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bduchrnskei · 23 hours

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I'm So Sorry (Part 1)

Fandom: Batman, Batfam, Jason Todd, Red Hood

Word Count: 2817

TW: Whump, Kidnapped, Knives, Blood, Secrets, Drugged, Angst

Series Masterlist

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

Jason groaned as he slowly opened his eyes, flinching at the brightness of the light hanging high above his head. A faint, incessant ringing filled his ears, and he could feel the vein in the side of his head throb in time with his heart. His mouth tasted of blood mixed with faint traces of his last cigarette. Glancing around, he guessed he was in one of the old, abandoned warehouses down by the docks, but something was preventing him from investigating further.

Looking down, he saw thick, weighty ropes biting into his arms and torso, snaking around his body, and pinning him to the chair below. The chair that seemed to have been bolted to the floor. More rope secured his legs, and a pair of handcuffs linked his wrists behind his back. This is bad. Even for me, this isn’t going to be an easy situation to get out of.

Fighting through his pounding headache, Jason tried to remember how he had ended up in this predicament. The last thing he remembered was parking his motorcycle to meet you outside that swanky restaurant Bruce had gotten him reservations at….. He realized he was still in the suit and tie he had borrowed from Dick, though now it was ripped and spotted with blood. So, that meant that Jason Todd had been captured, not the Red Hood. Just another thing to add to his growing lists of concerns….

“Jason! Jay, baby, come on, please answer me. Are you alright?”

Jason’s head snapped up, sending a shooting pain through his skull. Once it subsided, his blurry eyes finally landed on the figure positioned across the room from him.

“Y/N? What…what happened? Where are we?” Jason’s head was still clouded, and he found he was having trouble forming complete sentences. Something had definitely been done to him. He thought he could vaguely remember something stinging his neck right before he blacked out. He must have been drugged with something. Turning his focus back to you, he could see the anxiety and fear on your face soften slightly as you realized he was alive. However, his anxiety and fear only grew as he took in your current state.

Your arms were chained to the wall across from him, with the shackles spread so far apart, you were basically plastered against the wall. Your hair was a limp tousled mess, and your makeup was smeared where tears had trailed down your cheeks. The pale gold gown you had been saving up to buy for months specifically for tonight was in a similar ruined state as his suit. Yet, despite all of that, you still managed to look breathtaking. Jason just wished he wouldn’t have been running late to meet you for dinner. Maybe then he could have kept you safe, like he had promised you he would.

After everything he had gone through in his life, after seeing the person it had turned him into, Jason had never thought he would ever find someone who could love him the way that you did. And even once he had told you the truth about everything, who he was, what he had endured, what he had done afterwards, you still accepted him. You had supported his vigilante choices and never complained when you had to patch him up on a near nightly basis. The only thing you were adamant about was that you wanted no active part in that side of his life. You didn’t even like hearing tales of his or his fellow Bats’ nightly exploits and if you were both hanging out in the manor, the second anyone would head to down to the cave, you would be gone. But Jason had respected your decision, even encouraging it. He never wanted you to be in a position where you could get hurt. But it seemed as if that life had finally caught up with him and had dragged you along for the ride. You were now in danger all because you loved him.

Jason opened his mouth, trying to form an apology that could accurately convey the depths of his regret at getting you into this situation, but you cut him off with your own desperate pleas. “Jay, I’m so sorry. This is all my fault. I should have known…. I should have told you sooner. I just- I didn’t know how.” Tears streamed steadily down your cheeks, smearing your makeup further. Your desperate eyes bore into his bewildered face. “I love you. I swear on my life, no matter what he does, no matter what he tells you, every word I said to you was real. Everything between us was – is – real. I didn’t know who you were until you confessed your secret to me, and that was months after we started dating. By then, I was in too deep. I loved you too much to lose you by telling you the truth. I thought I had covered my tracks well enough that he would never find me but – I’m so sorry.”

“What are you talking about? What truth? Who is ‘he’?”

Before you could answer, the door opened behind Jason. He watched as all the blood drained from your face as you shrunk further back into the wall. Jason heard footsteps as a distinctive shadow appeared across the floor by his feet and his eyes widened in horror. He knew who it was even before the laughter started.

“Jason Todd! So, we meet again! I could’ve sworn I’ve blown you up once or twice by now. Ah well, maybe third times the charm.” The Joker winked at the former Robin then turned and waltzed over to the wall where you were restrained. “And…. Y/N L/N, is it? Well, isn’t that such a nice, normal, unassuming name. Whoever came up with that just had no originality or flair at all.”

In the two years Jason had known you, he had never seen you get truly angry. Frustrated? Sure. Slightly miffed? Frequently. Annoyed? You were dating him, so of course. But this deep, soul crushing fury that was currently etched into your features? No, this was a side of you Jason had never seen before, and he couldn’t help but feel a surge of pride as you stared down the monster before you. Your eyes blazed brightly with a fiery hatred and your jaw tightened sharply as you faced Gotham’s most deranged villain. Never wavering, never blinking, never showing an ounce of fear. That’s my girl.

Finally, the Joker broke your stare off as he turned around and pulled something from his pocket. “I bet you two are wondering why you’re here. Well, you can imagine my surprise when I sat down to my breakfast yesterday morning and saw your lovely faces smiling back at me.”

He threw a newspaper to the ground, and Jason made a mental note to kill his brothers as he saw the all-too-familiar front-page layout. When the two of you had told Jason’s family about your engagement, they had wanted to celebrate and share the happy news. You had practically begged them not to place the announcement in the paper. Regardless of how rich Bruce was, you had argued that it was a waste of money and not a great idea since you wanted to make it a small affair with as little press involvement as possible. You also reminded everyone that since revealing he was alive to the public, Jason had tried to maintain a low profile, which would not happen if he publicly announced he was engaged. But Dick and Tim had ignored your objections and bought a full-page colored ad on the front of the Gotham Gazette (using Bruce’s swiped credit card, of course). When you found out, Jason had to spend hours trying to calm you down. At first, you had claimed your issue with the ad came from his brothers’ complete disregard of their wishes and the fact that they had gone behind their backs even after specifically being told not to, but Jason could tell something deeper was bothering you. Eventually, he was able to coax the truth out of you; that you were afraid of the targets this public announcement might place on both of your backs. It seemed now that your concerns were more than valid.

The Joker chuckled as he continued on his rant. “When I saw the big news, I just knew I had to congratulate the happy couple in person! Who would have guessed that out of all the people in the world, you two somehow found each other and created a perfect little life for yourselves! But then, I had to go and ruin your special engagement dinner! If I had known you had plans tonight, I would have brought flowers…. Then again, you were never a fan of flowers, were you?”

Jason could feel his fury building with every word the clown said. Once again, he silently cursed Bruce for not killing him years ago, and for stopping Jason from killing him when he got back to town. Instead, the Joker just continued escaping from Arkham over and over, committing one atrocity after another without any real repercussions. And now Jason had gotten you mixed up in all of this – no. His drugged brain tried to process what the Joker had just said. He mentioned someone not liking flowers…… you hated flowers…… Meaning that I wasn’t the one he was talking to……

Your voice rang out across the warehouse, a steely harsh sound that Jason had never heard from you before. “Don’t do this. Haven’t you done enough to him already! Haven’t you taken enough from him! Just let Jason go and I’ll stay here with you. I promise. Whatever you want to do to me, I won’t fight back. No more escape attempts, no more running away, just …. let him go.”

Jason’s head swiveled between you and the Joker like he was watching a tennis match. Even in his slightly hazy state, he was able to recognize that you two obviously had some sort of history that you had never mentioned, but he couldn’t figure out what.

His confusion did not go unnoticed by the Clown Prince of Crime. A smile, crueler even than his normal grin, slowly crawled across his face. “She never told you, did she? For two years, she hid it from you. You of all people!”

You strained violently against your chains as you growled, “Don’t. Do. This. Just let him go. Please!”

“Oh, finally! There’re those manners I taught you! But come now, I think we all should get better acquainted, don’t you? Especially if I’m going to be walking my daughter down the aisle on her wedding day!”

Jason’s blood froze in his veins. His…daughter? His eyes snapped to you, silently begging for any indication that it wasn’t true, that it was just another one of his sick games. But all remaining hope evaporated when he watched as your body slumped as far as the chains would allow, head hung low on your chest. Your shoulders shook with silent sobs as tears rained down onto the cold, hard ground below. He could faintly hear you mumbling, “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” over and over again like a mantra.

Jason felt his world explode for the second time in his life. For the past two years, you have been by my side without saying a word about who you truly are. And all the while you knew what your father did to me, what he stole from me, what he turned me into. Yet, you just sat there and held my hand, kissed my lips, caressed my scars –

That final thought was too much for him to handle. Doubling over as far as the restraints would allow, Jason vomited violently across the floor. It had taken him a long time to build up the courage and trust to let you see the scars that decorated his body. They varied by size, shape, and texture depending on if they were caused by crowbar or explosion, but you had spent that first night kissing every one and decorating them with your tears. Tears, he now realized, that were not just for his pain and suffering.

He thought back to your earlier pleas for him to remember that you loved him, and the statement that your feelings were real. But how could you do that to someone you claimed to love? How could you lie about something like this and still expect him to believe everything else had been the truth? No, the truth was…. he didn’t really know you at all.

You started calling out to Jason again, begging him to just look at you, just say a single word to you. But he ignored both requests. With a wounded sob, you turned your anguish on the Joker. “Is this what you wanted! To destroy the only happiness I have ever known! Well, fine. Congratulations, you did it.”

“Oh no, my little jester, you did it.” The Joker’s voice suddenly took on a deranged menace that was out of character even for him. “I raised you, taught you everything you know, and then you vanished without so much as a note or a goodbye. For eight years I have searched for you, on every continent on this planet. And then I found out that you were right under my nose this whole time and shacking up with one of the Robins! With this Robin! My Robin!” He gestured wildly at Jason, but Jason couldn’t muster up the energy to even flinch. “You changed your name, dyed your hair, started a whole other life without me in it! Well, if that’s what you want, then fine. Who am I to stand in your way?” The Joker pulled out a large knife from his jacket. Your eyes widened and you struggled against your chains. “But I am going to make sure, once and for all, that no matter where you go, no matter what you change your name to, no matter how you try to change your appearance, no one will be able to forget who you are ever again!”

The Joker approached you, knife raised. He positioned himself between you and Jason, so his body blocked what he was doing. Jason could only stare at the Joker’s back as he listened as your screams of panic and protest morph into screams of agony then faded into a wet, gurgling whine.

As he finished, the Joker stepped back to reveal your limp form, the chains around your wrist the only things still holding you upright. Your head was once again buried deep in your chest, but this time it wasn’t tears that were pooling beneath you onto the floor below. The Joker roughly grabbed your hair and wrenched your head back so Jason could admire his handiwork. And even in his shock-addled state, Jason couldn’t help but gasp in horror.

Starting from each corner of your mouth and stretching up to just below your cheekbones, the Joker had carved two jagged, upturned arches into your face. Dark, crimson blood seeped from each deep gash, flowing down your neck and onto the remains of your dress. Your teary eyes barely fluttered as you struggled to remain conscious.

The Joker looked at you with a thoughtful gaze. “Something is still missing…. Ahh!” He took his thumb and, starting high up on one wound, ran it harshly though the gore and over your lips, staining them red and creating a continuous, bloody smile that stretched widely across your face. An agonized moan squeezed out of your mouth and the Joker cackled at his finished product. “There we are! Perfect!”

He let the bloody knife clatter to the ground as he released his grip on your hair. Your head immediately slumped weakly back into your chest with another feeble moan. Then the Joker turned to Jason, tossing the keys to his handcuffs at his feet. “She’s all yours, loverboy! I’ll be waiting for my wedding invitation in the mail.” He glanced over at your limp form, “Well, if she survives.” And with those final words, he walked out of the building leaving both of you still bound by your restraints.

It took Jason a few minutes to force himself to look back at you. You weren’t moving but the pool of blood at your feet was slowly expanding. However, even if he hadn’t been tied to the chair, in his current state of shock mixed with the lingering effects of the drugs that had been used to knock him out, Jason couldn’t help you. At that moment all he could do was stare blankly across at his fiancé as the same thought repeated over and over in his head. Joker’s daughter. I’m in love with the Joker’s daughter.

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bduchrnskei · 2 days

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I'm So Sorry (Part 4)

Fandom: Batman, Batfam, Jason Todd, Red Hood, Dick Grayson, Nightwing

Word Count: 7157

TW: Whump, Secrets, Heartbreak, Self-Loathing, Guns, Angst

Series Masterlist

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

As soon as Jason woke up, he knew something was wrong but he couldn’t remember what. His head was pounding, and every muscle ached. With a slight groan, he threw his arm over to your side of the bed – but it was empty. Sitting up, he looked around the vacant apartment. It wasn’t until his eyes landed on the crumpled, bloody pile of clothes in the corner of the room that it all came rushing back to him. His capture, the warehouse, the Joker, Y/N – oh my god! Y/N!

Jason flew from the bed and hurriedly began getting dressed. He couldn’t believe he left you at the hospital like that. Last night was still pretty much a blur. The drugs in his system had made it difficult to focus and he remembered his brain sort of shut down after he found out that you were the Joker’s daughter. A small shiver ran down his spine and he froze. The revelation hit him once again like a ton of bricks. You were the Joker’s daughter. And for the past two years, while Jason shared every horrifying detail from his past, you had been keeping this from him.

