out, the playfulness from a few moments earlier long behind you.Â
âI think I want you way more than I thought I did,â he admits quietly, the first out loud admittance of his feelings to you.Â
You smile a little before speaking. âI think itâs only hot water if the other person doesnât feel the same way.âÂ
Your face is still so close to his. âYeah?âÂ
It comes out a bit desperate, like he needs reassurance. Kei does. Heâs so afraid that he thinks he could die. Afraid of the spell breaking, afraid of losing whatever moment this is and being forced to return to his one-sided pining, afraid that you donât feel the same way.
Your face moves closer to him, breath trembling lightly. âYeah.âÂ
You kiss him again, pressing your lips against his lightly before parting them. Heâs so overwhelmed and so immediately lost in it. Kei feels the way your tongue teases the inside of his mouth and it makes him feel like a teenager again, swelling with desires and emotions that he canât name. You move your hand over his, placing it lightly on top of his, and he reacts by lacing your fingers together and pushing forward more.Â
Kei wants to touch you so badly, to reach up and hold your face, to touch your waist and your legs and your chest. He wants to do it all, to feel you right here under the cover of night, but he doesnât. Instead, he kisses you and stews in the desire, letting it swell in his chest as he listens to the clicking of your mouths. You kiss him so slowly, moving your mouth at a languid pace. It drives him crazy. He doesnât think heâll ever get enough of this.
âWe should go back inside, I think,â you break away, your bottom lip shiny with a sheen of spit. âThe others might think somethingâs up and Tanaka isnât exactly good with discretion.â
Kei automatically reaches up to swipe it with his thumb. He doesnât know where this affection comes from, where the possessive action found its origins, but he finds that he likes the way it feels to be able to do it in the first place.Â
âYeah, youâre probably right,â Kei responds, though he would have been happy to continue sitting out here with you, kissing you silly.Â
You stand first, dusting off the back of your legs and waiting for Kei to follow suit. When he does, you reach quickly for his hand, giving it a quick squeeze before walking in front of him.Â
Kei is not sure how he should act when he goes inside. Heâs tense all over, desperate to pick up where the two of you left off, and unsure if his face betrays that thought.Â
âWhereâd you guys go?â Tadashi asks as Kei closes the door behind him.Â
In the time youâd both been gone, the living room has been transformed into something nearly unrecognizable. Empty beer cans are strewn about the tables and the blankets and pillows from the couches are now haphazardly laying around beside the couch or over peopleâs bodies. Then again, maybe the room always looked like this and he was just too busy thinking about how close you were to him.Â
Kei doesnât know what to say. Why had they gone outside in the first place? Heâs not even sure that he remembers.Â
âI wanted a cigarette and I made Kei come with me,â you answer evenly. âWhy? You jealous?âÂ
âOf inhaling second-hand smoke? No, thanks.â Tadashi laughs, but he tosses Kei a sideways glance. Tadashi knows him well enough to know that Kei wouldnât voluntarily stand outside with a smoker unless he was particularly fond of them.Â
âAw, man, I thought you quit?â Hinata pipes up, tilting his head.Â
âI did, hot stuff,â you respond, sitting down on the couch. âDonât worry. I wonât smoke anymore.âÂ
Hinata huffs and Kei takes the opportunity to sit down next to you.Â
His thigh is pressed against yours, warmth seeping through his pants and into his skin. Kei feels like he could explode. Youâre so close to him again, closer than before, and he canât stop replaying the kiss in his head. Heâs desperate for it, fidgety with his desire. He keeps thinking about the hot press of your mouth and the languid motion of your tongue. All he can imagine is the few points of contact between you both, mouth and hands, and how badly he wanted it to be more. He needs it.Â
You touch him a few times throughout the night and the tension is so palpable that Kei is convinced he can see it. Itâs like there is a rope pulled taut between the two of you. If he doesnât stick his ground, heâll go flying towards you, grabbing and touching and taking in the way heâs desperate to now.Â
After an hour, his friends begin to grow restless. Their faces are flushed with alcohol and the things theyâd been amusing themselves with are no longer enough stimulation.Â
âHey, weâre going out to the bars. Whoâs coming?â Hinata speaks up.Â
A chorus of agreement rings out, but the last thing Kei wants to do is go out.
âI think Iâll probably stay back and start cleaning,â he says somewhat disdainfully. âItâs a mess in here,â Kei tosses you a small glance. Itâs unintentional but heâs glad for it because Kei is hoping that youâll stay back with him, that you both can pick up where you left off.Â
âIâll stay and help too. Iâve got an early morning tomorrow anyway,â you smile and Hinata pouts.Â
âYou guys are so boring,â he protests. âLeave the mess for tomorrow and come out with us.âÂ
âIâll pass, pipsqueak,â Kei scoffs.Â
âFine, but donât complain to me when youâre full of regret tomorrow,â he points a finger at Kei and then moves it over to you. âAnd youâre too nice for your own good.âÂ
âDo you hear that?â You say, beginning to usher the group to the door. âI think itâs the sound of the bar and all that alcohol calling to you guys.âÂ
âYou guys are so full of shit-â Kageyama starts, speaking up for the first time in a while, but Kei just waves him out.Â
âYeah yeah, let the grown ups clean while you guys have fun. Weâll see you tomorrow.âÂ
The rope is so taut between you both that itâs unbearable and by the time the door closes, you are spinning around on your heel toward Kei.Â
âWeâre not cleaning, right?âÂ
Kei shakes his head and starts towards you. The tension breaks when his hands find your hips and he hungrily leans down to press his mouth against yours.Â
This kiss is different from the first, desperate and full of desire. Itâs fast and your mouths move together quickly as he starts to walk you back towards his bedroom, his hands eagerly roaming up and down your hips. Vaguely, he acknowledges that his glasses have been moved out of place, but he pays it no mind as you turn the knob to his bedroom door with your back to it.Â
Thereâs an urgency to his movements. Kei feels it in his chest, this desperate desire to be closer, to consume everything that youâve laid out in the palm of his hand. You stumble backwards into his room and Kei catches your shifted weight with a hand around your waist. His other hand comes up to cup your cheek, feeling the warm skin on your jaw and neck. His fingers tremble where they touch you, half out of desperate need and half out of the nerves that threaten to spill from his mouth. His lips though, are occupied with yours, clicking together, all tongue and teeth.Â
Kei kisses sloppily down your jaw, his lips smearing across your cheek and dipping down below your ear. He sucks a trail there, unsure if heâs leaving marks, all the way down to your collarbone. Every part of you tastes better than heâd expected it to and with every push he delivers, you pull.Â
You make small sounds, little pants and groans that make Keiâs hair stand on end with wanting. Your voice, so familiar and fond to him, spills out in small, breath-like bursts that make Kei want to coax more out of you. Keiâs never been one to want this way, but right now, itâs all that he feels. So much tension and impulse that he feels like he can hardly control himself.Â
You reach blindly behind you for the bed and Kei guides you down, placing his hand on one side of you as you sit. Then, without disconnecting your lips, he guides you up toward the wall.Â
He feels the cool tips of your fingers at the hem of his shirt, pulling downward and then upward to get him to take it off. Kei obliges you, leaning back on his knees and pulling it off over the top of his head. You eye him for a moment, the two of you slowing down enough as the urgency settles into something heavy and lingering.Â
Kei leans forward again, one of his hands reaching for your hip. He slips his fingers underneath the hem of your shirt, sliding his long fingers up your stomach as he kisses you again. Youâre so soft and he can feel the way your chest heaves against his palm. His touch is feather light and he slides it up evenly until it reaches just below your breast. When you nod, Kei moves it up over your bra and he feels you shudder. Kei does the same, overwhelmed by your pliability.Â
He can feel the goosebumps that have raised on your skin, little pinpricks of skin that indicate that some part of you feels good. When Kei squeezes your breast, you gasp into his moan and he groans his response, letting you bite at his bottom lip.Â
He feels you suck at his lips and swipe your tongue along the ridge of his mouth. When he opens it to let you in, heâs overtaken by the warmth of the soft muscle. He groans, tilting his head down to kiss you deeper, letting the taste of you spread over his mouth. Itâs hot and your breath fans across his face.Â
Kei hands drift from your breasts along the sides of your body. He feels the heave of your breath there against your warm skin, his palms resting on your waist. You raise your knees, the sides of them pressing against Keiâs hips. He shifts downwards slowly, dragging his mouth along your skin, past the cloth of your shirt.Â
His hands make their way from your waist to your hips as he dips lower. Kei takes off his glasses, already fogged up and in the way. When he meets your eyes, you nod your permission and Kei slips between your legs, his flat palms moving to spread your thighs.Â
Youâre so warm and soft, so pliable in a way that Kei canât articulate. It makes his mouth water with his desperation and heâs grown hard against the bedspread beneath him.Â
âTouch me,â you breathe out.Â
Kei nods into your stomach, looping his fingers around our waistband, and pulls down your pants. Your panties come with it and itâs with a slight wave of regret that he realizes he wonât get to see the way you stick to them.Â
When he sees you, his heart leaps into his throat. His eagerness and his nerves catch up to him and he lets out a breath he hadnât realized heâd been holding. You shudder when the air hits your exposed cunt, an unintentional side effect of Keiâs nerves that has him grinding down against the bedspread.Â
He slides his palm to rest over your center. Itâs warm and sticky, wet beyond what Kei had imagined and he gingerly presses a finger between your folds. You gasp, mouth falling open above him. Then, he slides his finger into you to the first knuckle, curling up. Kei goes deeper on the second pump, curling his whole finger inside of you and feeling the way you tighten around him.Â
You arch your back up off the bed and Kei groans and rolls his eyes, resting his head on the inside of your exposed thigh. He curls his fingers in you, watching the way they coat with your pleasure. His eyebrows are knit together, like heâs asking whether you like how he touches you or not, and you seem to pick up on his insecurity, nodding your head before letting it tip back against Keiâs pillows.Â
Kei thinks your expression is incredible. Your eyebrows pull up in the center, pretty face twisted and mouth slightly open in an expression of undeniable pleasure. Keiâs stomach winds at the look of it and he ruts his hips against the mattress to quell the growing ache of need. His fingers, which curl at a slow and even pace inside of you, are warm with your enjoyment. It leaks between his knuckles, sliding down the back of his hand like a slow moving syrup. He wonders whether you have more to give and how you taste, his gaze slinking from your face to the place just above where his fingers disappear.Â
He lowers his mouth to you without thinking, curious and needing the taste of it. Sure enough, you have more to give. Your voice comes quickly, a small gasp that is stifled by the back of your hand when he sucks sharply on your clit. Your hips push forward against his hands and then you arch up off the mattress with a small cry. Kei wonders if youâve cum. He wonders if heâs sent you over the edge, but if he has, youâre taking all of it so well that he doesnât dare stop.Â
The taste of you spreads on his tongue, tangy and warm. You invade his senses violently, like you are gripping his throat. Kei holds his mouth to you, pressing the length of his cock into the mattress and moving his hips like he plans to fuck it.Â
He moves his free hand down your thigh and onto the inside of your leg. Your skin is so soft. Itâs so vulnerable, something easily pierced and bled. Keiâs pointer finger rubs gentle circles there, feeling the slight pull of the soft skin with his fingers, so thin that it almost feels like tissue paper. Heâs sure that with a little pressure, you would bruise.Â
The thought surprises him. He works his tongue across your clit and his fingers against that gummy spot inside of you, but his mind drifts to the softness of your inner thigh, the way it would be so easy to leave a spot that might hurt later when you press on it, remind you of exactly where he was. Then, Kei pinches you on the inside of your thigh and when you cry out, tightening around his fingers with a tapered moan, he pinches you again, harder this time.Â
You whimper slightly, like you like it. No, you sound like you love it and Kei finds himself holding back a choked moan as he tries not to cum prematurely. He pinches along the inside of your legs and around the back. Not too much. Only when he feels like it. Only when he wants to hear what kind of sounds youâll make.Â
âK-Kei wait, wait,â you pant, grabbing him by his tufts of blonde hair. It hurts. He doesnât think you mean to hurt him, but it doesnât matter. He likes it and he twitches in his pants.Â
âHuh?â He hums, detaching from your clit and slowing the movement of his fingers to a halt. Your legs shake around his handiwork. âYou okay?âÂ
âIâll cum if you keep going like that,â you breathe, screwing your eyes shut like youâre still on the edge. âDrag it out for me, yeah?âÂ
Kei furrows his eyebrows and sucks in a sharp breath.
