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barnabasthebarmy · 8 months
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supercut of tony stark, all the stages and the stars, through ages sixteen to twenty-one.
read below or on ao3 here
Tony Stark. Six. Small hands, already calloused. Loves helping mom bake blueberry pie. Loves falling asleep in her arms. Loves building motorcycle engines because it earns him a pat on the shoulder from dad. Hates dinner parties. Would rather be doing algebra. Can never sit still. Eats a pound of candy and stays up until three. Makes Jarvis promise not to tell. The atomic bomb sounds really cool. What does he want to be when he grows up? His dad, obviously.
Tony Stark. Seven. Too long hair, until mom forces him to get it cut. Loves the newly painted red walls in his room - thanks, Jarvis. Loves sitting on mom’s lap as she plays piano. Does not love mom and dad fighting. Names the robots, makes them hats to wear, pretends they’re listening to him when he talks. Wishes his dad would shut up about Captain America. Hates Captain America. Learns integrals. They’re cool. Phillips Academy is not. No red walls here. Everyone is spoiled and uptight and at least six years older than him. Mom laughs and calls him a hypocrite. Misses her. Misses Jarvis. Misses dad.
Tony Stark. Eight. Dirt always under his fingernails. Loves his secret pet mouse - his roommates better not snitch. Loves calling his mom at 2 AM to tell her about the brilliant calculator he coded. She says he needs sleep, his growth will be stunted. Doesn’t care. Robots are way more important than height. Draws rocket designs. Draws mom. Draws dad, but it doesn’t look right, he’s smiling in it. Draws a CPU instead. James Partridge laughs at his jokes and is kind of cool. Has someone to talk to now. Misses home a little less.
Tony Stark. Nine. Still short, still doesn’t sleep. Loves the new music player he gets from Jarvis. Loves the private jet rides home during break, everything looks so small from up here, flying. Kind of loves James. Wins a ton of awards. Gets caught doodling on a library book, rolls his eyes and says to bill his dad for it. Calls everyone a dummy. “Stop acting like you’re better than everyone else, Stark.” Genuinely confused: “but I am.” Needs to play rock music while doing calculus homework or else he gets bored out of his mind. Roommate (annoying prick) complains. Bribes the school to let him room with James instead. Being Tony Stark is awesome. Dad’s away on a trip during all of summer. Mom was dragged with him. Being Tony Stark is awesome only sometimes.
Tony Stark. Ten. Looks more and more like dad, according to mom. Loves when Obie calls him a prodigy. The world is too slow. His brain is too fast, too loud. Calls his english teacher Cucumber because she always picks out the cucumbers in her salads. Calls Christian Edwards Straw because he’s a suck-up. Calls Violet Reynolds Wisteria because her hair looks way more like wisteria than violets. Calls his biology teacher a dumbass because he is one. Spends Christmas alone with Jarvis, again. Starts to not mind so much anymore. Makes Jarvis a stocking, stitches it himself. He’s proud.
Tony Stark. Eleven. Grows three inches. Loves surfing when he’s at the LA house. Loves yelling the Jeopardy answers before the contestants say them. ACDC is cool. So is aerospace engineering. Likes that everyone knows his name and wants to be his friend. Writes illegibly. His e’s look like c’s and his r’s look like i’s. “No mom I don’t want to go take fucking handwriting classes.” “Anthony, please, watch your language.” Way too easily hacks into the school’s grading system to change James’s chemistry grade. Builds a robot that can understand his voice. Calls it Dum-E. Affectionately.
Tony Stark. Twelve. Has a powerful heart-melting smile-and-eyes combination and knows it. Is pissed off about everything. Stops trying to leave voicemails for dad. Watches James graduate. Makes the school’s PA system play Shoot to Thrill instead of the national anthem (they know it’s him, but can’t prove it). Gets Valentines from Merissa Bridges, Lily Allen, and Leslie Rockwell. On his birthday, dad’s at the Pentagon. Calls James. “James, dare me to hack the Pentagon's servers and leave my old man a message.” “Fine.” It takes him three minutes and 18 seconds.