A storm of conflicting emotions and thoughts raced through his mind. One part of him truly understood why you hadn’t told him the truth. You knew what the Joker had done to him, how Jason felt about the clown. And, even under the perfect circumstances, Jason knew he would have never taken this news well. Another part of him was disgusted at the thought of having been with someone with Joker DNA. Every touch, every kiss, every night spent together now felt tainted and wrong. Another part of him was disgusted with himself for feeling that way. You don’t get to pick who your parents are, and Jason knew what it was like getting the short end of the stick when it came to sucky parents. So how could he hold that against you?

But the thing that he kept coming back to, the thing that bothered him the most about the entire situation, was how you had treated his scars. Ever since the night he had finally worked up the courage to show you how damaged he truly was, you had always treated his scars with a sort of reverence. There was never any horror, never any disgust, never any pity. There was just love and understanding. Most nights he would fall asleep with your lips ghosting over each one, soothing the memories that raged in his head. But now, those moments were poisoned by the knowledge that it was your father who made those scars, and the fact you knew. You knew. How could you do that? How could you look at them every single day and not tell him the truth? How could you just sit there and watch him struggle with his past and still not say anything?

The same way he had just sat there and watched as the sounds of your screams filled his ears as the Joker cut into you.

He slowly sank back down at the foot of the bed as he replayed the events of last night. He had been so caught up in your betrayal, he had forgotten about his. He had just sat there and watched as the Joker, your father, had mutilated you. He had just sat there and watched as you grew weaker and weaker, blood pooling at your feet. He had just sat there and watched as you used what little strength you had left to call out his name, over and over again, no matter how much it pained you to speak with your fresh wounds. And once Dick had arrived, Jason had still done nothing to help you. He had flinched away from the slightest contact and avoided looking at you as if your visage would turn him to stone. He had even almost let you bleed out in the hospital parking lot all because he wouldn’t carry you the fifty feet to get you help.

New waves of disgust and loathing rolled through his body, but this time, directed at himself. No matter how mad he was at you, no matter how confused or hurt he was by the truth, no matter how the drugs were affecting his system, there was no excusing his behavior. How was he ever supposed to face you again? What could he possibly say that could make this alright?

Grabbing his phone off the bedside table, Jason did a double-take when he saw the date and time. Apparently, he had been asleep for the past 29 hours. Which also explained the flood of missed phone calls and texts he had from Dick, Bruce, Tim, and Damian. He ignored everyone else’s messages for now and quickly began listening to Dick’s.

“Jay, where are you? Are you okay? Why did you just walk off like that? Please call me back. Y/N should be waking up soon and it would mean a lot if you were here when she did.”

“Hey, Jason. Y/N just woke up for a few minutes. She can’t speak right now, but she still found a way to ask about you. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to say about why you’re not here. Are you coming back soon? Please, Jay. She really needs you.”

“Bruce said you’re not answering any calls from him, Tim, or Damian either. Come on, Jay, please let somebody know you are alright. Just a quick call, a text, a carrier pigeon for all I care, just something!”

“Just in case you ever do bother to stop by, you should know she’s developed an aversion to touch. I guess it might be some sort of PTSD from the warehouse, but she freaks out whenever anyone touches her….. Except me. Not sure why. But the doctors are having a hard time treating her because of it. So, if – when – you come to see her, don’t touch her unless she tells you to. I – uh – I’m not sure how she will react to your touch. Sorry.”

“Jason Peter Todd! You get your ass over here right now! That poor girl has been through enough without you adding to it. I don’t care what happened, you can’t do this to her!”

“…… Jay…. please…… She, um…. They let her see her face without the bandages…… It’s not good, man…… She… she just really needs you right now. So, whatever happened, just please….”

“She woke up screaming for you last night, tore half the stitches out of her cheeks. They had to rush her back into surgery just to try and stop the bleeding………… Jay, I don’t know what I’m supposed to do here. Please, I think she’s getting worse. She needs you…… I need you….”

“I know this is terrible to say, but part of me hopes you’re lying in a ditch somewhere and that’s why you’re not responding or coming to see her. Because at this point, any other explanation is just……………… I hope you’re okay.”

Jason held back the sob that threatened to burst from his chest. Oh god. Jason buried his head in his hands. What have I done? He needed to see you. He needed to make sure you were okay……but he couldn’t. He wanted to run to your hospital room, beg for your forgiveness and promise to never leave your side again……but he couldn’t. He still loved you, God did he love you, but he couldn’t forgive you, he couldn’t forgive himself. Not yet at least. He needed time to figure out everything.

He began throwing all of his belongings into an old suitcase. Clothes, books, whatever junk he knew was his, all unceremoniously swept into the bag. He hesitated when he got to the framed picture from the day he proposed. He lightly ran his finger over your face, your dazzling smile shone like a spotlight directly at his heart. Would you ever be able to smile like that at him again? Would you ever want to? Would he ever be able to look at your face without remembering how you both had let each other down? Sighing, he placed the frame back on the table and finished packing his stuff.

When he was finished, Jason took one final look around the apartment the two of you shared. Had shared. May one day share again. Then he turned his back and walked out the door.

“You’re a real bastard, you know that? No warning, no explanation of any kind. You just had me bring her home to an empty apartment. How could you do that? That absolutely destroyed her! You better get your shit together and soon because you might not be able to get yourself out of this hole you’re digging.”

“She wrote me a letter explaining everything. I’m so sorry, Jay. I….I’m so sorry. I still think what you’re doing is wrong, but I have a better understanding of why you’re acting like this. But she can’t help who her father is. I’m begging you, talk to her. Either end things or try to work things out, but please just talk to her. She’s not in a good place and… I’m scared to leave her alone. She needs you, or at least needs to know for sure it’s over so she can start trying to move on. So, please, I know it’s hard, but please talk to her.”

Jason closed his eyes as he listened to Dick’s most recent messages from a few hours ago. He hadn’t really thought about how you would react to seeing his stuff missing from the apartment. In the moment, he had just thought it would be better this way while he sorted out all of his feelings. But once again, he had screwed everything up. He needed to make things right.

For the first time since walking out a few days ago, Jason returned to your apartment building. He needed to see you, but he really didn’t want to deal with Dick just yet and based on his messages, there was a good chance his brother was still here. So, Jason quickly scaled up the fire escape until he was just outside your bedroom window. Peering in, he got his first glimpse of you since he had dropped you off at the hospital.

You were curled up in a tight ball on his side of the bed. His favorite pillow (the only thing of his he hadn’t grabbed when he left) was tightly smushed in your arms as you squeezed it close to your chest, despite the fact one of your arms was still in a sling. Bandages covered the bottom half of your face, obscuring the damage that lay beneath. Even in sleep, Jason could see your face was scrunched up and tense and your eyes were puffy as if you had just been crying.

Jason quietly slid the window open and started to crawl through, but when he caught a glimpse of the nightstand, he instantly froze in place. Laying discarded, half covered by a used tissue, was your engagement ring. The one you had promised never to take off. It shouldn’t have hurt him this badly. He was the one who left without a word, leaving the status of your relationship unclear. You had every right to take it off, but the sight of it tossed aside so unceremoniously broke something in him. With a final glance in your direction, Jason backed out of the window and hurried down to the ground below.

“She doesn’t have to wear the bandages anymore… The scars look better than they did, but she can’t stand anyone looking at them. She has been finding some pretty creative ways to keep them hidden…. But, uh, one time when she thought I wasn’t around, I – uh – I heard her say it was no surprise you left her when she has that sickening reminder of what she was carved on her face…… Don’t put her through this. Don’t make her hate herself more than she already does. Please, come talk to her.”

“She’s doing a little better. I brought her to the manor for dinner now that everyone knows the truth. She still couldn’t handle anyone touching her, but besides that, it went really well. Damian actually said some astonishingly comforting things which I think seemed to really help her. And Bruce… they had a private chat and she came back lighter than I’ve seen her since this whole thing started. But she still misses you, Jay. She told me that she doesn’t blame you for any of this. She is taking full responsibility for all of it and she says she understands why you’re gone…… Jay, that girl is so much better than you ever deserved and if you want a chance of winning her back, you better try and fix this soon. Before she finds someone who treats her the way she should be treated.”

Sitting on the rooftop of the building across from your apartment, Jason took another long drag on his cigarette, watching as the smoke danced above his head. It had been over a week since the night in the warehouse and he was still trying to come to terms with everything that happened. And Dick’s messages weren’t making things any easier. He kept talking about how much you missed him and needed him to come back, but Jason couldn’t stop thinking about your ring laying on the table next to the bed. If you still wanted him so much, why did you take it off? Maybe it was too late for him. Maybe Dick was right, and you had moved on to someone better.

He also couldn’t help but feel a tiny surge of jealousy when Dick talked about you in the messages. Jason had been frequently hanging out up here, just to keep an eye on things. While he respected your privacy enough to not look into the apartment itself, he had caught glimpses of you and Dick together as you left or entered the building. The two of you had always gotten along great but Jason could see a closeness that hadn’t been there before. He bristled whenever he saw Dick touch your arm or help you adjust the scarf around your mouth, fingers brushing gently across your cheeks. He wondered if you would allow him to do that if he came back, if you could tolerate his touch like you welcomed Dick’s.

With a sigh, Jason crushed the remains of his cigarette under his boot and decided he had better start heading back to his safehouse. He was pretty sure none of his family knew about this one, so he figured it would be the best place to lay low. As he descended to the street, he noticed someone else watching your building. Someone in a very familiar clown mask. Without hesitation, Jason dropped the remaining thirty feet, rolled, and took off running. The clown noticed Jason just seconds before he tackled him to the ground. Hauling them both to their feet, Jason dragged his captive into the nearby alley, out of sight of passersby.

Jason slammed the man into the wall as he growled, “What the hell are you doing here? What do you want?”

“Get off of me, man! What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

“Nobody in Gotham would wear that mask unless they’re working for him. Now where is he?”

“Like I’m going to tell you anything.”

Jason reached into his jacket and, in one fluid movement, pulled out his gun and shot the man pointblank in the chest. The man gasped loudly in surprise and pain as he sank to the ground struggling to breathe. Jason crouched down next to him as he held up the gun. “This gun contains rubber bullets. Probably just cracked, maybe broke, a few ribs, massive bruising, and you might want to get examined for internal bleeding, but you’ll live. But this gun –” he reached into his jacket and pulled out a second weapon “- contains actual bullets. Do I need to explain what happens if you make me use this gun?”

The man shook his head violently as he struggled to choke out his words, “N-no. He told me t-to watch some girl. Jus-just keep an eye on her. That’s it, I-I swear!”

“Good. Now,” Jason dug the muzzle of the second gun into the man’s chest. “Where. Is. He.”

“Why am I even still trying? You obviously don’t care about her or me. It’s been a month, Jason, and no one has heard a word from you. I reached out to Roy, Kori, Artemis, I checked all your safe houses, nothing. I can’t keep trying if you won’t even give me a sign you’re still out there. So, this will be my last call. The ball’s in your court now. Have a nice life.”

It had taken almost three weeks, but Jason had managed to track him down. He knew if he had asked Dick or Bruce for help he probably could have found him sooner, however Jason knew neither one of them would approve of what he was planning to do. But he didn’t care. He was going to make sure the Joker would never hurt anyone he loved ever again.

It didn’t take him very long to sneak into the building and locate his target. For some reason, he seemed to be the only person in the room, like he was expecting the company. But it didn’t matter, because within seconds, Jason was across the room with the Joker pinned underneath of him.

“Well, well, well, Red! Back for more? I have to admit, we had so much fun the last time, but it seems we’re down a player! How’s our girl doing?”

Jason didn’t respond. He just slammed his fist into the Joker’s face. Repeatedly. Every punch elicited another round of laughter cackling from the clown’s mouth. Finally, Jason stepped back in disgust. He pulled out his gun and pointed it directly at the Joker’s head. “Do you know how long I’ve wanted to do this? How many people I could have saved if I had done this when I first got back? The pain I could have spared her from!”

“Uh oh. Batsy’s not going to like this! You know he has rules about this sort of thing.”

“I don’t care anymore. I’m not going to let you hurt her again!” Jason’s finger tightened on the trigger. Just another twitch and this nightmare would be over for good. But……he couldn’t do it. Because, staring at the monster before him, he realized……you wouldn’t want this. Not for the Joker’s sake, you had made it clear you wanted nothing to do with your father. But you wouldn’t want this for Jason. He could almost hear your voice whispering, lips brushing against his ear as your fingers glided over his, Baby, don’t do this. Don’t let him take everything that you’ve worked so hard to regain. Don’t throw everything away on him. He’s not worth it.

Jason quietly muttered back, “I have to. He’ll keep coming and coming and we’ll never be free of him. This is the only way.”

And what happens to you? To us? Bruce will never forgive you for this. You’ll lose your entire family. Again. Please, just walk away now. Come back to me. Jay, come home.

He had thought that if he finally killed the Joker, it would somehow help him come to terms with the fact that he was your father. But as Jason looked down at the man who had repeatedly ruined his life, he realized he honestly didn’t care. You weren’t him. Even if the two of you shared DNA, you were nothing like him. And you couldn’t fake the amazing, brilliant, sweet, loving person you were. It couldn’t have been an act. It was real. And in that instant, he realized he could accept the lie and, what’s more, he could move on from it. He just needed you back. His rock, his life, his love.

So, Jason slowly lowered the gun and hissed, “I won’t kill you this time because she wouldn’t want me to waste a bullet on you. But I swear on my undead life, if I see you or a single one of your men within a ten-block radius of her ever again, I will kill you with my bare hands. Batman be damned.”

The Joker chuckled coldly. “Maybe I was wrong about you, Red. Maybe you are good enough for my little girl after all.”

