bywandandsword

[bywandandsword]

So it's been a few days and the emotions have gone down, but it's safe to say this part of the Training Montage was a failure. The first half of it was ok, I hung out with a girl I knew and her friends, and she made sure to try and make me feel welcome. But I did get the feeling that her friends would have rather I not be there, and in fairness, I was actively fighting my anxiety the whole time and was kind of being a wet blanket. They did get me to dance for a while though, which is more than I normally do at these kind of functions

Then one of the girls spilled their drink and no one was making a move to clean it up, so I went to get napkins and I cleaned it up,but then my hands were sticky so I went to wash my hands, and on the way back I stopped for a cookie from the food table, but then when I got back to where the group was, everyone was gone and their stuff was gone. And I know, at least on the part of the girl I know, that it wasn't intentional, but bro the feeling of being abandoned was so strong. I tried going around looking for other people I knew but everyone was in their own little circles and no one really acknowledged me even when I said hi or did the polite smile thing and I kept feeling like I was just in the way, and no one would notice if I left. I stayed for an extra hour in the periphery, just in case, but that feeling never went away, so I went home. I fixed myself a strong drink, cried, and went to sleep

At least I looked fucking hot while having a mental breakdown

(You can't tell in the picture, but I had gold glitter eyeshadow on)

I have a grad student formal tonight and I'm TRYING not to be anxious, but it's the first time I'm gotten dressed up or even worn makeup here so I'm starting to get the butterflies

As part of my Training Montage, my counsellor has given me the job of introducing myself to two new people and asking them about their majors. Not intimidating at all. It's fine, it'll be fine

#sword speaks #I think what happened on my end is all of the anxiety came up from when I had dances in high school #and I wasn't prepared for how intense reliving that would be #so I went into freeze mode and it took a while to get me out of it #but then with my anxiety already primed and my RSD button was pushed it just made me go off the deep end a bit #but now I know that this is a Specific Thing I need to work on

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Petroglyph depicting whales,

Qaqortoq, Greenland.

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the way aragorn runs is so chaotic

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unfortunately no eclipse photography can ever outdo the waffle house one from 2017

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LOSING MY DAMN MIND

#*GASP*

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HE'S BACK, BABY

EA-NASIR IS HERE FOR US, RIPPING OFF CAPITALISTS

AS PER MY LAST TABLET

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#I have to write this assessment #and getting myself to focus on it is like pulling teeth #obvs I'm failing cause I'm on tumblr dot com

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Trigun Stampede s01 || Vash + the reflection on his glasses

(edit: added one i missed)

( @crazymadredfox​ thank you for the mention of this part!)

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Buying a car

English added by me :)

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That moment when you're viewing a multichapter fic all on one page and your phone does a thing and you accidentally see a spoiler and omfg it's juicy but it's in chapter 16 and you're on chapter 4 you have to summon all your will power to go back to your spot you're at and pretend like you didn't see that, despite it being burned into your mind

#sword speaks #*screaming* #chapter 4 is still very much in the setup part of the fic #halp

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Cast iron phone

Cast iron phone case

Cast iron phone case OtterBox

Cast iron phone case Android

Phone sigils

Phone sigils fae

Faeries keep stealing phone

Gun license New Jersey

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Me: I shouldn't disturb Neil Gaiman. I shouldn't send an ask unless I really have no way of getting the information otherwise. I'll check old interviews and all the articles that vaguely mention the subject. Of course it goes without saying that I'll read though the FAQ in its entirety. Only then, will I send an ask. However, I'd be very polite and praise his work, as anyone would. I'd also keep it short, because I don't want to waste his time. But I'd keep it very very respectful. I'd be sending a message to a very talented, amazing author that deals with god knows how many like me. Or I'd just stay in the dark and not send him an ask. Yeah, I'll do that.

My Dash:

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