âCum if you want to.â He tilts his head down to reattach his lips.Â
âNot yet,â you tug at his hair. âI like chasing it.âÂ
Kei stares at you, unblinking and awestruck. Your chest heaves and despite the pleasure on your face, you look uncomfortable as your orgasm slips away from you. Kei likes that look on your face and he finds himself growing greedy.Â
âCome here,â you coax him onto the mattress.Â
Kei watches as you slip your hands into the waistband of his jeans and pull them down, leaving him on his back with his tented boxers exposed. You crawl down his body and settle between his legs with your arms between his thighs. He shudders when you run your hands up them and he briefly sees his boxers jump.Â
You smile, pressing your mouth to him through his boxers. Kei canât stifle the groan that escapes him and heat floods his face when you raise your eyebrows in response.Â
âYou donât have to,â he says through gritted teeth as you slip the waistband of his boxers down.Â
âBut I want to,â you mumble, taking him in your hand and placing a kiss on the side of his dick.Â
Keiâs head falls back against the pillow and he swears under his breath when he feels the warmth of your mouth close around the tip of him. He jerks his head up to see, awestruck by the way your lips look around the head of his cock.Â
For some reason, Kei is already so sensitive. He feels everything, and when you swipe the tip of your tongue along his slit as you bob your head, he makes a noise he didnât think he could make. His fingers knot themselves in the bed sheets, white knuckled and trembling while you bob your head over him.Â
Your mouth is so warm and wet. Itâs a little messy, dripping down the length of him and onto his balls. Kei feels the warmth, the heat of you. He can still taste you on his tongue. Kei can still feel the stickiness left behind from your arousal on his mouth. The combination of you between his legs and the taste of you on his tongue is overwhelming.Â
Kei can feel his orgasm growing in his lower stomach, turning over until heâs bringing his long fingers to your head in an effort to steady himself. Thereâs nothing he can do but give in, watching you through damp eyes as you watch his expression.Â
Itâs embarrassing how quickly he cums. It doesnât take long and he teeters on the edge for a few moments before fully cresting over. Kei canât help the way he lifts his hips from the mattress, his voice caught in his throat as it hooks on a high pitched groan. His voice cracks and he feels the way his cum collects on your tongue and across the tip of his dick in your mouth.Â
âFuck,â he mutters, red faced and panting, âI didnât mean to- I didnât mean to finish so quickly, youâre just-âÂ
âItâs fine,â you come up, your eyes glassed over and lust-filled. âI like making you feel good.âÂ
âYeah but-âÂ
âNo buts,â you crawl over him and straddle his waist. Kei winces when your weight briefly nudges his cock. âThereâs still fun to be had. Can I kiss you?âÂ
He nods and you lean down to do as youâd asked. Your tongue moves slowly against his, less desperate this time, like youâre trying to work him down and back up again. You place your hands on his chest, settling your weight down so that your bare cunt is pressed against his sensitive cock. Kei thinks he might die.Â
He brings his hands to your waist, the fatigue creeping from his bones as he digs the pads of his fingers into your fleshy sides. You draw in a breath when he does and it makes Kein feel like heâs tipping sideways with arousal. Everything that you do, right down to the involuntary twitch of your hips or eyebrows, is sexy.Â
Kei turns you over, growing hard between your legs again, and gently pins you to the mattress. He kisses you for a moment longer, his lips working clumsily across yours before he pulls away to catch his breath and find his bearings.Â
You chase him with your mouth, tilting your head up to kiss him. Kei feels his chest swell with arousal and his cock strains almost painfully against his pants as he peers at you. Youâre so pretty. Everything about you is so pretty. On his chest, he can feel your fingers, splayed over his pecks, across his collarbone, and grazing the side of his neck. He leans closer, loving the pressure of your body and the desperation that pours from your skin.Â
Kei kisses you again. He kisses you the way he wanted to outside, dipping his tongue into your mouth with a desperation that he can taste. You take control back, reaching between the two of you, and Kei shifts himself upward instinctually to give you access to him. He feels your fingers fumble for him and thereâs a pause in which Kei doesnât know what to do. He wonders if this might be the part of him that you like. The awkward part, the one that doesnât know what to do. Keiâs thoughts are interrupted by the feeling of your hand wrapping around him and tugging upward.Â
His head drops and a low groan escapes his lips before he can even think to stop it. Keiâd almost forgotten his sensitivity, how desperately he wants to be touched, how overwhelming it feels. He shivers, looking down at where your hand wraps around him and pumps. When he looks back up, he finds that youâre looking at his face, your eyes glassed over and observant as you commit all of his expressions to memory.Â
âWhat?â he says, letting out a shuddering breath and the slight overstimulation.Â
âYour face is red,â you reach up with your free hand to run your thumb along his cheek.Â
Kei huffs, dropping his head and you fiddle with something between the two of you.
âNo,â you pick his chin up. âI like it. Itâs cute.âÂ
You tighten your grip around him and Kei feels his expression twist, a new rush of heat and desire flooding his belly as he realizes youâre sliding a condom onto him. Then, you guide the tip of him between your legs and he feels the wet press of your entrance against him.Â
âChrist,â he groans.Â
You smile slightly, shifting your hips a little and then placing your hands on his shoulders. Kei pushes forward slowly, his thighs twitching. It takes everything he has to keep from cumming again and every muscle in his body screams with a desire to let go.Â
Kei is so overwhelmed, partially because you feel so good, but also because there is some part of him that knows this feels different. Kei feels different about you, about being intimate with you, than he has with anyone else. Thereâs something alive in him, something with its own mind. Something greedy and vulnerable that stirs when your face is this close to him, when heâs buried all the way in you to the base of his cock. Emotional and sensitive, Kei feels it kick.Â
His first instinct is to run. Agreeing to let himself like you, to let himself do something about it, was not agreeing to letting something live inside of him. Keiâs first thought when he registers the difference is to cut it off and suffocate it so that it stops thumping against his chest. Heâd grown so used to the hollow feeling that the feeling of living emotion makes him nervous, it puts him on edge. But when he pulls out a few inches and fucks back into you, the anxiety dispels into insurmountable pleasure. A pleasure Kei canât describe, something fulfilling and whole.Â
He picks up his pace, letting himself do what he wants while you grip his shoulders with blunted nails. He likes the expression you wear. Truthfully, he likes all of your expressions, but this one is new. Pressure and pleasure, a newness to the feel of him inside of you that you canât quite keep from your eyes or lips. He kisses you as if he could taste it, slipping his tongue between your lips.Â
âI really like you,â you mumble against his mouth, breath hot as it fans across his cheeks.Â
Keiâs heart hammers and his hips stutter a little.Â
âMe too,â he chokes, trying to think about volleyball to stave off a second orgasm. All that comes to mind though, is you.Â
âAre you close again?â you breathe, voice laden with pleasure.Â
âI have been since we started,â Kei admits.Â
âCum then,â you say softly, reaching behind his head to pull his mouth back to yours. Kei likes the control you exhibit. He groans his approval.
âYou first,â he mutters.