“She’s not your anything.” And without looking back, Jason walked out of the building.

“………Hey, man. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I know I screwed everything up. But I want to thank you for taking such good care of her when I couldn’t. You stepped up and did what I should have done, and I can never repay you for that… I’m on my way to talk to her now. I’m not sure what’s going to happen or how it’s going to go but…… I just need you to know Dick, I…I couldn’t have asked for a better brother. Thank you for everything.”

Jason didn’t know what he was going to say when he got to your apartment. He just knew he needed to see you, and he needed to see you now. He raced through the city streets as fast as his motorcycle would let him, weaving in and out of the heavy traffic, stopping only briefly at a gas station to clean the Joker’s blood off his knuckles. He arrived at your apartment just a few minutes after 2:00. It seemed like all the lights were off and he figured you were probably asleep, but he didn’t care. He should have done this a month ago, and he wasn’t going to wait any longer.

He only hesitated when he reached your front door, not quite sure how to get in. Just for the hell of it, he tried his key and was astonished to find it still worked. He had been certain you or Dick would have changed them the moment he left, and he felt a little more hopeful as he entered the once familiar apartment.

It was strange being here when everything looked so similar yet so different. The mirror that had always hung in the entrance way was gone and, in its place, hung one of Damian’s paintings. The toaster sitting on the counter was not the shiny silver one he bought you as a housewarming gift but was instead a large black matte one. But as he headed back to the bedroom, he smiled to see the photo of the two of you was still displayed on the table where he had left it. His hopes raised even more.

Slowly, he opened your bedroom door to see you fast asleep in the bed. Once again, you were curled up on his side of the bed, though his pillow was tossed carelessly on the floor. The bandages and sling were gone but you were turned in such a way, he couldn’t get a good look at your face. He wasn’t sure what to do now. He didn’t want to scare you, an intruder in your room in the middle of the night, but he also didn’t want to just wait around until you woke up.

Luckily, his dilemma was soon solved as you rolled over and sat up, covers pulled up to your nose, but staring straight at him. In the dim lighting, he had trouble making out much more than your silhouette, but he didn’t want to spook you by turning on a light. Jason opened his mouth to say something, anything, but you cut him off with a flat, emotionless tone, “If you’re here to kill me, can you please make it quick?”

Your words were like a dagger through his heart. Regardless of what had happened, regardless of the pain either one of you felt, the fact that you thought he could ever lay a finger on you, tore into him. As he fought back tears, he managed to choke out, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

It wasn’t exactly how he planned on starting this conversation, but he was so shaken by your reaction to his presence, it just kind of slipped out.

“Jay –” He felt electricity flood through his body as you said his nickname, it felt so familiar, so welcoming, “- son.” But then he felt his spirit crash once again, his hopes dashed. You hardly ever addressed him as Jason. It was always Jay or Baby or Babe. Jason was only around others or when he had seriously ticked you off.

He listened as you told him about how you had once planned on telling him about your father and he remembers that time perfectly. You had been running around all week, planning a special dinner with all of his favorites. You wouldn’t tell him why, just that you wanted to do something nice for him. It was the final straw. Jason had been struggling with whether or not to tell you about his past and his nightly activities. He was afraid of how you would react, afraid you would reject him. But this final act of kindness and sincerity convinced him that you needed to know. So, he had taken your hands right then and there and told you everything. You had listened silently, your face a mix of panic and awe which made so much more sense now. You had taken that night to come to terms with the news, but by the next day everything had seemed normal. And your dinner had gone off perfectly. In fact, that was the night he had first told you he loved you.

But looking back on it now, he knew that you were right. If you had revealed your secret as well at that moment or at dinner a few days later, he would have left. He would have felt too betrayed, too vulnerable to stay. And your relationship would have ended just as it was truly beginning. You did the only thing you could have done in that situation. And he accepted that.

“But then that stupid newspaper announcement came out….”

That damn newspaper announcement. Jason had told Dick and Tim not to do it, that it bothered you too much. But they both cared for you and were excited to share your happiness with as many people as possible. And Jason was too. He hadn’t fought them on it when Tim let slip that they had stolen Bruce’s credit card to pay for it. In fact, Jason loved having any excuse to spend Bruce’s money, so he had pretended he hadn’t heard. If he had stopped them like you had asked, the Joker would never have found you. Just another thing Jason did horribly wrong.

“Of course, I knew my dad had killed one of the Robins but how was I supposed to know that he came back to life, or who he was behind the mask? How was I supposed to know that the man I loved, was also the man who saved my life, by giving his?”

Now Jason was confused. Up until this point of your story, he had followed everything you said. In fact, it all made such perfect sense to him that he was feeling worse and worse about how he overreacted to finding out the truth. But this? They hadn’t known each other when he was killed. They didn’t meet until months after he came back to Gotham. So, how did he save you by dying?

“l had wanted to escape from him for so long, but I never had a chance, there was never that perfect opportunity….. Until he killed you.”

Jason jerked, body tensing, unsure of where you were going with this justification. But as you explained, relief and a sense of peace settled over him like a cooling rain. For the eight years since he was killed, Jason had searched for a reason, a purpose, some good that made all his torment worth it. Because if he went to Hell and back with nothing to show for it, what was the point? But now…. For the first time since that bomb exploded in Ethiopia, Jason felt whole again. It did matter. His death did serve a purpose. And he was rewarded for the pain and suffering he had endured. He had met you. His death meant something because it freed you. And he would have died a thousand more deaths if he had known what he was given in return.

“I have lived with this guilt since the day it happened. I recognized that for me to gain my happiness, someone else had to lose their life. And I carried that with me every day. But then when you told me that you were that Robin, that you had come back…. It seemed like fate. And, I don’t know, I guess a small part of me thought, why fight fate? So, I never told you the truth. And I’m sorry, Jason, I’m so sorry.”

It took every ounce of willpower and strength Jason had to not tackle you into the biggest, tightest hug he could manage. He wanted to wrap his arms around you and never let go, just lay there until you both just wasted away to nothing. He wanted to trail kisses over every inch of your body while whispering how sorry he was and how much he loved you. And he knew if he stayed in this room for a few more seconds, he would not be able to fight the urge any longer. But, he also knew that there was a good chance you wouldn’t be able to handle him even just holding your hand or rubbing your back. He didn’t want to pressure you but if he didn’t leave now, he wouldn’t be able to stop himself. So, he slowly backed out of the room and shut the door.

Jason pressed his head heavily against the wooden barrier that now separated the two of you. His entire body was vibrating with the desire to rush back in and scoop you into his arms, but he fought it. The desire became even stronger when he heard your first wail burst forth from the other side of the door. He backed up until he collided with the far wall and slid down to the floor. He buried his head in his knees as tears fell down his cheeks. He could feel your howls reverberating through his chest as he tried to maintain his composure. Don’t go in there, not tonight. You’ll only make things worse. Don’t do it, you idiot. You’ll just hurt her more if you do. Think about what she needs for once in your Goddamn life and not just about what you want.

He sat there for hours before he heard your wails shift to sobs into moans. Finally, it seemed as if you had drifted off into a restless sleep. As he slowly began unfolding himself, he felt every muscle in his body screaming out in pain from being clenched so tightly for so long. But, he did his best to stagger to his feet and make it to the living room. Clearing some of the pillows, he collapsed onto the couch in the hopes of getting a few hours of sleep. He just prayed tomorrow went better than tonight.

A soft rustling sound woke Jason the next morning. Cracking one eye, he could see you moving around the kitchen with your back to him as you made your morning coffee. He didn’t dare move in case you hadn’t noticed him, but he watched you through the slit of his eye. Every small move or gesture you made, caused Jason’s heart to flutter. He missed you so much. He watched as you grabbed your cup and turned to leave, so he quickly closed both eyes and slowed his breathing. He could feel you approach the couch and place something on the edge of the table next to his head. And just like that, you were gone. Sitting up, Jason looked over and saw a fresh cup of coffee, with creamer and nutmeg. Just the way he liked it. Smiling, he stood up and walked down the hall.

The bedroom door was cracked open just a little bit, but Jason still knocked softly.

“Come in.”

Jason hesitated for just a second, took a deep breath and opened the door.

In the light of the morning, it was the first time either one of you got a good look at the other. Jason watched as your eyes scanned his face, certain you noticed the dark circles under his eyes and the exhaustion caused by everything from the last month weighing on him. But he prayed you also saw the love and lightness he was feeling after your talk last night. He hoped you didn’t see the shame and pain he felt as he took in your appearance.

Your eyes were puffy and tearstained from countless nights of crying yourself to sleep. Your hair was pulled back but even then, Jason could tell it was greasy and unwashed. Your body was painfully thin, and he wondered if you had been eating at all since he left, or how difficult it was for you to eat with your scars. Scars which were currently hidden behind a brightly colored scarf.

Both of you just looked at each other, neither sure what to do next. Finally, Jason broke the silence, “Thanks for the coffee. Just how I like it.”

“I remember.”

Silence again.

“So, uh, Dick’s been filling me in some on how you’ve been.”

“Yeah, he mentioned he left you a bunch of messages, but you never responded.”

“Yeah….. I was… I was keeping an eye on things just to make sure you were safe. I saw you and Dick together. A lot.”

You shrugged. “Yeah, he comes over most days. I still have trouble with my shoulder sometimes, so he likes to make sure I’m okay since I’m here by……”

“…….Yeah. Well, you seemed close. I’m glad you had somebody who was there for you when I…. I’m glad you have Dick.” Jason shifted uncomfortably, eyes trailed on the floor.

You stared at him in confusion. “Jason…. Do you think I have feelings for your brother?” Jason didn’t answer, but that itself was an answer. “Dick is just a friend. The best friend I have ever had, but just a friend. Besides, even if I was interested in him, which I’m not, he mentioned he and Babs are trying to work things out again…… Did you really think I could move on so quickly?”

“I don’t know. After the way I acted, and Dick said you should find someone better, and you took off your ri-”Jason stopped, looking at your hand. “You’re wearing your ring.”

“Yeaahh…. Why did you think I wouldn’t be?”

Jason blushed crimson as he mumbled. “I might have come to check on you one time and found you asleep. So, I started climbing in through the window but then noticed your ring on the table. I thought…”

Your face softened, “Oh, no, Jay, never. I had an……incident earlier that day and cut my hand on some broken glass. Dick made me take it off so he could stop the bleeding. But as soon as the bandage came off, I put it back on. I promised you I wouldn’t take it off. And except for that one extenuating circumstance, I never considered it.”

Jason felt like an idiot, well a bigger idiot than before. He should have had more faith in you. He was the one who screwed this up and he was the one who made it worse. He gestured softly to the bed, “Can I… Would it be okay if I sat?”

You nodded.

Jason sat down on the very edge of the bed, giving you as much space as he could. He ran a hand through his tousled hair and tried to figure out where to start. Finally, with a deep breath, he began, “Y/N, I am so sorry for everything. That night….I don’t know what happened. It was just everything, so much, just all at once, that I-I short circuited. Just kind of shut down. When I left the hospital, I came back here and crashed for like a day and a half. By the time I ‘rebooted’, I had like twenty messages from Dick, you were already awake, you had already had to go back into surgery, and I….I just left you there.” Jason’s voice cracked as he got to the end of his rant. He was looking down at his hands, so he didn’t have to see your expression. “I was so disgusted with myself, and I was trying to come to terms with this atomic sized bomb that had just been dropped in my lap, but I just left you there.”

This time, Jason wasn’t able to control himself and he broke down into a full-body sob. Folded in half, leaning over the side of the bed, he finally let go of all the emotions he had been bottling up for the past month. The anger, the fear, the hatred, the disgust, the sadness, and the love. All of it came flooding out all at once. And just when he didn’t think he could cry any harder, he did as a single hand rested gently on his back. Without thinking, he whirled around and engulfed you in his arms. He waited for you to tense up, to struggle against him in panic. But instead, you melted into him, pulling the two of you even closer together.

You laid there as you both cried, letting all of the pain of the past month ebb away. Just holding each other, feeling as your breathing synced, as your hearts beat as one.

Finally, Jason began to pull away slightly, but you stopped him, “No! Don’t!”

Scrambling, you tried to reposition the scarf that had fallen from your mouth. But Jason reached up and softly stopped you. Lowering your hands, he got his first real look at the damage to your face. He tried not to react to the large, puckered wounds that stretched up from either side of your mouth. Even with the slight pout you had at the moment, the scars gave the impression you were smiling, a big, twisted smile. It made Jason sick to look at them, but not for the reason either of you had feared. No, what made him sick was thinking about all the pain and loathing you had endured this past month without him. All the times you needed him for reassurance and support that he wasn’t there. That you had fought for so long and so hard to free yourself from this monster and now you had a permanent reminder of that life carved on your skin.

Jason saw your frozen stare as you tried to gauge his reaction. Trying to see if he could handle this new addition to your face or if it would be too much for him to bear. So, Jason took your face between his hands and gently ran his thumbs over each side of the scars. He watched as you tilted your head back in utter relief as silent tears slipped from under your closed eyes. Drawing you closer, he placed a feather light kiss at the top of the left scar, then slowly peppered more kisses down the length of it until just before he reached your mouth. Then he shifted to the top of the right scar and repeated the action until he got back to your mouth once more. This time, he placed a long, passionate kiss on your lips, infusing it with all the love and acceptance he could. You returned his kiss with just as much intensity.

When you both broke apart to catch your breath, you continued to lay on the bed, staring deeply into one another’s eyes.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”

“Babe, you have nothing to be sorry about. It took me a long time, but I get why you did it. You did the right thing. I’m just sorry it took me so long to figure that out.”

