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*"stress dream" = dreams you get when under large amounts of stress or anxiety irl, that may or may not relate to your current situation irl.

#stressful work situations

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some of you are very nice to me and i just want to say thank you and i love u

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DERRY GIRLS (2018 - 2022) I 3.06

#sister michael really made derry girls derry girls imo

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This Year by The Mountain Goats // Dishes in the Sink by David Showalter

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so called feminists: "actually women are naturally inferior at everything, including quiz game shows, beauty pageants, chess, and video games. we need a society that is segregated so that anyone who would ever have to potential to win against a woman is eliminated. this is actually far better than organizing sports into weight classes or different athletic/skill level based categories that ignore sex, like what wrestling and video/board game tournaments already do. I cannot accept the reality that men and women are the same species. this is actually how we truly protect women. by calling them weak pathetic losers who could never win against even the worst opponent, and preventing them from even playing at all."

#my brother has argued with me on this #of men naturally being better at stuff than women #and u both call bullshit and systematic issues #bet he didn’t listen though cause i am just a girl #patriarchy cw #sexism cw #fake deminism tw

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I AM SO DOWN FOR THIS BRING IT ON ALIE WARD

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Selling a car today if all goes to plan. The anxiety is through the roof until then. My heart is in my throat all day and I hate capitalism. I should feel really good once the money is in my account tonight and I no longer have a slight chance of someone totalling the car before it isn't mine anymore.

Oof life is hard and finances are hard and I just want to float in a river for the rest of my life instead of do inspections and negotiate prices and pray that the bank has the paperwork today.

Deep breathes. One way or another, this deal is done in a few hours.

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can someone please be proud of me like fuck I’m trying

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You Are Worth It

#oof yeah you are amazing viola davis

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#me the last few weeks

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I work in a field where I have to accept a "both, and" approach to a lot of problems, because situations are complicated and the multiple realities that often result in conflict also deserve to be recognized as real, and powers that be in US culture don't usually give enough space for that when they would rather be efficient and force a binary right/wrong.

Which is a lead up to saying that the current snow storm is a danger for people I know in my town and I hate that those people had to spend most of the week preparing for it in order to not die of hypothermia in the cold, because shelter is not considered a human right.

AND the snow is so beautiful. The flakes are huge. The tea is warm. I love the first snow of the season.

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-hug-

So I am feeling… troubled.

And idk if it’s just… a glance at the news or something else. Maybe it’s that I’m in an office most of the day and I’m lonely and this is the fifth day strait of doing this.

I feel pretty good, considering. I’m a little wiped, sure. And my hopes of comfy bras and animal crossing this weekend may be dashed. But like, I’m making progress. I have all of next week to grind on work as needed. I have the weekend and today to do thesis work. I’ve got new game recommendations. I’ve got good food. I’ve got good company. I’ve got the ability to take advantage of these things.

I think the baseline level of spoons is changed during the crisis. Not a terrible way for my body and mind to be reacting. But something I want to keep an eye on. There is so much to keep an eye on.

I mean, a truth that is good to return to is that I will be okay. A friend is talking about learning to garden in case this lasts years. I don’t know about that, but I believe this is not the only crisis I may experience in my lifetime.

It’s a tricky thing, defining how much I want to listen to my parents and how much I don’t. How cautious I want to be in my life, how much I want to prepare for the worst. How much I want to talk about animal crossing and how much about strategy for survival.

I am safe. I have support for if that changes. I have privilege and time and luck on my side. 

And I worry, because there is always something to worry about. And I fret, because all the advantage in the world can’t stop me from being broken by unfortunate details. 

But the odds are in my favor, as dark as that is to say.

And there is light to foster and grow if I keep an eye on it. 

And I can come out stronger on the other side, despite having to feel the exersion right now.

And I don’t have to look at this big complex situation as a huge leviathan all the time

Chunk it. Break it into steps. Let the first step be to breathe. It’s a great first step, really. Doable and important. Just give that step some time for a while. It deserves it. Breathe.

@rainaramsay  because I love you and I hope this reads as satisfying as it was to write and I doubt I’d write much at all if I hadn’t met you

#self care #poetry #?????? #writing #for sure I can say it is words #words #mine #therapy or procrastination #both? both is good #OH MY GOSH AND TEA #TEA IS STEP TWO OK

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Bus to a field trip: light hearted yelling and fun dancing

Bus home: "Did you know I'm genuinely concerned I am unable to love?"