Tony Stark. Thirteen. Blood is 25% Red Bull. Is in dire need of a better lab at school. Fixes Obie’s Lamborghini. Convinces Obie to teach him how to drive it as his reward. Kisses Julianna Moss at a really lame school football game. Sneaks out to Boston almost every weekend. Attends only his Italian literature class because Katy Dawes is in it and she’s really cute. Will bet his entire inheritance he’s the smartest person at this school, teachers included. Alcohol is gross but it helps slow his brain down a bit and allows him to sit still enough to take an exam. Doesn’t want to go to Princeton like his dad did. Visits MIT one time when he sneaks out. The place seems cool.
Tony Stark. Fourteen. Suddenly taller than mom. Wears sunglasses indoors because he plans to eventually code sensors and x-rays into them and needs to get used to it. Has taken and aced every single class offered at this school. Starts throwing out award trophies because there’s no more room for them, especially with his growing collection of robots. Gets head for the first time from Arianna Zhang. Girls are like machines, but are rewarding in a very very different way. Thank god his school is co-ed. Sleeps with Bethany Adams - sophomore, insanely curly brown hair. Goes down on Rachel Mitri - freshman, smells like lavender. Fucks Priya Shah - junior, very sharp nails, can’t remember much else, was probably too drunk. Begs dad to let him leave high school and apply to MIT. Absurdly, dad doesn’t say no.
Tony Stark. Fifteen. Ditches Phillips Academy for good, doesn’t even go to graduation. Hot rods dad’s old Ford. Dad catches him and offers to teach him how to drive it. It’s all really really weird. Tony, in a state of mild panic, talks and talks and talks about his plans for the engine, thinks he catches his dad smiling, and drops the screwdriver he’s holding because he’s so shocked. Is barely listening when his dad scolds him to be more careful. Learns how to drive, really truly drive, thinks it’s the best thing ever, already has plans to boost the horsepower. Asks mom to read over his college essays. Hacks MIT’s admissions office and displays his application across their home website. He gets in.
Tony Stark. Fifteen and a half. Officially an MIT student and embarrassingly excited about it. The lab here is almost as good as the one he has at home and everyone is at least one third as smart as he is. Rooms by himself and can play ACDC as loud as he wants. Overrides the lab’s security and stays there until 4 AM every night. Has almost completed his AI program, temporarily called Second Most Intelligent on Campus (SMIC). Is too busy building and designing to go to parties. The world seems to be keeping up with his brain. For once.
Tony Stark. Sixteen. Sleeps with Samantha Reed, who wakes up completely freaking out. He tries to calm her down, says that it’s only a two year age difference and he was perfectly able to give consent, to absolutely no avail. Gets partnered with James Rhodes for a robotics project and doesn’t feel like this James likes him that much. Calls him Rhodes because James is someone else to him. “Professor, of course I wasn’t smoking in the lab. The lithium iron overpowered and caused a minor explosion and that’s why the fire alarm went off. I’ve got it all handled.”
Tony Stark. Seventeen. Remodels Dum-E so it kind of has a personality, and behaves even more like a real friend. Gets majorly drunk one time and wakes up on the floor of a BU frat house to Rhodes, who isn’t that bad after all. Maybe he does have a real friend now. Tony and Rhodes become Rhodey and Tones, and they graduate MIT. Hugs Rhodey for the first time right before he needs to leave for the military. Doesn’t get a hug from dad. Gets an engineering position at Stark Industries instead.
Tony Stark. Eighteen. Parties so much more now that he doesn’t go to school. It’s fun not thinking about so much all the time. It’s nice being so wanted. But it’s also weird, sometimes, because a lot of the sex is kind of angry. Like they resent him for having everything. Like by fucking him they’re taking something from him.
Tony Stark. Twenty-one. Hands aren’t so small anymore, but still calloused. Wishes he could bake one more blueberry pie with his mom, or fall asleep in her arms again. Wishes he could get another pat on the shoulder from his dad (he built full missile systems. That should warrant way more than a motorcycle engine). Still hates dinner parties. Still can never sit still, without alcohol, anyway. The atomic bomb isn’t that cool in reality. It’s so hard, trying not to cry over his mom, trying to become his dad, trying to grieve death while also causing so much of it at the same time. What did he want to be when he grew up? Probably not this.
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barnabasthebarmy · 1 year
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THIS IS SO NICE OF U R U KIDDING ME <3333 being included in this list along w all these other AMAZING TOP TIER WRITERS is truly UNREAL and honestly i am just, so completely undeserving. but this made me feel insanely happy it’s frankly embarrassing. thank u :,)
Hi :)
Do you have any hinny fic recommendation?