“How can you be so okay with all of this? Especially after what I told you last night?”

“What? The thing about my death being your salvation? Shit, babe. I mean, I always told you I would die for you, I just didn’t realize I already had.”

“Jay, it’s not funny!”

“Then why are you laughing?”

You snuggled down deeper into Jason’s chest. “I’m just so happy you’re here. Do you-do you think you’ll stay?”

“If-if you’ll let me.” Jason sat up just a little, making you raise your eyes to meet his. “But seriously, what you said last night. Thank you.”

“For what?”

“You gave me something I’ve been looking for since the day it happened. You gave my death a purpose, a reason. All this time, I thought it was just a pointless act of violence that sent me spiraling down a dark path of death and destruction. But I understand now. It had to happen in order for me to have you. My death matters because it brought me the woman I love.”

You breathed the next words so quietly, Jason could barely make them out. “Jay, you still love me?”

“Of course, I do. Even when I was at my lowest point, I never stopped.”

Suddenly, both of you heard a noise coming from the other room. Then there was a sharp rap at the door seconds before it opened. The two of you stared frozen at Dick and Dick stared frozen back at the two of you. He blinked a few times in surprise and then threw up his hands as he stormed out. “Okay, that’s it. I’m done.”

“Come on, Dickie! I called you! Learn to check your messages!”

“Screw you, Jason!” Dick’s voice rang out from the kitchen. But then, he stuck his head back through the bedroom door. “Oh, but if you guys want to come by the manor tonight, Alfred’s making meatloaf.” He gave Jason a warm smile and a nod, then ducked out again.

Once he had left, Jason wrapped his arms tight around you again. “So, I guess we have dinner plans tonight.”

You smiled, and Jason was happy to still see your same dazzling, spotlight smile shining through the scars. “So….. That gives us all afternoon to ourselves…… Any ideas?”

Jason smirked as he pulled you close. “Oh, I’m sure we can think of something……”

#jason todd x reader

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bduchrnskei · 2 days

Text

The Colonel and the Sergeant (Part 1)

Fandom: DC, Marvel, The Suicide Squad, Avengers, Rick Flag, Bucky Barnes

Word Count: 4615

TW: Angst, Heartbreak, Hurt/Comfort, Drinking, Running into Ex

Series Masterlist

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Alternate Ending

“Oh, come on, Rick! That is not what happened!”

“What are you talking about? That is exactly what happened!”

“I did not push you into that lake!”

Rick stared, slack jawed as he held the bar door open for you. “Are you fuckin’ kidding me? How are we still having this argument after two years? You walked up beside me, said ‘You look really hot today’ and then pushed me in the lake. In the middle of December!”

“Does that really sound like something I would do?”

“Yes, and it’s something you did do!”

“How I remember it was I walked up to you, said ‘You look really hot today’ and then you got really flustered because you thought I was flirting with you, and you fell in the lake.”

Rick shook his head. “No, ma’am. First of all, you were flirting with me, and second, if that’s true and I just fell, then how did your hand end up on my back?”

“I was just trying to grab you before you fell in. And I was not flirting. I still thought you were kind of an asshole back then.”

“Nice try, darlin’, but I’m not buying.”

You gave him a cheeky grin. “You better be. I left my wallet at home.” You get the bartender’s attention. “Two beers, Kevin. Ah, what are we kidding? Make it four.” Rick shook his head as you turned back to him. “What?”

“Can we at least pretend we’re gonna behave tonight?”

“When was the last time we came here without ordering at least four beers apiece? Just ordering two to start with is behaving.”

Suddenly, Rick noticed someone approaching you from behind. You saw his confused expression and started to turn around but froze as the stranger said, “Hey there, doll. Long time no see.”

Rick watched as the playful expression on your face slid into one of shock and disbelief. Slowly, you turned to face the newcomer, a sad smile flickering on your lips as you whispered, “How’s it going, Sarge.” Then you threw your arms around the man’s neck.

Sarge. There was only one person you ever referred to by that name. Your ex-boyfriend. The one you had been with just before you met Rick. Sergeant James “Bucky” Barnes.

You pulled back from your hug. “I can’t believe you’re here! It’s so good to see you! And wow! You cut your hair! I’ve never seen it this short.”

Rick saw the other man blush slightly as he ran his hand through his hair. “Yeah, I…I thought a change might do me good.”

“No, it looks great. God, what has it been? Like three years?”

“Two and a half, yeah. You look amazing as always.”

You blushed slightly. “You’re just saying that…. But thank you.” Just then, you seemed to remember Rick. You quickly grabbed his hand as you said, “Oh, I’m sorry. Rick, this is Bucky Barnes. You know, I’ve told you about him. Bucky, this is Colonel Rick Flag…..my boyfriend.”

Rick stuck out his hand. “Nice to meet you. Y/N’s told me a lot about you.”

“Only good things I hope.” Bucky grabbed Rick’s hand almost too firmly and Rick returned the pressure.

“Yep, she never had a single bad thing to say about you.” The two men stared each other down for a moment, then released their hold on one another.

You glanced anxiously between the two men, their exchange not going unnoticed. But you didn’t comment on it as you turned back to Bucky. “So, what are you doing here? You’re not…here for me….are you?”

Bucky quickly rushed to clarify, “No, no. I had no idea you were even in Louisiana. Sam needed a part for his boat, so I offered to drive over and pick it up. It turns out the guy won’t be finished with it for a few more hours, so I saw this bar across the street and decided to get a drink. I could barely believe my eyes when I walked in and saw you standing there.”

“Rick and I work with a special task force based out of Belle Reve Penitentiary a few miles down the road. We come here all the time between missions.”

Kevin set your four beers down on the bar top in front of you. Rick watched as Bucky’s eyes drifted to the beers then back to the two of you then back to the four beers. “Oh, I’m sorry, if you guys are meeting some people, I won’t bother you.”

You blushed deeper but tried to shrug it off. “Ah, no. Those are just for us. You know…”

Bucky smirked softly. “Yeah, I remember.” He turned to address Rick for this first time. “This one always tried to drink me under the table even though she knew I can’t really get drunk.”

“Hey! I won that one night!”

“Doll, I had lost like three pints of blood, and you insisted we raided the liquor cabinet while we waited for our extraction. I wasn’t drunk, I was going into shock.”

“Tomayto, Tomahto. You still passed out before me, so it counts as a victory!” You suddenly buried your face in your hands. “Oh God. That really makes it sound like I have a drinking problem, doesn’t it?”

“A little.” Bucky and Rick said at the same time. They glanced at each other, then quickly shifted their focus back to you.

Once again, you ignored the tension between the two men. “Buck, why don’t you join us? I’d love to catch up.” You looked at Rick. “You don’t mind, do you?”

Of course he didn’t want to spend his night off with you and your ex, but Rick knew better than to voice his objection. “Course not, darlin’. The more the merrier.” He slid his arm around your shoulder as he started steering the two of you to your usual booth. “Besides, it’ll be nice to hear more stories about you from before we met.”

You shrugged him off, glaring at his possessive move. “Great. So, a table for three tonight. Rick, can you grab the drinks?” You took Bucky’s hand and led him to a booth on the opposite side of the room from where Rick had been heading. He watched as the two of you slid in across from each other and began happily chatting.

Normally, Rick wasn’t really that jealous of a boyfriend. He knew you were out of his league, but you never made him feel that way. Anytime the two of you went out, all eyes were always on you, yet yours never wandered from Rick.

But with this guy, it was painfully clear that both of you still had feelings for each other. Rick felt a pang in his chest as he watched you grab Bucky’s gloved hand with yours, that sweet little half smile he had always thought was just reserved for him spread across your face.

You had told Rick all about your relationship with Sergeant Barnes. How the two of you had meet when he was still the Winter Soldier and you had been working with the Avengers, how you stumbled across him a year after he escaped and the two of you had fallen in love, how he was framed for a crime he didn’t commit and was forced to go on the run and how you had gone with him, how you had helped him and the other Avengers stop some crazy purple alien from disintegrating half of life in the universe, and how after four years of dating, you had just ended things. That was the one part you had remained vague on. Why.

Rick hadn’t been lying earlier when he said you never had a single bad thing to say about Bucky. You never mentioned any arguments, any issues with your physical connection, any cheating, nothing. And the one time Rick had tried to push you for details, you had shrugged him off. All you had said was it didn’t work out.

But now, seeing the two of you together, Rick couldn’t help but feel nervous. What if you remembered how much you cared for Bucky and decided to leave him? What if seeing Bucky reminded you why you broke up with him and you realized you had the same issues in your current relationship? Rick hated this entire situation but there was little he could do but grab the beers and join the pair of you at the table.

You smiled slightly at him as he handed you your drink, but then immediately turned back to your ex. “So, Bucky, you mentioned you’re here picking up a part for Sam’s boat?”

“Yeah, I’ve been helping him fix it up while he’s visiting his sister. It’s an old fishing boat that’s been in their family for years so parts are hard to find. This was the closest place that had what he needs.”

“Where do they live?”

“Over in Delacroix.”

Your eyes widened. “Are you kidding me? That’s only like two hours from here! If I would have known he was so close, I would have gone by and seen him a long time ago.” You turned to Rick. “You know Sam Wilson, don’t you? Didn't he replace you when you left Project Kovacs?”

Rick shook his head. “Yeah, but I never met him. I was gone before he ever showed up.”

“Oh, well, you would really like him.” You turned your focus back to the man across from you. “But if I recall correctly, Bucky, you couldn’t stand him. What changed?”

“…..After you…left, Sam and Steve started coming around more often and he kind of grew on me after a while. He still gets on my nerves almost constantly, but he’s a good guy.”

“So then wh-” your cell phone began to ring. Glancing at it, you groaned. “Sorry guys, it’s work. I’ll be right back.” You squeezed over Rick’s lap and hurried to the far corner of the bar.

Rick picked awkwardly at the label of his beer. He thought sitting with you and Bucky had been bad, but it was nothing compared to the awkwardness of the two men being left alone. Bucky drummed his fingers lightly on the table, looking uncertainly around the room. Finally, he sighed, “Well, I guess this is your chance.”

“My what?” Rick asked.

“Your chance. To ask me anything you want to know while she’s not around. I won’t hold anything back or hide anything so if there’s something you want to know, ask.”

“Why did you guys break up?” The words were out of Rick’s mouth almost before Bucky had finished speaking.

Bucky nodded, almost as if this was the question he had expected Rick to ask. “She never mentioned it?”

“No, all she ever said was things just didn’t work out between you two. But I can tell she still cares deeply for you…. and it seems like you may still love her too.”

“I do.” Rick was taken aback at his blunt honesty, but Bucky continued. “l never wanted to break up and if it were up to me, we would still be together. But…. I don’t even really understand what happened. One day everything seemed fine and the next she’s telling me she wants to take a break, that she needed time to think. All she said was that she loved me but something felt like it was missing. She couldn’t explain what, just that deep down she knew she needed something that our relationship wasn’t giving her. So, we broke up. And I haven’t seen her since.”

Rick could feel a cold knot forming in the pit of his stomach. If you could just walk away from the man you loved for four years without a second glance, what did that mean for your relationship with him? “So, you just let her go? You didn’t try to fight for her, get her to stay? Why?”

“Because she asked me not to. And I could never say no to that woman. If that’s what she wanted, who was I to deny her that.” Bucky took a long drink from one of the beers. “In the end, I guess I had found my soulmate, but she hadn’t found hers. And that’s what she went looking for.”

“How were you okay with that? If you loved her – still love her – as much as you say, how did you just give up?”

Bucky sighed. “Colonel, I’m not sure how much you know about me, but I was born in 1917 and, by all accounts, I should have died in 1945. So, the fact that I got to meet her at all, that I got to call her mine for four years, four years I was never supposed to have, I see that as a gift. That’s why I don’t look at it as giving up. It’s being grateful for the time I got. And I am grateful, so incredibly grateful, for having her in my life. She was there for me in my darkest moments, and she helped me claw my way back to the light. She saved me, in every way that a person can be saved.”

Rick squinted at the hardened soldier sitting across from him. “…..Did you- did you just quote Titanic?”

Bucky stared back at him, unfazed. “Yeah, and did you just recognize the fact I quoted Titanic?”

“Touché.”

“She made us watch it all the time. It is- was her favorite movie.”

“It still is. Bawls like a baby every time.”

Bucky furrowed his brow. “Really? Huh…. she never ever teared up when we watched it. I guess people change over time.” He hesitated for a second before he said, “Do you mind if I ask you a question?”

Rick tensed slightly but said, “Shoot.”

“Do you love her?”

“Of course.”

Bucky shook his head. “No, I don’t mean the casual way people say ‘I love you’ without really thinking about what those words mean. I want to know, do you love her in the way that you would do anything, risk anything, give up anything just to make her smile. Do you love her in the way that she is the last thing you think of as you drift off to sleep and she’s the first thought you have when you wake up? Do you love her in the way that you want her happiness over your own, even if that means she’s not with you? Do you love her in that way?”

Rick understood what Bucky was really asking and he felt a twinge of sadness for the man sitting across from him. But he leaned forward, looked him dead in the eye and said, “Yes. I love her in all of those ways and so many more.”

The two men stared unblinking at each other for a long time. Finally, just as Rick was about to look away, Bucky grinned and sat back with an exaggerated blink. “You know what? I believe you do. Just, please, keep an eye on our girl. She has a bad habit of putting herself into dangerous situations to protect others.”

