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cactusdealer · 3 years
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Quotes from living with roommates part 3:
“That’s not my meat, mines not wet”
“Haha pleb, imagine not speaking chummus”
“How old were u when ur parents had u”
“U know what’s crazy? We called the cops last night.”
“Boy imma bout to Anne-frank you”
“There’s no ass on my ass”
“No you don’t understand, I am severely disabled in several departments”
“I’m not messaging them, I’m preparing your toes for suckagge”
“We go Taco Bell”
“Yo, power is stored in the balls”
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cactusdealer · 3 years
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Quotes from living with roommates part 3:
“Consider this: fuck you.”
“Thinking about your last name gets me hard”
“How many girls have taken your virginity”
“ Hi we’ve been trying to reach you but your car is extended warranty, I’ve been watching you for the past six hours. I know your body inside and out.”
“How much longer does the pizza need?”
*opens the grill press*
“It’s on fire”
*closes the grill press*
“So a few more minutes”
“ you should know the directions you’re the one with the cowboy hat.”
“she doesn’t like you as a person, but maybe as an object…“
“You get it..... because, because penis”
“I’m not beating my meat, I’m beating my feet”
“ I want to interact with water. I.e pee, and drink”
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cactusdealer · 3 years
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Quotes from living with roommates part 2:
“You voice is vibrating my bladder now I have to pee”
“Why the fuck is the bright so light? Turn down the sun”
“ what is dirt but obscenely old cum”
“I want to build a building out of bricks of red lentils”
“I want homemade water”
“There is no drink in my drink”
“ The difference is, seeing each other‘s penis is for the boys”
“why is ur butt so hard?”
“ I have crazy aim when I’m angry and asleep”
“Bro I literally just got dressed to cut my apple”
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cactusdealer · 3 years
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Quotes from living with roommates part 1:
“On the topic of pocket ketchup, have you guys heard about string theory?”
“I have the right as a human being to fart”
“Oh don’t worry I’m always underage for u”
“Bro why u got so many hands?”
“Every good love story starts with a concussion”
“I would give every kid in the world cancer if it means I could be with her”
“Fuck you I wanna talk to god”
“You have a penis? I thought I was fisting you”
“I’m not Bi I’m straight with exceptions”
“Your balls look Heavy, Can I hold them for u?”
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cactusdealer · 3 years
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EXCUUUUUUUSSSEEEEEE
MEEEEEEE?!
PRESENTING THE ALL NEW BREAKFAST CEREAL,
HONEY CHERIOS!!!!!!!!!!*
*You are now expected to provide the nut yourself.
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cactusdealer · 3 years
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UPDATE:
do NOT do this!!!
ADHD lifehack:
Have hundreds of unread emails you need to respond to that are stressing you out?!
Just delete all of them! They can't stress you out if you delete them right?
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cactusdealer · 3 years
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ADHD lifehack:
Have hundreds of unread emails you need to respond to that are stressing you out?!
Just delete all of them! They can't stress you out if you delete them right?
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cactusdealer · 3 years
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If my Uber drivers asks my age what do I do?
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cactusdealer · 3 years
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NO MR FBI PLEASE DON'T COME TO MY HOUSE AND KILL ME IM NOT GOING TO HURT ANYONE I JUST NEED TO KNOW HOW MUCH DIFFERENT TYPES OF BULLETS COST FOR A DND GAME.
PLEASE MR FBI MAN DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND? IF IM GOING TO GIVE THE LICH A SNIPER IT HAS TO MAKE SENSE
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cactusdealer · 3 years
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PRESENTING THE ALL NEW BREAKFAST CEREAL,
HONEY CHERIOS!!!!!!!!!!*
*You are now expected to provide the nut yourself.
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cactusdealer · 3 years
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We use the time we exist to consider whether or not we exist.
We use ourselves as the reference point for all else that exists.
We contemplate our own existence and contrast it against the infinite universe we reside in.
The infinite space for which we believe we are but one of uncountable parts in the great machine.
Yet at the same time we endeavour to explore the universe that resides inside us.
Considering the thousands of individual parts that function through our lives, and the billions of atoms who’s infinite and everlasting interactions form the foundation of the vessel we have labeled as “human”.
We spend our finite time in our finite molecular vessels contemplating and considering how we fit into that great machine, attempting to grasp which cog we are.
We absentmindedly walk throughout time, interacting with the infinite universe’s finite gift, the seemingly insignificant bundle of particles which we labeled “earth”.
We communicate, grow, learn, and experience all that there is.
We live our lives not for the infinite experience, but rather the finite one we comprehend every day.
We like to do what makes us happy. we like to do what keeps us healthy. we believe in beings infinite, and we commune with those finite few whom we care about.
We waltz thought the incomprehensible vastness of the cosmos, alongside our brothers, sisters, mothers, and fathers.
We’re all just little animals, falling in love and eating breakfast, under billions of stars, on a little rock we call home.
THAT is the beauty of the human experience.
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cactusdealer · 3 years
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Itachi Using the Mangyeko Sharingan to make eggs is the equivalent of this post:
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cactusdealer · 3 years
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My pronouns?
They aren't.
Don't refer to me. leave me alone.
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cactusdealer · 3 years
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Don't call it a God complex, there's nothing complex about it.
I. AM. GOD.
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cactusdealer · 3 years
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Send cactus im in need
You deserve one perfect golden barrel cactus.
The package is on its way!!!!!!!!!!!!
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cactusdealer · 3 years
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The True ADHD Experience Note 3:
"yes of course HOW I eat the food, and the order in which I eat the food changes the taste!"
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cactusdealer · 3 years
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so for those of you who don't know, I have a quite deep voice, and when I was in high school there were a few times where I was chosen to read the female parts for when we did Shakespeare. My fav thing to do was see how uncomfortable I made the teacher by not changing my voice in the slightest to fit the character. And that is why I feel my old english teachers have nightmares about deep voiced female characters attacking them in their sleep
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