Thereâs this possessive part of Kei that wants to watch you fall apart on him. He wants to see it, to watch you feel good too and commit it to memory so that he can always keep it. He thinks itâs a pride thing, something attached to his desire to succeed, to his reliability. Maybe though, itâs just because he thinks itâll look hot.Â
He reaches down and lifts one of your legs up by the back of your knee, pressing it down to give himself better access. You whine and Kei feels the way you clench down around him, your fingers knitting into the hair at the back of his neck. It hurts in a good way.Â
Kei slips his hand between you, rubbing circles on your clit to get you there faster. Frankly, he doesnât know how much longer he can last like this, staring down at your face while it twists with pleasure. Youâre so attractive to him. Everything about you is sexy. It makes Kei a little crazy.Â
He listens as your breathing quickens, as your voice wavers further. He feels the way your cunt begins to flutter faster, pulsing around him until you attempt to cry out and warn him. Then, you clamp down around him, arching your hips up off the mattress and pulling at his hair. Kei moves his head with you, relishing in the way you tug and scratch.Â
He builds up to his orgasm so fast that it hurts. Thereâs pressure and then the mounting feeling of nearing the top, and then the peak and crash. He cums so hard that it hurts, pushing his cock as far as it will go into you and feeling the warm spill of his cum in the condom. He moans a long, drawn out sound that you mimic, his fingers knitting into the pillow behind you and his head dropping so that his lips sit near your neck.
He lets out a shaky breath, letting himself sit inside of you for a moment. You turn his head towards yours and kiss him. Itâs gentle. A smooth and languid kiss that neither of you moves to deepen. Your lips move against each other and Kei closes his eyes to savor the taste.Â
You tap his shoulder and Kei rolls over onto the bed beside you, snapping the condom off with a small wince and tying it up in a quick motion. He places it in the trash bin beside the bed. When he turns over, youâre already moving to slip under his arm, resting your head on his chest.Â
Thereâs a passing moment of silence, not unlike the ones you both have fallen into before and you sigh lightly against his exposed chest. Kei follows suit, watching the way you move with his breath.Â
His skin is sticky against yours and Kei can vaguely register the smell of sweat in the room. He doesnât know how long itâs been since everyone left, nor does he know when theyâll be back, but he estimates that it wonât be more than an hour. Kei briefly wishes that he could pause time so that he can stay here with you, just like this.Â
âIâm not good at this kind of stuff,â Kei admits quietly.Â
âWhat stuff?â You ask, tracing your finger along the ridges of his lean abdomen.Â
âLiking people,â he says. âDating.âÂ
You give a small laugh. âNo offense, Kei, but I could tell that from the moment I met you.âÂ
âShit, seriously?âÂ
âDuh,â you breathe out. âItâs a little charming to me, though. I like that part of you.âÂ
So itâs true. You like the parts of Kei that heâs always worried were the worst of him.Â
âHuh,â he says. âCould you tell?âÂ
âThat you like me?â You ask, shifting your head to look at him. âYeah, it was obvious after we established that you didnât hate me. I always noticed you staring in the library.âÂ
âReally? I thought I was being a little slick with that,â Kei feels heat and color flood his face.Â
You let out a good-natured laugh. âPeople can always tell when someoneâs staring, Kei. Itâs like a sixth sense.âÂ
âGood to know. Hindsight is 20/20 and all.âÂ
Another bout of silence follows.Â
âYou can keep staring though,â you say, âif you want to. And calling.â
âOkay,â Kei responds, âI didnât really plan on stopping.âÂ
âHa, freaky,â you laugh a little and Kei reaches up to flick the side of your head. âWanna start going out?âÂ
Kei thinks about this for a moment. He thinks about being able to hold your hand, brush hair out of your face, watch movies on the couch and fix your breakfast the next morning. Then he thinks about not being able to do those things.Â
âI think Iâd be a little upset if we didnât,â he admits.Â
âGood,â you say. âMe too.âÂ
Heâs fighting off sleep. His eyelids are heavy and he tries to blink away the shroud of rest thatâs falling over him. Kei knows youâre fighting it too. Your breathing goes in and out of that familiar breathing that comes with sleep. Kei likes the way it sounds coming from you, restful and quiet.Â
âWe should⊠really get up to clean just a little,â he mumbles.Â
âFive more minutes,â you say softly, your voice heavy and laden with drowsiness.Â
âOkay,â he says.Â
Itâs just five more minutes. Kei fights sleep to hear you breathe like this a little longer.Â
â
Thereâs a period after which Kei doesnât know what to do with himself. Like the awkward start to a new hobby or passion, Kei finds himself enthralled with his budding relationship while simultaneously stumbling continuously along the way. Youâre gracious with him though, letting him make mistakes and fumble until he finds his footing.Â
Itâs all very awkward for him, very new. He finds that itâs easier to just do the nice things he wants to do for you than to agonize over it and slowly, he begins to grow comfortable in the relationship that took you both so long to begin.Â
At first, only Tadashi knew about you both. Kei thought that there was no point in hiding it from him, since you were over at the apartment all the time. Of course, Tadashi somehow already knew. Thatâs how it usually goes anyway, and Kei is relieved to find that his internal change did not trigger some global shift that would turn his life upside down. Everything is normal, save for the fact that Kei now tries to love without hindrance.Â
Kei discovers that heâs possessive. Thatâs a new trait of his that he didnât know belonged to him. Before you, before Kei had found something he so desperately wanted to keep, heâd been rather detached. Possessiveness was rare because Kei hardly ever got attached enough to want. Now though, he wants so badly that it hurts. You lean into it. Kei suspects that you like it when he wards off people who hit on you, when he pouts a little because he wants to be close to you, when he gets a little jealous. Kei doesnât really mind it either. After all, despite his possessiveness, he never feels insecure. The both of you make sure of that.Â
This sunny period with you, the one Kei worried would only last a week, drifts easily from one month into two and before he knows it, itâs been five. Kei had worried about that fundamental change. The one imperceivable to the human eye. Heâd worried that slowly, it would begin to spoil what is so good between the two of you.Â
âKei,â you snap him out of it, placing a hand on his shoulder, âyou okay?âÂ
He sets down his cup of tea, barely touched. âYeah, why wouldnât I be?âÂ
âDonât tell me youâre getting cold feet?â You give him a wry smile. âThis was your idea, after all.âÂ
âYeah, well it was a pretty shit idea actually,â he breathes, âMy parents arenât exactly easy.âÂ
âYou want to cancel?â You ask, your eyebrows pulling up in a clumsy attempt to hide your disappointment. Kei can see right through it.
âNo,â he shakes his head. âI want you to meet them. I just donât want you to meet them.âÂ
The truth of it is that Kei would like to cancel. In an ideal world, one where the sun rises on the opposite side of his bedroom window, heâd forget the whole thing and take you out to get dinner and see a movie. Things would be simpler that way, less uncomfortable for the both of you. But as uncomfortable as it is, Kei wants you to be a part of their lives too. Youâre too important to not introduce to his parents and Kei canât see it any other way, though heâd like to.Â
You snort. âWhat does that even mean?âÂ
Kei gives you a pointed and somewhat irritated look.Â
âOkay, sorry,â you raise your hands defensively and walk over to place them on his shoulders. âI know youâre worried, but I think itâs going to be okay. Iâm excited.âÂ
Kei huffs out a laugh, unable to vocalize his nerves in their totality. âExcited to meet my dysfunctional, divorced parents that kind of hate each other?âÂ
âYup. Iâm excited to meet the people who raised you.âÂ
Kei smiles a little. âYou should meet Akiteru, then,â Itâs an exaggeration, but for some reason the prospect of seeing both of his parents together has him feeling a little more bitter than usual, even if it was his idea.Â
You give him a little grin through narrowed eyes. Thereâs an understanding that passes from you to him, like youâre acknowledging that you havenât forgotten what heâd told you nearly six months ago. Kei feels the tension in his shoulders relax a little.Â
His parents are already at the restaurant when he arrives. Itâs a swanky Italian place. The kind you go to on birthdays or for anniversaries, where the pasta dishes are things like lobster mushroom ravioli or truffle oil fettucini in tiny portions. Kei made sure to book somewhere that his parents would have trouble making a scene in, not that they ever had much of a mind for decorum when they were married. Heâs surprised to find them chatting cordially when you both arrive.Â
âKei,â his mother stands from the table and crosses to give him a hug. He pats her back gently.
âHi Mom,â Kei responds and she gives him a small smile.Â
Keiâs dad adjusts the lapel of his suit, the same one heâs had for years, and reaches to give him a hug around one shoulder.Â
âGuys,â he inhales, âThis is my partner, _____.âÂ
You grin at Kei and then introduce yourself formally to his parents. Kei watches in awe as you blend right in, like youâve known them for many years. He sits down while trying to keep the nerves from his face.Â
âWeâre so happy to meet you,â his mother starts, âKeiâs never introduced us to any of his partners before.âÂ
âIâm the first?â You smile a little, raising an eyebrow at Kei as if to tease him.Â
âThere really havenât been that many to begin with,â Kei grumbles as if that somehow makes it better.Â
You laugh again and the ball of conversation begins rolling. His mother tells you how pretty you are and his father nods a quieter approval. They talk about his universityâs graduation ceremony, which they attended separately, as if they were together the entire time and then ask about your major, if you graduated with him, where you plan on going. You tell them what you want to do and that you want to go wherever Kei goes. He marvels at how smoothly the evening moves onward.
There are moments where the tension in his family becomes obvious. Little swells or comments that bring up a sour or shameful memory that cannot be ignored. Moments when the air thickens and it feels like the hammer is about to come down. It never does though. The tension, rather than snapping, simply fades away.Â
Heâd expected everything to blow up for some reason. Kei had expected that, like his childhood, the restaurant dishes would end up smashed on the floor. The glassware always ended up broken in the house, why shouldnât they be broken here to shatter the illusion of things being good? He braces himself for a ball that never drops.
