I hurt myself thinking of Simon and Baz adopting a kid. Simon’s nervous, maybe it’s sort of spur of the moment. They’ve been planning for awhile (Baz has sooo many books; he’s reading them with Penny whereas Simon likes to sits with Daphne and Lady Ruth to hear their firsthand experience) but when the call comes you’re never prepared. Penny’s got a checklist and she’s calling out items while Simon packs the car. Meanwhile Baz is updating the group chat and yelling, “You don’t need seven sandwiches, Simon! It’s only a thirty minute car ride!” And Simon and Penny echo back, “It’s on the list, Baz!” But they eventually manage to get packed and on the road, waving back at Penny who’s going to the market to pick up essentials on their other checklist.
Simon drives to where they’re meant to pick up their child, steady hands under pressure and all that, and Baz drums his fingers on his thigh until Simon reaches over and threads their hands together. “It’s going to be fine,” he says, and Baz wants to argue that Simon looks like he’s five seconds from shitting his pants. Baz squeezes Simon’s hand instead.
They do eventually make the handover, sign the paperwork, and then it’s the two of them, packing their child into the car seat (Simon wrangles while Baz calls out instructions). “Gentle, gentle!” Baz reminds Simon and Simon wants to bang a fist against his own head in frustration but then he hears that word again. Gentle. And he gives that to himself as well.
It’s a quiet ride home. “Calm before the storm,” Baz jokes, his eyes ever on the precious bundle strapped in behind him, and Simon swallows his lips in a strained smile.
“I’ll take first watch,” Simon says, after they’ve managed food, diapers, and a strangely quiet child given all the change and emotional upheaval circling around them.
There’s something twitchy about Simon’s offer but Baz chalks it up to new fatherhood jitters. He should argue; maybe he should stay up first given his experience babysitting his siblings, but he’s exhausted and sticky. Besides, these days Simon babysits as often as Baz. He trusts Simon, and displaying that trust goes a long way toward Simon feeling it for himself. So he kisses their child on the forehead, then Simon, then his child again, then, “Stop, stop,” Simon laughs, swatting away Baz’s insistent lips, “we’ll be fine. I’ll call you on the monitor if we need anything.”
“Okay,” Baz frowns, and then he subjects his family to another round of kisses, just in case.
It’s three in the morning when Baz hears it: a stifled sob over the monitor, distinctly adult in nature.
Simon.
Baz walks softly to the nursery. He finds Simon in the rocking chair, their child pressed to his bare chest. Tears stream down Simon’s face.
“Love, what’s—”
“I just got her,” Simon says. “Less than twelve hours ago. I just got her.”
Baz reaches out his arms, a move Simon misinterprets. He holds the baby tighter to his chest.
“No, no. Don’t you see? I just got her. And I can’t,” Simon hiccups, “I can’t imagine giving her up.” He looks up at Baz. “I love her. I just got her and I love her and she’s mine and I can’t, I can’t…”
This time, when Baz stretches out his arms Simon moves to give up the baby but Baz clicks his tongue and pulls them both in his arms. “It’s okay, little puff,” he says, kissing Simon’s cheek before the baby’s. “I’ve got you, now.”
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I'm promoting my next novel, Slow Dance, today, and I was thinking ...
Obviously Simon and Baz aren't in this book. But some of the themes that I was digging into in the trilogy, specifically in Any Way the Wind Blows, are also themes in Slow Dance. Like, my brain kept working on them.
And I think people who have invested deep thought into Simon and Baz will notice that expansion. There were moments when I was writing when I thought, "Ah, there you are, Simon. Still struggling, eh?"
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I LIED, ITS BIRTHDAY BOY TIME
Get married, idiots
Happy birthday FOR REAL THIS TIME to my favorite emo shit vampire nerd and an even bigger happy birthday to @rainbowrowell who made him in her brain and shared him with us, only for us to turn around and do unspeakable things to him on all ends of the unspeakable spectrum 🥰
🎂
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Ebb’s the nicest person at Watford. Younger than the teachers and surprisingly powerful for somebody who decided to spend her life taking care of goats.
“What does being powerful have to with anything?” Ebb’ll say. […] “I’m not a soldier. Don’t see why I should have to fight for living just because I can throw a punch”
Ebb Petty. | Women of the Simon Snow Trilogy.
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Top 7 on repeat
Thanks @bookish-bogwitch for the tag
Tagging @letraspal @aristocratic-otter @artsyunderstudy @giishu @sailorblossoms @stardustasincocaine @fight-surrender @penpanoply @iamamythologicalcreature @bazzybelle
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