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blindingdutchy · 2 years

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reading it for the second time and i’m still all sweaty 🥵🫠

Summary: Running into your former best friend on your 25th birthday wasn’t in your celebration plans. What makes It even worse is that he doesn’t even seem to remember you or the reason you completely disappeared from his life. What is in your plans though, is to make him fall in love with you only to break him the way he broke you. There’s no way you could end up hurt again…right?

Pairings: Tom Holland x plus size! reader

Warnings: SMUT (additional warnings under the cut), TW: mentions of past SH (nothing graphic, just mention of scars), language, fluff.

Word Count: 3.2K

Chapter 11: Watching, Waiting, Aching

Smut Warnings: unprotected penetration (wrap it up, folks) praise kink, creampie, pet names. I think that’s it..?

“THIS BOY WILL BE THE DEATH OF ME!!”

The scream reverberated through your small apartment, your eyes shutting involuntarily at the booming through your eardrums. You blinked back at your reflection, swiping the last of the black lipstick on your lips before you blotted it with a tissue. Unfazed, your gaze connected with Kiara’s expectant one in the mirror. You placed your tissue down and turned to give her your full attention.

“What did Lucas do now?”

Exasperated, Kiara began pacing through your bedroom. “He wanted to see if we should change costumes. It’s fucking Halloween! Everything is gone! Stores are barren. What the fuck is wrong with him?”

“Maybe he just wants tonight to go perfect for you guys?” You eased.

“That’s easy to say when you’re already in a perfect relationship!” Kie countered.

Your mouth dropped at her insinuation. “I’m sorry?” You began and watched her pacing cease. “Perfect relationship? Kiara, it’s a fucking act! You know what the plan is! I almost have him right where I want him!”

A look passed across her face that you couldn’t discern before she spoke again. “Are you sure it’s just an act?”

“Hey there, party people!!” Lucia shouted, her hands up in the air in a grand gesture. Her gleeful expression quickly became solemn when she read the room.

You chuckled humorlessly at Kiara, standing up from your seat. “I’m not doing this again,” you grabbed your leather jacket from your bed, completely ignoring Lucia’s entrance, “Tell your boyfriend to get his shit together. I’ll be waiting for them in the living room.”

You brushed passed Lucia, leaving Kiara to explain what had just transpired.

You knew it wasn’t fair to get mad at Kie like that, she was just looking out for you. But fuck, did it suck to constantly be reminded of how this all would end. You pushed your feelings down as far as they would go and they still seemed to bubble up like a bad mixture of beer and liquor.

Tom was attractive, attentive, sweet, caring, smart, and funny. Literally everything you’ve ever wanted in a guy. And everything you couldn’t have. You had toyed with the idea of scrapping the plan completely, allowing yourself and your relationship to bloom. There would always be that thing though, the past hanging over your head with him non the wiser. You couldn’t just throw it away for a happy ever after because there would be no happy ever after. Not if and when he realized who you actually were.

It might seem dramatic to some, but to yourself you felt like an entirely different person for that year. You shut everyone out. You hurt yourself, mentally and physically. There were times you even wanted to hurt others just so they could feel the pain you were feeling. It scared you and if it hadn’t been for those two girls in the other room and a really good therapist, you’re not sure where you’d be.

You should probably apologize to Kiara. Just…maybe not right now.

“Stop being such a baby!” You growled at Tom, your eyeliner pencil inching towards his water line. Another grumble blew past his lips as he squirmed on the edge of your bed.

He and Lucas had showed up ten minutes prior, fully decked out in their Halloween costumes. While his hair was brushed back and covered in temporary red dye, his face was still bare. With a pout, he pleaded with you to do his makeup since he ‘couldn’t figure it out’.

Now here you were, fulfilling his request and receiving huffs and puffs in return.

“Stop whining”

“I’m not whining, you’re whining.”

You sat back in your seat, pulling the eye pencil away from him completely.

“Please elaborate on how that makes any sense.”