It takes him until the ride home, after a successful dinner, to realize that the dishes havenât been smashed in years. Not since he was fourteen and his parents fought for custody. Not since his mother got remarried to her now husband almost 6 years ago and his father met his new wife. Kei wonders why he still feels like he lives in that house. The one his parents were at their worst in. Why canât he feel like he lives in the apartment he rents with Tadashi?Â
âI think that went well,â you say softly on the drive back.Â
Kei nods his agreement. âI think so too.âÂ
You donât bring up the fact that they didnât fight, or that they spoke about their new kids with each other as if they were old friends. You donât accuse Kei of being wrong, of being paranoid even though he most definitely was.Â
âIâm glad that I got to meet them,â you say. âYou look so much like your mom.âÂ
âReally?â Kei asks.Â
âYeah, youâve got her eyes and her nose,â you smile a little. âIt makes you two look similar.âÂ
âHuh,â he says. âI never really gave that much thought.âÂ
Kei turns the idea that he has his motherâs face over in his head. Heâd spent so much time dreading that he was like them on the inside, that he never paused to consider the outside. So much of his life has been spent worrying that heâs just like them. That he breaks the plates and lashes out and acts cruelly even when heâs trying to love. But he has his motherâs eyes and for some reason that unsettles him. Itâs like evidence.Â
âYou donât really act like them though,â you say as if on cue. âYouâre a little gentler.âÂ
âMe? Gentle?â Kei scoffs.Â
âYeah!â you say. âI mean, sure youâre prickly, but thereâs a goodness to you thatâs really obvious if you look.âÂ
Goodness. What a strange word to use to describe someone. Kei thinks that if thereâs any goodness in him, if thereâs anything that hasnât been tainted by his parentsâ sour personalities, itâs from Akiteru. Kei likes to believe that whatever good he got was from him. No matter how strained his relationship with him might be now, Kei is certain of that.Â
âThatâs a relief,â he admits in a flat tone.Â
After a long pause, he speaks again. âThanks.âÂ
âFor what?â You laugh.Â
âBearing with me⊠and with them,â he says. âCouldnât have been easy.âÂ
âIt was easy,â you say. âBecause I wanted to meet them. And I care about you.âÂ
Kei feels color rise to his cheeks. He turns to look in the sideview mirrors as he pulls the car into a parking spot in his apartment complexâs garage.Â
âYou say that stuff so easily,â he huffs.Â
âWhat? That I care about you?âÂ
âYeah.âÂ
âWell, I do,â you laugh a little.
Keiâs face grows hotter and he distracts himself by putting the car into park and taking the key out of the ignition.Â
âMe too,â he says quietly, waiting for you to catch up so that he can take your hand in his. âSorry that I donât say it a lot.âÂ
âNot to be rude,â you say, âbut even if you never said it at all, it would be obvious. Youâre kind of a sucker.âÂ
Kei supposes that thatâs true and he gives a small laugh before nudging your shoulder with his. The parking garage is humid and stuffy, but he holds your hand in it anyway.Â
â
Youâre half asleep in bed beside him and your breathing comes in even sweeps the way it does just before you fall asleep. Kei listens to it for a moment, admiring the sound of it and the way your chest feels expanding against his.Â
He thinks about dinner, about how good it feels to have introduced you. How real it makes this relationship feel despite the uneasiness surrounding his familial situation. Kei thinks about his parents. He thinks about their inability to be good for each other. He thinks about the worst of them, something heâs familiar with, before thinking about the best of them. Kei imagines the way their faces looked at dinner, talking about the children theyâre raising properly. Theyâre good people, they just made each other bad. Molecular shifts that changed them for the worst. The notebook theory in its most frightening form. But they were good too.Â
Kei thinks about loving you. His reluctance to do so originally isnât quite beyond him yet. Heâs unsure, in fact, if heâll ever really get past the fear of the fall, the fear of becoming what his parents made each other. But he also thinks about his promise to love you for real. Love is not something that Kei does. He knows now that it's something that happens to him, like it happened to his parents. They loved each other once, even if it made them so blind that they couldnât see just how bad it made them.Â
Kei still resents the fact that he was born to fix a marriage that never would have worked in the first place. He resents being a fix rather than a gift, but at the very least, his existence is proof that his parents cared enough about their family to try. Even if it was misguided, at least they tried even a little.Â
In the quiet after of an emotionally charged evening, loving you seems like an easier task for him now. Itâs not hard to love you. Whatâs hard, Kei thinks, is not hurting you. He carries a lot of baggage that, for a long while, felt like too much. Kei thinks he can manage if itâs for you. Heâll bear the brunt of it. Heâll put in the work.Â
Yes, Kei is his parentsâ son, but heâs also Tadashiâs friend, Akiteruâs brother, the person who loves you. He doesnât live in the house with a bin full of shards and no glassware anymore.Â
âAre you awake?â He whispers across the pillow.Â
âMhm,â you hum, pushing your cheek into his arm.
âLetâs move in together,â he says.Â
You tense against him and slowly attempt to blink away sleep. âAre you sure?âÂ
âYeah, Iâm sure,â he responds. âI want to live with you.âÂ
âOkay then,â you smile a little. âLetâs do it.âÂ
â
In the fall, when his lease with Tadashi ends and his friend gives him a tearful, yet somewhat silly goodbye, Kei moves into your new shared apartment. Two small rooms in a modest part of town, a shared kitchen and living room, one bathroom, a mismatch of furniture from both of your old places, and an empty fridge. The first night is spent eating take out on the floor with you in front of a TV with no proper stand. Kei has never been happier.Â
And in the morning, when the sun comes through the slats of his window, broken up into gentle dots by the orange-leaved trees outside, Kei rises slowly. He rises gently. Kei doesnât want to wake you, not before heâs made breakfast. He pads out to the kitchen, where boxes are strewn about, half unpacked, and grabs the little brown notebook from the box itâs been temporarily living in. In it, he writes a grocery list full of the things you like. Itâs a good enough reason, a good enough change.Â
The notebook theory.Â
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A New Meaning of âLoveâ -- Suna Rintarou (rich boy collab)
„ đđđđ đđđ đđđđđđ „Â
prompt: the character you pick comes from a rich family, owns lavish cars and houses upon houses but all they really want is you, it can be nsfw (character can literally fuck you anywhere because they are that rich) or sfw (character has the power to take you anywhere).
headcanons or oneshots can be written (minimum 500 words)
Event hosted by @bakugohoex
Please read the other work from this event, and the author
Rich Boy Collab: Suna Rintarou
8.6k ish
Summary: You and Suna have been friends throughout college and for your final year of spring break, you get invited to a party hosted by him. After a bet with Atsumu that you will absolutely seduce someone, that someone turns out to be an unexpected surprise.
Notes:
+oikawa and suguru are âbadâ in this story, sorry-not-sorry I donât like either of them
+I did not want to deal with name brands, so everything is off-brand (:
+ There is a cut where the NSFW starts, and it is MARKED. Do NOT Interact (DNI) if you are not an adult (younger than 18).
Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the characters, or the idea. This is inspired by @bakugohoexâs Rich Boy Collab event, and the characters are from Haikyuu, owned by Haruichi Furudate
here is a link to the end scene
A New Meaning of âLoveâ
âWhere is this, even?â you roll your eyes at your faux blonde friend. You are studying during midterms in a private room in the library with your three best friends, Miya Atsumu, Miya Osamu, and Suna Rintarou. Suna just invited you to spend spring break with them since heâs hosting a party of sorts. Something that Atsumu had probably talked him into.
âSt. Lucia is in the Caribbean,â Atsumu says. âJust come fer spring break. Weâre almost done with the semester so ya gotta unwind, (Y/n).â He lifts a finger to pet your cheek as you lean away from him.
âJust because you donât even have a major and only do volleyball doesnât mean the rest of us can slack off in our final projects and theses,â you retort.
âWhat final project? Yer literally in health studies, and use it as an excuse ta whore out in strip clubs,â Osamu smirks into his palm.
âFirst of all, I donât go to strip clubs, theyâre dance studio workshops,â you say. âSecondly, I am writing my final thesis on exercise science with a double major in anatomy and health studies which is effectively a pre-med line. I can go into physical therapy if I want.â You cross your arms over your chest and glare at Suna, the last in your friend group for his opinion on your major.
âYou should come,â he says finally, but doesnât look up from scrolling through his phone. âItâll be more fun with you there.â
Your hands flicker over your laptop to pull up pictures of St. Lucia to see what this place is about. You notice through the travel guides on the search page that most of them lead to cruises and resorts.
âThis looks like an expensive trip,â you say nervously back to Suna.
âItâs not,â the three of them say, even though you know you can't afford something like this.Â
âDonât worry about thaâ price though, just come over to meân Samuâs house next weekend,â Atsumu tells you.
âWhat do you guys even do there? Is it a cruise? A resort?â
âItâs like a resort,â Osamu says.
âBetâcha Tooru-chan can bring âis yacht. We can make it a cruise if ya like that betta,â Atsumu adds.
â...Bring his yacht,â you echo under your breath. How the hell did he think that was a normal thing to just casually drop? âNo thanks,â you say louder so they can hear you this time.
âHey, didnât Tetsubro jusâ get a contract with My Shine?â Atsumu names the top dance company in the nation whoâs been signing new J-pop artists and dancers.
âHeâs signing on Thursday,â Suna finally looks up from his phone, and raises his eyebrows at Atsumu. âHe said heâs going to publicly announce it tomorrow.â
âMaybe ya should come, (Y/n),â Osamu tries to say objectively, but after being friends for almost four full years, you can tell heâs trying to persuade you into going.
