butterfly-nightmare

[butterfly-nightmare]

Anyone else ever just search up things like “only 2 genders” in an attempt to self-sabatoge and invalidate yourself for absolutely no good reason? That just me, cool.

Also P.S. I use non-binary emojis with my friends who I’m not out to yet (almost all of them) because they don’t get that it’s non-binary and cuz I look masc they just assume it’s that haha no brad it is I, a non-binary, undercover from the Straights TM💛🤍💜🖤

#yep this is self harm #i do it sometimes #but like. Dont do it pls #uhh #tw self harm mention #??

[butterfly-nightmare]

I am a little high but what if people proposed with beautiful, intricate knives. Ladies would gather around the table and be like “guess what finally happened!!” And pull this beautiful, intricate dagger out of her purse and all the other ladies would gasp and congratulate her

#tw knives #tw weapon

[butterfly-nightmare]

Sticks and stones may break my bones

But bones can heal with time

Your words made me feel broken and alone

Like my existence was a crime

You killed my self-esteem

And my motivation to live

You made me feel like I was unclean

And a hated burden to be with

You called me selfish and stupid

Said I needed to lose weight

You made me feel excluded

Since I was fucking eight

You told me to “get over it”

That I was being rude

You said I was inadequate

That I should not intrude

You disregarded when I broke down

And the times I did something right

You left me to deal on my own

And I am not alright

Yet you ask me why I’m so closed off

Why I never tell you what I like

When you were the one who made it so rough

To treat my own self right

#tw implied abuse #tw emotional abuse #tw bad parents #tw breakdown mention #tw anxiety mention #tw autistic meltdown #tw depression #tw low self esteem #logan writes #writeblr #writing #mental health #recovery #personal writing #guess whos going back to there dads tomorrow #thats right #THIS BITCH #tw swearing #tw cursing

[butterfly-nightmare]

me: my anxiety isnt THAT bad

also me: *considers dropping out of school bc im so anxious about it*

#tw anxiety #tw anxiety mention #like holy FUCK what the hell man

[butterfly-nightmare]

Gouyen (c.1857-1903): Wise Woman of the Apache

Footnotes and citations available in the footnotes on the main site: click here.

Thanks to the Mescalero Apache Tribe for looking over the entry and okaying it for online publication. 

If you’re interested in the book, I put up a ton of details about it here, and you can preorder online here. 

Next entry, something less grim and gritty. More details behind the cut.

Keep reading

#tw blood #tw death #tw murder #tw gore #tw body horror #tw teeth #also lmk if anybody has anything that needs to be tagged

[butterfly-nightmare]

since pride starts in like a week heres a kind yet Hostile reminder to let acespec and arospec people celebrate their identities without being a dick about it

we already have to tolerate a lot of shit on a daily basis and pride month can be even more detrimental to our health. were not a petty discourse topic we are real people tired of being seen as debate subjects

[butterfly-nightmare]

type “i am” in the tags and whatever comes up first is your new mandatory kin

#i am crying #o h

[butterfly-nightmare]

Sunflowers

You are a farmer.

You own a nice, large field that you tend to by yourself. You got it for a relatively cheap price, especially considering how fertile the soil was here, and you have been working it all by yourself ever since. You live at least an hour’s drive away from the city, far out of earshot of any neighbors. In fact, no neighbors have been near you in a while, but that’s okay. You have your plants and the rocks and the dirt and the trees and the wind to keep you company.

You wake up one starless August night under the crescent moon in a cold sweat, having had a very strange and, admittedly, a very quickly forgotten nightmare about...bees, perhaps? Something yellow and dark and numerous and dangerous. Anywho, it doesn’t matter now, it was simply a dream. Just a bad dream.

After a half an hour of lying in your bed, awake, you decide to get a mug of cocoa or your favorite type of tea, and possibly some fresh air while you’re at it. Now that you think about it, you do feel a bit lightheaded. Maybe it is for the better that you go outside and take a walk in your fields, neatly arranged by type of crop, so that you have to walk through one to get to the next, them being west of your house by circumstance. An odd little tidbit of no importance to anyone but you, which makes you chuckle for some strange reason. You make your drink and pour it into a little Thermos, and you slip on your shoes and throw on a hat as you open the door, because it is a bit nippy out, but that’s okay.

You walk through your corn, and you smell the sweet kernels growing in abundance. How you got this land for such a deal is a mystery, one that you don’t believe you have any real need to solve. At one point you feel something like a peeled-off corn husk touch the top of your head. You smile, feeling completely at peace.