If anyone else had referred to you as “our girl”, Rick would have punched them in the face. But somehow in the last few minutes, he felt like he had come to some weird understanding with your ex. As much as Bucky still loved you and wanted you back, he knew that wasn’t what you wanted. And he, like Rick, loved you enough to let you have the life you wanted, no matter what that meant. It also gave Rick some comfort to know that if anything ever happened to him, there was someone else out there who would be there to take care of you.

So instead of correcting Bucky’s word choice, Rick just smiled and nodded. “I will do my best.” He glanced over to where you had been standing. Watching as you hung up the phone and headed back to the table, he used this last opportunity to say, “Well, Sergeant Barnes, I feel like under different circumstances, we could have been great friends.”

Bucky gave Rick a small smile. “Colonel Flag, I was just thinking the same thing.” He climbed out of the booth just as you reached the table. “Hey, I think I’m going to head back to the shop and see if that part’s ready. Besides, I’ve taken up enough of your guys’ night.”

Your face fell. “What? Are you sure? I feel like I barely got to talk to you. I was on the stupid phone the whole time.”

“Yeah, I better get going before they close.”

“Okay. But tell Sam I’m going to drop by soon now that I know he’s so close.”

Bucky nodded. “Will do…. It was really great to see you again, doll.”

You wrapped your arms around his neck. “It was great to see you too, Sarge. I’ve really missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too.” From this angle, Rick could see the pinched, strained look on Bucky’s face and he quickly averted his eyes. But when the two of you separated, Bucky turned to Rick. “It was great meeting you. It’s nice to know she’s found such a swell guy.” He extended his hand.

Rick took it with none of the posturing or challenging air from before. “It was great to finally meet the man she’s told me so much about. I understand why she thinks so highly of you.” The two men eyed each other one more time, and with slight smiles on each of their faces, they released the handshake. Bucky nodded at you one final time and walked out of the bar.

Rick watched your eyes trail after him, a melancholy expression on your face. “You should go talk to him.”

Blinking in confusion, you turned to your boyfriend. “Wh-what? Why?”

“I know you’ve never really wanted to talk to me about why you guys broke up, but he deserves to know. Whatever you were feeling, whatever your reasoning, you should go explain because he is still clueless about it.”

“Really? He said that?”

Rick nodded. “I think it would help him move on. So, go catch him while you can. I’ll pay the tab and meet you by the truck.”

You stood on your toes and kissed Rick’s cheek. “Okay, thank you, babe. I won’t be long.” And with that, you rushed out the door.

Twenty minutes later, you and Rick were back in the truck on your way to your apartment. Rick had been able to see you and Bucky talking as he waited, leaning against the truck. He couldn’t hear what either of you were saying but it seemed pretty emotional on both sides. Finally, the two of you had embraced for what seemed like an eternity, then you hurried back to the truck, wiping tears from your eyes. You hadn’t said a word as you climbed into the passenger’s seat or for the entire ride home.

As soon as Rick pulled into the parking lot, you flung yourself out of the truck and rushed into the building. With a sigh, Rick slowly followed you. By the time he got into the apartment, you already had the shower running. Pressing his ear gently against the door to the bathroom, Rick could just barely make out your sobs over the sound of the water. He let out a deep breath as he let his voice rumble through the door, “Darlin’, I’m here if you want to talk. Or if you just want me to silently hold you, I’m here for that too. Or if you’d prefer to be on your own, I’ll be here when you want some company again. Just let me know what you need.” With that, Rick returned to the living room, sat down on the couch, and waited.

Forty-eight minutes later, you emerged from the bathroom. Shuffling into the living room, you looked like a mess. Your damp hair hung limply as it dripped water onto Rick’s old t-shirt you had commandeered as a nightshirt and your eyes were red and puffy. Yet Rick still thought you were one of the most beautiful sights he had ever seen. He opened his arms and you rushed into them, curling up in his lap and nuzzling your face into his neck. Rick just held you, rubbing your back as you cried.

Finally, after you calmed down a little, he heard you mutter, “I didn’t know I was still hurting him like that. I figured by now, he would have just moved on, found somebody else. Or at least tried. I thought a clean break would be easier. I thought he understood why I did it. I feel like such a terrible person.”

“No, darlin’. You just did what you thought was best. No one can blame you for that, even Bucky. He knew you did what you had to do, he just needed some….. clarification.”

“Two and a half years, Rick. I let him suffer like this for two and a half years. The man who did nothing but love me and care for me. I dropped him like a sack of potatoes with no real explanation or justification. I just left. How could I do that to someone I loved? Who I still-” You glanced sideways at Rick, clearly hoping he didn’t catch what you were about to say.

Rick sighed. “It’s okay. It was pretty obvious just from watching the two of you, you both still have feelings for each other. I’m not gonna say it didn’t hurt, but I understand. And he did seem like a great guy.”

“He is, but Rick, it’s not like that. I…” You trailed off once again.

“I already told you, you don’t have to tell me anything about what happened that you don’t feel comfortable sharing.”

“It’s not that. I just… I have a hard time explaining what happened because honestly, I’m still not 100% sure what happened. My relationship with Bucky was amazing and I don’t regret a second of it. He was so loving, and kind, and respectful. And our physical relationship was insane! He was surprisingly adventurous for someone who grew up in the 1930’s and those metal fingers-” Rick shifted uncomfortably. “Hey, you wanted to know. But, moving on….

“Everything was great until one day, I realized that no matter how happy I was, something was missing. I didn’t know what it was, I just knew that as much as I loved him, there was something more that I needed. So, I left. And for eight months, I tried to find that missing piece, but nothing felt right. I told myself I would give it just a little more time and then I would run back to Bucky and beg him to forgive me, to take me back.” Your hand crept up until it rested on Rick’s cheek. “But that’s when I met you. And from the first time we talked, the first time we laughed, I knew I had found what I was looking for. I still don’t know what it is, but with you, I never felt that anything was missing.”

Rick smiled, thinking about what Bucky had said earlier. “You found your soulmate.”

You beamed broadly back at him. “Maybe. Maybe that’s what it was. But after I pushed you into that lake and you asked me out, I never once considered going back to Bucky again.”

Rick jumped to his feet as he yelled in triumph, knocking you onto the couch and catching you off guard. “You admit it! After all this time, I finally got you to admit it!”

“Wh-what?”

“You just said you pushed me into the lake. After almost 2 years, I got you to admit that you did in fact push me.” Rick smirked smugly at you.

You stared up at him, incredulously. “Really? I’m trying to bare my soul and that’s what you take away from this? Okay, fine. Yes, I pushed you. I liked you so I tried flirting with you. Then, like a five-year-old, I got nervous about how you would react, so I pushed you into the lake. Are you happy?”

“Very. Turns out, that’s what I was missing from this relationship.” Rick leaned in and kissed you softly, ignoring the glare you were shooting in his direction. “But all kiddin’ aside, I’m sorry if you thought I wasn’t taking what you were saying seriously. I feel the same way, darlin’. From the moment we met, it just seemed right. You’re it for me. From the bottom of my soul, as long as I have you, I don’t need anything else.”

“Really?”

“Really.” He pulled you close against his chest once again, but this time there were no tears. Instead, there was just the silent understanding that you had each found the one person you had been looking for and they were the only one who you wanted for the rest of your lives.

Finally, you pulled away. “Thank you for tonight. I know that couldn’t have been easy for you, but you handled it better than I think I could have.”

“Anything for you, darlin’. Besides, once we got over the initial awkwardness, I actually kind of liked him.”

“Really? Bucky’s great once you get to know him, but he can be a bit of an acquired taste. I used to tease him he’s kind of like a cat. Doesn’t like new people, but fiercely loyal once you gain his trust.”

“Well, I guess I gained his trust.”

“I guess I’m not surprised. You have a very trustworthy face. And it’s pretty damn handsome too.” You trailed your hand down his cheek again, before lightly tapping it. “Hey, it’s getting late, and we have a big week ahead of us. We should probably head to bed.” Rick pushed you to your feet, then you helped pull him off the couch.

As the two of you headed to the bedroom, Rick remembered something. “Oh, you never told me, what did Waller want when she called?”

“Not much, she’s just changing up our assignments for the next mission. She’s sending you to Corto Maltese with Harley, Boomer, and the rest of the team while she wants me to stay back and prep for a different assignment. Not sure why, but you know how she gets.”

Rick snorted. “Yeah. But, hey, did you see that shirt she was wearing today? I told her it looked like a gang of clowns just shit all over it.”

Your eyes bulged wildly. “There is no way you said that to her face!”

“Sure did. Just ask Economos. He thought it was hilarious. Waller….. not so much.”

“I bet she didn’t. Well, just don’t come crying to me when she plots her revenge because you know she will….. But it was a hideous shirt though.”

Rick chuckled as he saw you climb into bed and wrapped yourself up tightly in all of the sheets. Watching you snuggle down tightly, shooting him a sheepish grin, he felt as though he had never loved you more. In fact, it took all of his willpower not to march over to his closet, pull out the box he had hidden there, and drop down on one knee right here and now. But you deserved something so much more special than a late-night bedroom proposal. So, he held himself back. A few more days, darlin’. Just as soon as I get back from Corto Maltese, I’ll give you a surprise you’ll never forget. And then it’ll be just you and me….for the rest of our lives.

#rick flag x reader

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bduchrnskei · 2 days

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Try Me // E.C.

Synopsis: You pass initiation by the skin of your teeth and Eric isn’t too happy about you joining Dauntless

Warnings: Smut (18+), explicit language, threat, characters are aged up

Word Count: 2.9k

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bduchrnskei · 3 days

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so I got into grad school today with my shitty 2.8 gpa and the moral of the story is reblog those good luck posts for the love of god

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bduchrnskei · 3 days

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I’m obsesssed with this!!!!!

Orders

Paring: Rick Flag x Reader

Warnings: mention of imprisoned reader/ angry Rick/ injury to reader/ mentions of death/ lmk if you see anything else

Disclaimer: what is editing? what is a coherent plot? what is writing?

enjoy :)

***************

You weren’t known to disobey orders. Originally you had been trying to get as much time off your sentence as possible and did your best on missions, so that they would continuously use you. Without meaning to you became an invaluable asset to Waller, so much so that she granted you your freedom or at least her version of it.

She demanded that you go on multiple missions with task force X. Waller also paraded your ‘redemption’ in front of any committee or anyone who had money or power she could use by her side. She made you wear a bracelet that dampened your powers, originally it had been a heavy piece of metal that hung around your neck like a collar before she switched to something more bearable. She also placed you under the eye of Rick Flag. Every mission he was on, you were there as well. His orders led you on and off the field.

And usually, you followed them. It was easier that way. Usually.

“You do not disobey a direct order!” Your face was heated from being publicly reprimanded, and the anger you were beginning to feel. You say nothing and avoid his heated gaze not wanting to lose control while your powers were still free.

“You do not have the privilege of ignoring orders!” He reminded you, angrily. At his words, and the reminder that you were not truly free, you vaguely felt your control on your emotions slip but you continued to stand at attention.

“That’s cold.” Deadshot mutters to Harley, who he’d barely seen since their first mission together.

“As ice.” Harley agreed.

They are both surprised by the events of the mission. You’re usually the goody two shoes of the group. In another life you definitely would have been a soldier from the start, but tonight Flag was in danger and you risked the mission and your life to save him. Flag was furious and deadshot had a feeling it was less about the mission and more about you.

“You listen to me! That’s your only job. That’s all you have to do! What you did tonight was idiotic!” You’re usually more stoic around the group, a measure you’ve taken to protect yourself but the more Rick lays into you the more visibly upset you become.

It was no secret that you were one of if not the most powerful on the team. So when your eyes start to glow and then your hands, and second later you’re engulfed in the light your power causes, looking like you were about to explode, Deadshot thought it was time to intervene.

“Your ass would be dead if she hadn’t disobeyed your orders, Flag. And the mission is complete, that's what matters right?” But Rick didn’t care, he couldn’t see past his own rage on what could have happened.

Rick approaches you, bracelet in hand, the one that he’s the only one authorized to put on and take off. “We’ll talk about the consequences later.” You wordlessly offer him your wrist, that you only now realize is glowing, you focus just enough to get it to go away from that area so it doesn’t hurt him, even though he deserves it.

'Am I dismissed?’ Is all you say once he’s done, obviously detaching yourself from him. He only nods which is good enough for you.

****

Most people would be happy to go home after a hard day at work and their boss being on their ass, but you lived with your boss. Something else you could thank Waller for.

The ride home was tense, where the two of you would usually debrief. And the house seemed to be even more silent.

Rick found himself calming down but you were livid. Not that it truly mattered. You were basically just his prisoner, not his friend like you allowed yourself to believe.

You carried your anger towards him for days. Unwilling to speak and trying to be as far as you were allowed to be away from him. Which was hard considering that the two of you did damn near everything together.

“Are you really still mad?” Rick huffs, finally having enough when you sparred with someone else, leaving him with a new recruit.

“No sir.” You say, which only infuriated Rick more. He’d never seen someone detach themself so politely. He really had no clue how you were ever a criminal.

“Cut the bullshit.” He sighs, running a hand down his face. “You’re my friend, talk to me.”

“Wrong. I’m your prisoner.” You correct. “Your employee, your slave, those are actually true.”

Rick's face turns dark. “You are not my slave.”

“I’m not your friend either.” You retort.

“We were friends a week ago.”

“Then you reminded me of my place. Thank you for that.” You’re sure that no amount of petty will hide how hurt you are. It still wouldn’t hurt to try.

“You disobeyed an order!” Came his booming voice, which you’re sure they heard outside his office.

“To save your life. Don’t worry I won’t do it again. I learned my lesson.” Rick can’t help but sigh knowing that's not how he wanted the conversation to go.

