what the puck!
pairing: hockey player!donghyuck x reader
genre: fluff, slight angst, a crackfic turned way too serious lmao
word count:Â 11.6k
synopsis:Â you hit the universityâs star hockey player with your car. shenanigans (and maybe even a little romance) ensue.Â
authorâs note: sorry i came back after almost an entire year and dropped this instead of anything people actually asked for teehee đ also i know nothing about hockey so none of the sports stuff makes sense pls kindly ignore <3 big shoutout to miss cat and moon for coming up with the only good parts of this ficÂ
warning(s):Â brief descriptions of injuriesÂ
playlist:Â and july (feat. dean and dj friz) by heize â mixtape 2003 by the academic â chit chat by beach weather â 1983 by neon trees â fearless by taylor swift
part i. lee taemin once said his ideal meet-cute is a girl running him over with her car <3
First off, to set the record straightâ
You are not a bad driver.
There just so happened to be a bad thunderstorm, and your windshield wipers happened to malfunction, and you happened to lightly tap someone with the front of your beat-up Toyota Prius. Honestly, the person probably did more damage to your car thatâs one airbag deployment away from spontaneous combustion than the car could ever do to him.Â
However, for some reason, the blurry figure that you can barely make out through the onslaught of rainfall doesnât seem to be getting up off the ground.Â
Hurriedly putting your car in park, you clamber out in a panic as water pelts you in the face like one of those super strong hoses set on sprinkler mode. Without even asking if the person is okay, you lift him up by the shoulders and shake him violently.Â
âOh my God, please donât die! I literally canât afford to pay for someoneâs funeral right now,â you wail.Â
Youâre met with a pained chuckle, and a hoarse voice replies, âIâm not dead, but thanks for the concern.âÂ
His words cut through your blubbering like the sun peeking through the dark rain clouds, and the violent storm that nearly killed him five minutes ago suddenly subsides into a pleasant drizzle. Now that you can open your eyes without getting waterboarded, you blearily blink at him, finally able to get a good look at your victim.Â
Even though heâs soaked to the bone with rain, the guy in front of you takes your breath away. He has angled features but big, round doe-eyes and heart-shaped lips that brings a softness to his face. His dark hair, presumably having been styled before this whole fiasco, is flat against forehead and falls into his eyes, brushing against his eyelashes. If you hadnât just almost committed vehicular manslaughter against him, heâd definitely be someone that you would make eye contact with by chance and have delusional fantasies of living in domesticity with him before looking down at your feet and making a beeline in the opposite direction.Â
His expression is a bit dazed, a half-smile tugging at his lips, as he makes eye contact with youâalmost like he isnât aware that heâs smiling. You grow a bit concerned, wondering if heâs fallen into a stupor because of the adrenaline.Â
However, thereâs another thing thatâs been bothering you more.
And itâs the fact that he looks so familiarâ
Then, it suddenly hits you (no pun intended).Â
You know exactly who this guy is because you pass by a banner with his face on it twice a week on your way to your statistics class.Â
âHoly shit,â you breathe, âyouâre Lee Donghyuck.âÂ
A star hockey player whose talent hasnât been seen in generations, the guy that is single handedly carrying the universityâs legacy on his back, a permanent fixture in recent sports news cycles, the shoo-in for the upcoming NHL draft, and someone who definitely cannot afford to be injured just as heâs reaching the peak of his careerâthat Lee Donghyuck.
âYep, thatâs me,â he replies with a fairly cheerful demeanor for someone who was just hit by a car. âAnd you are?âÂ
You just stare at him for a beat before you realize that heâs actually talking to you. âOh, Iâm Y/N.âÂ
Donghyuck goes to say something but stops, clenching his jaw. He reaches down and grasps his right leg, face twisted in pain. Dread sinks into you with the pressure of a dozen semi-trucks.Â
Before you can bring yourself to look at how bad the damage is, you pray to every god that you can think of that itâs just a teensy-weensy little scrape and Donghyuck has a low pain tolerance. After all, you may not be particularly religious, but you consider yourself a pretty decent person that hasnât committed a sin grave enough to incur this kind of punishment.
