blueeyes-crystalskies

[blueeyes-crystalskies]

And if I’m not enough for you,

You’re not enough for me.

#words #music #favorites #music monday #growth #Spotify

[blueeyes-crystalskies]

Don’t let this darkness fool you

All lights turned off can be turned on

#music monday #music #words #favorites #Spotify

[blueeyes-crystalskies]

#art

[blueeyes-crystalskies]

little thing about seeing the eclipse with my family and some kind strangers

#art #words

[blueeyes-crystalskies]

Hadi Rahnaward: 'Fragile Balance' (2023) rug sculpture created with matches

#art

[blueeyes-crystalskies]

about 96% there.

(created using my eclipse glasses to cover my camera lens, held together by spiderman duct tape and a dream)

#art #photography #mine #solar eclipse #eclipse 2024

[blueeyes-crystalskies]

Lemon Blueberry Pound Cake

#food

[blueeyes-crystalskies]

Solar eclipse shadows

#photography

[blueeyes-crystalskies]

You’ll remember me when the west wind moves

Upon the fields of barley

#music monday #music #words #favorites #Spotify

[blueeyes-crystalskies]

Baked Strawberry Glazed Doughnut

#food

[blueeyes-crystalskies]

Would it be enough

If I could never give you peace?

#words #music monday #favorites #music #Spotify #her best song and I’ll fight anyone who disagrees

[blueeyes-crystalskies]

Blueberry Pound Cake

#food

[blueeyes-crystalskies]

I guess, I guess

I guess this is the end

I’ll have to learn

To be somebody else

#music monday #music #words #favorites #SoundCloud #grief

[blueeyes-crystalskies]

my real life hasn't started yet

#words #art

[blueeyes-crystalskies]

Rachel Rector: 'Teabag Cyanotypes' (2021)

#art

[blueeyes-crystalskies]

3/11/24

I think I may have actually died at 22. Or maybe I was supposed to, and now I’m just living on borrowed time. Maybe that’s why I’m the way that I am. Loafing around, too afraid to do anything new. Actually, just not wanting to do anything at all.

Whatever happened to my body in 2021 should have killed me. I don’t actually stop to think about that too much. Every day I woke up - or even just saw the sunrise after sleepless nights full of pacing and shaking and fighting the minimal contents of my stomach to stay put - was nothing short of a miracle to me. Maybe I was supposed to give in then, but I was too scared to. There’s still so much that feels wrong about it that will never have an explanation other than “anxiety.”

Every time I get chest pains, or I feel like I might pass out after a shower, or it feels like a weight is pushing against my eyeballs I think, “Maybe this is it.” And then I still continue to wake up after nights of dreaming that can only be described as visiting alternate universes, sweaty and trembling. I know our bodies aren’t meant to stay the same forever, but Jesus Christ. Is it really supposed to be like this?

I think all this time, I’ve just been waiting for something to finally take root. For something to actually finish the job. Because I have this feeling that the moment I get back to some sort of semblance of who I was at 22, something will destroy me again.

So what’s the point? I lived a good life. I often feel like there isn’t much more that I want to experience (sorry, sis, I had a nightmare about becoming an aunt last night). And I certainly don’t feel the need to re-experience the things I used to love as whatever I am right now. Especially since a lot of those things don’t even exist anymore.

I don’t want to kill myself. But I don’t know if I truly want to be alive, either.

#from my notes #words

[blueeyes-crystalskies]

(x)

#words #art