batmansexual

[batmansexual]

if u ever find a genie and you’re really craving a dessert that looks like this:

do NOT say “i’d like a lifetime supply of raspberry crowns”

while this is, in fact, the name of the pastry, it’s ALSO the name of a species of wasp for some reason. the genie, being a nasty trickster, will no doubt give you a bunch of wasps.

[batmansexual]

Source 

[batmansexual]

This is the money pentacle. Reblog and unexpected money will come to you!

[batmansexual]

Being able to endure something does not equal an obligation to withstand it.

[batmansexual]

dont support industries that are driving animals to extinction thank you!

[batmansexual]

octopus kites [src]

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I need to be the hottest person at the grocery store

[batmansexual]

working in retail

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The reason I stay up late is because I don’t want my free time to end and tomorrow to start

[batmansexual]

“Girls want a Superman, but they walk past a Clark Kent every day”

You fuckin CLOWNS think you’re a CLARK KENT? Not on my fuckin watch. You dumb, headass motherfuckers are barely a Guy Gardner and you think you’re a CLARK KENT? The amount of disrespect is unreal.

#that guy gardener burn is tops

[batmansexual]

Sometimes I make a drink to have in hand when my food delivery person comes so they dont judge me for being too lazy to go pick up food.

I'd rather them think I'm being responsible not drinking and driving.

#thats me #thought id share #personal

[batmansexual]

I’ll never not be amused by the fact that I can drop the words “crucifix nail nipples” into a conversation and some of you who have been with me since the livejournal days will join me in the flashbacks, screaming and crying all the way.

[batmansexual]

From @sarperduman: “All my cats love music" #twitterweek #catsofinstagram [source: http://ift.tt/2E70MUC ]

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#and a paycheck to cover it

[batmansexual]

What the fuck kind of magical curse did I incur to get this twice now? Let me tell you something, I've had more break downs, break ins, and tire issues with this car than I'm sure most people. I dont even live in a bad area in my neighborhood you can still keep the fucking doors unlocked without worry. This is from going down into the city. Literally fuck Detroit and Warren and all the surrounding areas. If I by some miracle catch whoever did this I will bash in your goddamn skull and force feed you your own dick!

#detroit #I hate michigan #car thieves #fuck this I'm done

[batmansexual]

Me: *shows basic human decency to cashier

Cashier: ??!?! Thank you! You’re the nicest person ever!

Me: are you ok

[batmansexual]

the part of adulthood that nobody prepared me for was how some nights you’re like “yknow what? i’m in the mood to cook a full 12-course meal for myself” and other nights you’re like “tortilla chips are basically an entire meal it’s fine”

#i'm mostly the chips #but yeah I feel you