*cracks knuckles* girl do i ever fyi there is no organization here, these are just my fav bookmarks
take what i took and give it back to you by fairytiger
persist and resist the temptation to ask you by @nuatthebeach
unravel me by @narukoibito (WIP)
little sugar men by dopeythedwarf
a circus ain't a love story by @barnabasthebarmy
such a beautiful blank (but smooth it) by pocketfullof & smutty_claus
warm front by flagpoles (@jiilys)
the next day by @clarensjoy
twenty-two days by @brightlybound
savior complex by @hiinnys
heir to nothing but herself & scattering blooms on her watery grave by dirgewithoutmusic
the changeling & the armistice series by @annerbhp
ENJOY!!!
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barnabasthebarmy · 2 years
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we can walk straight through hell (with a smile) chapter 4 - part 2
title: we could walk straight through hell (with a smile)
summary: The titans have won the war, the child of the prophecy was killed, and what remains of the demigod alliance is hidden underground. Many believe that the great prophecy was false, and that another will be revealed in time, but the sudden introduction of a new face throws everything into question all over again.
[pjo+hoo (kinda), retains elements of canon]
percy/annabeth; piper/jason; hazel/frank
word count: 45k+
link: ao3 [part 2 only]
full fic masterpost
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barnabasthebarmy · 2 years
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back w this
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barnabasthebarmy · 2 years
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Tony Stark for GQ magazine - full transcript
You Know Who He Is: Stark Naked
He’s been in charge of one of the world’s biggest companies since he was twenty-one. Now about to turn forty, Tony Stark talks to Sid Franken about redemption, resurrection, and handing over the reins.
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Tony Stark carries with him a gleaming gold and red suitcase.
It remains next to his chair during our entire interview. You might expect he’d be nervous, leaving something so uniquely valuable out of sight, but he never once glances over or reaches down to ensure it’s still there. “Trust me,” he says, following my gaze. “You’ll know if somebody tries to steal it”. He claims it’s obsolete, that he only carries it with him because he’s afraid his CEO will ‘fire’ him if he doesn’t. He picks through his pockets, and pulls out a stick of gum and what looks like a flash drive. It’s monogrammed with the Stark Industries logo and a stylized icon of the Iron Man helmet, gleaming a cool metallic blue in the mid-morning light coming through the conference room window.
Stark looks up from the surface of the table and raises his eyebrows.
“Hope you don’t mind me making my own recording,” he says, not at all asking, and I nod.
Stark, despite no longer being the CEO of the company that facilitated his rise to infamy, is still the head of Stark Research and Development. And he knows an opportunity when he sees it. “There’s a whole line of Iron Man merchandise now, action figures, phones, and of course, this wee baby here.” He taps at the device. “But Pepper says I can’t tell you what it is, because it’s not out yet… and to be honest I kind of like screwing with you.”
Our interview is taking place in the conference facilities of what most New Yorkers will know as the MetLife building, recently acquired by Mr Stark’s company. When I ask him about the motivation behind the purchase, Stark claims ignorance. “Ask Potts, she made the deal. I just signed on the dotted line.” He grins and takes a sip from his stainless steel water bottle. “When that woman tells you to do something, you do it.”
Full transcript below the cut
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barnabasthebarmy · 2 years
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fireworks inside
it returns! / also on ao3
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Lily Evans created the james’ surprise don’t spill the beans 
Lily Evans added Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew, Marlene McKinnon
Lily Evans: planning a surprise party for potter’s 22nd to make up for the shitshow 21st
Marlene McKinnon: what kind of bar even has an aquarium
Sirius Black: it should be fish themed to honour the fallen
Peter Pettigrew: fish costume party??
