cafeelisthings

[cafeelisthings]

539 miles away from you. It’s not that far, distance is nothing but the problem is destiny. When we meet it was perfect but the timing wasn’t, its complicated that the only thing we could do was to distance ourselves from each other because it was the right thing to do.

[cafeelisthings]

I hope you had the chance to read this.

It was not easy for me it was tough more than I imagine, I’ve been thinking of you every single minute. Everything was so dark I can’t see a single light, I was so afraid of things that myself can’t control. My heart was in agony.

[cafeelisthings]

Isn’t your fault to be left by someone. You don’t have to blame yourself for something.

[cafeelisthings]

One mistake doesn’t define who you are, as a human being its normal to commit mistake but it is not normal to judge those people based on what they have done in the past.

Behind a mistake their is a story their are reasons for that mistake their are sacrifices, their are many sadness, there are many insecurities.

I commit mistake I commit wrong decisions I take a risk I play the fire for some reasons. But it doesn’t mean that I am a bad person, it doesn’t mean that I am a slut, bitch, selfish, stupid, gold digger.

[cafeelisthings]

Bakit sa panahon ngayon parang lahat nag-mamadali, ako lang ba yung nakakapansin? Parang kapag may boyfriend siya dapat meron ka din dapat. Kapag may sarili na silang bahay o kotse meron ka din dapat. Kapag may mga anak at asawa na dapat ikaw din mag-asawa na at mag-karoon na ng anak. Kapag ganito kasi instead na nag-eenjoy ka sa buhay mo ang nangyayari is na-pe pressure ka.

[cafeelisthings]

5 Years from now.

How hard to be loved by someone who isn't sure about you?

How hard to wait until someone will finally choose you?

How painful it is knowing one you will wake up in the morning without him?

How painful it is to be alone again?

Dear Self,

I'm sorry if I failed you once again, sorry if I let you feel this kind of pain once again.

[cafeelisthings]

Tears never stop falling into my eyes, mind never stop thinking, I'm physically, mentally and emotionally TIRED!.

People starting to leave me behind because they don't understand, I can feel that even them are tired of understanding me all the time. Giving me advice to keep going, advice to motivate and still fight throughout this battle.

I want to get out of this darkness, but every time I tried something is blocking that little light I see...

I can't, I'm afraid....

What happens once you kill yourself? Because I'm ready to go.

You wanna know what happens once you kill yourself? Your mother comes home from work and finds her baby dead and she screams and runs over to you and tries to get you to wake up but you won’t and she keeps screaming and shaking you and her tears are dripping onto your face and your dad hears all the screaming and runs into the room and he can’t even speak because the child that he loved and the child that he watched grow up is gone forever and finally your little sister runs into the room to see what all the fuss is about and she sees you dead. The person she looked up to and loved. The person she bragged about to  her friends, the person she wanted to be just like when she grew up, the person that made her feel safe. But she’s never really going to get to grow up and smile and laugh and love because she’ll always be consumed with this feeling of missing you. And now there’s something missing from your family and they can barely look at each other anymore because everything reminds them of you but you’re gone and hurts more than anything. and you think that your mom never cared because she was always busy and yelling at you to finish your homework and clean your room and forgot to say I love you sometimes but really, she loved you more than anything and she doesn’t leave the house anymore, she can’t even get out of bed and she’s getting thinner and thinner because it’s too hard to eat. Your father had to quit his job and he doesn’t sleep anymore, every time he closes his eyes he sees his baby dead, and the image never goes away no matter how much alcohol he drinks. And at school your best friend sees that your seat is empty and she gets this sick feeling in her stomach and that’s when she hears the announcement. You killed yourself. And suddenly she’s screaming and crying in the middle of class and no one even bothers comforting because they’re all  busy sitting there staring at your empty seat with tears dripping down their cheeks and all she wants is for you to hug her and tell her it’s gonna be okay like you always did, but this time, you’re not there to do it, everything is dark now that you’re gone and her grades are slipping, she barely goes to school anymore and she ended up in hospital after taking too many pills because she wanted to see you again. the girls who used to make fun of the way you dressed feel their throats get tight, they don’t talk to each other anymore, they don’t talk to anyone, they’re all in therapy trying so hard not to blame themselves but nothing works. and your teacher who always gave you a hard time stares blankly at the wall, she quits her job a few days later. And then your boyfriend hears the news and he can’t breathe, he still calls you a lot just to hear your voice and he talks to you on facebook but you never message him back, he can’t fall in love again because every girl he meets reminds him of you, he’s never going to get over you, he loved you and he cries himself to sleep every night, hating himself and slicing his skin because he couldn’t save you and he’s never going to hold you in his arms or hear you laugh again. Now everyone who knew you, whether they were a big part of your life or someone you passed in the hallway a few times a week, they carry this aching feeling around inside them because you’re gone, and they miss you, and they don’t know why you left but it must’ve been their fault and they should’ve stopped you and they should’ve told you they loved you more and that feeling is never going to go away. And so you killed yourself

but you killed everyone else around you too. 

