callmegreeneyes

[callmegreeneyes]

I’M CRYING THIS IS A HABIT OF HIS

[callmegreeneyes]

do you ever think about how in the day i picked up dazai side b dazai had to lie emotionless and soulless—like a corpse, almost—beside the man that gently brought him in, nursed his injuries, held him while he was in pain? he had to keep those suffocating bandages around his entire face, lest this man gain some sort of recognition for the little boy he saved. he had to lay there curled in the fetal position, bleeding and in pain, perhaps thinking about how, in another life, this man cooked for him, tried to build up his strength. read to him to pass the time while he curled up against him like a child listening to a bedtime story. played cards with him. saw through the heartless mafioso. the ruthless killer. and instead saw a boy.

imagine knowing this man, the man who saved you in more ways than one, was going to die one day all because he knew you. because he reached his hand into the darkness and plaintively, like a small child wanting a parent's touch, you grasped back desperately. imagine thinking all of that while that man is just a stone's throw away, making coffee in the next room just like he used to for you in another life. the scent, although you've never been here before, is reminiscent of home. and the tune he's humming? it's the silent melody that plays through your mind seven years later, for the last time as you fall backward off the building with your arms out like an embrace. but, hey. that man is alive. he's happy, although he never knew you. you can die with no regrets.

[callmegreeneyes]

Chuuya and Verlaine

[callmegreeneyes]

Something I think about way too much is how Chuuya’s accelerated healing & (for the most part) physical invulnerability probably reinforced his beliefs that he isn’t human for a long time. And even now, it’s probably still a plaguing thought that he has to fight against.

The fact that one of the only things that causes him to sustain physical damage is the very power that he feels segregates him from humanity.

The fact that during one of the only times that Chuuya is physically vulnerable— for that short period after corruption— Dazai is the only one who gets to see him like that. And how it’s in those moments that Dazai is most tender with Chuuya.

[callmegreeneyes]

double black at the arcade

[callmegreeneyes]

I’m crying, I don’t know why. I just love him so much.

- Nakahara Chuuya, “Afterward” from Poems of Days Past

#nakahara chūya #japanese literature #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs #bsd #chuuya #chuuya my beloved #chuuya nakahara

[callmegreeneyes]

The only thing that pisses me off more than people thinking the Agency doesn't care about Dazai. Is people thinking Dazai doesn't care about the Agency.

Motherfucker literally got captured by the Port Mafia just to figure out who put a bounty on Atsushi.

He talks highly of Ranpo and maintains the guise about his ability.

His partnership with Kunikida, how much he respects, admires and adores Kunikida.

The fact he set up a meeting with Mori, the man he hates the most because he trusted Atsushi's judgement.

His entire speech to Kyouka so she'd pass her entrance exam and live.

Literally his entire scheme in Dead Apple was him doing what he believed was right to save his friends.

He even says I hope Atsushi and the others are okay.

The whole time Dazai was escaping Mersault, he said he was doing this all for the Agency.

The fuck you mean he doesn't care about them.

[callmegreeneyes]

saw someone on instagram say “you shouldn’t post your art until it’s good” and that comment filled me with rage so i want to say to every beginner artist or artist who feels their art is not improving no matter how long they’ve been at it. i love you and i love your art and everything you post bears part of you and that is so beautiful. block everyone who says otherwise they are not entitled to freely consume what they rag on.

[callmegreeneyes]

I’ll completely abandon my heart, my soul - everything! - And seek nothing but beauty within that state of oblivion. This sadness is a a part of this life, And while there is nothing in my heart to move me, I still want my heart to rise above others - This is the sad preoccupation that pervades my life.

- Nakahara Chūya, “Untitled” from Poems of the Goat

[callmegreeneyes]

at the end of a day (akutagawa ryuunosuke x gn!reader)

tags: comfort, fluff, slight akutagawa angst, sfw.

plot: akutagawa is tired. that's it that's the plot.

tw: none

word count: 610

a/n: my first time writing for bsd and akutagawa so it might be too ooc. i just wanted to write a short akutagawa comfort fic<3 ty for reading!!

to say that it was a rare sight to see akutagawa tired would be an understatement. if you mentioned it anyone in the port mafia, they'd laugh at your face in disbelief.

it's not that he never got tired, it's that he never allowed himself the vulnerability of displaying his exhaustion nor did he believe he was worthy of resting.

that was until he met you. he didn't know why exactly, but your presence made it hard to keep his otherwise rigid walls up. he tried to maintain a distance, even to scare you off and push you away, but all that did was to intensify his conflicting emotions.

and now the intimidating mafia member was very, very exhausted. being faced with failure after failure, having to push forward even though there isn't much hope to hold onto, all the sleepless nights and the strain he put onto his already weakened, sick body... it all piled up until he couldn't keep up the facade anymore.

before he had time to process any of his feelings, he started searching for you. putting aside his work for emotional reasons was normally an inexcusable offense in his mind, but at that moment he couldn't bring himself to care.

once he found you, you were surprised to see his usually unexpressive face tensed up with worry. you tried asking what happened, but you were interrupted by his arms tightly wrapping around you, letting out a long sigh.