Lily Evans: cant believe how quickly this was derailed
Lily Evans: there will be no mention of the Aquarium Incident at james party
Sirius Black changed the group name to fish wake/birthday
/
James Potter to Lily Evans: i have made a supreme dinner come home immediately
James Potter: melted cheese on the stove and am dipping things in it
James Potter: currently drinking cheese through a straw this is dining
Lily Evans: on train now and have fancy bread save some cheese
James Potter: would commit several crimes for you and fancy bread
/
James Potter to cast of glee: lets just be lowkey for my birthday this year
Sirius Black: you mean u dont want to kill a bunch of fish by moonwalking into a fishtank again
Remus Lupin: big talk from someone who threw up in the chips bowl during speeches
Peter Pettigrew: actually that was me remus
Sirius Black: yeah at jims 21st i was with evans climbing up a traffic light to put up the birthday banner and getting yelled at by cops. keep up moony
Marlene McKinnon: lupin how could you forget black doing his speech while all those sirens were going 
Remus Lupin: mixed it up with my twentieth when sirius did his toast from the back of a cop car
James Potter: for my birthday sirius isn’t allowed to get arrested
Sirius Black: always limiting me
James Potter: at least not without me
Sirius Black: thats more reasonable
/
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barnabasthebarmy · 2 years
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IM CRYING THIS IS ACTUALLY SO FUNNY. idk why everyone’s pissed off lol obviously it’s not the same as the book but that doesn’t mean it’s AWFUL
GUYS I FOUND THE ORIGINAL SCRIPT FOR THE LIGHTNING THIEF ON THE INTERNET (THE ONE THAT MADE RICK RIORDAN SO ANGRY) AND IT IS GOLD
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barnabasthebarmy · 2 years
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Read Professor(s) Potter Chapter 2 on AO3 or FFN!
In which Lily gets drunk, Dumbledore gets bashed, and James gets most of his moves from Tiktoks of Jack Harlow.
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barnabasthebarmy · 2 years
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wreck my plan, that's my man
summary: In retrospect, (repeatedly) hooking up with her rival- the son of her mom's least favorite god - was not a good idea, especially not when she's vowed to beat him in the hero rankings or die trying.
pairing: percy/annabeth, piper/jason, (will/nico from chapter 2)
word count: 36k+ what's wrong w me
chapter 1: ao3 || ffnet
read this for context about the fic (not entirely accurate but it'll give u a good idea)
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barnabasthebarmy · 2 years
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i was stalking @jiilys one day when i read this and,,, i hate writing bc i think words r a bitch but i somehow was inspired to write this thing anyway. caro’s words r just. magic. i guess.
https://archiveofourown.org/works/36183622
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barnabasthebarmy · 2 years
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universes < lily
A/N: padfootdidit HAPPY BIRTHDAY RHIANNON I LOVE YOU V MUCH AND IM SO SORRY THIS ISN’T BETTER BUT I HAVE AN ACCOUNTING EXAM THAT I MUST STUDY FOR BUT I LOVE YOU WIFE HAPPY BIRTHDAY BAE 
///
He is their favourite teacher. He knows it. Mr Potter, with his loud laugh and lazy stroll. He lets you eat in class. He doesn’t care if you accidentally mix up a name on your chart. The stars are not here for humans to map them he will say. Mr Potter will give you a break on that assignment. Mr Potter won’t give out detentions. Mr Potter will laugh and your jokes and make his own. Mr Potter is the best, the ultimate, the dream teacher. Mr Potter loves his students and his job.
And Mr Potter knows that this is  wrong.
That’s the worst part, is that he knows. He’s not stupid and nether is she, they just can’t help themselves. He sort of aches for her, and if Sirius heard him say that he would laugh. Then again if Sirius heard he was fucking a student he would shut up pretty fast.
He can’t stop looking at her during class. The way she taps her fingers on the desk, the tendrils of hair that fall from her ponytail and the ink on her left ring finger. He just can’t help himself. Students have to shove their star charts right under his nose before he even registers they are there. Mr Potter they say Mr Potter are you alright?
 Mr Potter? She says, looking up. Yes, Miss Evans you say back. I don’t think I’ve got my telescope in the right position and she isn’t looking at him, just fiddling with the stand. They both know she’s fixed it perfectly, that she always does, but he goes over anyway. Its madness, insanity, but he will stand here and ‘adjust’ her telescope for fifteen minutes just to feel her legs against his own.
 This is wrong he had said the third night she came into his room. This is going to stop he had said. He had really meant it to, really thought that that was going to be the last night, like he had any control over it.
Yes she had said. And then they were in his bed and he didn’t know how they got there.
Some days they just don’t leave. On weekends when it’s raining and he has food they will just lock the door. They play gobstones and she loses because she’s terrible so they just end up throwing them at each other. She tries to show him how to play the muggle game ’go fish’ and he gets so many paper cuts it’s unbelievable. She doodles on his arms with ink and smiles slightly while he talks.
