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“average person eats 3 spiders a year” factoid actualy just statistical error. average person eats 0 spiders per year. Spiders Georg, who lives in cave & eats over 10,000 each day, is an outlier adn should not have been counted

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time for crab

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Happy birthday, Self! Did you read as many books as you hoped? Did you make 42 Things? And did you ever figure out what movie it is with the smiling staring girl in the credits, because it wasn’t Smile?

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a garbage man ran out of the bushes in front of my car, which is fine because I’m used to deer on that road and was already driving carefully, but I’m so used to deer that instead of like, watching the truck to see if he was crossing again I watched the bushes he’d come from in case there were like. 1-2 smaller, frailer garbage men following him I guess.

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sometimes i see those acorns with little holes in them from acorn weevil larvae and i think, man... what if there was a little house in there actually. a little bug bungalow. a buggalow if you will

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Finally

Goals for my next form

Flying Death (1916) Andreas Gering

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(A) love love love how you phrased that @echojulietfoxtrot A+++ wordsing, top notch Pinney, would read and giggle again

(2) shout out to this guy in particular

(Finally) love that they gave Turkey-man the little booties

No loads refused

#there’s gobblin’ and then there’s gobblin’

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Didn't post one of my favorite gifts this year.

Who drink arnorl palmer? Shirt

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Joseph Michael Linsner

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when a human infant is in the womb, moments from being be born, a vague figure of glowing amber light appears before them. in one hand, it holds a small soapstone carving of a coiled eel. in the other hand it holds a mortar and pestle made of polished red quartz. it bids the infant to choose between these two things, but we don't know the significance of this choice, because all babies throughout history with no exception have always picked the soapstone eel. so that's still one of the big mysteries out there.

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box car sluts

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This is my Star Wars OC. It’s a gonk droid with a lightsaber on one side. Thank you for viewing.

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I was Today Years Old when I learned that this brand existed

Just... why? No. Why????? Why would you name your company smeg????

You know what, I really think that's going to have to be a no from me...

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BIRD PSA

This is a guide to bird classification:

Barb: a mean bird

Berb: a fast, thin bird

Birb: applies to any bird

Borb: a fat and/or adorable bird

Burb: a bird that is diminutive in size

Byrb: a mysterious bird

Thank you for reading! Now you will be able to properly classify any birds you find in the wild!

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“Oh boo hoo you shouldn’t ask your friends for favors we’re all adults”

I just spent three hours pulling up carpet and staples for a friend’s home renovation and we all did nothing but chat and joke and have wonderful conversation the whole time.

Helping somebody move or renovate or giving them a ride to the airport is functionally the same as going mini-golfing or playing a board game: it’s an activity that you do that is made more fun by having good company, and which provides something to talk about when the conversation lulls.

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bmw wrapped: you used your turn signal twice! you're in the top 0.0001% of turn signal users!