"is everything alright?" you asked, wrapping your arms around him.

he said nothing, and buried his face on your shoulder, his hold tightening slightly. you knew not to push him to respond when he didn't want to talk. putting his problems into words was too big of a vulnerability for him to handle, so he prefered to silently take in the comfort your mere presence offered instead.

letting out a small sigh, you started to gently stroke his upper back. quite honestly, you weren't too used to seeing akutagawa this way either. he'd do his best to keep this side away of himself out of your sight.

you stayed that way until your legs got tired of standing. not wanting to break the hug, you slowly slid down the wall onto the floor in a sitting position with him in your arms. and after he slightly calmed down, you guided his head to your lap. you knew he liked laying on your lap, but was too prideful to outright initiate it.

you took his cold hand in one hand and played with his hair with the other one, which made him look up at you, as he started examining your face. unlike before, his expression was relaxed and if you squinted hard enough, you'd see that it was almost a blissful one. you couldn't help but smile warmly at the rare tenderness.

"i don't know what's bothering you but know that i love you more than anything akutagawa. you're very precious to me so please don't be too harsh on yourself" the words slipped out in the spur of the moment and a moment of silence followed.

akutagawa didn't only suck at talking, he also sucked at responding to direct words of affection. his eyes widened a bit and you could see hues of red adorning the tips of his ears. he opened his mouth in an effort to say something; just a single thing out of the long list of the things he wanted to tell you, but closed it back in hesitancy.

"worry about yourself, not me" was all he could say at the end. he closed his eyes as to not make further eye contact after that, mentally cursing himself for being such a coward.

his stiff reaction made you giggle and you couldn't help but crouch down and give him a kiss, which made matters worse for the growing blush on akutagawa's face, but he didn't mind.

[callmegreeneyes]

Which is more frustrating - to have rumors spread about you when there is absolutely no foundation for them, or when maybe there is some reason for them?

Dazai Osamu, A New Hamlet

[callmegreeneyes]

...my heart gets choked with emotions and I just about suffocate from pain. I feel the floor dropping out from under me, as if not knowing whether I were alive or dead, as if dreaming in broad daylight; the comings and goings of the people in front of the station, too, seem small and far away, as though I have peeked through the wrong end of a telescope; and the world is completely hushed. What on earth am I waiting for?

Dazai Osamu, “Waiting”

[callmegreeneyes]

The thought of dying has never bothered me, but getting hurt, losing blood, becoming crippled and the like—no thanks.

Dazai Osamu, No Longer Human

[callmegreeneyes]

With teary eyes, she turns to me for sympathy, but all I can see reflected on the water is a lonely harvest moon.

Yosano Akiko, River of Stars: Selected Poems of Yosano Akiko

[callmegreeneyes]

Best written main character in anime/manga

[callmegreeneyes]

DAYCARE PICK UP !! let’s go home, lovely

osamu & chuuya as daddies picking up their poor adorable baby girl up from daycare !! ( same names as the other fic guys mb lawll )

early fall always made dazai’s heart turn in a different way. the ways the leaves on the trees change colors and die down for the new generation, it made his heart feel melancholic in the windy weather. however, the waves of unknown emotions had to subside. today, osamu dazai has taken on the task of picking up his daughter from daycare. you have entrusted him to be on time, no later than five for that was when all the other children would be leaving with their own parents and guardians and, oh dear, it would be terrible to leave your poor daughter all alone with no one to play with, wouldn’t it ?

as osamu stepped into the small daycare, he was relieved to see his daughter with a few other kids, playing with a small kitchen set and siring up a pot filled with fake carrots and lettuce leaves. he was always worried she would be outcasted like him. as one of the workers called akane over, she dropped all her things and smiled, rushing over to her father. the daycare workers grabbed for akanes bags and belongings, handing them over to osamu with a smile as the both of them left.

the walk to the house was filled with small chatter and dazai carrying akane by the shoulders, his big hands holding his daughters legs in a protective manner as akane messed with his chocolate hair.

“how was today, dear ?”

“was fun. we did finger painting !! look; it’s flowers, the sun, clouds, and this is mommy, and this is you !” as akane held a paper in front of dazai’s face, he stopped walking and stepped to the side of the sidewalk. despite the paper being far too close to his face, he could make out small blobs and streaks of hair that rested on (what seemed like) your head in the drawing. dazai wore a dolly smile on the drawing, the crescent shaky and uneven, but it gave himself flavor.