 When teachers and students ask him who drew the stags on his arms his stomach falls out, because what if someone realises. What if a kid from her Defence class remembers her Patronus and puts it together? What if someone sees the PRONGS EATS that Sirius had written on his telescope bag and gets suspicious? What if a teacher has been watching her sneak in at night? What if someone has seen?  
 He goes home and scrubs his arms until they are raw.
Often he cannot believe what he is doing. He will be sitting in class, and then be bowled over by the fact that he is sleeping with the girl in second row of his seventh year astronomy class what the fuck is he doing.
Lily we can’t keep doing this he pulls her from class and keeps holding her wrist as they stand in the corridor. Lily this is my job, Lily I can’t lose my job he is almost begging her to do something because he can’t, he is not strong enough.
James its fine she is holding his face in her hands. James, she is looking straight into his eye. James it will be okay. It will.
 He lets her hug him right there and when she comes over that night they just sit on the couch. She eats Honeydukes Finest that he’s been saving for his forth years and leans against his chest. She talks about her sister and her fucking pompous arse of a boyfriend while she stains her couch with chocolate stains. He fiddles with her fingers and tells her about the time he and Sirius painted a rainbow on the Hogwarts front door and told everyone McGonagall cried when she saw it because it was so good. Surely it cannot be bad when it is like this. Surely they are not making a mistake.
Often he imagines telling seventeen year old him what twenty-three year old him is doing now. Seventeen year old him would probably laugh, smug little shit, because there would be no way he would even think about doing what he’s doing now. Seventeen year old little shit James Potter would think that it is all some joke, because who cared about girls compared to stars? Stars were magic. Stars were stars. Seventeen year old smug little shit James Potter would give up girls and sex and everything for the stars. Being able to teach about stars? What more could anyone want? Seventeen year old smug little shit James Potter didn’t understand how people could sleep at night when they could be looking up at stars. Seventeen year old smug little shit James Potter didn’t understand how any human could possibly compare.
Twenty-three year old James Potter rather wants to punch Seventeen year old James Potter for being such a judgemental prick, if he’s being honest.
She’s sitting on his table and swinging her legs after class, Lily someone will see he says and her name is a sparkler in his mouth. His teeth are on fire and it is delicious. Fuck that she says and pulls his tie off, wrapping it around her own porcelain neck and striking a pose Do I look fabulous she asks. Always he says back and kisses her before he can change his mind.
She keeps shoes in his closet. Her stockings are still under his bed. The Herbology book she left is still on his night stand. When he’s doing his teeth in the bathroom he thinks of her and cannot stop smiling, getting white foam all over the sink. Shit. How did he let this happen?
 I’m sleeping with a student he blurts out to Remus when they’re sitting in the deserted bar waiting for the others. Remus’s eyebrows shoot up so fast it’s a wonder they’re still attached to his head. What, James? He splutters, spilling beer down his front, You’re doing what?
I’m kidding he says, thumping Remus on the back, I’m kidding mate, I’m not really. Half of Remus’s beer is on his front, Thank Merlin Moony says, relieved and whipping his front, shit James if you had, that would have been… he takes a sip of his almost empty drink, bad he finishes.
Yeah he laughs with him. Yeah it would have been Moony. He gets up and goes to the bathroom, then throws up in the toilet. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck and he can’t stop thinking about Lily standing the headmasters office getting expelled and not finishing school and him packing his bags and leaving his astronomy tower and the job he had dreamed of having since he was ten and fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck what is h a p p e n i n g this has to s t o p.
 But that night she comes over and she is crying. Her sister is not inviting her to her wedding. She will have to stay at home while her sister gets married. She is sobbing into his neck and he is holding her up. Lily it’s okay he whispers into her hair Lily when your sister gets married we will break into the wedding and eat all the cake. Lily when we break into the wedding we will skip down the aisle in front of them and make them mad. Lily when we break into the wedding you and I will take up all the room on the dance floor and when we leave we will steal all their presents. She is laughing a little now, and his stomach is loosening and he cannot give this up he just can’t because that laugh is hitting his nerves like an electric shock and suddenly he is all lit up like an neon sign in a muggle city.
