Hot wedding idea, the worst man, it’s his duty to try and prevent the wedding at all costs.
The best man and worst man engage in Spy Vs Spy shenanigans until the wedding is done
Don’t forget the maid of dishonor, who spends the entire wedding doing the same thing as the worst man except her nemesis is the Maid of honor. The best man and maid of honor can work together but the worst man and maid of dishonor are actively trying to kill each other on top of stopping the wedding
when my father was a Young Man in college? high school? he worked at a little Italian American place. it was mostly your typical spaghetti, lasagna, etc, but they had the picky eaters/kids menu, which featured grilled cheese.
one day, a man comes in and asks for a burned grilled cheese. the waitress specifies this to my father the line cook, and my father, being the chill guy that he is, thinks, k, whatever, he lets it get a little charred. gives it to the waitress.
guy sends it back. “not burned enough,” the waitress relays to my father. my father puts it back on the heat, lets it get solidly black on both sides, sends it out.
guy sends it black. “it’s…still not burned enough,” the waitress says, and i can’t imagine being in this poor woman’s shoes, dealing with whatever eldritch creature is hungering for straight carbon in the dining room of a tiny Italian place in approximately 1991.
my father thinks, what the hell. he sticks the sandwich in what is known as a Salamander, but is basically just a freestanding broiler. gets busy with something else. forgets about the grilled cheese. looks up. the grilled cheese is now ON FIRE.
he pulls the grilled cheese out. it’s…definitely burned now. burned straight through. it’s questionable if this is even considered a grilled cheese anymore, since it has been far more than grilled and there is nothing recognizable as cheese. what the hell. he sends it out with the waitress.
it doesn’t come back.
God at the gates of purgatory after my death: Were you a good catholic trad wife?
Wait wait wait guys yesterday I got really busy and forgot that I was making myself a sandwich and forgot to eat but when I finally got around to eating would you guys like to see the special sandwich I made?
It’s called vantablack grill cheese and there’s an artist out there who isn’t even allowed to look at it
The devil, rising up from the bowls of the sewer of hell to show God this sandwich: i would like you to take a look at exhibit A—
“he ate every bit,” the waitress tells my father.
Was thinking last night about this mystical ‘man’ who rose up from hell one day in 1991 to eat a charcoal sandwich
I love it when the little kids I’m teaching online have complete and total misconceptions of what’s going on. So far, I’ve encountered the following:
1. I had been teaching a little girl for several months, when one day she said to me: “My mother says you’re a real person, not an app. If you’re a real person, show me your husband.”
2. I was about to end a class, but the little girl I was teaching didn’t want the class to end. She turned to her mom and asked if she could please watch one more episode. Turns out she was under the impression that I was a very interactive TV program.
3. I couldn’t find my marker in class today. The boy I was teaching was like, “What’s your apartment number? I’ll come up and help you find it!” The boy lives in China and I live in the United States. I guess most people he knows live in the same building as him, so he assumed I did too.
4. I had been teaching a kid for quite some time when I mentioned my age in class. She was like, “Wait, you’re an adult????” She’d thought I was twelve.
5. I just finished my last class of the night. At the end of it, the three year old girl (in China) wanted to know if she could come over and we could have the next class at my house.
Could u please do a tutorial on torture 👀
if when I get married my spouse doesn’t confess to me that they’re actually an android imposter, and later kill a bunch of people in a bar to keep their cover when the person they were modeled after returns, leading to a fight between them that ends with me killing the original because I fell for the android, and then confessing that I am actually a clone of my android spouse’s original partner, then what is even the fucking point?!
I had a dream last night that I was at a coffee shop and there was a drink called ‘fistbumping lesbians’ and it was a seven shot caramel latte
I start work super early tomorrow so guess who’s gonna make herself a fistbumping lesbians at the start of her shift
Behold the fistbumping lesbians
Jsyk this thing could wake the dead
4 hours later: I’m fricken ZAZZED you guys
This is… not usually what is meant by “follow your dreams”…