“oh, this is wonderful !! let’s go home and show mommy, yeah ? and then we can put it on the fridge together, how about it ?”

chuuya told you there was no need for a daycare. he could just hire a nanny to look for chiyo for the day while the two of you were away or you could stay home with her, he makes more than enough money for the three of you. but you insisted, saying it would be good for your daughter to play with other kids rather than a nanny. and to chuuya, your words are almost law to him, he’ll follow it if it makes you happy.

which now leads to where chuuya is now. his chauffeur stops in front of the daycare as chuuya thanks him, telling him that he could park somewhere before opening the door and walking in. with his hands in his pockets, chuuya turned his head from wall to wall. papers filled with drawings filled the halls, along with small decorations such as paper chains made by the children and cut outs by the teachers and workers. it wasn’t a fancy place as chuuya wanted, it was rather normal, in fact. a plain exterior complemented with nicely decorated hallways.

as nakahara walked further in the daycare, he stopped at the familiar door and knocked gently with a gloved hand. the door was cut in two, the top half open while the bottom half was lock closed. chuuya liked this door, he could see his daughter without the anticipation of wondering where chiyo was and what she was doing. a worker walked over and smiled neatly at chuuya before calling for chiyo. the girl, dressed neatly and hair done to perfection, ran over to the door as chuuya waved. grabbing her things, chiyo waved goodbye to her friends before holding her fathers big hands in hers.

“‘ya had fun, pretty ?”

“mhm ! we painted and drew lots. we also made tomato-lettuce-apple-leaf soup outside in the playground !” chiyo hopped around as she stepped over the tile lines, jumping slightly higher with the help of chuuyas hands and arms lifting her up gently.

“oh yeah ? that sounds like real fun. hey, mommy’s making food back at home, hope you’re not too full from your … err — soup from earlier.”

[callmegreeneyes]

BABY STROLLERS AND CARRIERS — love you forever & ever or: bsd men as girl dads (bc it’s been rotten in my brain for months !!)

@aureatchi @heartsfourdazai

“come now, quit tugging my bandages, akane !” dazai sputtered, holding his daughter away from his face as she made grabby hands and giggled at the sight of her father. dazai sighed dramatically, sitting his daughter down back in her baby crib before fixing the bandages on hie neck, the cloth slowly revealing the skin underneath.

“jeez, i don’t get how your mother does it. do you hate me that much ?” dazai sighed, walking towards the window and pulling up the blinds, the fresh sunlight gleaming into the room as akane giggled at the warmth. her father turned around with a spin of his heel and made a small pout.

“this isn’t funny, akane ! what if you really end up hating me.” the baby’s smile faded ever so slightly, tilting her head in confusion of her fathers words before giggling again. osamus fake frown melted into a burst of pure adoration, taking a step over to the crib and picking akane up again, spinning her around the room.

“awh !! i can’t stay mad at you !! cm’ere and give daddy a kiss !! say, how about we practice walking again ?”

“what’s s’matter, chiyo ? why’re you cryin’, baby ?” chuuya pushed his desk away, the wheels on his chair pushing him slowly to the small, but lavish, baby crib that rested near the window side of his home office. the soft cries of his child made the ginger sigh, picking his daughter up from the crib and into his arms, gently rocking her and cooing.

“‘ya hungry ?” the baby, an almost matching resemblance to you, made hiccups as fat tears ran down her face, chubby hands tugging on her father clothes. as of late, chuuya had decided to work from home for a while, only unless there was a job he had to take. other then that, paperwork and such would be cleared in the comfort of his home. this also gave him more time to spend with you and his newborn daughter, though, balancing work and a child is difficult, the executive has to admit.

chuuya rocked chiyo gently with one arm before getting up and walking towards the kitchen, looking for an already made bottle standing in the counter.

“c’mon, ma made you a bottle— hey !” chiyo threw her hands in the air, knocking the bottle away from chuuyas hands and starting a frenzy again, waving her hands around as she cried. the ginger sighed at the sight of the baby bottle on the ground, leaking slightly on the ground. he can clean it later.

“h- hey … shit. it’s alright, sweetheart. c’mon, quit cryin’.” now holding chiyo with both his arms, chuuya frowned as he gently wiped the tears off of the baby’s cheeks with his hands, placing a gentle kiss on the crown of her forehead. and almost like magic, chiyos sobs slowly became hiccups, her chubby hands tugging on the longer parts of her fathers hair.

“you wanted attention, huh ? you’re just like ‘yer mom.”

“how the hell do you make saki quiet ..”

akutagawa was in a particular predicament. he wasn’t sure how to calm his crying daughter, let alone, by himself. you were currently out for groceries, one half because you really needed it, the other being for your husbands own benefit, a quick daddy-daughter time.

saki was a baby that proved dna is insane. she was split between the two of you, having your eyes and lips, her hair being raven dark just like akutagawas. though, despite being such a sweet looking baby, throwing a tantrum was something she does frequently, as of late; and akutagawa was not having it.

“c’mon, drink the bottle … you’re giving me a headache.”

saki swatted the bottle away, hiccuping as she saw her fathers brows deepen, sighing. fat tears continued to stream down her face, kicking her feet.

“what is wrong with you …” ryunosuke grabbed for a jingling baby toy with his ability, shaking it in front of his baby’s face with a frown. the black haired baby hiccuped as the last bit of her tears fell, reaching her small chubby hands for not the toy, but rashumon, clapping her hands eagerly towards the sharp fabric.

“a- ah .. so that’s what you wanted.” dropping the toy on the ground, akutagawa sighed and walked over to the couch, using his free hand to wipe the tears off of sakis eyes.

“enough crying now.”