#depression #anxiety

[cafeelisthings]

Ako lang ba? Yung kahit alam ko naman na talo ako sa huli eh sumusugal parin. 

Ako lang ba? Yung alam mo naman na pansamantala lang pero ginagrab parin yung opportunity.

Ako lang ba? Yung kahit paulit-ulit na nasasaktan eh nagmamahal parin ng buong buo.

Ako lang ba?

#rants #tagalog #akolangba #cafeelisthings #sad #love #feelings #words #quotes #writers

[cafeelisthings]

Last night I had an emotional breakdown I thought I was okey but then tears run down to my face, memories begin to flashback, my feelings for you was still there. I tried to escape from it, I tired to be busy, I focus on myself to other things but in just one night; I was scattered into pieces again.

#cafeelisthings #feelings #words #pain #hurt #love #yoush #emotion #soulmate #rants #random #scattered #feelings into words #wordart #quotes #truth #sad

[cafeelisthings]

memories..

“Sometime a person can’t be with you forever but memories can.”

This is something more precious to have more than anything else, because everyone can come to your life but they can never replace the memories you made with that person. 

Maybe it will make us depressed but at some point in your life it will make you smile on the most time that you need someone at least to make you feel better. But others throw away and removed all the things but it’s normal because no everyone can handle the pain by embracing it. But sometimes keeping those things makes you proud of yourself because you manage to be strong, you able to keep moving forward and because of that now you can say that this is the reason for all those pain.

There will be the time in our life that once we saw something it feels good to remember those things that makes us laugh, cry and smile.

#cafeelisthings #memories #love #true #thoughts #random #words #feelings #pain #happiness #sad #smile #rants #philippines #yoush #emotions #motivational #motivation #moving forward #keepgoing

[cafeelisthings]

Strangers..

“And now were just strangers with memories” - (c) typewritersvoice

In the future for sure we will meet again, I don’t know when it will be? where it will be? but I know one day our paths will cross again. I will be scared that I might have feel something again but..

If that day comes we will just look in each others eyes reminiscing all the things that we had in the past, and past by like nothing happen between us.

Maybe the scenario will be like that but when our eyes meet I would like to say “thank you” thank you for the wonderful memories I had with you, thank you for the pain that you left because it makes me more stronger as a person; thank you because I was able to explore the opportunities to be happy again. Thank you because I overcome that fear to be alone once again, thank you for not choosing me because someone make me feel that I was not an option. Thank you for that gift that allowing me to love myself first, to finding my true worth and to find the person that will not longer leave me. Thank you..

Our memories will be kept in my heart because those memories made me smile and laugh, those memories with you was still worth to remember. 

Yoush..

#love #feelings #true #words #heart #soulmate #writings #cafeelisthings #stranger #memories #true feelings #rants #quotes #relate #stories #real #reading #life #reality #inspiration #relationship #past #thankful #truth #wordgasm

[cafeelisthings]

Day 21

It’s been 21 days since the last time I receive message from you, since the last time I heard your voice, since the last time I saw your face. . .

I’ve been wondering if you ever think about me or just remember me when you see somethings that will make you remember me. I miss you so much.. If you accidentally saw this and read I just want you to know I’m doing fine......

I’m trying my best not to be sad, not to cry at night because you don’t want to see me crying. I doing my best to keep myself busy and not look at our pictures because you know it will make me lonely. I eat breakfast, lunch and dinner because you don’t want me to skip meals.

Everyday I’m still on the process of accepting everything is over and it will not be the same anymore. I got used to do thing without you by myside.. 

Yoush, I miss you so much, I saw you in my dreams..

I miss your hugs and your kisses in my forehead..

I STILL LOVE YOU.. 

#LOVE #true story #YOUSH #cafeelisthings #SOULMATE #STORY

[cafeelisthings]

Paano mo ma-overcome yung pain?

This thing I’ve learn from my psychology class when I was in college. Yung time na yun I had a crush well ako kasi assumera ako that time, because we used to go home together even sa classroom katabi ko siya. And in line with this story our professor before gave us an assignment each and everyone has there own words to express. And the word that was in my name was “Acceptance” I did some research on the meaning of course, it’s an obvious words for sure yan ang sasabihin niyo. But yung time na ginagawa ko yung assignment na yun I felt how hard that word to apply in our lives. Sis hindi siya madali, kasi what kind of acceptance am I doing? It’s not like when someone gave you something you accept it. Hindi ganun, from the story I share from the begining of this blog. One day bigla nalang hindi na ako yung kasama niya, bigla nalang hindi ako tinabihan niya sa class. A rumor was spread that he is dating with another girl in the class haha! Ang sakit diba.. I assumed kasi na we have mutal understanding pero sis hindi pala. It feels awkward to me syempre sa iisang class lang kami inshort I can see him all the time.