*******

You did not learn your lesson. Rick stared at you intensely from his spot on the helicopter. Surprisingly he hadn’t said a word yet but you knew it was coming. It had barely been a week since you told him you wouldn’t do it again. During said week you have barely spoken to him, which led him to be nicer than usual because he wanted your friendship back. You were sure that was gone.

When you and the rest of the squad lands, instead of talking to everyone like he usually does he calls your name gruffly. “My office. Now.” You can’t help the irritation and the slight pinch of dread you feel. Last week the consequences he’d given you were brutal workouts that left you sore for days. You still felt the effects of them and you weren’t in the mood for more.

Once the door was closed behind you, Flag slumped in his chair. He looked genuinely exhausted and you imagine he must be. You wait for him to speak, not wanting to escalate the situation further.

“Sit down. I know you’re tired.” It’s a trap. You do so hesitantly.

Rick can’t help the sigh that escaped his lips. He can’t help the fact that he’s exasperated and he doesn’t truly know why. Any leader would be happy to know that the soldiers that stood behind him were willing to die to protect him. And maybe once he could remember feeling that way, but he could also remember being more proud to get them home safely .

Rick stares at you for a good two minutes without breaking eye contact, before glancing at the clock on the wall. “Do you have something you want to say?” He asks you. Definitely a trap.

“It’s my job to protect you, sir.”The formality you tack on at the end let’s Rick know how you’re going to try to play this conversation.

“It is your job to listen to me.” He corrects, which you have to refrain from rolling your eyes at.

“It’s your job to try to get everyone home in one piece. Including yourself. Also, asshole if you die where the fuck do I go?” You ask, frustratedly scoffing at the look of realization on his face. “When you get over your death wish then I’ll start to listen to you again.”

Rick falls silent again as he thinks over your words. “Am I dismissed?” You ask, the tone of your voice conveying your anger. But you also urgently needed to get away from him.

“No.” He answers, ignoring your huff of frustration. “Do you have anything else you want to say to me?”

“You wouldn’t want to hear anything I have to say to you.” Your disregard for respect is noted, but at the moment it’s not what he’s concerned about.

“You’re hurt.” He says finally, watching as shame creeps up on your face. “What reason do you have for not reporting your injuries?” He asked blankly, his southern drawl making him sound less upset than he was, but you knew better.

Rick watched surprise take over your face at the fact that he knew. “It’s not that bad.” You tell him. That was a lie though, and the only reason you hadn’t said anything is because you didn’t want to give him anymore reason to be mad over you ignoring his orders. Also you would be pissed to hear I told you so.

Rick sighs, he‘s exhausted, angry, worried and frustrated and the last thing he feels like dealing with is you lying to his face.

Without another word, he stands from his seat. He’s not in the mood to argue, especially when you’re clearly wrong. When he kneels in front of you, you blanch a little unsure of what he’s doing when he takes out his pocket knife.

He makes quick work of cutting your suit to see the affected area. You start to protest but it dies on your lips when he glares at you, leaving you unaware of the pout that settles there instead. You wince once you see the bruised area that leaves your skin discolored. It looks worse than you thought it would.

“That’s definitely broken.” He states. He presses softly against the bruise, eliciting a hiss from you. You hear him mutter under his breath ‘not that bad’ mockingly.

Even though you know you shouldn’t say anything and you’re not in the position too you can’t help yourself. “You know a little gratitude wouldn’t hurt.” And because you’re a pain in the ass you add, “Even if I’m just your prisoner.”

The look he flashes you is bordering deadly. “You want me to thank you for the stupid shit you keep pulling in the field.” You squint at him defiantly, adrenaline still crashing through your veins from the events because you shouldn’t even have the energy to argue with him, but you do.

“The stupid shit that saved your life? Yeah.” Rick is astonished by your insubordination, it’s new and most likely a product of you being frustrated by your circumstances. He laughs a little, obviously pissed.

You’re surprised when he grips your jaw in one hand and pulls your face closer to him. “I’m only gonna say this once, and you’re gonna listen since you’re so convinced that I own you. “ He speaks slowly. “There are a thousand men just like me. They were trained the same, they think the same, they live the same life as me. There is only one you.” Rick takes in the way your eyes are almost bambi like and basically a window into your naivety trying to avert your gaze. He knows you hate to hear it. You hate being told how special you are, you don’t believe it.

“Look at me.” You do.He's still holding your jaw, but his grip is softer now and you could pull away, but you don’t.

“Nobody out there is like you. Nobody. And you could really change the world when you get out of this mess, for good. Stop trying to save me all the time. I can take care of myself.” You purse your lips knowing that if it came down to it again you would do the same. He knows that.

“Sir, yes sir.” You say jokingly, your smile wobbly and your eyes wet. “Your best pep talk yet.” You inform him.

He grins at you exasperated, but willing to let it go.

“Let’s go to the med bay, before you pass out.”

#rick flag x reader

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bduchrnskei · 3 days

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tumblr will never count as social media to me. This shit a secret hideout and we just all happen to see each others thoughts

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bduchrnskei · 5 days

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girlhood is staying up late to read the top posts in an x reader tag

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bduchrnskei · 5 days

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Shrooms for Two.

Midsommar One Shot

Summary: Mark and Y/n sneak off together once finding out Y/n smuggled some magic mushrooms from the first stop they were at earlier. Their euphoric trip causes one of them to psych out, and trigger out an aggressive confession.

Pairing: Mark x Reader

Tags: drug use & swearing

A/N: as someone coming from experience w/ drugs, i have no intent on influencing someone to follow this activity due to this one shot. i’m no doctor but be careful and do ur research before you ever try shrooms!!! btw i have no idea if what i’ve written is accurate on a mushroom trip. i’ll do more research on it in the future.

YOUR POOR NEGATIVE thoughts on the Sweden trip immediately switched when you remembered how a lot of people were all in for drug use.

The first stop, you stretched your legs after the long car ride. Dani and Christian walked together while Mark was stumbling and annoyingly fighting his way through the tall grasses due to the bugs pestering him.

While everyone else engaged in conversations and observed Hårga, you snuck your way to Mark and tapped him on the shoulder.

“You know, we don’t start the main events until later,” you whispered.

Mark looked around and then back at you. He blows out the excess smoke from his vape pen. “So?”

He held a look of disinterest. Mark never really spoke to you that much during the whole flight there, not even in the car. You two exchanged questions maybe once or twice, but that was pretty much it. All he could ramble on about was his immature importance of explicit content—or pornography, including wanting to see the Swedish women, which was mainly the reason why he only agreed to come.

But that disheartening awkward tension would change if you just lifted your hand a little more, holding up the baggy of sweets. “So . . .” you shook the bag, making Mark’s eyes grow dark and large. “‘Shrooms for two.”

“How the fuck did you manage to smuggle those?” You and Mark made your way inside the quarters where you all slept. Being the only two inside given that everyone else was out eating dinner and preparing for another activity, it was safe to speak out loud and clear.

You shrugged. “What? I just grabbed a few. I even got us some dope.”

“Don’t those belong to Pelle’s brother or something?”

“Yeah. But Ingemar said I could take some.” The bag crinkles when you pulled out two magic mushrooms. You hand one to him. “Cheers.”

The same trip effect you had when you and the group took shrooms back at the first stop kicked in. You and Mark both felt like if you took one step, the ground would melt like butter.

So you both laid on the grass.

Mark wouldn’t stop freaking out, but it got to the point where you stopped trying to calm him down. You began to notice the trees were breathing, and your mind was at ease. Everything felt like a Macbook photo booth effect. Who knew a tiny mushroom could do so much to a person. You were feeling so relaxed, and you loved life. You loved Sweden . . .

You loved Mark.

“Are you gonna freak out like how you did before?” you say softly to Mark. You turned to him to find him in an extreme euphoric state, his large eyes widened as he looked around him all paranoid over nothing.

“No!” He exclaims. “Why?” He was already freaking out like before.

“Mark,” you said to him with warning. “Just relax your body.”

“I can’t even feel my body! It’s like I’m being stuffed with glitter!”

With a random reaction, you got up. That word sent an engine start in your system.

Feel. You feel different when you’re with Mark. You feel happy despite him not even knowing it. You feel reckless ‘cause he was a dumb college kid who smokes weed in his shared apartment. You feel whole when you’re imagining him being with you. You wanted him to be with you, that was why you offered the shrooms.

“Get up.” You insist.

“Huh?” he was panting.

You bent down so you were on your knees. You grip him and push him down so you were straddling on top of him. You were stupidly high that your words started slow, then gradually sped up by each second. “Mark, you make me feel some type of way. I seriously don’t know what the fuck you’re doing to me, but I love it. I really like you, but I’m not your ideal girl, like that Swedish girl you saw earlier. Inja, or whatever her name is!”

“Get the fuck off me!” Mark panics and tries wiggling you off. “I’ll throw you!”

You place both your hands on his face, caressing him. “Just let me enjoy us right here!”

“Y/n!” He pushes you. “You’re creeping the fuck outta me, and I’m always creeped out when I’m on this shit!”

You dust yourself off when you got back up on your feet. It was such a dumb thing to feel triggered about. Really, you had no idea what just happened. Or why you did what you did. It was just one shroom.

You freaked Mark out, and now he’s gonna think you’re a stalker and never speak to you or come near you for the rest of the trip.

Or was he? You looked down at him to check to see if he was okay. Sure enough, he went back to the usual state he was in, but he immediately forgot you were on top of him just moments ago, almost force feeding your confession down his throat. He didn’t need that, and you didn’t need to do that, either.

You kinda wished you had better planning, because now the villagers and your group with Dani and Christian were all walking back to the fields where you and Mark were, some staring at you as they approached closer.

Pelle grinned. “We were wondering where you two went.”

“They’re high,” you could hear Josh mutter in his sigh. “They got high, without us. Cunts.”

“Holy shit, did you break Mark or something?” Christian says. “Dude! You good?”

Dani rushes to you and tries to touch your shoulder. “Are you okay?” she looks down to see Mark, paralyzed in paranoia, his heartbeat racing and mind jumping to a whole different world. “Is . . . he gonna be okay?”

Mark fluttered his eyes wide open again. “H-HI!” He yelps. “There’s people! I don’t like new people!”

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bduchrnskei · 7 days

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Sheamus gone for like a year and then come back with a fat ass?????? King behavior.

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bduchrnskei · 7 days

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masterlist

works under each character are oldest to newest

last updated on 4/6/24

requests, ideas, n asks are always welcomed, here

tangerine; bullet train

co-workers ➛ angst, fluff

summary: "if it took you getting shot for you two to finally, maybe, realize you like each other i would've used you as target practice a long time ago." warnings: language, violence, fighting, injuries, blood, weapons word count: 3.4k+

confessions most popular! ➛ fluff

summary: "you're beautiful you know that love," tangerine said softly as if the declaration was a secret that only the space between you could know. warnings: mention of a gun, injuries, blood word count: 1.1k+

the days you meet my fav! ➛ fluff, angsty plot twist

summary: tangerine was feeling the same way. he ran his tongue across his teeth thinking of the way your laugh sounded like a symphony. he shook his head a bit thinking it was wild to even say such things about, truly, a stranger. warnings: none! word count: 2.5k+

a ghost ➛ angst

summary: "are you happy?" the question felt like a burning knife slowly carving your heart out OR! ex lovers see each other for the first time warnings: none! word count: 700+

lover girl ➛ angst, comfort, fluff-ish

summary: tangerine saves you from an awful date, cliche realizing feelings afterwards warnings: mentions of killing, language, talks of insecurities word count: 2k+

jealousy

summary: he knew you were fuming about his actions and he loved it. the two of you loved making the other jealous. it was a sick cycle. warnings: mildly toxic dynamic, semi-suggestive (no descriptions) word count: 900+

apologizes ➛ angst, comfort

summary: you voice your concerns about tangerine's profession, to which he doesn't take kindly warnings: mentions of injury, swearing, drinking, nothing bad at all word count: 1.5k+

love and grief

summary: you knew no matter how often you two spat with the other, said you hated each other, hell, even nearly killed the other, you two were connected in some weird unexplainable manner. warnings: death, violence, injuries, language word count: 2.4k+

come here

summary: REQUEST! can you do a drabble where tangerine goes to the bathroom and sends the reader a text that says "come here." warnings: 18+!! word count: 500+

psychopomp ➛ angst

summary: it was that moment, underneath the streetlight, that tangerine knew he had no choice but to love you warnings: death, dying, anxiety word count: 1.6k+

a new year

summary: REQUEST! new year’s eve party with tangerine warnings: smoking word count: 800+

friend or foe

alternate continuation to 'the days you meet' summary: REQUEST! where lemon goes to the cafe a few weeks later and talks with reader, they notice lemon wearing tangerine's necklace. reader is also a contract killer and thinks that lemon killed tangerine. warnings: guns word count: 1.1k+

seduction

summary: REQUEST! reader is interacting with another guy in a mission and tangerine gets super jealous warnings: none i believe, making the other person jealous word count: 1.8k+

headrest ➛ fluff

summary: REQUEST! reader falls asleep on tangerine's shoulder on the train home after a mission warnings: none word count: 700+

