burned-phoenix

[burned-phoenix]

everyone after one month of me:

[burned-phoenix]

Damn, what timing. Scrolling through my own posts again, and see this. I guess it is a pattern. I thought I was used to it by now, but I guess not. I feel like it's kind of like being homeless. You invest so much into building something beautiful, only to have it gone in what feels like an instant.

For me, it's happened repeatedly, right when I feel like I've finally found my "home". A couple years later...gone. At what point do I just stop starting over fron scratch with new people? I pour my heart and soul into those I care about, and then they leave, and I'm left behind that much less of a whole.

Im tired...

Part of me wishes I was capable of treating others like they treat me. And another part of me is angry that I can't be like that. If I care about you, you best believe I'm not going to hide it. I'll happily invest as much as I can into the friendship. But they all seem to end the same way

Again... I'm tired

[burned-phoenix]

Indifference is the killer of love. Love is more than what one has with their girlfriend or wife. Love is the investments you put into all your relationships. Even those friends who are so close you'd call them your brother or sister.

Why is it that I seem to always be the one people become indifferent towards. Why can't there just be consistent friends. I'm not talking about needing to talk every single day, but damn, it'd be nice to be able to actually have a proper conversation. I've tried checking in regularly, I've tried including them, I've continued investing and it just feels like I'm throwing everything down a bottomless pit. And they say "life just gets in the way". Meanwhile I carve out time in my life to prioritize them. Why can't an ounce of that be returned consistently. I don't mind putting in the majority effort, but it'd be nice to see some level of reciprocation.

Idk man, I'm realizing this might be a pattern and it always sparks a major depressive episode. I've had so many episodes at this point my life is falling apart. I never had enough time between them to fully recover and put my life back together again before the next one hits.

Im getting better, I think. But my lows are still pretty fucking low. Tough to be an inspiration to others when you keep realizing the new depths of just how broken you are. Broken more like a broken toy that a child throws away.

Am I just the clown of my friend group? Am I simply the entertainment? The convenient sucker who will go to war for you at a moments notice, all you need to do is look my direction? ....Am I cheap? Is this who I am? A cheap soul?

[burned-phoenix]

But than we wouldn't have a government 😁😇

all pedophiles should die and theres literally no downside to them all dropping dead

[burned-phoenix]

I have been calling so often, tell me why every fricken barber/hair dresser in town is backlogged and booked for the next 3 weeks. My hair is getting way too fricken long and it's starting to piss me off

[burned-phoenix]

[burned-phoenix]

Anyone get lonely for like no reason? Maybe it's because the friends I used to talk to all day every day are busy the last while to talk with me but I kinda feel swept under the rug right now and mildly forgotten. I'm probably just overthinking though and being dumb.

#mentally ill #mentally tired #mental health #mental

[burned-phoenix]

I don't think I look half bad carrying a baby 😇😊

Yes I know I need a haircut. The place I go to is closed atm

[burned-phoenix]

Hi everyone, I'm still alive ✌️

[burned-phoenix]

This made me tear up. Wow. This was a video released by the Ukranian president today. I couldn't help but post it in support of him, and his country. Stay strong, and keep up the good fight! 🇺🇦

"War...War never changes"

#ukraine #russia #war #war and peace #greatukraine #nato alliance

[burned-phoenix]

So this is wonderland?

#mentally ill #mentally tired #mental health #mental #deep #potd #quotes #bpd #mental health matters #adhd things

[burned-phoenix]

My back is killing me, can someone please give me a spine-ectomy please. I already deal with enough emotional pain, I don't need all this physical pain too ✌️

#mentally ill #mentally tired #mental health #mental #deep #quotes #bpd #mental health matters #adhd things

[burned-phoenix]

I got a new haircut ✌

[burned-phoenix]

Ever want to just disappear? Not die. Just disappear just to see if anyone would actually miss you?

#mentally ill #mentally tired #mental health #mental #deep #potd #quotes #bpd #mental health matters #adhd things

[burned-phoenix]

Anyone else get hit by a massive wave of depression right before the new year? Here's to hoping this isn't a bad sign of the same shit show 2.0 ✌

#mentally ill #mentally tired #mental health #mental #deep #potd #quotes #bpd #mental health matters #adhd things

[burned-phoenix]

I miss this hair style. Although mine seems to have gotten a lot fluffier now than it once was. And I certainly don't miss the effort my hair used to take to not look homeless ✌

[burned-phoenix]

You ever just not listen to music for week and when you finally do listen again, it all hits different?

#mentally ill #mentally tired #mental health #mental #deep #potd #quotes #bpd #mental health matters #adhd things