She keeps biting her lip in class, chewing on it like a toffee and he has to ask her to stop because whenever she does it makes his knees give out a little. She laughs at this and bares her teeth at him. I am your weakness she trills, prancing round the classroom at two a.m. in her bra, I am the great James Potter’s weakness. I have conquered him she is laughing and he is laughing and then he is kissing across her collar bone and the freckles on her knees are touching his own and turning his bones fuchsia.
He doesn’t not know who tells. Maybe it was Professor Marcy, who had the room next to his and was confused at why he was always talking to himself at night. Maybe it was Annabel Zhang, who always seemed overly interested in why he was always so tired. Maybe it was Elliot Nash, who caught him doodling her initials onto scrap paper and didn’t believe his lie. Maybe it was himself. Maybe he just blurted it out one day in the staff room because it was burning his core. All he knows is that he is sitting in the headmaster’s office and the man who smiled when he hired him is now looking at him with disgust.
How could you do this, James he is asking, you are throwing everything away on a seventeen year old girl. Why? And he is sitting there, fully ready to deny deny deny and say the of course not’s and he would never’s that are sitting on his tongue and then he realises he can’t. He cannot do it. He cannot say that she means nothing because that wold be like cutting off his ankles. Seventeen year old James Potter thought that stars meant everything because he had never met Lily Evans. Twenty-three year old James Potter would give up the stars, the sky, his telescope, the sword of Gryffindor, teaching, the world, and the sun. He would give up universes for her. For freckled knees and stealing her sister’s wedding presents.
Fuck everything he says, standing up. I want something more.
 (They buy the house six months later. It is small with a yellow roof and Lily paints all the walls green and red with paint she found for free outside someone’s house. James hangs posters on the roof and exhausts himself trying to move in the fridge while Lily laughs and flicks paint on his face. At night they eat Honeydukes Finest sitting on the ground and taking turns to look through the telescope. Lily looks at the stars. James looks at her. Because look. Look how brightly she shines)  
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barnabasthebarmy · 2 years
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to the bone, to the marrow
my late contribution to @hpshipweeks. forgive me, i am after all, terrible. 
She sits behind him in geography, throwing paper planes at the front and generally being an obnoxious asshole. He can feel her staring at the back of his neck, hairs standing up on end, like someone’s just poured water down his shirt. He raises his middle finger backwards without looking.
“Oh Evans, don’t be like that, you’ll hurt Potters feelings” Black is triumphant, leaning back in her chair and everyone is looking now, because she’s Sarah Black and they’d listen if she told them about the history of the duvet.
“Fuck off.” Liam says, and beside him Sav grins into her hand. Flitwick drops his whiteboard marker.
“Hey Evans” Potter waits until he turns around and then leans forward, like this is a dare, a delicious thing to savour, “go out with me.” Ruby Lupin groans, and lets her head drop onto the desk.
Liam’s knuckles are white over the back of his chair. “I’d rather have Slughorn blow me.” Flitwick blanches, then gives the entire back row detention. By lunch it’s all over school that Liam Evans and Jane Potter got into it again in class and god aren’t they interesting? Aren’t they just the best show in the world?  
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barnabasthebarmy · 2 years
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muggle high school genderswap lets go
jane potter doesn’t eat bell peppers and isn’t allowed on school grounds without supervision
sarah black speeds on the motorway but nowhere else and legally isn’t allowed to be counted as jane potter’s supervision
ruby lupin is tall like a lamppost, is also nicknamed lamppost
piper pettigrew has a pet hamster and eats a lot of pretzels and, like, totally was paying attention actually
Once at fourteen sarah dared ruby to eat fourteen apples and ruby did but then vomited in the school pool so Sarah tried to get out of paying her the £30
liam evans and jane potter are friends in that strange way where they used to hate each other but can now no longer seem to manage it
Jane put a large fountain in slughorns car every Wednesday for three months including the six weeks where he left it at home and walked to work
piper doesn’t know her locker combination but everyone else does so that’s where they keep their weed
liam scores all jane’s soccer matches and after every goal she points at him and winks and then there is a five-minute time-out bc he refuses to count the goal
Ruby and Sarah often watch Nicholas Sparks movies but only to take a shot every time it sucks
liam’s nickname for jane is ‘grubby’ because her glasses always are
Piper doesn’t eat gluten, not because she has an allergy, she just doesn’t like it
Often when sarah’s been at parties in liam’s neighbourhood she’ll turn up on his porch, blind drunk, and he lets her sleep in his bed
ruby suggests starting a band one lunchtime but by the end of it they’ve had to disband because Sarah wouldn’t stop suggesting they cover ‘Gasolina’
At lunch: piper eating a biscuit, ruby biting an apple with her computer on her lap and demanding Sarah not spoil Game of Thrones, jane sitting atop the picnic table laughing at something across the field, sarah lying across the tabletop and loudly spoiling Game of Thrones
Across the field: liam, half-heartedly climbing a tree with his laces tied together, bitching under his breath, a junior looks up at him- concerned. ‘lost a bet’ liam confesses, enthusiastically giving jane the finger.