He stared back at you, no response in sight.

“That’s what I thought,” you grinned, leaning back in. “Just let me do your water line and then you’re all done.”

A pathetic whimper was your response and you couldn’t help but giggle. “I’ll give you some kisses as a reward, that work?”

Suddenly he was sitting up straight, his fidgeting down to a bare minimum as you finished off his look.

“There. Perfect.” You glanced over your work, fake scarring, stitches and blood littered his skin and you were quite proud of yourself. He immediately leaned in to make good on your promise, a small peck quickly becoming heated.

You two had become pretty much inseparable the last few weeks. You had chalked it up to wanting to get this over with quicker, but you knew that wasn’t the real reason. You genuinely enjoyed spending time with Tom. You had when you were younger and it was as if no time had past at all. You fell into an easy groove with each other, minus all the pain you hid deep, deep down.

If you weren’t spending the night at his apartment, he was at yours. You’d built a routine over time that allowed you two to spend a decent amount of time together.

You also reciprocated his actions in the fitting room, many, many times. He tried to go down on you again but you always rebuffed him, finding one excuse or another. He’d begin to argue with you until your lips wrapped around his cock and every argument he had was gone.

It wasn’t that you didn’t enjoy his ministrations - you had used the memory of his tongue working you over to get off when he was at work. It also wasn’t because of your insecurity about your body, though those thoughts did pass through your mind. It was the self harm scars you were worried about. Your upper thighs, hips and lower stomach were covered in them from your teen years. You knew he must have been too preoccupied in eating you out to notice them in the dressing room because he hadn’t brought them up to you since then. You feared if you allowed him another opportunity to be that close to them, he’d notice. And if he noticed he’d want nothing to do with you. In the past, your former partners found them uncomfortable to say the least. They never knew how to broach the topic with you, not realizing that they didn’t need to at all. That was in your past - you had found better ways to cope thanks to therapy. The reminder of those years would always remain though. No guy wanted to deal with a mentally fucked girl.

“You lovebirds ready to go, or what?” Lucia’s head popped into your room, forcing you to reluctantly pull your lips away from Tom’s.

“Yeah, we’ll be right there.”

You stood to follow her out, a sharp slap to your ass causing you to yelp. You turned to look back at him with a scowl.

“Sorry, my girl just looks good tonight.”

There it was again. My girl. By the smirk on his lips, he knew what those words did to you. If you didn’t leave immediately, there was a good chance you’d find yourself late to the party. Flickers of his face right before he orgasmed caused you to increase your pace out the door. You’d deal with those thoughts later. Right now you had an annoyed best friend waiting in the car for you.

Two hours. Just two hours and you had managed to lose sight of everyone except Tom.

Lucia’s coworker’s brother’s best friend was throwing a Halloween party that just had to be attended. It was gonna be the talk of the town and you’d be an idiot not to attend - her words, not yours. Talk of what town, though? She did realize that besides your friend group, you weren’t much for socializing, right?

It didn’t matter though. Lucia put on her best pouty face and you girls were putty in her hands. There was no actual reason not to attend, besides your unwillingness to befriend anyone other than your tight knit group. At previous social gatherings you had found yourself in the corner, nursing a drink and stroking whatever pet the homeowner of said party had. Kiara and Lucia were just more extroverted than you and that was completely okay - it was how you became friends after all. The knowledge that it was acceptable in your eyes didn’t help the vice grip on your heart when you’d reluctantly have to call yourself a cab to head back to your apartment, alone.

Tonight was different. Yes, you were still three drinks in and yes, you had pet the family dog every time it passed you by, but this time you weren’t alone. Tom was by your side the whole night, his arm protectively wrapped around your waist. His brown orbs flitted over you every once in awhile, silently checking that you were still enjoying yourself. The warmth of his body and the continuous flow of alcohol made it hard to be anything but content.