Unfortunately, the gods donât seem to agree because when you look down, Lee Donghyuckâs calf is bent at an angle that no humanâs calf should ever be bent at, his leg resembling an extremely grotesque and mangled L-shape.Â
You may not have to pay for Donghyuckâs funeral, but you might be holding one of your own.
âYeah, itâs broken,â the ER doctor says matter-of-factly.Â
You put your head in your hands, feeling the urge to curl up in a hole and die as if it were your career on the line.Â
âYouâll be out for six to eight weeks. But on the bright side, it was a pretty clean break, so you shouldnât have any trouble getting back on the ice once youâre healed,â the doctor continues, thumbing through the X-rays on his clipboard. âYou were hit in a very methodical way.â
Whipping your head back up and nearly snapping your neck, you gawk at the doctor. âWhy are you saying it like I did it on purpose?â
âHm,â is the only response you get before he turns back to Donghyuck, patting the latter on the shoulder. âAnyways, just know that the whole staff here are huge fans of you, and weâre all rooting for ya. Get well soon, and make us proud.âÂ
Donghyuck just gives him a strained smile, stiffly trying to sit up on the bed without jostling his leg thatâs been propped up in a heavy, thick cast. The doctor fanboys a little more before finally leaving, drawing the privacy curtain closed behind him.Â
An extremely awkward silence hangs in the air between the two of you. You wait for him to start crying or screaming or have some sort of emotional outburst. However, he doesnât react at all, just quietly sitting and fiddling with the heart rate monitor clipped on his finger.Â
âSo, um, are youâŠare you okay?â you ask quietly.Â
Donghyuck laughs. âI think thatâs the first time youâve asked about my wellbeing since we got here.âÂ
Thatâs the second time heâs smiled in front of you. You donât understand why he hasnât reached over the railing of the bed and throttled you yet. You canât even imagine how frustrated and disappointed he must be right now. While the doctor did say heâll be fine once heâs healed, itâll take at least a month for him to fully recover. That means heâll be missing at least 7 or 8 gamesâgames that will undoubtedly have important scouts present.
Hell, Donghyuck even had to pay the ER bill too (luckily, his insurance covered the majority of it).Â
âIâm really sorry,â you sigh, finally giving him a well overdue apology. âI wasnât thinking straight back then. When I panic, my head goes empty, and I just blurt out stupid shit all the time. I know saying sorry isnât nearly enough, but if thereâs anything I can do for you, I will do my best to make it happen.âÂ
You watch him pause to think. âYou knowâŠthere actually is.â
You lean forward eagerly, nodding for him to continue. Youâre expecting something labor-intensive or gross, like cleaning his house or doing the hockey teamâs laundry.Â
âCould you drive me to and from my classes and practice?â he simply asks. âMy parents live out of state, and my teammatesâ schedules are always packed, so I kind of need someone to help me.âÂ
You blink at him.Â
He blinks back.Â
âYou want me to drive you around?â you ask slowly. âIn the same car I hit you with?âÂ
âWell,â he shrugs, âIâll be in it this time, not in front of it.âÂ
Youâre not sure if you should be impressed or concerned by his faith in your driving ability.Â
âIf youâre too busy thenââ
âNo, no! I can,â you quickly interject, âAs long as youâre okay with it.âÂ
You still find it surreal how calm he is about everything.Â
Donghyuck beams. âPerfect. Because I have practice in twenty minutes.âÂ
âWait, you want to go to practice now? But shouldnât you go home and rest?âÂ
âEh, Iâll be fine. Even if I canât play, I want to show up for moral support,â he replies nonchalantly. âPlus, I still havenât told them that my leg is broken.â
You make a mental note to casually slip out of the room when that conversation takes place.