13 weeks ➛ fluff

summary: it was a quiet night when the walls of your apartment learned that the two of you had fallen for the other warnings: none word count: 800

high school headcanon

summary: REQUEST! you and the twins are a trio and they are protective of you warnings: the slightest description of someone being a bully

new friends, new love ➛ fluff

summary: REQUEST! ladybug ditches you at a work event to chat to lemon while you occupy an unsociable tangerine warnings: mentions of injury word count: 1.3k+

bar fight

summary: REQUEST! tangerine intervenes when the creep at the bar puts his hands on you warnings: harassment, fighting word count: 1.6k+

sunlight ➛ tooth rotting fluff

summary: REQUEST! you take advantage of the empty beach after a mission much to tangerine's initial dismay OR! though the moon would watch over him, he knew the sun was far closer to him because you were in his arms. warnings: none word count: 1.1k+

tangerine intervenes a stalker headcanon

summary: REQUEST! you call tangerine after two men follow you from the station to different stores warnings: talks of stalking, nothing descriptive

scarlet flags

summary: you called me angel for the first time, my heart leapt from me warnings: suggestive- minimal descriptions, toxic situationship word count: 860+

inked

summary: tattoo artist!tangerine; you meet tangerine's friends for the first time warnings: language word count: 1.7k+

tangerine has a soft spot for reader

summary: REQUEST! tangerine has a soft spot and dynamic similar to him and lemon with reader warnings: none

too sweet

summary: tangerine is strong and bitter, much like a neat whiskey but you were sweet, like an aged wine, and he wasn't use to that. warnings: none word count: 1.2k+

letters to a loved one

summary: the only form of communication you and tangerine can use when he is on a mission is email, however, as the weeks and months go by, your words have been left unanswered. warnings: angst word count: 1.4k

a house is not a home

summary: for months now you lived two separate lives. existing on two completely different orbits, the distance between you growing into lightyears warnings: angst, lovers to strangers word count: 930+

pietro maximoff; marvel

hole in the wall

summary: despite barely knowing the brainwashed girl beyond the wall, pietro refused to hurt her, no matter how much she hurt him. warnings: fighting, none rlly?? word count: 5k+

phantom pain ➛ angst, comfort

summary: i'm jealous of the rain that falls upon your skin, it's closer than my hands have been warnings: insecurities, none really?? word count: 2.9k+

vincent renzi; anatomy of a fall

reassured

summary: the presence of an old flame causes vincent to reassure you warnings: none! word count: 370+

enticed

summary: vincent can't help but struggle through work with you as the prosecutor warnings: none word count: 645

401 notes · View notes

bduchrnskei · 9 days

Text

Terrible Liar

Avenger!Loki x Avenger!f!reader

Warnings: Swearing, mentions of injury (reader has a nasty ass wound), mentions of blood and medical supplies, Loki and reader are both assholes to each other but its FUNNY. Rushed plot bc this came to me in a fever dream. Maybe some bad grammar, run on sentences etc. Ignore those ahaha. this is NOT edited or reviewed AT ALL. she's as raw as they come.

A/N: This came to be in a fever dream. Btw. Like God sent it to me. I'm sorry if it feels rushed I was so desperate to get it all down I blacked out. IT'S 5K OKAY MY BAD AHAHAH i'm kind of a slut for this kind of trope so MY BAD. anyway this is for THE @sarahscribbles 's Christmas Celebration!! Sorry I'm a little late, these two wouldn't shut the fuck up so I got carried away. ANYWAY I HOPE YOU ENJOY SARAH I LOVE YOU <3

Synopsis: What could possibly go wrong with spending a night sharing a room with Loki? (aka: enemies to lovers + one bed trope)

Word count: 5K

Oh man. You watched Loki bang the hood of the car in anger. That can’t be good.

You rested your head against the window of the stolen car, taking deep breaths. You could feel your whole body shaking from the adrenaline. You hadn’t calmed down a single bit since the ride out here. How long has it been? Probably less than an hour. You had no idea how far out you were from the nearest town and it absolutely was not the right time for this car to stop. Your entire body hurt from getting kicked in the ass repeatedly during the fight, and your head spun. Your left side throbbed and your shoulder screamed in agony. Not to mention, you are completely separated from the rest of the group, and you have no means of communication. Somewhere along the way, you had lost your comm, and your spare was of no use. Loki said the lines were down anyway, so it wasn’t much help to begin with.

Speaking of the devil, he threw the door of the car open, letting in the chill winter air, and huffed as he got back in, slamming the door behind him. “Stupid, useless vehicle. What is the point of transportation if it fails so easily?” He grumbled.

“It’s out of gas, genius,” “Well it’s not making for a very efficient getaway car,” He ran a hand through his hair. “Well?” You looked at him expectantly, but he only looked back with an expression of confusion. You sat up straighter to face him, but your vision blurred and your head swam. It took you a minute to collect yourself. “We can;t just sit here, we’ll freeze to death,” Loki scoffed. “No I won’t,” You clenched your jaw. “Okay, I’ll freeze to death,” “Tragedy,” His tone was dead as he pulled out his phone to mess with. “I’ll let them know it was a heroic death,” “You’re such an asshole,” “How original,” You nearly growled. “Laufeyson,” “Agent,” He replied smoothly, looking up at you with one of those disarming grins. You were not falling for it. You may be delirious and crashing soon, but you were not falling for Loki’s charms.

“We need to figure something out,” “You mean I need to figure it out,” “Oh my fucking god. I’m not gonna sit here like some passenger princess-” “Agent, you are trembling so hard you couldn’t even walk a foot much less help out in this little dilemma,” Loki interrupted. “I have no desire to starve out here, and horrifyingly, I can’t find it in my heart to let you die out here either. I’ll figure it out,”

You grumbled under your breath, and you were certain he heard you because he grinned wider and went back to messing with his phone.

He was right though, you were shaking really hard- both from the adrenaline and now, the cold. Whenever you exhaled, a puff of white air formed in front of you, and the tip of your nose was starting to go numb. The idea of leaving your fate at the moment in the hands of Loki was an absolutely horrifying idea, since you knew how reckless this guy tended to be. But you didn’t have much of a choice, and as much as it physically pained you to sit quietly and wait, you did just that. It was made another fifteen minutes before Loki peeled his eyes away from the phone pad. He opened the door to the car, and stepped out.

“Hey!” You yelled. “Where the hell are you going? Close the goddamn door!” But of course, he didn’t bother answering or listening. He looked around, staring at his phone occasionally before surveying the area again. And just when you thought he couldn’;t get more insane, he started walking away from the car. Your heart squeezed in your chest. Was he going to leave you here? Like hell he was. You kicked open your door, shakingly getting out of the car. You were vaguely aware of the stab of pain at your side that nearly had you doubled over as black spots danced in your vision, but you willed yourself to push it aside. You slammed the door shut as you walked out after Loki.

“Hey!” You yelled out to him. You had no idea if he could even hear you with the way the wind howled and snow whipped at your face. It was freezing cold, snow biting your cheeks and your teeth chattering after being out here for less than a few minutes. “Laufeyson!” You yelled louder, arm clutching your side and limping in the direction he walked in. No answer. You were positive a storm was kicking up.

“Loki!” You screamed this time, as loud as your voice let you. Your chest heaved, your throat hurt, and the air you gulped stung so bad you were so close to never breathing it again.

“Loki! God help me, Loki, when I find you!” You looked around slowly, yet all you saw was the outline of your stolen car in the winds, and white. So much white. “I’ll haunt you, you know!” You shouted into the wind. “If I die here, I’ll haunt you forever!” You had to shield your eyes from the harsh snow as you yelled. You knew he couldn’t hear you, but you also knew that he couldn’t have gotten too far. How long could he even last out here? Damn it, he could probably last a while.

Stupid, horrible, arrogant Loki. You contemplated going back to the car, but decided that if you were going to imagine a million and one ways to kill and haunt Loki for eternity, you might as well do it while freezing out here. You were only at number fifteen of your haunting possibilities when you heard his stupidly smooth voice. “What in the Nine Realms do you think you’re doing out here?”

You whirled around to find him standing there, absolutely unaffected by the weather or your situation. His cheeks were rosy and his pretty hair was up in a bun (that was more falling apart than anything) and pretty snowflakes hung in the curls.

He looked….well. He looked heavenly, to say the least.

“I was out here looking for you,” You shot back as harshly as you could, but with the way your teeth chattered and the small smirk that tugged at his lips, it didn’t seem to be working. “You should have stayed in the car,” He sounded almost…angry. Why the hell would he be angry when he left you behind? Although, the frown and furrowed brows were a little cute. “You shouldn’t have wandered off and left me behind,” “I was coming to get you,” “Like hell you were,” “I was,” He stepped closer to you, and you had to hold back everything to not huddle up closer to him like a goddamn penguin. He snapped his fingers and you felt something warm and heavy fall on your shoulders. “Put that on. We’re leaving,”

“Leaving?! Where the hell are we leaving?! Do I need to remind you that we are stranded in the middle of a storm?!”

Loki grumbled as he forcefully got you into the jacket he conjured. You didn’t bother saying thank you, which was fine because he only kept glaring at you before marching ahead.

“Where are you going?!” He didn’t bother answering. “Loki!” Assshit. You grumbled and huffed the entire time as you hurried after him, trying to block off the tingling ache at your side. You knew you didn’t get stabbed. Maybe it’s a big cut. You were certain you’d know if a knife had lodged itself into your side.

You had no idea where Loki was taking you but you kept your mouth shut in hopes that it was someplace warm and safe.

“Your hair looks like shit,” You blurted out. Okay, maybe not always keeping your mouth shut.

He looked at you from the corner of his eye. “You don’t look much better,” “Yeah but I said it first,” “Maybe I should have left you in the car,” “I would’ve still found you,” “Yes, haunting me forever,” “You heard that?!” He shrugged. “I was heading back to the car. You weren’t exactly quiet,” You stared at him with wide eyes. “And you didn’t even say anything,” “I found it too amusing to interrupt,” You frowned, shoving him with your shoulder. Wrong move apparently, because your vision started spinning and your knees nearly buckled. Loki wrapped an arm around you ever so gently, as if scared you’d shatter otherwise. “Stop talking,” He snapped. “And stop being so damn aggressive. I would like to make this journey without you collapsing on me,” “I’m not going to collapse,” You mumbled. “You always were a terrible liar,” He muttered under his breath, and more or less carried you to your destination. At first, you didn’t let him, but he won eventually, like he always did, and you leaned the rest of your weight onto him.

You had no idea where you were until you reached the smack middle of a small town. A picture perfect fantasy, almost. Little houses and small shops lined with lights and trees and covered in snow. It was like stepping into a Hallmark movie. Each house was so full of light, and even through the howling wind, you could hear the sounds of laughter and shrieking children.

How the hell did Loki find this place? “There’s a motel here. We’ll book rooms, spend the night. I’m sure there’s Wi-Fi too,” Loki sounded like he was talking more to himself than you.

“Freaking out?” You asked.

“Yes. I’m thinking of which way Stark will kill me if you die,” “Pfft. Tony wouldn’t kill you,” Loki raised his eyebrows but stayed quiet as he walked you both through the town. The storm was clearly picking up, and you were thankful that he had all those genes to keep him alive in this weather, and that he was able to find this place.

When you reached the motel- which appeared to be the only one in town- you couldn’t help smiling (even if you couldn’t feel your face at all anymore). It was a cute little building, rustic and heartwarming. Little snowmen lined the front, and a bed jingled as you and Loki entered. The inside was even better, with burgundy and gold designs and wallpaper that looked like it came straight out of a Victorian novel. It was cozy, and more importantly, warm.

You almost sobbed in relief as you practically collapsed onto an armchair by the counter. Your body sank into it, your nerves singing in joy as you slowly felt your fingertips again.

“Are you alright?” Loki asked.

You nodded. “Yup,” He made a sound of disapproval. “You need to lie better,” “Go shove your head through the wall,” You muttered back. He only grinned. Loki didn’t even appear fazed or relieved at the warmth, and simply marched up to the counter. There was no one there, and he rang the bell at least five times.

“Would you stop that?” You snapped after the sixth time.

“It’s a bell. It’s meant to be used,” “Not like that,” “It’s how you call for attention,” “Well I’m sure whoever runs this place will be here shortly,” He lasted a whole two minutes before he hit the bell again.

“Loki,” You hissed.

“Just a minute!” You heard a cheery voice call from the back, and a short old lady appeared, seemingly out of breath. “Sorry about that, all those damn stairs,” She chuckled to herself.

Loki flashed her a smile. “It’s not a problem at all,” “Oh my,” The old woman smiled back but this time you swore up and down she blushed a little.

Loki and his stupid, disarming smile.

“My…friend and I are a little caught in this storm,” He started, gesturing to you. You waved weakly at the lady and mustered up a smile. She probably thought you were crazy. You had no idea how you looked, but you knew it wasn’t how a normal person should.

“We were wondering if you had any available rooms for the night. Just two is fine,” He turned back to the lady with an even bigger smile.

“Well,” She smiled wider at Loki. “I’ll see what I can do,” He nodded, “Thank you…” he squinted at her name tag. “Lucy. Thank you very much, Lucy,” And there Lucy went, blushing and grinning at him again.

Horrible, absolutely tragic. The poor woman had no idea how insufferable Loki was.

Lucy rummaged through her desk, seemingly looking for keys to the rooms. She pulled out one, placing it on the counter, before going back to look for the other. You waited, tagging your foot on the wood floor, staring at the cute fireplace. Your whole body hummed in gratitude, and your feet tingle, feeling back in them.

“Oh dear,” Lucy muttered to herself.

“Everything alright Lucy?” Loki asked.

“It seems that I only have a single room available. This storm has the place booked fully,” She explained.

Hell no.

Loki sighed. “Very well-” “Are you sure?” You interrupted him. “Can you check again?” You probably sounded desperate, but you couldn’t stop yourself.

You can’t share a room with Loki. You’d go crazy. You’d do something disastrous- like give in to the urge to cuddle into his chest! Or God forbid, tangle your hand in his hair.