His presence tonight also felt different. Off, but not in a bad way. If you didn’t know any better, you’d call his behavior possessive. A scowl would cross his features anytime he caught a guy ogling over your frame for too long. The glower would disappear the second he gazed into your eyes, a smile quickly replacing it.

And, fuck, did it do something to you.

His grip on your waist, the sway of your hips against his slowly hardening bulge, the thin fabric of your lace, white dress, the warmth coursing through your veins from the alcohol, it was all becoming too much. You needed him. You may have been intimate with him in other ways, but you hadn’t actually had him inside you since your birthday. It had been too long and you needed him now.

You quickly turned in his grasp, nearly stumbling over your own feet. His brows furrowed, a silent question as if to say, ‘did I do something wrong?’

“Home,” was your only answer.

He looked puzzled for only a moment before you pressed yourself further against him. His response was a quick nod and a tug on your hand.

You knew Kiara would be bringing Lucas to your place and Lucia’s pajamas were already waiting for her on the living room couch.

“Yours,” you whispered once you were far enough from the sound of Michael Jackson’s Thriller blasting through the speakers.

He knew you meant his place, but that didn’t stop the immediate grin that swept his features.

“Yes you are,” he raised your hand to his lips, a gentle kiss on your knuckles.

A mess of limbs was the only way to describe your current state, both of your hands working overtime to rid the other of your costumes. His lips were on yours the second you entered the apartment, your feet tripping over his as you blindly guided your bodies to his bedroom.

You pulled away just long enough to pull your dress over your head, your hands reaching out for his face the second you were free of the garment. Instead of kissing him, however, you burst out into laughter.

“Okay, that’s really a buzzkill for my boner right now, Y/N,” he frowned, insecurity causing his face to heat up.

You tried to suppress your giggles, “I’m sorry, but,” another giggle, “Please just look at yourself in the mirror,” you instructed.

With a disgruntled sigh, he walked out of his room and into the apartment’s shared bathroom. It dawned on you suddenly that you were just standing in his room, a set of underwear and a pair of fishnet tights the only thing covering your body. The lights weren’t on - you hadn’t had a chance to turn them on in your frenzied embrace - but that didn’t quell the insecurity bubbling from your gut to your brain.

“Oh, what the fuck!”

His outburst caused another round of laughter from you, his heavy feet stomping back into the room.

“You think this is funny?” He pointed at the makeup on his face that was now smeared from the heat of the party and your make-out session. A tiny nod was apparently the wrong answer. Tom nearly ran towards you, picking you up and tossing you over his shoulder as you shouted in surprise. He lifted you with such ease that it literally took your breath away. Before you could even comprehend that he picked up your fuller frame like it was nothing for him, a slap was delivered to your behind and you were unceremoniously tossed on his bed.

Leaning up on your elbows, you met his lips halfway. Your hands came up to smear what was left of the makeup on his face, clearing almost all of it off.

“Is that better?” You teased in a softer voice. Tom’s forehead fell against yours, a content sigh escaping his swollen lips. All of your bravado dissipated at the look he gave you. With a gentle kiss on your lips, his own began traveling down your body.

Teeth nipped at your collarbone followed by his soothing tongue. Tom’s fingers traced up your arms, gently, almost trembling, gripping the straps of your bra to pull them down. It was still dark but the moonlight shone through his window, illuminating the two of you in an ethereal glow.

You had no idea why he would be nervous when you two had already had sex before, until it dawned on you that this was the first time you’d really see each other. The knowledge caused your own body to tremble, Tom quickly noticing.

He had just pulled the cups of your bra below your breast before he heard your quick intake of breath.

“Do you want to stop?” He questioned, not a single ounce of judgement in his eyes.

“N-no. Just…” you tried to find the words to describe how you felt. It wasn’t exactly nerves or insecurity anymore. This just felt different than the other times you two had been intimate. You weren’t sure what it was.

“I’m good, just nervous,” you finally spoke, alleviating his concerns.