Playing would you rather and apparently Ruby would rather be made of rasins than call anyone back promptly  
Drinking at piper’s house while they’re all in bikinis for no particular reason and Liam is finding it unimaginably hard not to look at Jane for longer than is allowed  
‘you look nice’ a boy says to Ruby in the hallway and Sarah appears, flashing teeth, proclaiming ‘shes always looked like that sean’ before stealing Ruby’s math homework
every year Piper gets an array of pipe cleaners for her birthday
a long weekend where everyone who is supposed to stay goes away and its just Liam and Jane in a hot car, arguing about Doritos, shoes off, light through the windshield, laughing about a great many things
say anything sarah black doesn’t like and she’ll eat you whole and/or put dog shit in your locker and not get caught
late night four-way skype calls where Ruby threatens to hang up fourteen times and piper leaves for forty minutes to go make brownies and jane asking, in a dressing gown eight sizes too big for her and with her face only illuminated by the screen: ‘you guys didn’t do the geo homework either right’
jane in a fight, blood on her knuckles, roaring, averys fist slamming again again again into her jaw and sarah is somewhere far from here but liam is abruptly right in front of her, hands on her face, saying her name, saying her name
‘miss black so help me GOD if I see ONE MORE piece of GUM enter your MOUTH I will make you LEAVE this class-  MISS BLACK THAT WAS NOT AN INVITATION’
rubys catchphrase alternates between ‘get fucked’ and ‘that is not a sauce’
liam’s drunk and calls jane and slurs ‘wha- what if the wor-ld really was flat.. and we just,’ he grasps for a few seconds, ‘whoosh’ he says.
‘then the world would be pretty fucking cool’ jane says, because she always knows exactly what he means  
piper, ruby, sarah on jane’s roof trying to pull a prank only sarah falls through the skylight and has to get thirty-seven stiches and while in the waiting room piper breaks the vending machine and liam falls asleep
rubys dog is called brussels and they all love him and he likes to go for long walks
sarah, on the phone to jane about evans: ‘hes so fucking awful’
jane: ‘yeah’
sarah: ‘hes exactly our thing’
jane: ‘god yeah, goes without saying’
liam and jane kiss one day but no one can quite remember when and then they just keep doing it and one day when they’re twenty-four he comes home and she’s got a tea towel wrapped around her thumb and has hoisted it above her head because she’s cut herself trying to slice onions and she’s talking a mile a minute about how their banks customer service sucks while in sarah’s top and ruby’s skirt and they absolutely do not match and this,
this is the part where it’s love  
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barnabasthebarmy · 2 years
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quick fire
read on ao3
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The thing was, they weren’t married. They talked about it and then shrugged it off for later, because they had stuff on, because Mrs Weasley teared up even at the mention of an engagement, and mainly because it wasn’t worth the press. On Harry’s twenty-first birthday The Prophet had run a 5-page spread, summarising his life and accomplishments and attempting to interview anyone he’d even passingly interacted with. They’d printed their phone call with the Dursley’s in full, expletives censored.  
When Ron and Hermione got married, 23 and beaming, they’d had to put so many privacy enchantments over the place that when Hagrid wandered out to find a bathroom he’d found himself magically apparated to the French country-side and missed speeches. However, The Prophet only did a three-page spread on the ceremony and managed to hold off referring to Harry as ‘The Chosen One’ until paragraph two, which as Ron pointed out, was something like progress. 
