childofthesmoke

[childofthesmoke]

Basically

I’m going to properly leave tumblr again.

I’ve also decided to work on giving up on the idea of being a “youtuber”, due to realising that the reason why I never gave it a “proper try” and always eventually give up is probably because I really don’t want to become even more dependent and addicted to youtube, than I already have been for the last decade... And I can feel it being a problem that I need to finally take care of. So the new YT account I made when I got back on here, with the intention of using tumblr to advertise it, will be used only for listening to stuff on the youtube music app (which is the way I used that account initially anyway)

BUT recently I sorted out my old channel (which has all my subscriptions and stuff) and put all of my own music creations there (there were some old ones on it already). And I’m going to use it as the place to post any future music creations of mine as well (and maybe even mix up a video for them if I feel like it, instead of just a still image). But apart from that I’m planning to stay away from youtube in general, even as a viewer.

And also if I want to share any new drawings of mine I will do so on my facebook page, which has a lot of my art on it already and serves as an online gallery and also archive for it.

Here are the links, if you want to check any of that out :)  

Music - https://www.youtube.com/user/drubasna

Art - https://www.facebook.com/dimi.online.gallery

#music #art #drawing #changes #for the better

[childofthesmoke]

[childofthesmoke]

I know that being straight is the “normal” and it isn’t strange or a big deal to be attracted to guys when you’re a girl… but I’m still sometimes genuinely surprised by just how much I like boys/men.

It’s a very interesting feeling to me and I really like it, but it also kinda feels like a mystery. Like I keep trying analyze it and figure out how it works for some reason… but all the biological reasons don’t seem enough and it feels like this magical and brainwashing force of very pleasant attraction…

I sometimes look at an actor or a youtuber or someone I’m a fan of or even just friends of mine and I notice certain things about the way they look or act and I can feel myself just liking their male-ness and I ask myself “why do I like this so much? 😭”

#and like #i love my boyfriend dearly and don’t need anyone else #so the attraction isn’t in the i want to be with them way #but either just pure sexual attraction #or just me finding them to be cool or charming #and just… enjoying observing them or being in their company #idk but i just like guys a lot #and i don’t feel this type of feelings towards women #so i know that it has to do with their gender #and I sometimes joke to myself #that instead of the #i’m so gay #phrase that I’ve seen used as a reaction #in my case it’s I’m so straight #the way i like girls is different and definitely platonic #and usually i can’t help myself but compare myself with them #while with the guys I like I just feel interested and appreciative idk

[childofthesmoke]

Not gonna specifically tag anyone...but reblog if you feel like it and put yours in the tags.

#D.D. Birch #The Blue Pillow

[childofthesmoke]

I randomly paused the vid while watching and I CAN’T BELIEVE HOW ACCURATELY IT REPRESENTS MY CURRENT STATE OF MIND

#excel #microsoft excel #meme #I'm an absolure noob at excel #and I've actually avoided it like the plague from the minute I tried it back in 4th grade #I've beel looking at job offers and literally every one that catches my eye #has microsoft office in the requirements #and while I'm good with the other stuff #the fact that I don't know excel makes me super nervous to even try to apply #and it makes me reluctant to say I know how to use microsoft office cause it's not fully true #so I took the plunge and decided to try to start learning it #so far the tips in this vid were great and explained well #but I feel my brain is literally like that rn #learning #tutorial #youtube

[childofthesmoke]

Drawing I made earlier today feat. The smudges from the rain.🌹🌧💧

#it started raining in the middle of it #so i moved to a new place and finished it #but my mindset was different and i was anxious #and tbh i thought i had fucked it up and was dissatisfied #but now when i looked at it again #i liked it a lot more than before #rose #roses #drawing #art #sketch #sketching #sletchbook #doodle #plants

[childofthesmoke]

#cat #cat in a bag #cute #cute cat #my cat #is #adorable #cats of tumblr

[childofthesmoke]

I am finally almost at the end of the lineart phase.

