batsoffthewalls

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Dick: there are three ways to handle a difficult situation. The right way, the wrong way and the jason way

Damian: isn't that just the wrong way?

Dick: yes but it's faster

#batfamily #incorrect quotes #batfam #dc #batfam incorrect quotes #dick grayson #damian wayne #jason todd #nightwing #red hood #robin #batman #dc incorrect quotes

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*while waiting outside the principle's office*

Damian: what are you in for?

Jon: Oh, they just want to know if it’s cool if I miss my classes tomorrow to run sound and lights for a presentation in the auditorium. What about you?

Damian: i stabbed a kid with a screwdriver

Jon:

Damian:

Damian: we live very different lives

Jon: yes we do

#batfamily #incorrect quotes #batfam #dc #batfam incorrect quotes #dc incorrect quotes #damian wayne #jonathan kent #robin #batman

[batsoffthewalls]

Damian: *trying to buy a Father's Day card at Hallmark*

Damian: Excuse me, do you have any that just says "You are my dad?

Associate: well, i-

Damian: How about "You banged my mom?"

Associate: No...

Damian: You know what, I'll just get a blank one.

Damian: *writes* You are a father, Bruce. This is a day. Here is a card.

#batfamily #incorrect quotes #batfam #batfam incorrect quotes #dc incorrect quotes #dc #batman #bruce wayne #damian wayne #pov: damian after he found out who his father was

[batsoffthewalls]

Jason: You treat an outside wound with rubbing alcohol. You treat an inside wound with drinking alcohol

Dick: That is a horrible thing to live by!

#batfamily #incorrect quotes #batfam #dc #batfam incorrect quotes #dc incorrect quotes #jason todd #dick grayson #red hood #nightwing #batman

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Duke: Dick you look deep in thought. What's wrong?

Dick: did you know you can look at any object and know what it's like to lick it? Even if you've never touched it before?

Duke: i'm never asking you anything ever again

#batfamily #incorrect quotes #batfam #dc #batfam incorrect quotes #dc incorrect quotes #duke thomas #dick grayson #batman

[batsoffthewalls]

Tim: can i ask a dumb question?

Stephanie: better than anyone i know

#batfamily #incorrect quotes #batfam #dc #batfam incorrect quotes #dc incorrect quotes #tim drake #stephanie brown #batman #red robin #spoiler

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Jason: people tell me i have a unique way of lightning up a room

Cass: it's called arson and those people are called witnesses

#batfamily #incorrect quotes #dc #batfam #dc incorrect quotes #batfam incorrect quotes #jason todd #cassandra cain #batman #red hood #black bat

[batsoffthewalls]

Jason: don't joke about murder, i was murdered once and it offends me

#batfamily #incorrect quotes #batfam #dc #batfam incorrect quotes #dc incorrect quotes #jason todd #red hood #*cue jason being the first one to joke about it*

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*bullying prevention day at school*

Teacher: Damian, what would you do if one of your classmates viciously teased you again and again?

Damian: Oh, that’s easy. I’d take a pencil out of my pencil case—

Teacher: To write something to your teacher?

Damian: —make sure that it’s really sharp, and ram it into their eye at full tilt! My mom always says the pencil is mightier than the sword because they can’t outlaw bringing pencils to school!

Teacher: *internal screaming*

#batfamily #incorrect quotes #batfam #dc #batfam incorrect quotes #dc incorrect quotes #damian wayne #talia al ghul #batman #robin #i can actually hear him say that to his teacher #alternative to this jason could also have beem the one to have told him that for sure

[batsoffthewalls]

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!🎉

#new year #new years eve #nye #not batfam related

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Bruce doesn't count because it is just gross.

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I think it’d be really funny to play with timelines just enough so that Jason, after dying and undying or whatever, comes back to Gotham only to see not only Batman having gained like four more kids, but at least half the justice league have a bunch more kids as well.

Batman’s adoption problem isn’t just genetic, it’s contagious and there are so many time travel/dimension shenanigans to work through here, as well as an unsettling number of secret bio kids, and Jason is one more “wait, where did they come from” away from tearing out his hair so he finally decides the rest of his plan can wait. He needs answers.

He’s not going to go ask Batman for anything, obviously, so someone else will have to do. There are many great potential options here, but my pick? Hal Jordan.

Just Jason going to Hal because Batman would never look for him there and Hal wondering how he went from discovering Gotham’s Red Hood in his kitchen to explaining the family structures of the entire Justice League to Batman’s not-so-dead son.

[batsoffthewalls]

wait people actually didn’t know Jason killed people? I thought that was a joke

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DC Comics Incorrect Quotes Pt 99

[After Alfred left his wealth to Dick]

Dick: You all get something, so fire away.