âUm, okay then,â you start hesitantly, âonce youâre discharged, Iâll drive you there.âÂ
He gives you another grin, and it suddenly hits you that youâve just committed a whole month of your life to chauffeuring the pride and joy of the hockey world.Â
Then again, youâve already hit him with your car, so surely nothing worse could happen.
Right?Â
When Donghyuck is finally discharged from the ER, you help him hobble along to your car with his crutches and carefully into the passenger seat. You had already haphazardly swept all the empty water bottles, crumpled receipts, and miscellaneous trash under the backseat, so luckily, he doesnât notice the absolute abysmal state of your vehicle.Â
You play some music once you hit the road, and he hums along, tapping his uncasted foot to the beat. You, on the other hand, can barely hear the song. You keep your back ramrod straight and grip on the steering wheel so tight that your knuckles turn white, driving with the focus of a Secret Service agent escorting the President.Â
âSo, whatâs your major?â Donghyuck asks jovially.Â
âWhat?â you jolt. âOh, um, communications.âÂ
âOh cool,â he says, sounding genuinely interested. âWhat do you want to do when you graduate?âÂ
âUh, just a typical 9-5 office job, I guess,â you answer half-heartedly.Â
When he doesnât immediately respond, you hurriedly continue, âIâm not a very ambitious person, as you can see. It probably sounds so mundane to a hotshot like you.âÂ
âYou think Iâm a hotshot?â He waggles his eyebrows.Â
You give him a confused look. âYour face is literally plastered all over our school.âÂ
He shrugs like you have a point.
âWell, thereâs nothing wrong with mundane,â he continues reassuringly, âBesides, I doubt a communications degree would entail a super flashy job or anything.âÂ
You shift in your seat, now feeling strangely defensive over a degree that you care nothing about. âWell, I could be, like, a PR manager for a celebrity or something.âÂ
He raises an eyebrow. âDo you really want to clean up the messes of a bunch of entitled millionaires that would probably treat the gum stuck to their shoe better than you?â
You rack your brain for a clever retort and eventually give up when your silence drags on much too long for a quip, no matter how smart, to have any merit anymore.Â
âNo,â you finally admit, shaking your head like a toddler who just got caught doing something bad.Â
âAw, donât look so down,â Donghyuck says, clearly trying to stifle a laugh. âDonât worry. If I become a professional hockey player, Iâll hire you.âÂ
Now itâs your turn to raise an eyebrow. âSo when you become an entitled millionaire, you want me to clean up your messes while you treat the gum stuck to your shoe better than me?âÂ
âAh, but you see,â he trails off dramatically, âthe twist is that Iâm going to remain my angelic self as always and then you wonât have any messes to clean up. Youâll basically just be paid for sitting around and doing nothing. Itâll be a nice, easy, cushy job. Perfect for someone with no ambition.âÂ
You laugh, leaning back in your seat. âHow generous of you to offer a job to someone who almost killed you a couple of hours ago.â
âBygones,â he says breezily. âWhat do you think? I promise Iâll treat you well.âÂ
Donghyuck puts his elbows on your center console and props up his face in his hands, batting his eyelashes at you.Â
âI think the doctor might have given you too much morphine,â you reply, rolling your eyes.Â
âIs that why Iâm seeing so many shapes and colors?âÂ
You whip your head towards him in concern.Â
âJust kidding.â He winks.Â
âNot funny,â you grumble.Â
âI think I heard your neck crack.âÂ
âShut up.â
âDo you know what tech neck is?âÂ
âAre you always this annoying towards strangers?â you demand.Â
âOh come on, weâre not strangers anymore,â he insists. âWeâve become trauma bonded.âÂ
You actually canât dispute that.Â
âAnd are you always this chipper after sustaining a severe injury that inhibits your burgeoning career?âÂ
âOnly when I have good company,â he replies smoothly.Â
While your eyes are focused on the road, you can still see him through your peripheral vision. You know heâs looking at you, feeling his gaze like a beam of sunlight shining directly on your face (also probably why it feels so warm). He has one arm on the center console, covering his mouth with his palm, but you can tell heâs smiling by the way his animation-like eyes crinkle in the corners and how his cheeks are puffed up.
