chiefninjabeliever

[chiefninjabeliever]

(via Antenas Mallorca AnTec)

[chiefninjabeliever]

[chiefninjabeliever]

[chiefninjabeliever]

[chiefninjabeliever]

[chiefninjabeliever]

[chiefninjabeliever]

First account of abuse

I will be putting information on here that some may find a trigger to their own problems, for this I am sorry.

Aged 4- August the summer of 1992: It was a very hot day, i was wearing shorts and a yellow T-shirt with black daps. I was playing with my brothers outside, we was playing football on the green. We decided to move to the playing fields in the secondary school down the road, as we was getting in trouble by the neighbours as we was being very loud.

The abuser was a family member but not one of my brothers, the abuser followed us to the fields as they were alot older then us and it was paramount by my parents that the abuser take us to the fields to watch us as their words (alot of weirdos are about).

So the abuser took us to the secondary school fields, me and my brothers had a great time, playing football with our friends it turned 5pm time for tea, so we rushed home, the first one would receive the meal in full, i always came last i was the youngest, i was a slow runner. I sat there and ate cold chips once everyone had finished their food.

My parents then went to the pub with their friends at this time, and left the abuser in charge of me and my siblings!

Everyone was down stairs watching tv, but the abuser wasnt she was i thought in her bedroom listening to music, but i soon to find out this wasnt to be, i went upstairs to go for a wee, the door was shut, so i knocked on the door the abuser answered a simple request come in.

Me be under 5 i went in i didnt know what was about to happen was not normal. She sat upright on the toilet naked, i advised i need to go wee really bad so she spread her legs and said go on then go for a wee. So i did.

The abuser then grab me and placed me on their lap, and told me what just happened was normal and not to tell anyone else otherwise i would be taken away from the family and a strange man would haunt me every night, and this she laid on the floor naked and requested for me to touch her body in what i know now as a adult a sexual way, putting my fingers places she requested.

#its the truth #innocent #mental health #childhood ptsd #my story

[chiefninjabeliever]

My childhood

When i was 4 years old I was a victim of horrific sexual abuse by family.

I was constantly abused by the abuser for 2 long dark years, I can still remember every little details, the scent of the air, what day it was, what i was wearing, who i spoke to, what i ate, what time to the second that it happened.

I was forced to lose out on my childhood due to the neglect i went through as a child and being brought up by shit parents, fighting for a meal with my siblings eating what i can only tell you was the left over potato products (cold chips).

Over the next few weeks i will be divulging all my pain and suffering onto the internet to free me from it, to allow me to be more with my self at a time i need to heal from all this pain i have been put under.

#abuse #depression #mental wellness #mental health #lonesome

[chiefninjabeliever]

Darkness follows

Today is a dark day for me, alot is going on in my head that is affecting my life to see through the anguish and pain is hard. People keep putting their mental health on me and im suffering from it, no matter how much i suffer people do not seem to care enough to let me be.

I have always been there for others but when I need someone they arent there to listen to me. I am a troubled soul at this point, and contemplating things over in my head.

Many reasons I post here is because I have no other outlet where i can divulge such feelings of insecurity or hurt.

[chiefninjabeliever]

Hi again. Many things are rushing through my head. I feel quite ill today very fluey, my mental health is mending again today after my brief blip. Hope all is well out there remember if you need to see someone and your lonely look at the night sky focus on a star and know I’m looking right back at you

CNB

[chiefninjabeliever]

Hi friends. Many of you may have read some of my notes but not truly understood them. I have been in a dark place that’s why I haven’t put anymore notes up.

The darkness has grabbed me back and dragged me into a pit of my old life of stress and mental unhealthyness. I am here to speak openly of my troubles and will again update my tumblr daily

Speak soon. CNB

[chiefninjabeliever]

Little snowflake

Today I saw heavy sleet fall and turn into the most crisp beautiful snowflake, icy white flurrying down to the ground to try settle on the wet cold floor, the amazing texture you see of a snowflake makes you question the beauty of this amazing planet. The planet we all call home,

Hoping anyone who reads this hope and joy

#joy #hope #happiness #wonderful #nature

[chiefninjabeliever]

Unbeaten in many aspects recently I have the most amazing partner, we have amazing little cats and an amazing new life albeit just starting.

The obstacles we have faced in this relationship is beyond comprehension and makes you wonder what the hell happened back then.

The unscrupulous amount of stress families have weighed on us cannot be forgiven but we all have the ability to look up and move on with what’s best for us as individuals.

My life is my partner and I will always be happy as long as I have her

[chiefninjabeliever]

Great scenery where I am the most of the mornings fresh chilled air.

Makes you feel like everything in life has purpose. Mental health is one of these things that has ups and downs, my posts represent how I feel at the moment of writing no fluff fakery all real feelings

#feelings #mental health #life #care #health #people #love

[chiefninjabeliever]

My new chapter of my life!

I have finally moved and everything is already better in my life

[chiefninjabeliever]

Tonight has been rough.

I haven’t felt anger like this in a long time. There is no smoke without fire, my landlord decided to threaten me a lot today which has made my depression sink further downhill. I am putting on a strong face for my partner. I’m crumbling

#crumbling #mental health #depression #it is what it is

[chiefninjabeliever]

#mental health #depression #thoughts #quote