âOnly for my career,â you say, knowing that theyâll end up winning the argument anyways.
âPerfect, weâll see ya this weekend. And try ta keep yer panties clean before thenâ donât want cha bringinâ syphilis to the Caribbean,â Atsumu winks.
You roll your eyes. So what if you have a bad habit of making out with strangers at bars every other weekend, and even going home with some of them? Your whole thing is that âloveâ doesnât mean anything. Even still, maybe as a measure of self-protection, or maybe as a measure of spite against how your friends will always assume the worst, youâve actually never slept with anyone.
âYouâre just jealous you canât get any of this,â you lean over to plant a kiss on Atsumuâs exposed cheek.
Atsumu turns as you move away from him. âI can get that if I want,â he says. âI know ya canât resist this.â He lifts the bottom of his sweater to pull his shirt up and reveal his chiseled abs.
Heâs hot, but youâve been with plenty of hot guys, and the amount of times your friends have been shirtless in your vicinity, kind of loses the sense of awe you mightâve had at first.
âYou know what, I bet Iâll hook up with someone on this little vacation, and it wonât be you,â you bet Atsumu.
âAlrighâ,â he drawls. âI bet ya 500,000 that ya canât resist me.â
You hold your hand out to shake his, knowing now you have to seduce someone else because there's no way you own nearly that much money. Atsumuâs fingers clasp around your own, smirk painted to his face as he says, âGood luck, you'll need it.â
***
You didnât think that Atsumu claiming he would drive you all to the airfield after meeting at his house that weekend actually meant an airfield. You thought he had just been saying âairportâ weirdly, and somehow you manage to overlook the fact that he and his brother are the inheritors for Miya Corp, one of the leading restaurant management companies in Eastern Asian. Of course heâd make sure you would make the flight in his familyâs private jet.
To make it worse, Suna had shown up in a suit that Osamu casually let drop was actually 30k (yen). At least Suna isn't talking about racing in his bugatti or ferrari with them around the island. He probably owns both, even if heâs not talking about it. You manage to sleep due to the built in spa treatment and ignore how in a very recent past life you were probably the girl rubbing the cream onto your face to massage your cheeks.
You arenât poor, per se, but there is no way you are anywhere near worth the billions that the Miyas and Suna are worth. Yes, they have net worths. Suna makes his online presence known through tweeting constantly about his life, always with at least 2k retweets in an hour, and the Miyas upload to their instagrams constantly. Atsumuâs is significantly more douchey than Osamuâs, but he has a reputation to uphold, according to only him.Â
Growing up, your parents lived in a very standard Japanese family model. Your father is a salaryman making a decently stable income, and your mother, a housewife. They had married right out of university, being acquainted in high school and spending more time together at uni. Unfortunately they had probably gotten married too early as your father stays out late at hostess clubs, and as a result your mother started going to Host clubs when you reached junior high. So to you, love means nothing. Your parents still greet each other cordially, and even say they love each other and you, but family and love mean very little. Which is why you constantly tell Suna and the Miya twins you love them. Itâs not like it isn't true, you do love them. Just not romantically. Well, not entirely romantically.
St. Lucia is gorgeous. Having never been outside of Japan you have to get several shots and make sure you pack the right clothes (Atsumu had literally only told you to bring bikinis of course), but youâd gone with Suna and his sister to buy some beach wraps too. Suna sat in the changing area on his phone, and took photos of you and his sister at her request for once, instead of the usual candids he ends up snapping.
The hotel they put you up in is gorgeous, your room possessing a four poster bed with silk sheets and the softest mattress that you literally sink into (bless memory foam). You are embarrassed to learn shortly after you arrive that what you thought was a hotel is actually Sunaâs familyâs vacation estateâ Sunaâs. Not the Miyaâs, but Suna. Even worseâ he pulls open the closet in your room and you learn that his sister left clothes that fit you. And you can wear anything because they all still have tags on.
By the third day youâve spent two days on the beach, holding on to Sunaâs arm or Osamuâs, your toes skimming through the white sands. You went swimming once, Atsumu showing off that he knew how to surf? (And decently!) The beach and clean air contrast to Tokyoâs smog, clearing your mind to make you think of new choreography. Suna takes you once at night during low tide to dance on the sandbars that form, and even shoots a couple of pictures of you with his Daikon SLR 4000 while you plan out new choreography for a song youâve had stuck in your head for a while now, (insert favorite song). [AN ik âDaikonâ is a Radish, but I donât wanna use the name brand (x.].
On the fourth day Atsumu and Osamu race around the island twice in their sports cars they had shipped over ( Osamu won both times). You'd gone to seventeen bars, and the boys took you to 0 parties, and 0 clubs. You have been dancing 0 times, and if thereâs anything you like more than spending time with your friends, itâs dancing.
âHey, Oikawaâs coming tonight,â Suna says on Saturday. The four of you are sprawled across one of the lounges downstairs. Even though you four have been there for a whole seven days, the actual partying hasn't started yet since the rest of the world doesn't have the same break as you, shocker. Their parentâs social circle all had children around the same time so there are a lot of rich people your age showing up for this party that âSunaâ re: the Miyaâs are hosting.
âIs this... Oikawa easy to seduce?â you incline your head towards Atsumu.
âYes⊠and No,â Osamu says. âYaâd probably be thâ one seduced by âim, but since thatâs all ya need⊠I guess yaâd win.â
âDonât get with Shitty-kawa,â Atsumu whines. âHeâs just a stupid pretty boy. Iâd rather ya hook up with Suna, or ma ugly brother.â
âYou have the same faceââ you and Suna begin.
âDo not!â Atsumu stands up, face red. He hates being compared to Osamu, but they are identical twins.
âWhy not Suna?â Osamu asks, his eyes glinting with mischief.
âWhy me?â Suna responds, annoyance clear in his tone.
âI mean, I love you already,â you respond to him, giving him a cheeky grin, âbut I want to explore my options.â
âAs long as itâs not Daishou,â Atsumu mumbles.
âWho's that?â you ask.
âSuguru Daishou: thâ devil in disguise,â Osamu answers. âHe looks like a fuckenâ snake bastard, and acts like one.â
âHe's the heir to Suguru conglomerate, the car company,â Suna says, naming a top luxury car brand in Japan. âBut he shouldn't be here until Sunday at least, since I didn't invite him. He probably heard about it from Kuroo.â
âFrom stalkin' âim ya mean?â Atsumu says. âOi, let's go ter thaâ beachâ I don't wanna think about rat bastards when 'Iâm on vacation.â
In mutual agreement the three of you follow him down the back stairs and the short walkway to the private expanse of beach that Suna's family owns.
You find yourself standing next to Suna as the twins pick up a volleyball to start practicing with in the sand, Atsumu hollering every now and then about how much his muscles are growing because of how much harder it is to jump.
âAre you seriously taking this bet?â Suna asks you.
âYeah of course,â you say.
âYou didn't make serious stakes. What's there to lose?â
âMy ego?â you respond. It's so obvious to you that you can't lose a bet like falling for Miya Atsumu. âAnd the moneyâ I can't pay that off!â
Suna hums as he thinks, but doesnât comment more on the bet, saying instead, âyou looked cool the other day when you were dancing. Are you going to use that for anything?â
You shake your head. You'd been messing around, nothing too special, although you brush your hair away from your face with a small smile because it had been fun and Suna was complimenting you for your skills.
âMaybe⊠Maybe Kuroo could be convinced to sleep with you? I'd stay away from Terushima and I'm pretty sure Bo and Daichi-san are married,â Suna continues. âHonestly, I haven't seen half of these people since I was a kid⊠I don't prefer these types of events.â
âI didn't realize the mansion was yours,â you say.
âI don't have a mansion,â Suna says bluntly.Â
You wave your hand at the massive construction behind you.Â
Suna glances over his shoulder. âOh the estate? I guess it's a bit bigger than a normal one.â His nonchalance at the sheer size of his family's vacation home reminds you that you're a guest in this lifestyle just for a little bit before you part ways at the end of Uni.
âThanks for inviting me,â you say.
âYou're one of my best friends,â he says.
âI love you, Rintarou~â
He scoffs a little but doesn't say it back. He never does. Not that you particularly care. Instead of lingering on that uncertain waver in tension, you pull his arm as you run towards the Miyas shouting âSuna and I are gonna beat your asses!â
By the time you've showered from playing volleyball in the sand (You and Suna did not beat anyone, and lost four sets before Atsumu whined he needed to teach you how to play because to put it bluntly, âyou suck!â), you're exhausted and it's getting dark out. But night is when St. Lucia comes alive, like a chain reaction small orbs of light peek through the foliage igniting life as outdoor bars spark up the island.
Somewhere during your shower and two hours of digging through the closet to find something to wear for this summer soiree, Sunaâs estate has been transformed into the perfect scene for a party. You can hear the constant sound of engines as more and more luxury cars pull up to the front, the house keeping and staff ensuring each vehicle has a place in the massive garage. Muffled voices lilt through the open windows of the downstairs, although the section of the estate your room is in is still firmly closed to the crowd gathering downstairs. Youâre stabbing the post of a hoop earring through your left ear as a final touch to your outfit when Osamu begins pounding on your door shouting, â(y/n)! Hurry up!â
You yank open the door.
âYa look like a stripperââ Atsumu begins before his brother hits him on the back of the head.
âYou do too,â you snap, the post finally snapping into the catch to link the hoop in one continuous ring of metal through your earlobe.
As much as you hate to admit it, Atsumu looks good. He's wearing a light cotton shirt that's white, but most of the buttons are undone and the sleeves are messily folded. Somehow even though it's neatly tucked into light blue shorts, it looks rugged and messy. Atsumu belongs downstairs. He's ready to party.