Eto na nga, I ask him to help me with our assignment I used myself as the example for this word “Acceptance” a picture that showing we are happy couple for a like years already but then we broked up ganun ang represtation ko nung word na yun. Then when I finished the assignment ang hirap pala yung process of acceptance. Kasi you have to deal with the pain, you will ask yourself what’s wrong with you, at ano yung kulang sayo. It will take months even years until the time you find again your grove the things that will make you keep busy, tapos dun palang mag start yung journey mo throughout that acceptance.

Acceptance is another term for saying let go of yourself from the pain. Because this is the only way you can overcome that pain, you have to embrace it. You have to face your fear of being alone and you have to start again, but this time it will be only you and yourself to start things. It’s not easy but if you accept it sobrang dali nalang niya little by little you build again yourself, little by little be you will be happy again. Step by step you have to be brave again.

I just remember that thing I just wanted to share for those people who are asking there selves why me? What’s wrong with me? Believe me nothing is wrong with you it’s just that you can’t yet accept the fact that the things that you’ve used to do are now gone. I feel you because I’m also in the process of healing myself. We can do it.. and we will be happy again..

#cafeelisthings #feelings #love #tagalog #rants #acceptance #journey #true story

[cafeelisthings]

Sobrang miss na miss na kita.

Akala ko okey na ako, akala ko kaya ko. Pero hindi ko kaya, sobra namimiss kita. Namimiss ko na yung inaasar mo ako hanggang sa mainis ako sayo, namimiss ko na yung kakantahan mo ako hanggang sa makatulog ako, namimiss ko na yung mga sweet messages mo na mapapangiti ako, namimiss ko na yung yakap na sobrang higpit na pakiramdam ko safe ako na walang mangyayaring masama saakin, namimiss ko na yung mga halik mo na nagsasabi na akin ka lang, namimiss ko na yung pang-gugulat mo na halos atakihin ako sa puso pero ikaw sobrang saya ng mukha mo habang nakikita akong gulat na gulat, pero mas namimiss ko yung ikaw na meron ako.

I miss you yoush.

#love #tagalog #true #feelings #i miss you #yoush #cafeelisthings #pain #Spotify

[cafeelisthings]

Gaano kahirap yung ako naman yung piliin?

Nakakatakot pero sumugal parin ako Alam ko na sa bandang huli ako din yung masasaktan pero tinuloy ko. Minahal kita kahit na unti-unti dinudurog ko yung sarili ko.

I want to be a choice not just an option.

#rants #tagalog #feelings #cafeelisthings #love #sad #random

[cafeelisthings]

Kamusta?

Nais ko lang sabihin sa iyo kung gaano ako nangungulila sayo. Mga yakap mong kay higpit na nagpapanatag saaking magulong isipan. Mga labi mong gusto kong halikan hanggang sa tayo’y maubusan ng hangin sa katawan. Mga haplos mo saakin ay nagdadala ng init sa katawan.

Kamusta ka na? Naalala mo pa ba ako?

#thoughts #tagalog #rants #filipino #feelings #cafeelisthings #words #feelings into words #love #missing #i miss you #miss na kita #philippines

[cafeelisthings]

Why me?

Have you ever ask yourself why me?

Why me, always being hurt?

Why me, always being left behind?

Why me, always being taken for granted?

Why me, always being alone?

Why me, when I am already happy that happiness is taking away from me?

Why it has to be always me?

——————

It’s because in the the first place we can’t accept things to ourself. Let’s admit it that we are jealous of what other people has, we want those things happen to us, we wanted to feel that love that those people around you has and most of all we want also to be like them. But those things are the reason why you are hurt, let yourself find yourselves, let yourself go out in your comfort zone, let yourself be hurt until you find happiness, let yourself be free from the shadows of others, let yourself stay away from those things that holding you back, let people leave you and be thankful for those who stay by youside.

Remember that happiness is a unique feeling of being contented of what you have right now. You will always ask yourself if you continue to seek happiness to other people, if you continue to do things that ypu are not comfortable. Try to go out on your comfort zone this will help you to love yourself first and to discover yourself. Accept things to yourself by the time you have the accepted things to yourself; You will find your own identity, you will feel free, you will be more happy and you will be more confident.

Based on my experience it’s a process a long process that is not easy. Yes it’s not easy, right now I’m still on that process I still cry, I still have my anxiety, I feel sad, I still overthink, I feel jealous, I still blame myself but it’s normal. But as the days, weeks, and months passed by you will be tired of those things. Little by little you will be healed, little by little you will find again yourself, little by little you will understand why those things happens to you, little by little you will accept everything in your heart, little by little you will find that happiness you wanted for yourself.

Just keep on moving forward each and every single day, if you wanted to look back because you missed something just look at it and don’t go back again. We have to be weak in order for us to be strong again. We have to feel pain in order for us to grow. We have to be alone for us to more independent. We have to be contented in order for us to be happy. We can do it, trust the process.

#feelings #rant post #writers #thoughts #quotes #monday #long post #loveyourself