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001: "Paano ka masisiyahan kung ganyan yung ugali ng kapatid mo?"
Ganid. Adik sa computer. Panget. Mataba.
That's how my brother used to describe me as human, and as his sister. To be very honest, hell yes, he's right. Adik nga ko sa computer, 24/7 nasa harap ako ng computer. Walang araw ang matatapos na di ako nagcocomputer kasi its like that half of my life depends on this technology. Baket nga ba? Kasi pag naglalaro ako, or to be specific, pag nagbrobrowse ako online, I feel free. I feel pretty. I feel safe (not that safe like i'm safe from murderers, don't be too literal). I feel like... myself. Kasi pag sa internet, I can talk to anybody without being judged. Unlike in personal, konti na lang eh matahin ako mula paa hanggang buhok. I can read in their eyes na they judge me based on my looks. If I'll describe my outer appearance, di rin positive things sasabihin ko eh. Pero setting that aside, I have my reasons for loving being a computer addict. Pero I know naman na lahat ng "kinaadikan" at "sobra" ay masama, kaya alam kong may mali ako. Tanggap ko yun, di naman ako perpekto, diba? :)
Pero yung talagang nakasakit sakin is yung mga sinabi ni kuya. Sa mga sinabi niyang yun, I feel useless, horrible. Feeling ko napaka walang kwenta kong kapatid. To think of even my brother hates me. Masakit kayang isipin yun, na dalawa na lang kaming magkapatid, tapos di pa masikmura ni kuya ugali ko. Ouch, isang malaking ouch. Naawa ako kay kuya ngayon. Bakit? Kasi napakawala kong kwentang kapatid. Napaka walang kwenta kong tao. I fail in almost everything. I never did something productive. I'm not that kind of girl that you would announce to the world that "Guys, look at this pretty young lady besides me, That's my sister and I'm proud of it!" Never kong maririnig yun kay kuya kasi I'm not deserving enough to get that kind of treatment. Isa pa, nagaway kami ng ganun infront of our exhausted and tired mother from work, Diba ang bait kong tao? Sobrang bait to the point na pwede na kong magpatiwarik.
Di pa rin ako makaget over sa nangyaring yun. Sariwa pa rin yun, kasi nangyari lang un kagahapon. One of the worst day of my 13 years of existence. I hate myself now, Thank you.
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