You on the other hand⊠you looked up what a girl could wear to a fancy beach party like this and end up pulling a white and blue Guzzi wrap dress from the closet with the tags still on (you checked, 800,000 so the tag would stay on, and you would return it after the night). The front crosses your breasts to hint at cleavage and the wrap doesnât fully cover your right leg when you walk, or stand with one foot in front, knee bent slightly. You have ridiculously long legs, you know that, and often like to show it off by wearing short shorts and mini skirts at school. But to be called a stripper when covered in more clothing than you've ever worn out before? Atsumu is just being plain rude.
âYou look fine, (y/n),â Sunaâs blank tone cuts into your thoughts of potentially going back to change. âI don't like to keep the guests waitingâ let's go.â
Atsumu offers you his arm to walk you down the stairs, and you take it, since you won't fall for him, and the sandaled pumps do make you slightly less steady than you imagine they would.
You study Suna who's walking in front of you, two steps below so heâs shorter than you for once. He's wearing a light green shirt similar to Atsumu with an LR logo on the front, and plain beige, almost white khaki shorts. His belt is black to offset the bright colors, and he's wearing a tie that you can see under the folded collar as you approach the main doors. You hurry a couple of steps to put a hand on his shoulder to get him to stop walking.
Suna begins to turn around but you stop him by quickly fixing his collar to hide the dark green silk of his tie. âYour collarââ
âThanks. Let's keep going,â Suna says.
His voice sounds deeper, but maybe it's because it's dark outside and everything sounds a bit more intense as anticipation gnaws at your stomach. You only have two more nights to seduce someone or else you'll lose to Atsumu, and losing to him is something you canât afford. Literally. Plus, heâll never let you live it down.
The thrumming gets a million times more intense as Osamu pulls back the doors to the main ballroom where the party is happening, main lights off and strobe lights swinging in reds blues and greens to make every other color of the rainbow. You can hear laughter and music and your chest swells as you realize you get to dance tonight.Â
âEyes on meh, (y/n),â Osamu barks as he catches your shoulder. âIf ya need to leave, come get any of us. Bet or not, Atsumu will bring ya back and make sure yer safe.â He gives his brother a warning glance.
âYeah yeah,â Atsumu grumbles.
âStay away from any snake-lookinâ mother- fuckas, coz that'll be Daishou and his group, if they show. Pretty sure Daichiâs married, and Bokuto's engaged so they're off limits. They'll be wearin' their rings though. And, (Y/n), make sure ya don't accept any drink if it's not from us, Oikawa, er Iwaizumi, they're yer bartenders tonight. Sâmuch as âTsumu hates their guts, theyâre reliable.â
You nod at him. âI promise.â
Suna holds his hand out to you as he walks through the doors since Atsumuâs started grumbling to his brother about how he doesnât hate anyoneâs guts, he hates their faces, and leads you down the main staircase. Around the hall are people in lavish clothing, with the tags off, holding every type of drink that exists; champagne, beer, wine, and more.
âLetâs find Iwaizumi and Oikawa first so you know what they look like,â Suna says just over the bass of the music coming from the ballroom.
Your legs have already started heading toward the music, but he pulls you back into his side, and to the quieter bar and lounge opposite the ballroom through another door. You pout back at Suna since you want to dance, and he gives you a faint smile.
âWe can go after. I just need you to meet them while youâre still sober,â he says.Â
Atsumu and Osamu dip, mentioning something about finding Tetsubro and Brokuto for an obligatory game of strip beer pong. Not like you want to go see that since it wouldnât help against your bet with Atsumu. Scanning the faces in the crowd as Suna leads you into the lounge, no one really stands out. Sure there are guys who are dressed more casually like Atsumu in standard frat-boy attire, and some men who showed up in three piece suits made of velvet, but none of them scream âheâs the oneâ to you. Maybe youâre too sober.
Suna pushes open a door behind the bar to find a man sitting on a couch covered in skimpily-clad girls, most of whom look foreign to you. âAh, the man of the hour! Yaaho~ Rinnie-chan,â the man with light brown hair and warm fawn brown eyes greets you, shooing the girls away. They hurry out of the room, and you wonder if you werenât so driven to be a professional dancer, you might be more like them than⊠whatever you are, standing with Suna at the moment.
â...Hi, Oikawa,â Suna responds. He looks annoyed by the nickname, but thinking itâs cute you stash it in the back of your mind.Â
Oikawa looks at you holding onto Sunaâs arm, tilting his head curiously. âWhoâs this gorgeous vixen?â
You straightened your hair so that it looks longer than usual, giving you a baddie look, which you personally found gave better results in the clubs youâve been to. You stick your right leg out, and lean into Sunaâs left side, the cloth of the dress sliding apart to reveal the pale flesh of your thigh.
âThis is (Y/l/n) (Y/n),â Suna answers.
âYour girlfriend?â Oikawa smirks. âCongrats, Rinnie-chan~â
âSheâs not my girlfriend,â Suna says. His tone is flat, and although the words are true, his tone makes the words sting a little bit more than they should. He sounds annoyed that Oikawa would assume you were dating him.
Oikawa quirks an eyebrow. âOh? Iwa-chan~â he calls.
A man with short, but spiky hair appears from the main room, a shot glass in hand, âyeah?â Heâs wearing a Pape jacket, and his pants scream On-Black with the burst of black arrows along the sides at the bottom of his calves meaning heâs also rich, not to mention Space Walking shoes which had been released only a week ago. The definition of âHype-Beastâ if youâve ever seen one.
âCan you get me some prosecco and the flutes from the second cabinet?â Oikawa purrs.
âIwa-chanâ looks irked to be doing manual labor for his friend, but returns shortly with a couple of glass champagne flutes and the bottle of prosecco that you heard pop open from the bar.
âThis is Iwaizumi Hajime,â Oikawa waves his hand at Iwaizumi.
âNice to meet you,â he says. âIâm going to make myself useful instead of⊠whateverâs happening in here.â His tone is flat, but the implication is clear. Your face flushes red. Youâre not here for that reason with Suna and a man youâve only just met.
Oikawa hands you and Suna a flute each, pouring out some of the champagne. You realize youâre still holding onto Sunaâs arm, but you like holding onto him. Heâs tall enough to be the perfect height to keep yourself at the best posture to keep your chest out and back arched and show off the curves you have.
You realize that Suna and Oikawa are talking business as Suna asks him about Kuroo and how Oikawa's family feels about the entertainment industry being overtaken slowly by Kurooâs.
âHeâs not as bad as Toshi-chanâs family,â Oikawa is smiling still but now you can tell itâs fake. His lips pull into a sneer, disfiguring his kind disposition. "That bastard had the audacity to show up and ask me how One Take is doing as if we didn't just get bumped to number 2 on the top 100 last week because of My Shine."
â(Y/n) likes to dance,â Suna says, ignoring the small outburst. âI was hoping that Kurooâs family wouldnât win over My Shine, since I think she could be an asset to them.â
âOh?â Oikawa leans forwards, his elbows resting on his knees to peer at you. âYou do look like a dancer, now that I know. The way your feet are angled, and your legs are strongâŠâ Heâs analyzing you in a way that makes you slightly uncomfortable, but you understand heâs in the industry. He probably doesnât mean anything sleazy by it. Probably.
âCan we go dance?â you look up at Suna, downing the rest of the champagne, feeling the carbonation fizzle through your body to give you the extra energy you need.
Suna glances at you. âIf you want, yeah. Do you want me to follow orâŠ?â
You nod. âLetâs go! You should come too,â you say over your shoulder to Oikawa. Without waiting for his response, you pull Sunaâs arm over towards the doorway.Â
Oikawa draws himself up to follow the two of you, as you practically drag Suna from the lounge towards the heart of the party. The second the music drops for Paytonâs Rich Boy, you raise your arms and start bouncing to the beat during the first ârich boyâ of the song. Suna sort of just stands there, so you start moving closer to him, shaking your hips. To your surprise, he goes along with it, putting his hand on your waist as you begin to grind on him. He starts bobbing his head and then you turn around to wrap your arms around his neck.
âThatâs not dancing!â you scold him under the loud music.
Suna gives you his mocking smile as he says, âI canât hear you!â over the music.
You sway with him, his hands resting along your hips as you move back and forth to the beat. As you reach the chorus you recall an old tik tok choreography and pull away from his hand which is gripping your hips just a bit too tightly, to dance to the chorus the way you remember it. âHey, Rintarou, you can do this too!â you say.
âNo,â Suna shakes his head. âI really donât dance.â
âYou can, itâs super easy! Watch,â you do it again, slower.
Suna looks amused, but doesnât move his arms to repeat the movements. He scoffs as you reach the chorus and do the movements in time to the song. As the song ends and fades into something else Suna moves off of the dance floor, leaving you to keep dancing alone.
Your hair flows around your shoulders as you shake your head to the songs, limbs flowing with the music. Youâre more than a couple of songs in when a man comes up to you. Heâs tall with narrow eyes that gleam gold in the lighting of the room. Heâs bouncing to the beat and you immediately start reciprocating his advances to dance with you. Soon enough youâre grinding on him, but with him being so into dancing as well you feel better about it. Heâs got his eyes trained on you as you loop one arm around his shoulders as best as you can. His hands flit over your waist and hips and sides and back and only briefly on your ass. Somehow you find him to be more polite than some of the creeps at the clubs near your school that you show up to every so often.
âWhatâs your name?â he rasps into your ear, his deep voice seeping through your body, igniting your limbs.
âIâm (Y/n)!â you shout back, your voice sounding thin and getting lost under the bass.
He pulls you to the edge of the dance floor, maneuvering you to the minibar at the side of the room. Bodies are laying across the floorboards as dancers wear themselves down. The man with you pushes a girl off a stool to make space for you, which you find a bit amusing. Itâs not like she was really using the stool anyways, and she ends up on the floor, passed out.