It feels like I’m starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

#these last two days especially #i’ve worked to my limit #and I’ve gone to bed feeling physically exhausted #even a little dizzy #but despite feeling beat up #i’ve been feeling more optimistic somehow #probably because I’m almost done with this phase #which was the most difficult #so the tiredness kinda feels good tbh #cause it feels like I achieved something #up until now the tiredness felt different i’m not sure why #but it was more like… emotional and a mental struggle #along with lack of motivation #now it just feels mostly physical

[childofthesmoke]

Today I:

Cleaned my room

Took a shower

Did the laundry

Made the 2 drawings shown above

While also keeping my boyfriend company as he worked, so I also managed to hang out with him 💕

I woke up in a pretty bad mood, but now it’s the end of the day and I’m feeling glad. And looking at the drawings I made makes me feel very happy and good about myself. ^^

#it’s been a looooong time since I last drew like this #it feels really good #it’s as if I was really hungry #maybe more than I realised #and I FINALLY had a good meal #it’s the best comparison i can make haha #(and it does kinda feel like now I want to overeat lmao) #drawing #art #today

[childofthesmoke]

Rare atmospheric anomaly above Mt Fuji, Japan.  Photography by Sekine’s Motoharu

[childofthesmoke]

“I watch Psycho-Pass for the plot” the plot:

bonus:

#lmaooo #i mean #having something good to look at doesn’t hurt #i still haven’t gotten to the point where that last shot is from tho #it caught me by surprise lol #though to be completely honest the reason i started watching this anime #was because i was some images on pinterest of some of the characters #and especially seeing Ginoza caught my attention #but also Kogami kinda #so i was like #welp #if it turns out to be interesting to be awesome #but either way i wanna look at hot anime guys #so why not give it a shot #and now I’m in the middle of the second season #very satisfied with the decision I took randomly one night a few days ago #the desire for eye candy can sometimes lead to some good stuff

[childofthesmoke]

watching a show where ur favorite character isnt a main character

[childofthesmoke]

#tree #light #nature #leaves

[childofthesmoke]

Oh well, today I tried taking a nap instead and guess what: 4 hours wasted (and from 2pm till 6pm at that! So kinda almost all of my day) and I don’t feel any different. Not “recharged” at all, just grumpy and even more anxious about all the work I’m behind on.

Note to self: DON’T drink an energy drink in the afternoon. Seriously. You might think you’ll be fine in a couple of hours, maybe around midnight or 2am, but no. IT’S FUCKING 5:25AM

#and I had slept the full night before #so idk what the deal is #but i’m thinking of going back to waking up with an alarm #and trying to stick to 7 hours of sleep #hopefully that helps #but i’m really sick and tired of dealing with this shit tbh #and i think i know the main reason for it #but it’s not something i can fix by avoiding it #so i guess after all i really don’t have another choice #and i just need to finish this damn project no matter how much it drains me #because going slower on finishing it is already super draining #so i’m fucked either way #and i can’t protect myself from the stress it seems #but at least i tried i guess #after all being a professional artist really isn’t for me #but i’m still glad i graduated in the only major i wanted to study #now i just need to finish this and figure out what to do after it

[childofthesmoke]

Also as a gift to my friend I tried to draw his cat. 💕

#of couse as always i see one or two mistakes #and ways in which i could’ve made it better #BUT #I still like how it turned out #and it was fun and enjoyable to make that drawing #it has been waaaaayy too long #since i last made a physical drawing #and especially one that i felt like had value and meaning #I miss this type of drawing #not only the technical aspect of it but the uh.. emotional i guess #and even though I’m not in a phase where i can let myself #embrace doodling and drawing just for fun #it’s nice to feel that the spark isn’t actually gone #and only needs a little nudge sometimes #And also some inspiration #because his cat is really cute and sweet #and the loaf of bread pose is a classic 👌 #cat #cats #drawing #doodle #ink #bread loaf #gift #art

[childofthesmoke]

Update: Quite expectedly, things didn’t go as planned. (But they never really do now do they? :D) I went out a few hours later than what I was aiming for initially, BUT I did get a couple of hours of sleep and was able to function throughout the day and did all my getting-ready stuff and then had a really sweet time with my friends in the evening. (It was the birthday of one of them).

So I’m actually pretty satisfied

Note to self: DON’T drink an energy drink in the afternoon. Seriously. You might think you’ll be fine in a couple of hours, maybe around midnight or 2am, but no. IT’S FUCKING 5:25AM

#i also ate a pizza with shimps #which was a first for me #but was quite nice

[childofthesmoke]

Note to self: DON’T drink an energy drink in the afternoon. Seriously. You might think you’ll be fine in a couple of hours, maybe around midnight or 2am, but no. IT’S FUCKING 5:25AM

#I'm so done #I drank it so that I could have energy to do some things that I never actually did #I was just on the computer all this time #youtube specifically #I mean I had a good time but still #I fucked up big time cause I have plans tomorrow #and I don't think I'll have enough time to sleep properly and also do all the stuff I need to do #so it will probably be kinda stressful #but oh well #making mistakes is the best way to learn #I shoud have taken a nap instead tbh #gonna keep in mind for next time ig