“If you ever want to stop, you just say the word, okay?” His eyes bore into yours, waiting for an answer until you nodded.

With your consent, Tom unhooked your bra, tossing it on the floor with the rest of your discarded clothing. His lips wrapped around one of your already hardened peaks, his left hand moving to massage the other. You tilted your head back, a wanton moan immediately rising from your chest. Once he was satisfied with the attention he gave to one breast, he switched to show the other just as much love.

“Please,” you found yourself whimpering.

“What, baby? Use your words,” he pulled his lips away from you, pulling another whine from you.

“I n-need you…now, please. No more teasing,” your eyes were still closed tight from his previous ministrations so you weren’t sure if he had even heard you through your whimpers.

Your prayers were answered, his lips continuing their descent down your body. Featherlike kisses grazed your stomach, your eyes closing tighter at the realization that he was now looking at all of you - scars and all. He didn’t comment on them specifically, but you could hear him mumble how beautiful you were through the many soft pecks.

You lifted your hips slightly to assist him when you felt him begin to pull down your tights and panties in one go. This was it, you were completely bared to him. You were ready to put up your walls, to protect yourself from any criticizing stares, but there were none.

His eyes were blown wide with lust and pure adoration.

Delicate, open mouth kisses were placed along your thighs, hips and stomach before reaching your lips.

“You’re so beautiful, mouse,” he mumbled in your ears, the nickname sounding an alarm deep within your memories. Before you could even ponder why he’d choose that nickname, the name he had given you as a child, he was slowly guiding himself through your soaked folds. You weren’t sure when he’d found time to discard his boxers but you were grateful there were no more barriers between you.

“So fucking beautiful,” he whispered again, and as if to punctuate the point, he gently rocked himself into you, moving just an inch at a time to let you adjust.

“Fuck, Tom,” your nails dug into his biceps, holding him in place.

“You’re so fucking tight. Fuck…c-can I mov-“ your hips tilted up to answer him before he could even finish his sentence.

He set a slow, steady rhythm, his arms framing your head as he gazed down at you. Your mouth hung open, tiny moans filling the air at each thrust. You could feel every ridge, every vein, every part of him. Your hand found purchase in his damp curls, fisting them tightly in your grasp.

“Please,” you begged, you weren’t sure what for.

Your hips attempted to keep up with his pace, your legs locking around his waist.

“What do you need, mouse? Talk to me,” he encouraged, his pace never faltering.

“More. Harder…F-faster.”

He quickly obliged, moving from resting on his elbows to the palms of his hands. He began a punishing pace, the slight change in angle causing him to hit a spot deep within you that had you seeing stars.

“Right there. Please. Don’t stop. Right there. Tom. Tom. Tom.” You weren’t even sure what you were saying, words tumbling from your lips at the new sensation. No one, not even your best vibrator, had made you feel like this. The knot in your belly began to tighten as his cock filled you over and over again.

“Fuck. That’s it. Cum for me, baby. Cum, Y/N,” his hips began to stutter, indicating his own release was near. He reached his hand between your sweat soaked bodies, his thumb quickly finding your clit.

Your back arched off of the bed, a flurry of curses leaving your lips as he pushed you over the edge. The look on your face and the feeling of your cunt clenching on his cock pushed him to his own release. He buried his face in the crook of your neck, a low groan and his hot breath causing you to shiver.

Fingers lazily ran up and down his toned back as you both caught your breaths. You could feel him softening in you but you still didn’t want to part just yet. Something had changed, and even though you weren’t sure what it was, you wanted to bask in the afterglow a little longer.

With a deep sigh, he slowly slid out of you, your releases leaking from your core. Instead of rolling off and away from you, Tom hovered. The lust had dissipated but the adoration was still there. His lips brushed over yours, barely touching.

“I love you, Y/N. So fucking much.” He finally pressed his lips against yours, your lips moving with his but your mind running a mile a minute.

There it was - everything you had worked towards. He loved you. And the truth was…you loved him too. Fuck.