“I did, hon. I’m afraid this is all I’ve got,” She said apologetically.

Fuuuuck.

“It’s quite alright, Lucy. There’s two beds in the room, correct? I’m sure we can manage to share a room for a night,” Loki said hastily before you could interrupt again.

Lucy opened her mouth, as if to say something else, before she stopped. “Alright,” “How much is it for the night, darling?” Oh okay, he was really laying it on thick then.

“Oh- oh um…” Lucy chuckled nervously. “This room….it’s 150$ for the night. You can pay in the morning, if you prefer,” “Nonsense,” Loki smiled, pulling out cash from the pocket in his top armour, counting the bills. “Here you go, Lucy,” He handed her the money. “Thank you so very much for your help,” She nodded wordlessly as she handed him the key. Loki took it and turned back to you, arms on his hips. “Are you coming, or must I carry you?” “I wouldn’t mind being carried…” You started jokingly. Apparently, Loki couldn’t read the room, because he frowned, shrugged and then walked over, picking you up effortlessly.

“Hey-!” You started to protest, but a sudden wave of pain shot through you, shutting you up. “I was joking,” You muttered.

“Mhm,” He said, shooting Lucy another smile before heading upstairs to your room. The stairs were cute too, you noticed, lined with a soft matt and cute lamps lined the walls. And Loki’s chest was really warm, and- that had nothing to do with the motel.

Before your thoughts could get any more dangerous, Loki stopped in front of a room, hand rummaging through his back pocket to get the key. “You can put me down now,” “I’ll put you down when I feel like it,” Shithead.

He unlocked the door and stepped in, closing it behind him with his foot. All businesslike, he walked over to the big bed and placed you down on it. It was comfy, and you had to control yourself from not falling back and getting it dirty in all your blood and gore. Loki looked you over. “Fine?” You nodded. “Fine,” He smiled and you were certain he was going to call you a liar but you stopped him. “Laufeyson?” “What?” “Where’s the other bed?” Loki froze, looking around the room slowly. “Oh,” “Oh?” He looked back at you. “It seems, darling, that there is no other bed,” “No fucking shit! You’re sleeping on the floor,” He looked at you in disbelief. “Absolutely not. We can share the bed like civilised people,” “Everyone always says that! And then it never works out!” You threw your hands up. You winced, immediately dropping your hands to hold your side. “Everyone? Who the hell is everyone?” “The movies, duh,” He stared at you. “You’re serious,” “Dead,” He ran a hand down his face. “Alright. We’ll split the bed or something. I truly don’t care enough. I simply want to sleep,” You shrugged. “Fine. Go shower first, then I’ll go in,” “I don’t have clothes to change out of, genius,” “You’re a god genius,” You replied mockingly. “I’m pretty sure you can snap your fingers and get us some clothes,” He stared at you, like he hadn’t had that thought at all. “Right.” And indeed, with a snap of his fingers, a pile of clothes appeared on the bed, and one in his hands. “Try not to get yourself killed,” “I hope you drown in the shower,” He smiled at you before heading into the washroom. You were finally alone, even for a few minutes. You breathed a sigh of relief. Being around Loki always ended with one of you flustered. Tragically, it tended to be you. You looked through the pile of clothes Loki summoned- a plain shirt that appeared way too large, and some plaid pants. They weren’t outrageous. You just had to make sure you hadn’t lost any limbs.

You slowly peeled off the layers of your top- the jacket, weapons, cash, your useless comms and phone- and then unzipped your equally-useless-in-the-cold vest. You laid all your things on the floor, not wanting to get the bed dirty. Then, slowly, you lifted your top just under your chest, sucking in a deep breath.

Fuck.

There was a nasty looking cut, starting from right under your ribs and nearly crossing the other side. You didn’t think it looked terrible, but you are almost certain it needed stitches. It wasn’t bleeding too much, but that might have to do with being out in the cold for too long than anything else- even your top was more or less soaked in blood.

You didn’t even have a first aid kit. You traced around the cut slowly, wincing when it hurt. You prayed it wasn’t infected.

“Alright, hm?” Your head snapped up to see Loki freshly showered and changed, his now useless mission suit nowhere in sight. “Um, yeah, I’m fine,” His jaw ticked. “You’re hurt,” “Yeah but I’m fine,” “You are bleeding,” He sounded ...angry. Was he mad at you? “It’s not like I did it on purpose,” You snapped.

He clenched and unclenched his fists. He opened his mouth to say something, before he shook his head and stormed out of the room.

“What the fuck? You called out after him. He didn’t answer as the door slammed behind him.

You had no clue why he had to be so mad. It’s not like you chose to get hurt, and you certainly weren’t going to ask him for anything, so why’d he get so pissy? You grumbled to yourself as you grabbed the clothes, heading into the bathroom to scrub off the day.

It took you a solid twenty minutes to wash everything out. You were very careful to not open your cut further, taking warm water to wash off the dried blood around it.

You tugged on the plain shirt as you stepped out of the bathroom. You winced when you reached up to tie your hair, deciding to just leave it down to dry. You had thrown your old clothes on the pile of Loki’s in the bathroom, and used a spare towel to press against your wound.

“Welcome back,” You said sarcastically when you found Loki sitting on the bed.

“Come here,” He said curtly.

“You can’t just order me around after you walk out you know? And you can’t get bitchy with me for no fucking reason-” “Will you please come sit down so you can look at your wound,” Loki snapped, but it didn’t sound harsh. It was almost…pleading. You froze in your spot, blinking slowly at him. His voice sounded devastated and in your daze, you nodded, slowly walking over to sit on the bed beside him.

“May I?” He gestured to your shirt and you nodded again. He lifted it over your head, and suddenly you were thankful for putting on the sports bra Loki brought with your clothes.. “You didn’t say anything,” He whispered.

You swallowed. This was too freaky. You never got this close with Loki. “We-...we had other things to worry about,” You swore his hands trembled as he reached into the first aid kit beside him. Where did he get that? Did he run out to buy one? Damn it. You and Loki didn’t do fluffy shit. The one day you needed him to be an asshole….

He took his time cleaning the wound, and you tried your best to keep your yelps of pain down.

“Do you want stitches?” Loki asked in a soft tone. He looked ...frightened. And why too pale. Did he get squirm-ish at this stuff?

“Are you a medical professional?” You asked.

“Farthest thing from it,” You hummed. “Just wrap it up,”

He nodded, grabbing some cotton pads and the gauze. He carefully placed the pads onto the wound, and began wrapping the gauze around your waist. His fingers brushed against your skin, and you shivered at the touch.

“There,” He exhaled, pulling his hands away. “You can put your shirt back on,” “Yeah,” You nodded. You should definitely grab it now. You should probably put it on. But you didn’t move a muscle, not with the way Loki stared at you, and the way his eyes dipped lower occasionally. He looked away, appearing flustered, his fists clenched on his thighs. “Loki?” “What?” He snapped.

“Why are you so angry?” “You could have died,” His voice died down to nothing but a desperate whisper. “You could have died,” You opened your mouth to protest, to say that you had it under control and that everything was fine, but he shook his head.

“Don’t you dare say everything was ‘fine’. You’re still such a terrible liar,” You weren’t. He just had that freaky ability to tell when you lied every damn time.

“You could have died. Human life is so horribly fragile, you could have died at any second. What was I to do then, hm? Stare at your lifeless body?” “I thought you’d rejoice at my death,” You joked, trying to break the tension. His eyes snapped to look at yours, his jaw clenched and his eyes wide with fear. You thought he’d say something, but instead he just leaned in, crushing his lips harshly against yours. Before you could even react, he pulled away, breathing heavily.

“I would have died too. In the simplest terms, my heart would have stopped working the minute yours did too,” You froze in shock, staring at him with wide eyes. What just happened? Your lips tingled from the kiss. You wanted him to do it again. “What the hell are you saying, Loki?” “I’m saying that you are incredibly stupid and idiotic and completely selfish. And that I would rather die than live a life without you in it,” He started, his tone angry and desperate. Your head was spinning. Maybe there was drugs in the linen of this bed. Or maybe Loki hit his head.

“Say something,” Loki pleaded now, the fight gone from him. “I’m sorry if I offended you. I’m sorry I’ve been such an ass. I can’t help myself. I go crazy every time you’re around. I can’t think straight and I….I don’t know what to do with myself. I’ve never done this before. I thought perhaps if I annoyed you enough, I’d get you out of my head. But Norns, every time you shot some clever remark back, it only egged me on more,” He was rambling at this point.

You felt confused, but at the same time a sense of relief washed over you. It wasn’t like you were in love with Loki- but you definitely didi entertain the idea of occasionally making out with him or spending the day shopping together.

So maybe it was a little crush.

And fuck, it was a relief to hear him blurt out how helpless he was with you.

“Did you black out?” Loki asked. He cursed under his breath, getting up to give you some space. “I apologise, I shouldn’t have said anything. I came off too strong,” He fumbled as he stood up, running a hand through his hair. “I just…I panicked. I apologise-” “Loki,” You stopped him from spiralling further, even if it was cute to see his usually composed self dissolve. You shuffled over to him on your knees. Even while on the bed, he was still fucking giant. You cupped his face and pulled him down, pressing a kiss to his lips.

You pulled away after a second, dizzy from the feel of his lips on yours. It was better than you could have ever imagined. He stared at you in shock, lifting his fingers up to press them to his lips. You nearly died right there.

“What was that for?” he asked, shocked.

You laughed, kissing him again. He leaned into it this time, wrapping his arms carefully around your waist, his lips pressing against yours.

You kissed him again and again and again, until you were both breathless and his lips were swollen and you were sure yours were too.

“You’re really fucking insufferable, by the way,” You muttered against his lips. He hummed, chasing after yours as you pulled away. “You drive me insane. You’re in my head all the damn time, I can’t get rid of you,” “Don’t get rid of me, then,” He captured your lips in another bruising kiss. “I don’t plan to,” You sighed happily as you shuffled back onto the bed, pushing aside bandages and gauze wrap and wipes. Loki was a lot neater, taking his time to put them away onto the night table. He crawled into bed with you, his body hovering over yours, hands on either side of your head, caging you in. He leaned down, pressing another kiss to your lips. One kiss turned into two, into three, and then you were making out lazily, your lips crushed together, heavy pants and heated breaths for god knows how long. Tragically, Loki rolled off of you, laying down beside you. You took deep breaths, trying to calm your racing heart.

Loki shifted, laying now on his side to look at you. You did the same, smiling softly. “Why didn’t you say something sooner?”

“If you couldn’t tell, I’m not quite a people person,” You chuckled. “No, I guess not,” He could be your person though.

Maybe that’s too early to say. You kept your mouth shut.

“Did I come off too strong?” “Nah,” You shook your head, reaching out to wrap your finger around a lock of his hair. “It was a Hallmark-worthy confession,” “What in the Norns is this Hallmark?” You laughed. “It’s a company. It makes lots of cheesy rom coms, all of which have some sort of frustratingly handsome male lead and big confessions,” “So you’re saying I’m handsome,” He grinned devilishly.

“Can’t deny it,”

He leaned in and kissed you again. You kissed him back but then pushed him off. “Stop it. I’ll become addicted,” He leaned back in. “Not a problem. I have no plans to go anywhere,” You ducked away from him, laughing. “If you keep making out with me Loki Laufeyson, we will be having sex,” His brows furrowed. “Absolutely not. Not while you’re injured,” Damn.

“Fine, then stop kissing me,” “Well that’s unfair. I just got started!” You shrugged. “It’s not my call,” He huffed, pulling you closer, your back flat against his chest. His arm wrapped carefully around your waist, the hand coming to rest just under your wound. “Go to bed then. Before I do something crazy,” “I like crazy. I’m quite fond of crazy,” “Yes, crazy seems to follow you everywhere. It might be your whole identity, really,” “Is that an insult?” A pause. “I don’t think so,”

You fell silent for a minute. “I think Lucy has a crush on you,” Loki laughed. “What makes you say that?” “Um, the way she blushed when you smiled at her? You laid it on so thick,” You could hear the shiteating grin as he spoke. “I have no idea what you mean, darling. I spoke to her like a normal person,” “Hm,” You wiggled closer to him. “Nah, you definitely were charming her,” His hand squeezed your hip.

“Stop that,” “What?” You feigned innocence.

“Stop moving,” You wiggled your ass again, just for a bit of emphasis. “What? This?”

You swore the sound he made then was some growl. “You find new ways to annoy me every day,” “It’s my talent,” “And you excel at it,” You truly did. No one ever got under his skin like you did. And now with this new layer of your relationship, you have an infinite number of possibilities.

You knew you guys should probably talk. Figure out where you stand. A plan for tomorrow morning. Try to communicate with the team. You couldn’t find it in yourself to care right now though. Loki was warm, and as he peppered kisses across your shoulder, you felt like maybe tomorrow would be a good day too.

“I still think you’re an ass,” You mumbled, your eyes half closed.

He laughed, the sound vibrating in his chest. “Truly a terrible liar,” He pressed a kiss under your ear. “I still think you are the bane of my existence,” “The only one?” “The only one,” You hummed, content with the answer. You could figure things out tomorrow. Tonight, you just wanted to lay in this haze of sunshine. To sleep and wake up to get drunk on Loki again.

Tags: I'm gonna tag a few people because I think I'm silly and this is my second little christmas-y fic so what the hell i dont care LMAO. DONT FEEL OBLIGED TO READ <3 @sarahscribbles @divine-knight-hand @holdmytesseract @joyful-enchantress @saturn-rings-writes

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