Tim: Dick, your friendship is gift enough for me.

Damian: Friendship is crap. I want a Ducati Monster 821.

Dick: Alright, Damian gets a motorcycle.

Jason: Oh cool, I want a fast sports car.

Dick: Come on, you can be honest.

Jason: I want old, expensive books. I'll send you a list.

Dick: There you go.

[batsoffthewalls]

I never really wanted the heroes to be in this but I thought this time it would be funny. You may or may not see them again idk yet

Part 6

[batsoffthewalls]

It would be hilarious if villains loved Nightwing and were terrified of Officer Dick Grayson.

Dick Grayson- who is used to open spaces and adrenaline- being stuck in a boring bleak office, surviving on shots of coffee and red bull with caffeine that would make Tim concerned.

The thugs soon realised that unlike most of the other cops - Dick was from Gotham.

No one fucks with Gothamites.

Villain *shooting at Dick with machine guns*

Dick *appearing from the shadows behind him*: Boo.

Villain: THIS IS A FIVE STOREY BUILDING HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET HERE

Or

Thief *throwing a counting down bomb at Dick*

Dick: *catching and tossing the bomb at a safe distance before turning round and shooting it so it explodes mid air while running after thief*

Thief: .. what the actual fuck

Dick: Gee look at all that time you had! Shame you threw it away :D

Thief:

Dick: I’m from Gotham

Thief *realising they fucked up* : Please don’t steal my bones

OR

Shooter: *sets elaborate booby traps throughout the houses in an active hostage situation*

Dick *using his training as robin and inhuman flexibility to surpass them with ease*: Ah been a while since I got to have a nice stretch thank you.

Shooter:

Dick:

Shooter:

Dick: .. Hi :)

Shooter: Are you Satan?

AND

In interrogation room

Murderer: I think I’ll take your eyes and add them to my collection

Dick *running on spite and caffeine that could give Superman a sugar rush* : Funny.. I was going to say the same thing to you

Murderer: .. what

Dick: I wouldn’t take your eyes though.. they look like the inspiration behind the whole Medusa’s “look at it and you turn to stone” thing-

Murderer: Hey! Take that back before I gut you

Dick *smile stretching wider without blinking* : oh? Or what? I know everything about you. Who says I can’t kill you and walk out with everyone being none the wiser? I know how to kill someone too..you aren’t special.

Murderer:

Murderer: I’m scared for my safety.

Because the thing is, Nightwing is who Dick really is. It’s who he can be free as, be himself as without red tapes and regulations. Where he can give as good as he gets, and he’s kind and empathetic. He gets to help the downtrodden and goes easy on most of them if they give up right away, not to mention the fact that he never causes permanent damage.

But officer Dick Grayson is a different story. He runs on sleepless nights and no self preservation. Seeing an officer with an uncanny skill set they’re scarily good at, not to mention the cheery attitude he always has scares the shit out of criminals. Cuz no way in hell is a smiling Gothamite not a deranged one. He chases crimes like a bloodhound, and isn’t afraid to make good on threats he makes to ensure they never hurt anyone again.

Bonus if the batfam doesn’t know about this.

Red hood: Shit I can’t believe we ended up in Bludhaven

Red Robin *tying up the corrupt politican* : Since this is a sensitive case, we need someone we can trust to make sure it is seen through.

Red hood: .. So we paying a visit to Officer Grayson?

Politician *screeching* : NO NO NO NO! PLEASE NOT HIM!! JUST KILL ME INSTEAD AND TAKE ALL MY MONEY I CANT DEAL WITH HIM!

Red hood: .. is he fucking serious?

Henchmen: Sir he is. And we agree. Please take our bones and kill us but don’t take us to Officer Grayson.

Red Robin: Wait what did he do?

Henchman 1: He asked boss if the hat was sentient.. and said that if it was would it make that hat the top and boss the bottom.

Henchman 2: Last time we met I tried to shoot him but suddenly my gun was blank and he raised his hand and let the ammo drop

Red Hood: Well even I could do that-

Henchman 2: They were my bullets. I had selected the colour personally.

Red robin *growing concerned*

Henchman 3: He sang a lullaby to a child when we were holding the station hostage, and replaced the people with my family members. He even sang their social security numbers!

Henchman 4: He’s the most dangerous of them all. I ain’t shitting ya when I say he’s as scary as the bat from Gotham.

*all nodding in agreement*

Red hood:

Red Robin:

Red hood: Nah that doesn’t sound like Dick

Red Robin: Agreed. Let’s go there Hood.

*villains’ sobbing intensifies*