Ok ouch... 🥺.
I LOVE IT!!!
More angst like this please 😍😍😍😍.
My heart feels deflated 😣😣.
For The Best
SUMMARY/ Bucky is tired of waiting for you to realize what you're doing. He does the only thing he can think of to break the cycle.
WARNINGS// Angst, mention of alcohol, reader being self sabotaging, cursing, mentions of tobacco use, toxic boyfriend, mentions of toxic relationship
AU// Biker!Bucky x F!Reader
NOTE// I felt like ripping my own heart out tonight. I'm not sorry
Bucky knew he shouldn't have answered the phone when your photo lit the screen. Especially this late on a Friday when he was trying to help at the bar.
"Bucky," your voice sang when he did answer. "Are you drunk?" He said with a heavy sigh, leaning against the bed of his truck. "I wanna go home. Please come get me." You slurred. "Why can't Jake do it? I'm kinda busy."
"He's being a dick. Says he doesn't wanna leave and keeps talking to other girls." You muttered. Steve gave Bucky a knowing look when he agreed and hung up the phone.
"You gotta do it, Buck. It's the only way she'll understand." Steve said shaking his head. "Yeah, I know." Bucky said as he got into his truck.
He knew exactly where you were- a house party that was on the other side of town. You would be sitting on the steps, waiting for him to come to the rescue when your boyfriend wasn't ready to leave yet. Like every other time.
"C'mon, sugar." He said, a gloved hand outstretched towards you that you gladly took. "Thank you." You exhaled as he opened the passenger side door for you.
Bucky looked over at you as you patted at your pockets, groaning lightly and letting your head fall back against the head rest. "Jake has my keys..."
"You can just stay at my apartment." He said, knowing the reason Jake had taken your keys was so you couldn't go home, and he could bring another girl with him instead.
The drive was silent. Bucky didn't even have the radio on and would occasionally look over at you. The churning in his stomach getting worse the closer he got to his home at the thought of what he had to tell you.
He walked behind you up the creaky wooden stairs that lead to his upstairs apartment to make sure you didn't tumble back down them, getting you a bottle of water and some of his clothes to change into once you were inside.
"Always such a gentleman under that brooding and leather, J.B." You said with a tired smile as you snuggled deeper into the plush pillows of Bucky's bed.
Bucky sat next to your bent knees and put his heavy left hand on your calf. "I love you." He said, watching another smile curl the corners of your lips. "I love you, Buck."
He shook his head, tongue jutting out across his lips as the gears turned on what exactly to say. "I'm in love with you. Which is why I can't do this anymore." He said softly, moving his hand back to his lap. "What?"
You sat up to look at him better, trying to understand what he was saying. "Sit and watch you destroy yourself just to be with him when I want you to be with me. I can't keep doing it to myself." He sighed, looking to his hands.
You weren't the same as you were when you first joined the club. Your smile had faded over the years and Bucky hated it. He hated the fact that your boyfriend had such a horrible effect on you. But, he needed you to understand he wasn't going to play along with the self sabotage anymore.
You just stared at him, processing what he was saying through your fuzzy mind. "Jake is... Shitty. Your whole relationship is explosive and I feel like- you're doing it to yourself because you don't think you deserve better, and that's not true." Bucky spewed, just trying to get it out there so you knew the reasoning for him doing this.
"What are you going on about, James?" His heart stung when you said his first name, only calling him that when you were getting mad at him.
Bucky rubbed his hands over his face, sucking in a deep breath. "One day, something you won't be able to come back from is gonna happen and I won't be able to help you. So, I'm gonna block your number tomorrow and we're both gonna go on with our lives." He nodded, staring at a cigarette burn on his carpet.
Tears burned your eyes, spilling out onto your cheeks when it clicked what he was doing. He was shutting you out. Pushing you away. "Please, dont..."
"I just-" Bucky exhaled a deep breath, shaking his head. "I can't do it anymore. I waited, thinking you would realize what you're doing, but... It hurts too much, and I can take a lot of pain. I love you too much to keep enabling you."
He turned enough so he could face you, heart breaking more at your tear streaked face. "Why does he deserve you and I don't?"
You didn't answer him and he sighed, looking to the comforter. "I'll give you one last chance- me or him." He said, trying to keep his voice stern.
Shaking your head, you tried to fight back another wave of tears. "You're too good for me, Buck." You said.
Which, to you, was true. Under the glowering expressions and tough build, he was the sweetest person you knew.
Bucky scoffed and looked back to you. "No, I'm not. I should have a decision in that, too." He snapped. Your throat burned from the lump that was forming again. Unable to believe he was cutting you out of his life.
Leaning forward, you wrapped your arms around his neck; tears streaking down your cheeks. "I need you..." You choked out, burying your face in his neck. "No, you don't." He mumbled, gently pulling your arms from around him.
Your shoulders slumped, unable to keep the sobs in any longer. "I'm gonna let you stay here for the night. I gotta help Steve at the bar anyways. I'll take you home in the morning." He said standing.
"Bucky-" You hiccupped, your fingers wrapping around the cool metal of his wrist. He placed his hand over yours and the smallest wave of relief washed over you. "I'm sorry, sweets." His gruff voice mumbled, leaning to press a kiss to the top of your head as he pushed your hand away.
You felt like your heart had been stomped into the dirt as he walked out of his bedroom, moving to lay on your side and bring the comforter up to your face to muffle your cries.
Bucky wasn't feeling any better. Exhaling the smoke of his cigarette into the cool night air as tears pooled in his eyes; leaning his forearms on the wooden railing.
When morning came you had barely slept, your throat dry and scratchy as you peeled your eyes open. Bucky sitting a bottle of Advil and glass of water on the nightstand beside the bed.
You quickly sat up, looking at him with pleading eyes. "Can we please talk?" You rasped, swinging your legs off of the side of the bed.
He didn't answer, just glanced at you before leaving the room.
You didn't even bother with the Advil or water, changing back into your clothes from the night before and going out into the living room.
"Ready?" Bucky asked, clearing his throat as he grabbed his keys. You nodded and grabbed your phone that had been left on the kitchen counter.
The drive was silent like it had been the night before, Bucky putting cigarettes out just to light another one the entire way to your apartment.
"I'm sorry, J.B..." You mumbled, biting back more tears as you picked your nails. He didn't even shut the engine off when he pulled in front of the building.
"Get rid of him and maybe I'll change my mind." Bucky said, nodding his head to where Jake stood on the porch.
You nodded and bit down on your bottom lip, pulling the handle to open the door.
"Where the hell have you been?" Jake snapped as you walked up the porch steps. "Shut up, Jake. Don't fucking talk to me."
Bucky's eyes stayed trained on the closing door, hoping you'd change your mind and come back out. That you'd realize the mistake you were making of not choosing him.
He pressed his thumb and index finger against his eyes, inhaling a shaky breath. "Fuck-" He choked out, metal hand gripping the steering wheel before jamming his truck into drive.
It was for the best.
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