batfam-imagines

[batfam-imagines]

Okay are you taking Batmom requests? Cuz I have this absolutely hilarious idea.Blind Batmom gets taken into questioning cuz she "witnessed" a crime. The 2 officers are newbies not knowing she's Bruce's Wife, but Gordan and the others do. There's a line in my head that keeps playing.

Officer: Tell us what you saw!

Batmom: Fine you want to know? *takes off shades* Im blind ya asshole.

Gordan: *laughing his ass off*

“Hey, Gordon! Did ya see who the rookies have in Interrogation room 3?”

“The new kids already dragged some poor guy in?” Gordan quickly stood from his desk, following the group of officers heading to the interrogation viewing.

“Oh you’re gonna love this, Commissioner. But you might wanna call whatever lawyers GCPD has on retainer for the rookies. Her family’s gonna be pissed about this.”

Jim paused, his hand on the doorknob, “Shit.”

Inside the room the two new officers are sitting across from a smartly dressed woman who’s wearing sunglasses and a large dog that’s lying beside her.

Rookie #1, obviously tired of playing nice, slams his hand on the metal table and jabs a finger at the woman, “Just tell us what you saw!”

“Listen, ma’am, we just want to know what happened last night. You are the only witness left who could have seen Batman’s identity. We have several reports that his mask was compromised during the fight. Everyone at GCPD would be grateful if you could tell us anything you saw.”

The woman lets out a harsh breath, “Fine, you want to know?” She pulls her sunglasses of, revealing acid burn scars around both eyes, “I’m blind ya assholes, I didn’t see shit.”

Gordon lets out a barking laugh, doubling over, “Get those assholes out’a there before they get the whole department shut down!”

Once he’s alone in the observation room, Gordon lets out a harsh breath, “Damn rookies. How the hell am I gonna explain this to her kids?”

#batmom imagine #batmom #batfam imagine #batfamily #batfam headcanons #jim gordon

[batfam-imagines]

Bruce: What does Damian want this time?

Dick: A fifty-dollar squirt gun.

Bruce: A fifty-dollar squirt gun? No really, what does he want?

Damian: Father, we're not talking an ordinary squirt gun. We're talking the Hydrosat 3000Z.

Bruce: That's nice, son. Pretty steep ask though, maybe for the holidays.

Damian: Hey great, a water gun in December. I'll be the little boy spreading pneumonia.

[batfam-imagines]

Damian: If Drake and I were both drowning, who would you save?

Bruce: I don't know, both of you?

Damian: No, you could only save one of us.

Bruce: Well, I would probably save Tim because he can't swim that well and I happen to know you're an excellent swimmer.

Damian: Suppose I was holding an anchor. Who would you save then?

Bruce: Well, why don't you let go of the anchor?

Damian: It's a family heirloom.

Bruce: I'm leaving.

[batfam-imagines]

Tim: You know archaic Latin? Jason: I got bored with classical Latin. Tim: You know normal Latin? Jason: Yeah someone from my knitting club taught me. Tim: YOU HAVE A KNITTING CLUB? Jason: You don't know everything about me Replacement. Now do you want a sweater or a scarf?

[batfam-imagines]

POV - your son gives you an energy drink

(it's banned everywhere except Gotham )

for @frownyalfred's post here !

[batfam-imagines]

for real though, I like to headcanon that Jason swings by the Cave occasionally with the newest, grossest energy drink he can find to try and get Bruce to drink anything other than coffee.

Bruce holds a bubble gum energy drink up to the light, squints at it, and says, with explicit disapproval, “This is going to give you liver failure eventually.” Jason is like “Right, but it makes you go FAST, Bruce.”

[batfam-imagines]

the batkids get Bruce some combination of horrifically drunk and high on Ivy’s pollen or something one night after a mission and they ask him the hottest question currently across all the leagues — how many JL members he’s slept with — thinking it’ll be something like two or three.

Bruce is facedown on the table and slowly puts up a hand. A full hand. Gasps around the room. The gasps turn into choking as the second slowly joins the first, slowly opening one by one like he had to count.

[batfam-imagines]

the weather's been so bad for most of the summer over here, i live my dreams of beach days through this

[batfam-imagines]

pathetic wet meow meow from my fic an unplanned detour straight down

[batfam-imagines]

Concept: The Gotham Citizen app has a forum for posting candid photos of vigilantes and there’s an ongoing phenomenon where photos of Tim are impossibly gorgeous no matter the angle and photos of Dick (one of the most beautiful people in the entire world) look like when you take high-speed photos of Olympic athletes mid-sport

[batfam-imagines]

Bruce: Honey? Are you still mad?

Batmom: *gives him the silent treatment*

Bruce: Come on now, sweetheart. I know you're upset-

Batmom: UPSET!?! Upset doesn't even scratch the surface on how I'm feeling!

Bruce: and I understand that but I think you overreacting about what hap-

Batmom: DICK HAS A BROKEN ARM AND WAS BLEEDING EARLIER! YOU REALLY THINK IM OVERREACTING!!!

Dick,watching batmom tear Bruce a new one,: is Bruce sleeping on the couch again Alfred?

Alfred: I believe so,master Richard

Dick:does that also mean I got to be careful for awhile til she calms down?

Alfred: I believe so, master Richard.

[batfam-imagines]

Jason: It’s nice to be wanted, you know? Dick: Not by the law!

[batfam-imagines]

Bruce, to Talia about Jason: … my son—

Talia, interrupting: our son.

Bruce: …

[batfam-imagines]

👞x 🐦x 4

(extra)

[batfam-imagines]

[batfam-imagines]

“There are three separate complaints that you held up traffic to pet a cat,” said Dick, flashing his phone screen in Damian’s direction. Damian didn’t look up from his book, which was about what Tim expected. They’d gotten this far without a reaction.

“I wanted to pet the cat,” Damian said, calmly turning a page.

“You have a cat,” Tim reminded him.

“I don’t have that cat. It was orange.”

“You’re right, it all makes sense now.” 

Damian rolled his eyes as expressively as he could without taking his face out of his novel. It was good enough for Tim to get the picture, so he turned back to Dick, who was still scrolling through Twitter. 

“I heard Nightwing say that Robin’s grounded again,” Dick read, “but the kid is definitely perched on my balcony right now, so #imtellingbatman.” He shot Damian a look. “I’m shocked.” 

“When was that?”

“April seventeenth.”

Damian nodded, half-smirking. “He doesn’t read them, then. He never noticed I was gone.”

“I don’t know,” said Tim. “That could be what he wants us to think. You sneak out, what, twice a week? Enforcing a curfew once isn’t worth burning a source.”

“True,” said Damian, considering it.

“Unless he wanted to use it as a deterrent system,” Dick put in. “Not that possible consequences have ever actually deterred us. For example…” He frowned down at his phone. “Never mind, this one isn’t about you.”

Dick sighed, turning to Jason instead. “It says you blew up a dumpster?”

“Yep.”

“Why?”

“Business,” Jason shrugged. “Mind your own.”

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[batfam-imagines]

😞🤚 Self insert oc

😌👉 Insert my pet