Youâre not sure how to respond to a joke like that; rather, youâre not really sure how to respond to Lee Donghyuck at all.Â
âOh, weâre here!â you announce, sounding a little too relieved when you see the skating rink right up ahead.Â
Much to your surprise, you do an amazing job at parking, carefully easing into the lines with a doctorâs precision. Performance anxiety really does make a person thrive.
You quickly get out and grab the crutches from the backseat before going over to the passenger side door, where Donghyuck is balancing on one foot as he tries to exit the car on his own.Â
âBe careful,â you scold, immediately grabbing his arm and looping it around your shoulder. âWait for me to come get you. Iâm supposed to be helping you.âÂ
âBut I want to look cool in front of you,â he replies sheepishly. âWant you to see my swagger when I walk.âÂ
Rolling your eyes, you hand him his crutches and hold him steady until heâs able to stand on his own. Even though he insists that heâs fine now, your arms still hover by his side, ready to catch him at any moment if he slips.Â
Just as the two of you are about to reach the entrance of the rink, you see another guy walking towards it as well. Heâs carrying a hockey stick covered in tape and a giant duffel bag that isnât zipped fully, overstuffed with what you can only presume to be hockey gear. His red and blue jersey has the number 2 and the name âLEEâ printed on the back of it.Â
Hearing your shuffling footsteps, he glances over and catches Donghyuckâs eye before doing a double take when he realizes that the latter is in a cast.Â
âDude, what the hell?â he gawks, marching right over to Donghyuck. âWhat happened to your leg?âÂ
âMark, this is Y/N. Y/N, this is Mark,â Donghyuck quickly introduces the two of you, ignoring Markâs question completely. Mark gives you a confused wave before turning back to Donghyuck and raising his eyebrow.Â
âAnyways, Y/N hit me with her car,â Donghyuck explains casually.
You gasp, nearly punching him in the arm but holding back just in time because a) heâs already injured and b) heâs right. You just wish he didnât say it like that.Â
Markâs expression grows more bewildered when he looks at you. âWhy? I mean, I know heâs annoying and a bit of an eyesore, but heâs still a pretty good guyâŠâÂ
âAccidentally,â you clarify through grit teeth. âIt was an accident.âÂ
âOh okay,â Mark nods as if everything suddenly makes sense now. âYou know Coach is gonna lose his shit, right? We have a month before playoffs.âÂ
You let out a small squeak of fear even though Mark isnât talking to you anymore.Â
Donghyuck certainly never mentioned that. Your guilt only grows tenfold; of course, you couldnât just hit this prodigy player on any random Tuesday. You had to hit him right before the playoff games that determine the championship.Â
âYeah, well,â Donghyuck mumbles, shrugging. âAt least you boys will be treated to a nice show.âÂ
Mark snorts before grabbing the handle to the door and holding it open for the two of you, gesturing for you to walk in first. You feel both of their expectant gazes on you, waiting for you to move, but your feet feel like theyâve been bolted in place.Â
âWhatâs wrong?â Donghyuck asks, shifting all his weight onto one crutch so he can lean forward and look at your face. âAre you feeling sick?âÂ
âYou could say that,â you mutter, âI suppose the crippling fear of being skinned alive by your coach might be the reason why Iâm so nauseous and sweaty.âÂ
âDonât be afraid,â he reassures you, puffing up his chest. âIâll protect you!âÂ
âHow are you going to protect me?â you demand. âYouâd last three seconds against him with that leg and then weâd both just die.âÂ
âYou could use him as a human shield,â Mark suggests. âJust throw him at the Coach as a distraction and then run away.âÂ
âNo,â you sigh. âHeâs too heavy with that cast. I canât lift him.â Â
âAck,â Donghyuck gargles dramatically, âDid you hear that? That was the sound of a knife entering my back. Et te, Brute?âÂ
âItâs Et tu, genius,â you correct, rolling your eyes.Â
âYeah, dumbass. Didnât you read Julius Caesar in high school?â Mark sneers.Â
âSorry that I was cool in high school, â Donghyuck retorts, âGet out of my way, nerds.âÂ
You chuckle as he hobbles past you and shoves Mark on the way, heading into the rink at a snailâs pace. After lightly bullying Donghyuck, you feel much more relaxed than before. Even though youâre still terrified of the reactions youâll be met with later, you decide to finally gird your loins and step foot into this godforsaken place.