âCan I get you a drink?â he asks.
You nod your head, forgetting whatever it was that Osamu told you, what feels like a million years ago at the door.
Your mystery man smacks his hand on the bar, and Iwaizumi hurries over, hands holding different bottles of liquor. âWhat can you get for you (Y/n)?â
âDo you know each other? Is she one of your guests?â
âSheâs a very close acquaintance,â Oikawa responds playfully, sliding down the bar to take over Iwaizumiâs job. âI can stay here, Iwa-chan.â
âSure,â Iwaizumi agrees, leaving to go find another room to be useful in.
âA martini is fine,â you say to Oikawa. You watch as the man youâre with orders straight whisky. The strong drink and thick glass gingerly held between his thin fingers makes him look more masculine somehow.
You toast to each other, even though you still donât know his name. You tell him about school and dancing, how you dream about opening your own dance studio someday, and maybe even backup dance for your favorite J-pop and K-pop groups. As you talk you keep drinking, Oikawa keeping the liquor moving. You get closer and closer to the mystery man, gazing up into his mesmerizing golden eyes, until youâre leaning on his shoulder to keep talking to him. Your words are starting to slur after your fourth glass, and his arm snakes around your waist, pulling you to sit in his lap.
â(Y/n)-chaaan~â Oikawaâs higher pitched voice calls out to you over your mystery partner's timbre. âWhereâs your daaaate?â
âNo date,â you murmur. You hold onto the manâs shirt collar, pulling him closer. âOnly him.â
âStay safe. Iâm going to find Iwa-chan,â he smiles and winks at you before leaving you with the mystery man.
âHey, youâre gorgeous,â he breathes into your neck from the way youâre straddling his lap, head resting over his shoulder. His lips are near your ear, and you arch your back as his nose brushes against the soft spot behind your ear. He gently kisses your neck. âCan I kiss you?â he asks.
âYou just did,â you murmur.
He draws away, holding your chin with his hand to make sure youâre looking at him. âCan I kiss you here?â his thumb runs over your bottom lip.
Compliantly you open your mouth and his thumb slides between your lips as you gently suck on the end of his thumb before his thumb is gone and his mouth is on yours. He captures your lips, pulling you into his lap closer, his free hand burning into your bare thigh to dig his fingers into your plush skin.Â
âFuck, youâre the sexiest girl on the whole island,â he whispers over your lips as you draw away for a breath.
âWhatâs your name?â you manage to ask him.
âSuguru Daishou,â he said. âWill you say my name?â
âS-Suguru?â you ask in a small voice. Something in your mind flickers over it as you recognize the name, but canât place where.
âYeah, just like that, baby,â he murmurs over your lips as he puts his on yours again, this time in a sloppier open-mouth kiss to shove his tongue into your mouth and explore.
A cold hand on your shoulder startles you, forcing you to flinch into Suguruâs warm embrace. You moan with the contact around his mouth, until youâre yanked back.
âWhat are you doing? (Y/n), are you seriously drunk?â Sunaâs cold voice pierces into your hazy mind.
You hold onto Suguruâs shoulders, but lean backwards. âIâm with SuâŠSuguruâŠâ you slur. âHeâs keeping me warm tonight.â
âNo,â Suna says.
Your pupils dilate. Youâve never heard Suna refuse anyone or anything before. Heâs practically a bystander in his own life as he never gets involved with the main event. You let go of Suguru to grab Sunaâs shirt, one of your hands missing and you fall into his chest. His half step forwards is just enough to save you from accidentally landing your head against his crotch instead of his abs.Â
âIâll take her from here,â Suna says to Suguru. âSheâs my guest this week.â
âI couldnât possibly deny the host,â Suguru says kindly, but his mouth is in a thin line and his eyes are narrow slits as he glares at Suna.
Suna narrows his eyes back as he pulls you from Suguruâs lap to hold you so youâre half-standing, half draped across his hip. âCâmon, (Y/n). Help me out.â
âHelp me up,â you repeat back to him.
Suna sighs, and then surprises you by gently sweeping your legs into his free arm, holding you princess style. You wrap your arms around his neck, and bury your face into his neck, inhaling his scentâ refreshing like the woods right after a heavy rain just as the sunâs beginning to peak out again.
You donât know where Sunaâs taking you. The journey feels a little too long, but definitely not long enough to bring you back to your room. Heâs sitting next to your sprawled body on the bed, pulling his finger through the loop of his tie to loosen it around his neck. âWhy Suguru?â he asks.
âDancing,â you mumble. You roll over to lie on your side and sink into the comforter, humming happily. âmhmm... I like dancing.â
Suna reaches out to pet your hair, slightly sticky from sweat. The room is humid too from the ocean air, although it does make it cooler. His hands card through your damp strands, not caring that you havenât showered. âI know you like dancing,â he says. âIâm sorry I didnât dance with you.â
âYou donât have to,â you smile. âI have Suguru.â
âIs he the one youâre choosing to seduce?â he whispers.
âHmm?â you ask.
Suna lies back on the bed so his head is near yours, almost perpendicular to your body. He turns so he can look at your face, running a finger along your jaw. He pulls his hand away as he asks in a slower, deeper voice, âdo you like him?âÂ
You shake your head and bend over to curl up more, and kiss his nose. âI love him, but I donât love him,â you say.
Suna sighs and then sits up. âWhat does that mean? How can you tell everyone you love them?â
âI love everyone. Love is just a word⊠it doesnât have any meaningââ
âI love you,â Suna says in the still air.
You blink up at him and then smile. âI love you too.â
âNo, (Y/n), I love you,â he emphasizes.
âMhmm,â you say back. âMy parents use that all of the time but they sleep with other people. They donât feel any way towards the other besides slight annoyance, probably.â
âMy parents are lucky. They⊠they like each other. They care about the other... and they want their other half to succeed in everything they do. Even if they donât know how to make that happen,â Suna says. He doesnât mean it in a bragging way, but more in realization.
âI wish I was you, Rintarou,â you say. âYouâve really got it madeâ a family with parents that love each other and their children⊠a sister whoâs gorgeous, and kind⊠and youâve got your entire future figured out. You get to take over as heir to Suna Bank⊠and you get to play volleyball which you love.â
âI donât care about that,â Suna says blankly. He stares at you as you sit up to face him.
âI do envy you,â you repeat. âBut I donât want to burden you either.â
âHow could you burden me?â Suna asks.
âYouâre rich and Iâm borrowing your life for a little while to live a dream life. Parties in foreign countries with hot men and drinks⊠I wonât get this any other time in my life.â
âIs that why youâre friends with me?â Suna asks suddenly. His voice has gone slightly higher in pitch, worry seeping into his tone.
You shake your head quickly, but liking the feeling of shaking your head, continue to do it for a little too long. With strands of hair clinging to itself in tangles around your face you look up at him. âI love being your friend,â you say as sincerely as possible to convey your honest feelings. âRintarou, you are the only person who will wake up before the sun rises, and stay up after the sun sets to help me shoot dance choreography. You support me⊠fullyâŠâ you feel the words are an echo of something. âIn my passion.â
Suna cups your cheek with his hand, long fingers gently sliding under your chin to pull your jaw closer, and tilt your head back. âI told you I love you, (Y/n). I mean it. I didnât own a nice camera in high school but when you asked if I liked photography since I take so many pictures of you I panicked because I like taking pictures of you, not taking random pictures. I bought the first one that came up when I looked it up online. Every time I play volleyball I think of those assholes you bring home to fuckââ
âI donâtââ You protest.
âI donât care about that. I just wish it could be me instead of them.â By the time Suna has finished speaking, his shirt is sticking to his chest as he breathes more heavily. His eyes are dark with want and longing, but you know he wonât touch you unless you give him any indication you want it too.
âYouâre here, Rintarou,â you say. âIt⊠it is you. Youâve been here the whole time, but maybe I am scared of love.â
âI will give you a new meaning to the word,â he says.Â
He leans in so his forehead presses against yours. âIf⊠youâll let me?â
You lean in to kiss him slowly, lips brushing against his twice before parting to capture his bottom lip. âI'd love nothing more,â you whisper.
[NSFW STARTS HERE MINORS DNI, 18+]
[NSFW tags really quick: #dubcon(?) #unprotectedsex #creampie #fingering #oral (female receiving) #PwP (porn with plot) #language (swearing) #praisekink? Maybe? #vaginal penetration]
As you suck on his bottom lip a low growl comes from Sunaâs throat. Suddenly he pushes you against the bed, pressing his chest against yours as his weight falls on top of you to kiss you more intensely. Your hands pull at his hair, fingers struggling to wrap around his gelled strands and hold him closer as your mouths mash against each other. This kiss is hungryâ itâs desperate. Sure youâve kissed other guys like this before, but never with Suna. And god youâve been missing out. He runs his tongue along your teeth, brushing under your top set, pausing at your slightly sharper cananie before his entire tongue slides between your teeth to explore your mouth. His saliva is spilling into your throat, hands roaming as his tongue pushes yours down to explore the entirety of your wet cavern. His body grinds against you, pushing one of your legs into the mattress as your other one curls around the back of his, holding him closer.
Sunaâs hands roam your body, tracing your curves carefully at first, and then growing more desperate he pulls the string holding your dress together at the front. His hand slides through the fold in the front to grasp at your breasts, gently massaging over your thin lace bra.
âIâve wanted to take this off all night,â Sunaâs voice is breathy but deep as he takes a second to breathe. âFuck, youâre so sexy.â
You giggle and peck him quickly on the lips. âYour tie was so classy compared to everyone else,â you say. You begin to unbutton the top of his shirt, hands working slowly as you maintain eye contact. To reciprocate, Suna pulls your dress off of your body, and you sit up to allow him to untie the back, until your entire front is exposed for him, save for your matching bra and pantie set.