You walk through your wheat, feeling the warmth of the soil and the toughness of the fallen grains mix together and seep between your toes. You smile, feeling completely at peace.

You decide to stop at your sunflowers for a while. You stop between the wheat and the sunflowers, a bit out of arm’s reach of either one. You turn from left to right a bit, being able to count each and every brown little circle looking at you like the pupil of an eye. You trace the petals of the flower closest you, needing something to do with your empty hands, and you see the plump roundness of the full moon behind it like a halo, and you feel the warmth of the soil seep between your toes, and at one point you feel something like a peeled-off corn husk touch the top of your head. You smile, feeling completely at peace.

#writeblr #logan writes #voidpunk #farmer #farming #sunflowers #writing #story #original story #horror #horror story #the devil is in the details folks #and possibly also in your sunflower field #something is Off here folks #the vibe is simply Not Right #kaljshga i creeped myself out with this one ngl #so either its actually scary or im just in the Vibe with it #:/ #*whispers* give me love pls

[butterfly-nightmare]

youre drowning.

sometimes youre drowning, and youre just drowning, and the water is filling your lungs, and youre scared but at the same time you think you might like it, and if you really focus on what you feel on the inside then you might figure out if you do, but if you focus on how you feel on the inside then you ignore how you feel on the outside and that is scared and cold and in pain and drowning, so you cant look inside, and sometimes you wish that someone would throw you a life preserver so that you can stop drowning and figure out if you want to succumb to the darkness or not, and you know you can get someone’s attention, but what if they don’t throw you the life preserver? what if they just think youre asking for attention? that youre not really in trouble? or what if they do? what if they do and you finally realize what you want and you realize that you never wanted to surface and cough the water out of your lungs but its too late now so all you can do is kick, and pull, and hope with all your being that the person with the life preserver will realize if they dont let you go theyll drown too and theyll let you go and youll finally get to drown, and what if they do let you go, just like you thought they would, and youre alone again and they hate you now. and sometimes youre drowning, and youre just drowning, and the water is filling your lungs, and youre scared but youre not scared of dying, youre scared of death, because youre already dying and death is the only unknown in this scenario. and sometimes youre drowning, and youre just drowning, and youre drowning, and youre drowning, and youre drowning, and youre drowning, and youre drowning, and the water is filling your lungs, and youre scared but at the same time you know you like it, and youre drowning.

#writeblr #logan writes #tw suicide #tw suicidal ideation #tw drowning #tw water #tw ocean #tw sea #writing #poetic prose #yall if this is relatable to you PLEASE get help #professional help is preferable but my messages and inbox are open if you need anything #im fine i swear (no im not) im just overdramatic (i underreact) its just a vent (i want to hurt myself) (but i wont)

[butterfly-nightmare]

just found out what voidpunk is.........think im Vibin here dudes...... kinda feels like a warm sweater on a cold day, just kinda wrap up in it and stay there a while.......feels like home

#voidpunk #writeblr #personal #logan speaks

[butterfly-nightmare]

[butterfly-nightmare]

Fear Box | feat. Danai Gurira and Chadwick Boseman | Vanity Fair (2018)

[butterfly-nightmare]

This 1000 year old Katana looks as good as it did the day it was made. [3746x3024]

Source: https://reddit.com/r/ArtefactPorn/comments/f72y5g/this_1000_year_old_katana_looks_as_good_as_it_did/

[butterfly-nightmare]

I have a friend who’s parents are threatening to kick her out, and they’re definitely the kind of people who might actually follow through. She’s only 14 and can’t legally hold a job yet. Do you have any resources for homeless teens? (We live in the US if that helps)

Homeless Resources:

Clothing Hack

How to Run Away From Home Masterpost (great resource even though it’s not specifically about being homeless)

What to Do If You Suddenly Find Yourself Homeless

What to Do if Your Parents Kick You Out

Things I’ve Learned

Unfortunately these are all the resources I have, please add more to this post!

[butterfly-nightmare]

t r u e

is this quiz a waste of your time? yes. was making it a waste of my time? also yes. but yet here we are. two time-wasting hooligans at it again. which random photo in my camera roll are you?

#others' posts #logan speaks #aksdghawjhcm m e

[butterfly-nightmare]

no offense to noah f bunyan but if island of monsters can get published then so can whatever the fuck kind of dumbass shit i write

#tw swearing #logan speaks #writing positivity #writing #writing memes #writeblr

[butterfly-nightmare]

PSA

for all those writers out there:

lockpicking requires inserting two things into a lock

using a hairpin to pick a lock requires breaking the hairpin

thank you for reading