Donghyuck and Mark kindly give you an informal tour as you make your way down to the skating rink, pointing out the locker rooms and where the student section is in the seats. It astounds you that youâre only a couple quarters away from graduating and yet youâve never been here before. You have some friends who are fans or just show up to ogle hot players, and theyâve invited you to games, but youâve just never really cared about the sport in general.
How ironic, you think to yourself and stifling a slightly hysterical giggle.Â
The rest of the team are doing warm-up exercises on the ice, and you notice the burly-looking coach watching over them with a hawk eye and a whistle in his mouth, arms crossed. His face is turned downwards in an extremely scary scowl.Â
Your palms start to grow sweaty and your footsteps become heavier again, and Donghyuck seems to notice instantly, turning around and giving you a wink.Â
âI got this,â he says coolly.Â
You watch Donghyuck confidently swagger (as best as he can) towards the coach, who looks at him like he just saw a ghost, all the blood draining from his face. The coachâs mouth hangs wide open, the whistle slipping out of his mouth and hitting his chest.Â
The sounds of the blades of the skates skidding across the ice come to a sudden halt as everyone in the room stares at the cast on Donghyuckâs leg and slowly starts to register what that means.Â
âHeeey, Coach!â Donghyuck walks up to him and does jazz hands like an idiot. âWhatâs kickinâ? Haha, not me!âÂ
And you realize that Donghyuck does not, in fact, got this.Â
You might as well just grab a shovel and start digging your own grave.Â
âLee Donghyuck, stop dicking around and get your ass on that ice now. I donât have time to deal with another one of your pranks. Not when playoffsââ
Donghyuck, the little arsonist who likes to dump fuel on the fire he is, takes out the X-rays of his broken bone from his pocket and proudly presents it to the coach.Â
âWhat the hell did you do?â The coach asks after staring at the X-rays like they had complex quantum physics equations written on them.Â
âI got hit by a car?â Donghyuck answers sheepishly, holding his arms out as if he were announcing something grand.Â
You watch as the gears start falling into place in the coachâs head.The blood that had drained from his face earlier suddenly comes rushing back, and youâre surprised steam doesnât come out of his ears.
âDid I or did I not tell you to not act like a little shit before playoffs? I asked you to behave for just once in your life and then you go and get yourself hit by a car!â The coach hollers, fuming. âWhat, did you finally piss someone off enough? Who hit you? I want to meet them and ask why they didnât just kill you right off the bat. Youâre of better use to me dead because then at least I would be sad for you. What the hell am I supposed to do with you now? Limping around like a three-legged dog.â Â
âAw, Coach, youâd be sad if I died?â Donghyuck sniffles. Judging by his reaction, you can tell this isnât the first time heâs been chewed out by the coach before. Despite the coach's harsh words and tone, itâs clear that he has a strong familial bond to his players.Â
âGet out.âÂ
âI get that youâre mad, but itâs kind of rude to compare my gait to a three-legged dogâs, as adorable as they may be. Admittedly, my swagger is kind of off, but Iâd prefer you call it something with a little more pizazz. Like âfracture swaggerâ orââ
âGet out!â The coach hurls his whistle at Donghyuckâs head.
Even with his injury, his athlete instincts kick in and he dodges it with ease.Â
On the other hand, youâwho had sneakily slipped behind Donghyuck without him noticing in an attempt to hide yourselfânot so much.
