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just played a chess game against death, poor fucker kept losing. at a certain point i saw him crying so we switched it up to checkers. hes still not beating me but hes not crying anymore so thats nice

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accursed

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be careful hes faster than a hare

Being pursued

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gym trainer: ok now this next exercise will help you build strong forearms

me looking down at my arms with tears welling up : i only got two sir

#im gonna need somebody to draw this immedatly pls #but instead of machamp its machoke being sad cause he only has 2 arms

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people used to say slurs all the time but would reprimand somebody for saying "sucks". im so glad we as a society have figured out that slurs are not cool but cuss words are to the point that now we have the opposite words for sucks that rhymes with it. "fucks" and its used in everyday casual conversation

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gym trainer: ok now this next exercise will help you build strong forearms

me looking down at my arms with tears welling up : i only got two sir

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the youths of today are so far gone we need to abondan them they dont even eat banana splits anymore. i walk to this gang of kids and i tell one of them hey "how about you make like a banana and split" and they said "bananas dont split they peel" and now im the one looking like a jackass becuase woke took away sundaes

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I’ve been following you for years but I can’t remember why or why I recognize your name

we once played together at church on a windy sunday morning when we were kids

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so much better

the games on the back of cereal boxes have no replayability

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yea so just got into thinking its pretty chill so far im saying shit like hmmm and hrmmmm. put one finger on my chin this morning but thats the more advanced stuff

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in the orginal draft of this post i didnt use the word emerge. i had to pull out an thesearuaus to find a cinnoman

you contain multitudes i contain multi dudes *5 guys emerge from my mouth and make you a really overpriced cheeseburger*

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you contain multitudes i contain multi dudes *5 guys emerge from my mouth and make you a really overpriced cheeseburger*

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thing about paintball that most of you airsoft spots wont understand is that when that ball hits you for a second you think that liquid might be your blood and when i see my own blood i lose it and my warrior spirit rages. perhaps if you also saw the glory of real war youd stop playing airsoft and pick up a paintball gun soldier

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when i was 23 i MERCILESSLY mocked 28 year olds for basically being 30 but not that im 28 i think we should all find the warmth of kindness in our hearts<3

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next time you run into a group of orcs and goblins tell the orcs they are weak and scrawny like a goblin so when the orc gets mad you for saying that the goblins will cancel him to death

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when sombody does something nice for you i want you to imagine 2 reasons why they did it in ur head. 1 imagine the worst most evil vile reason they did this nice thing for you and 2 imagine they did it cause an angel of pure love came down to them told them to do it. then choose one to beleive becuase they are both made up which is what you were gonna do anyway but its easier to see what you are doing when you take it to extremes