âYouâre gorgeous,â he whispers, shrugging off his shirt, and throwing it behind him. â(Y/n), I want you.â
You reach your arms up to pull his neck and body closer to you. âIâm yours,â you say.
âFuck,â Suna groans into your neck. âIf you say things like that, I wonât be able to hold back.â
âDonâtâ you whisper.
âIn that caseâŠâ he looks at you. âLet me make love to you.â His face crashes onto yours again.
Sunaâs hands are cool but they feel like theyâre burning against your body. Every time he touches you, tingles race to the spots his skin touches. Even though his mouth is on yours, you manage to moan as his fingers brush against your hardened nipples through the thin lace of your bra. He pulls your arm up slightly and you sit up more to sit in his lap, discarding your bra as you do so. As you sit up your breasts are bare for him, and Suna wastes no time pressing his fingers to your soft mounds. His lips find yours again for a moment as his mouth then travels down your neck. With a sudden gasp heâs latching his lips to the area making you shiver into him, his mouth leaving a growing bruise along your collarbone. His hands donât relent either, now rolling your buds between his calloused fingers. You squirm and realize your grinding into him, feeling a hardening bulge building below your clothed heat.
âRintarou,â you moan as he brings his mouth to your sensitive nipple, gently placing his lips on the hardened bud. He doesnât relent his attack, his other hand working as you continue to grind against his khakis shorts still.
You grab his head as you whine, âplease fuck me already.â
Suna stops and lifts his beautiful green irises to meet your own orbs. âI wonât make you ask twice.â
He pulls your dress off of you fully leaving you only in your lace panties. Pushing you onto the bed, he leans over you and kisses a trail from your lips to your collarbone, to your left breast, and then the right one, and then down your stomach to the hem of your panties. Using his teeth to gently scrape against your stomach, Suna pulls them away from your already dripping cunt, but gets stuck when your panties stick to your womanhood from your slick. He hooks a finger underneath, burning a trail down your thigh as he pulls them off with his fingers.Â
âSo pretty, so wet for me,â he whispers.
You put your hands over your eyes in embarrassment. âDonât say stuff like that,â you whine.
Suna pulls your hands away from your face. âYouâre gorgeous (y/n), I mean it. I want to see all of you.â
You gulp as he slowly removes his belt, the buckle clinking as he slides the leather through the loops on his shorts. You can already see the band of his Benziaga boxers, but when he pulls his shorts off, you can clearly see the outline of his dick through the thin silk of his boxers⊠and Suna is big. Heâs long, you figured out that much already since heâs tall, but heâs thick too.
âAre you gonna be a good girl and take it all?â he asks. His eyes are hooded, gazing at you, his eyes looking black in the darkness, pupils dilated from watching you writhe on the bed under his hands for the past 20-odd minutes.
âO-of course,â you gulp. Youâre not sure if Suna wants you to respond with something⊠kinkier than that, but youâre nervous. Youâve never actually had sex with anyone before, and to imagine itâs one of your close friendsâŠ
A month ago you would have said Atsumu because of how flirtatious he is with you, but instead youâre watching Suna Rintarou bare himself to you. His cock is flushed red at the tip, his length resting upright against his stomach. He shifts out of his boxers, kicking them off the back of the bed. He gently pulls your thighs closer to him as he leans down, his head near your chest. âI want to eat you out.â His voice is smooth and confident.
âOkay,â you say.
Suna moves up to kiss you before running a finger lightly along your folds. You try to squeeze your legs shut, but heâs holding one side open, and itâs enough to remind you to keep your legs apart. His finger is tracing a lazy circle and then all of a sudden thereâs a new sensation, something soft but textured, and you realize itâs his tongue flicking across your slit and licking stripes up and down and then in between your folds to taste as far up into you as he can get. His second hand is taken away as his mouth overrides whatever boring action his finger was completing a moment ago, and he holds your thighs tightly to keep you still. Your back arches off of the mattress as your hands fly to his hair, fingers gripping against his skull to hold him there.
âRin-Rinââ Your voice is thin and needy as he continues to eat you out like a starved man. Like heâs never had anyone else before, and youâre the last meal on earth.
He groans, sending vibrations through his throat to your body and you can feel a coil in the pit of your stomach, your walls pulsing. He takes his tongue away for a second, and his finger gets deliciously sucked into your needy hole. He gently wiggles it through, and adds another finger since your cunt is weeping. âYouâre so wet for me,â he groans. âI want to put it in now, but I need to prepare you.â
You mumble some sort of acknowledgement, but have to gasp loudly, your back raising high off the mattress as he inserts a third finger. Heâs doing something inside of you where all of his fingers are moving in separate directions to stretch you out but your walls are fluttering as you get closer to your orgasm. He can feel the way youâre pulsing as he rasps, âyou gonna cum for me, pretty girl?â
âUhn~â you manage to moan.
âCum on my fingers, babygirl,â he says. âCum for me.â
Your cum spills across his fingers, and with half-lidded eyes you find Suna sitting there on his knees with his fingers in his mouth as he tastes your essence over his slender digits. He lets his middle finger go with an audible pop. âSweet,â he says. âI love how you taste.â
âR-Rin,â you whine, âThis is embarrassing.â
âYou donât want to taste?â Sunaâs teasing voice is back. He pets the side of your face with his left hand, his right hand wrapping around the base of his cock to rub your slick along his length. He gently pushes your right leg aside, and since youâre flexible you pull your leg along your chest. He looks at you, searching your face for any signs of hesitation. âAre you sure?â he finally asks.
âIâm sure, I want you, Rintarou.â Your voice is strong.
âThen here I⊠come,â he smirks as you smile at his horrible pun. He rubs the tip of his cock along your slit a couple of times before holding himself to push into you. His hands fall to the sides of your head, slowly lowering himself onto his elbows as he continues to slide into you.
âFuck, youâre so big,â you moan as he slides into your tight hole. He peppers kisses along your jaw as he stops.
âIs it too much?â he asks.
âNo, you can move,â you tell him.
âMove? Babe, Iâm only like halfway in,â he chuckles.
âEh?!â you gasp. You look between your bodies and see that heâs telling the truth.
âCan I keep going?â Suna asks gently.
You pull his face down to kiss him and nod. âYes, please. I want you to feel good.â
âFuckkk,â Suna groans into your neck as he pushes the rest of his length into you. After a moment he whispers, âhow are you so fucken tight?â
You let out a small laugh through the pain of being filled and stretched. You donât know how to tell him youâre a virgin since Sunaâs assumed for so long that youâve been sleeping around with guys.
âCan I move?â Suna presses his nose into your neck.
âYou donât want to just hold me in a mating-press for the rest of the night?â you joke, voice breathy.
âI do, but I want to fill you up too,â he brushes your hair aside, and then begins to move. His hips roll slowly over your own as you whimper, hands holding onto his back. Your legs wrap around his hips to pull him closer every time he thrusts into you. He begins to gain pace, slamming into you as he chases his high. His pants in your ear mix with your muffled moans.
âLet out your voice,â Suna growls in your ear.
âI dont-donât want ev-everyone to h-hear us,â you stutter as Suna doesnât let down his relentless pace.
âI do,â he says back, moving to sit up, hands moving to your hips to pull you into his lap more, and find a way to thrust faster. âLet me hear your pretty moans, (Y/n).â
âAnh~â you let out the first few moans, high pitched and breathy, and you canât manage to find your breath as his balls slap against your ass with every movement.
âWhoâs fucking you?â he whispers.
âY-youâ you manage.
âMy name,â he lets out a pretty moan that has you silent for a moment in awe.
âR-Rintarou,â you manage. âRintarou! Rin!â His name becomes the only thing you can manage to say, chanting his name as he lowers himself into the plank to drill into you again. He growls your name over your collarbone as your fingers dig into his back, leaving scratches across his broad shoulders, muscles rippling.
âAre you close?â he asks.
You nod, bottom lip locked between your teeth as you feel the coil in your stomach tighten. Your walls flutter, chasing your release, and then Sunaâs thumb moves to your clit to rub at the sensitive bundle of nerves, sending you over the edge. You scream his name, a hand moving to his wrist to stop him from continuing his ministrations. Suna understands as he stops moving his thumb, and slows his pace but doesnât stop fully.
Suna gently flips you so that youâre on your hands and knees, ass stuck out for him. He gently presses your upper back to push your shoulders and cheek into the mattress. âRaise your hips,â he directs. You follow his directions, and his hands gently cup your hips. His cock brushes against your pussy before slowly sinking in. His pace picks up quickly to reach the speed he was at before. His wet sounds of his cock being sucked in by your pussy fills the room, your moans rising in decibel until youâre screaming âRinâ every time he slams into you.
âFuck, Iâm going to cum,â Suna grunts. âCan I come inside?â
âP-please,â you manage to answer.
âFuck, beg me more,â he says.
âF-fill me up, I want your cum, Rin. I want you to cum in my pussy,â you tell him.
He groans and you can feel his cock twitching inside of your walls, painting the inside white with thick spurts of his cream.
He gently lowers your hips to the bed, but stays stuffed inside of you as he rests with you. His upper body is leaning against yours, but most of his weight is still on one of his arms since you canât feel his whole body against you. Suna plants a single sweet kiss on the back of your neck. âI love you, (y/n).â
âI love you too, Rin,â you say. âThank you for being the first to love me.â
Suna pulls out finally to collapse next to you. You turn to face him in the bed. He takes your face with his hand, and kisses you finally. You can taste yourself on his lips still, but you donât care as you kiss him more deeply. âI will always love you,â he says. âAnd I will continue to love you until you understand the true meaning.â
âYou are my true meaning of love, Suna Rintarou.â
End Scene link
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