Luckily, the metal whistle doesnât hit your face, but the lanyard itâs attached to slaps you across your cheek like a whip. You let out a yelp, but itâs not really out of pain. Itâs more out of surprise and terror of being on the receiving end of the coachâs wrath.
âAre you okay?â Donghyuck asks immediately, looking way more concerned than he should be. âDid it hit you in the eye?âÂ
âNope. Iâm totally good,â you answer a little too quickly, nodding like a bobblehead.
He hesitantly reaches over but drops his hand right as his fingers brush your jaw. Turning away stiffly, his concerned expression quickly morphs into a glower.Â
âCoach,â he says, all humor draining from his tone. âApologize.âÂ
Donghyuck lowers his voice, but the weight of his words loom in the air like a rumbling storm cloudâthe ones you see on weather satellites that eventually amasses into a hurricane.Â
âIâmâŠsorry,â the coach stammers, clearly taken aback.Â
You feel like all of the air is being sucked out of the room, so you just give him an awkward thumbs-up.Â
Another beat of silence passes by before the coach snaps out of his surprise and yanks Donghyuck by the ear. âYou have a lot of nerve talking to me with that attitude, little brat. Especially after the stunt you pulled today. Who the hell is she anyways?â
âOwie,â Donghyuck whines, pawing at the coachâs wrist before finally being released. âOh, thatâs Y/N.âÂ
As if it were just a blip in time, that unimaginable pressure dissipates in an instant. He goes back to his mischievous self so smoothly that you wonder if you had just imagined everything before.Â
âHello,â you greet, trying your best to smile naturally even though it probably looks like youâre just opening your mouth and showing your teeth.Â
âSheâs the one who hit me with her carââ
In that moment, the gods suddenly decided to grant you the same athlete instincts that Donghyuck is graced with because you lunge forward in a blur, slapping a hand over his mouth. The clap reverberates throughout the whole rink, but you just smile sweetly.Â
âAccidentally. It was an accident. Iâll be driving him around until his leg heals.âÂ
It takes another second for the coach to register what you mean, and you brace for the worst, expecting another object to go hurtling towards youâthis time with intent.Â
Instead, the coach glances at Donghyuck before looking back at you, a knowing smirk on his face.Â
âWelcome to the team, I guess.âÂ
Despite your initial qualms, you adjust to your new norm pretty quickly.Â
In fact, itâs kind of surreal how suddenly you were thrust into Donghyuckâs world and how perfectly the pieces of your life and his mesh.
Heâs a morning person, so heâs always ready and lively when you pick him up at 7AM, even if youâre running late. But no matter how late you are, the two of you always get coffee first. Itâs become a routine that actually makes you look forward to waking up at the ass crack of dawn.Â
Your classes also end an hour earlier than his, so you have time to grab food for the two of you before screaming Taylor Swift song lyrics together at the top of your lungs in your car on your drive to practice. You watch all of the practice and official games with him, and he tries his best to explain whatâs happening, though the terminology mostly flies over your head. Youâre on first-name basis with all of his teammates and even managed to ingratiate yourself with the coach by offering to help him fill up water bottles. Everyone treats you as if you were part of the team; though they were already a completed puzzle, they softened their edges to make room for your mismatched piece.Â
Itâs unnerving how attached you grow to themâto Donghyuckâsince it will all go away in a month. You feel like youâre a part of something here; Donghyuck makes you feel special, as if heâs made a place just for you in his life.
You suppose time truly flies when youâre having fun because, before you know it, three weeks have already passed by.
The teamâs last official game before playoffs is finally here.Â
When you pick Donghyuck up to take him to the game, you can tell heâs a bit off today. He still puts on a brave face and tries to goof off like he normally does, but you know heâs nervous by the way heâs nervously tapping his uncasted foot to the music. In fact, youâve been sensing his growing anxiety at the past games for a while now. The team has been holding their own relatively well without him, but their momentum has definitely started to slow as they get closer to playoffs.Â
You canât really blame him for getting antsy; he may have been eerily calm and in good humor when he first got injured, but youâve realized that his playful nature is often used to deflect from his actual feelings. You used to think he did it to push other people away, but itâs really so he doesnât crumble under the weight of the immense pressure he puts on himself.