Even apart from the press stuff, weddings were always strange mix of brilliant and sad. At George and Angelina’s, George’s best man’s chair had sat empty, and at Percy’s Andromeda had held a squirming Teddy until late at the back of the reception, exhausted, half-crying, the moon huge behind her.
But then, always, there was the great stuff, Mr Weasley grilling Mr. Granger about how to unclog a drain, Luna wearing something absolutely insane and trying to explain it to an uncomfortable Percy, George’s speeches, Victorie’s outfits. And then, you know, love and that. When Ron and Hermione had gotten married, and everyone cried so much during the ceremony Ron said later it seemed like it was a funeral – even though he was also crying, Bill would point out. 
Anyway– the point was, they weren’t married. They would get to it later. Which was all fine, only then they got sloppy. 
Keep reading
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barnabasthebarmy · 2 years
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it was this: blue falling asleep on gansey’s bed, and gansey, miraculously, falling asleep too, because he doesn’t need that phone call when she’s right there next to him.
it was this: midnight, lying on the grass, and blue not even bothering to look up at the sky because she sees the stars perfectly fine in gansey’s eyes.
it was this: gansey’s nice eyes, nice hair, nice laugh. nice hands and even nicer mouth and blue finally getting to have them on her.
it was this: feeling known, feeling present, feeling warm, vibrant, alive.
it was this: “i love you an awful lot, blue sargent.”
it was something more.
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barnabasthebarmy · 2 years
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Lily Evans is thirty years old, single, and racing a blizzard to get home for Christmas when James Potter crashes into her life. Literally.
This holiday one-shot is brought to you by the trope mashup game: 56. Awful First Meeting + 74. Huddling for Warmth / 75. Bed Sharing + whatever other grab bag of tropes I could squeeze in. I'm forever indebted to the anon who sent in that ask, because this fic is my new personal favorite. Rated E to be safe, but it's closer to the M side. Enjoy! ❄️🤍❄️
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Read on AO3 | FFN.
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barnabasthebarmy · 3 years
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The boy, he dies at the end.
He’s written the spoiler right on the first page, like a shit, and he’s ghastly. He really is. Only- of course he isn’t. Quite the opposite. She uses the book to hit him in the chest. He laughs.
You’re the worst gift giver in the world, she informs him. He waggles his eyebrows, and she’d kiss him if Sirius wasn’t here. You two should kiss, Sirius says through a mouthful of crisps, looking on with mild interest. James shoves him sideways and then does, in fact, kiss her. He tastes like tea and mint.
The boys wear party hats all round London. Remus has five coffees, Peter loses his scarf to the wind and Sirius throws away a twenty pound note because he thought it was a very poorly made napkin. It might just be the best birthday she’s ever had.
Naturally she can never tell James this because he’ll just be unbearably smug, as opposed to the bearable level of smug he is normally. He buys her an ice block and then precedes to rip into her for picking lemonade flavor, which he has been told by Remus is the ‘most basic’.
Pathetic Lily, truly embarrassing, he says, and she reaches up and snaps the string of his party hat. Being eighteen feels no different to being seventeen, still being told by a choking James that she’d just ‘broken his throat’, still laughing when Remus says that it’s probably a blessing, still liking them all an inordinate amount.
Afterwards they go home, the two of them, back to the tiny apartment where they eat and sleep and make breakfast. When they’d moved in she’d used James’ wand to flick all the dead moths off the windowsill and to get her back he froze hers in ice. Sometimes when she can’t sleep and her brain is a blank wall she’ll get up, walk around, breathe. She can look at any surface of their place and think here. I kissed you here. I loved you here.
She goes through the door and there is a cake on their bench. The top slants to the left, lopsided, and the icing has melted all down the sides. She freezes, staring. James bounds past her and tries to prop up a drooping candle. I didn’t know you weren’t supposed to ice it while it was still hot, he confesses, guiltily.
She keeps staring. You made me a cake. She says, fumbling around the words. I don’t know if you can still call it that, he says, distracted, trying to even out the slanting top by shifting the icing. She cannot believe him- waking up early just to make her a cake. Her heart is swollen. She could break a rib.
Happy birthday Li- he starts, but she has surged forward and is kissing him instead. His hands are sticky from icing, on her face and jaw and neck and he made her a cake. In this kitchen, in this apartment, in her space, he was here. There has never been a better boy than hers, and here. She loves him here.
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