“High-functioning people often say that if you don’t learn a new skill or get a new side hustle or write a masterpiece or build a new kitchen with all this extra time, that it’s not lack of time that’s the problem. You are the problem. You don’t have the drive. That’s not true. We are not living in a time with excess time. We are living in a time of uncertainty and fear and anxiety.”
— Ashley Holstrom, “You Are Not Your Thoughts”
Day 1 of 2020: lose close friends, cry self to sleep, and feel depressed with a neck kink all day
Day 2 of 2020: get 2 hours of non-mind-racing-sleep, realize another pair of work pants have become too tight, get a bloody nose at work, and spend half your day on non-billable assignment b/c your body shutdown on your holiday when you had planned to do said work.
Third day will be the charm right?…
Endlessly poked bear
I’ve never experienced a year where I felt I grew so much (more enjoyable job, stopped putting up with fuck boys, removed myself from toxic people), and yet ended up feeling so lost and alone in the final week of it. Everyone I grew close with in 2019 appears to have abandoned me at the end of it. In the moments I spoke up for myself about feeling hurt in certain instances, these people deflected my feelings by unloading what they find wrong with me as if it justified/excused their hurtful actions. I’m far from perfect and I mess up all over the place but I always feel bad, genuinely apologize and want to be a better friend; and regardless, I’m still entitled to feel hurt even though I’ve messed up myself sometimes. Most of what was talked back about me also related to moments I was intensely intoxicated and not in my right mindset whereas each situation I confronted others about they consciously committed their actions. I don’t know what brought this on from the universe but I haven’t been able to get up from bed all day. I brought my New Years in crying quietly in the back of an Uber by myself and then in my bed. Usually I’ve only cried over a boy or being too drunk on New Years. This was the year I guess my friends and family broke me. My heart is shattered and I never saw 2020 starting off like this. I’m so over crying but I can’t help how this all makes me feel. I wish I could just fall asleep forever and not wake up 😔
OKAY YOU GUYS HEAR ME OUT. So yeah I’ve been thinking about this a lot. I know Taylor liked a post saying the 7 kids she performed with at the AMAs represent her 7 albums.
But yes there’s actually 8 of them. I mean if I were Taylor I’d probably have 13 kids with me on the stage coz it’s my favorite number or like 7 to represent my albums. But NO she didn’t. She literally brought 8 little dancers with her. Why? Coz she. had. to.
Take a look at this very house from the Lover music video. A perfect representation of her 7 studio albums, you know the colors and what’s actually happening in each room and how you can’t unsee them. But what if..
..we actually unsee them somehow and look at it like this. Just this. What if we actually don’t have to darken the other rooms. Green room will still represent debut, Fearless is yellow, Speak Now is purple, Red is red, 1989 is blue, rep is black, Lover is pink, AND notice there’s another screaming color. The color of DAYLIGHT. I mean what if TS8..
What if the double album theory is right after all. Or just think about it. Lover and TS8. Lover is pink and TS8 is gold. Pink and gold. Hmmm pink and gold. When was the last time we saw pink and gold together. Oh you mean this..
But at the end, this is just a theory. I have a strong feeling about this but I could be wrong about everything. Unless?
Baby Yoda is the cutest being in the entire universe, a blessing, a light in the darkness, an answer to an unknowable question. We do not deserve them.