You wonât mention it, of course, since youâre probably not supposed to know that.Â
Instead, you turn the music up as loud as itâll go and grab his hand, yelling at the top of your lungs, âYou take my hand and drag me head first, fearless!âÂ
Donghyuck tries to sing with you, but his voice catches in his throat and cracks.Â
Oh, thatâs another thing about himâhe can dish it but he canât take it. Heâll flirt with you like thereâs no tomorrow, as if he were a corny protagonist from a dollar store romance novel, but the moment you get too close to him or brush his arm as you walk past him, he suddenly becomes petrified like he looked into Medusaâs eyes. He reacts like he couldnât even fathom you reciprocating his flirting, and youâre not sure if itâs because he thinks youâre that much of a loser. Either way, it also makes you flustered in turn when he acts like that, so the two of you just end up awkwardly standing there like two embarrassed fools.
But this is different. This isnât just simple flirting; this isâŠsomething else.Â
So you squeeze his hand tightly and sing even louder, hoping itâs enough to drown out his worries even if for a little bit.
.
.
.
Thereâs only a minute left in the third period of the game, and the score is tied 3â3, but you canât even focus on the game.Â
Youâve never seen this kind of expression on Donghyuckâs face before.
Despite the fact that heâs sitting right next to you, you can tell by the glisten in his eyes that heâs feeling all of the emotions that his teammates on the ice are. Hockey usually brings out a boyish energy in him, as if he were a child full of wonder. Yet here, he looks down at the rink with a wistfulness, a sense of longing. A homesickness.Â
So when the opposing team scores a last-minute goal, followed by the blaring buzzer that signals the game is over, you know that Donghyuck is blaming himself for the end of his teamâs winning streakâwhen he should be blaming you for hitting him with your goddamn car.Â
He was born to be on the ice, to be a champion. He doesnât belong here in the stands, to be a spectator on the sidelines.Â
That role has always been meant for you.Â
You donât realize youâre crying out of frustration until the tears hit the back of your hand, the warmth a stark contrast to the chilly temperature of the rink. Donghyuck turns to you to say something and jolts in alarm when he sees your state.Â
âWhaâŠWhatâs wrong?â He leans in closer when you try to turn away, grasping your forearm gently. âAre you not feeling well? Do you feel sick? Is it too cold? Do you want my jacket?âÂ
You shake your head, trying to choke down the ugly sob in your chest.Â
âIs it because we lost?â He asks hesitantly. âDonât cry, Y/N. Iâm gonna recover in a jiffy, and weâll breeze through the playoffsââ
You shove him weakly before the wail youâve been holding back rips through your throat like projectile vomit. Fat tears fall freely from your cheeks, and youâre pretty sure snot is dripping from your nose. âYouâre an idiot!âÂ
Donghyuck stares at you in bewilderment before slowly saying, âWell, I canât really dispute that, but may I ask why?âÂ
âStop being nice,â you blubber, âJust get upset because I know you are. Itâs my fault that everyone lost. You should just cuss me out or something. Or punch me in the nose. How about you hit me with your car to make things even, huh?âÂ
Youâre far too gone to know what youâre saying anymore, just blurting out your stream of consciousness.Â
âYou want me to hit you with my car because we lost one game?â Donghyuck laughs. He gazes at you with a mix of disbelief and aweâthe same way he looked at you when you first met him. You wonder if his eyes warmed with adoration like this the first time too.
ââand youâre supposed to be the protagonist while Iâm just a side character. Me hitting you with my car derailed the canon event of your undefeated season. I ruined your lifeââÂ
âOkay, okay,â he finally interrupts your nonsensical rambling, brushing the tears from your face with his thumbs before dabbing away the snot from your nose with the sleeve of his jacket. âI donât understand a word youâre saying, so no more of that.âÂ
But youâre inconsolable, holding your head in your hands. âItâs all my fault. Iâm the reason you lost. The team lost because you werenât there.âÂ
âYou know, going by that logic, that means youâre also the reason why they won the last couple of games without me,â he points out. âSo, I guess that means I should also cry and thank you.â
âWhat? That makes no senseââÂ
âThank you, Y/N,â Donghyuck says softly, his thumb lingering on your cheekbone, running along it with a feather touch. âFor crying for me. For comforting me.âÂ
âYouâre so full of shit,â you sniffle, swatting his hand away in annoyance. âYouâre the one comforting me right now. I havenât done anything to comfort you. âÂ
âYouâd be surprised,â he whispers underneath his breath, but his words are lost among the bustle of the packed rink.Â
Not that you wouldâve heard him anyways.
Now that you think about it, there really hasnât been a single thing youâve done for him other than driving him around, but that doesnât count. You want to do something for himâsomething that would make him look the way he does when heâs excitedly telling you about a good hockey play that you didnât understand but nod along anyways to.Â
And you have just the idea.Â
part ii. hey girl are you the american healthcare system? because iâll be indebted to you for the rest of my life <3
You drum your fingers in against your steering wheel in anticipation as you wait for Donghyuckâs last class of the day to end. When you see him walking out of the building and to your car, you try to act cool, but itâs hard when youâre literally bouncing in your seat.Â
Naturally, Donghyuck notices.
âYouâre in a good mood today,â he teases as he buckles himself in. âDid you do well on that statistics quiz from last week or something?âÂ
Youâre surprised he even remembers that; you had only mentioned it in passing.Â
âNo way. I definitely failed that,â you dismiss, waving your hand to shoo off the negative energy if that cursed quiz. âI have a gift for you.âÂ
âFor lilâ olâ me?â He gasps loudly, covering his mouth and fanning his face.
Ignoring his theatrics, you whip out your phone from your back pocket and present it to him proudly. âTa-da!âÂ
âWow,â he claps politely. âYou finally got your screen replaced. I was worried you would slice your thumb with how crackedââ
âShut up,â you cut him off, âYou just ruined my dramatic reveal.âÂ
Unlocking your phone, you go to your photo album and show him the video you took a couple days ago. âLook! I asked your coach which team you guys would be up against first in the playoffs and did some old-fashioned espionage by sneaking into one of their games and filming everything. Your leg is healing pretty fast, so I figured youâd want to study their playstyles before you got back on the ice.âÂ
Much to your satisfaction, Donghyuck seems genuinely surprised. He gingerly takes the phone from your hand and presses play on the video, and you see that spark in his eyes that you so desperately missed.Â
Eagerly leaning on the center console, you point out of the players and say, âYou see Number 30? Iâm pretty sure that guy is the you of his team. He scored three goals in one gameâoh wait, you told me thatâs called a âhat trick.â Anyways, he did a hat trick, and the last goal actually won them the game. So we have to make sure to tell the team to watch out for that guy. Oh my God, and halfway through the game, Number 21 and Number 4 started fighting! Dropped their gloves on the ice and started punching each other while the referees just watched. I know you said fighting is allowed in hockey, but it was still wild to see in 4K like that. Hold on, let me fast forward to show youââÂ
When you glance over at him, Donghyuckâs face is about four inches away from yours, and he isnât paying attention to the video at all. Youâve never seen this kind of expression on Donghyuckâs face before. If hockey brings out a boyish joy in him, then you wonder what this is.Â
He gazes at you with a mellow softness, as if you were a moment of peace from the glaring stage lights, screaming crowds, and thunderous applause. Like you were a cloud of warmth enveloping him after braving through the unforgiving cold of the ice. He looks at you with a sense of longingâbut itâs different from the way he looked at the game. That was wistfulness, a homesickness. A responsibility that he bears.Â
This is reverie, a daydream. A moment of escape.Â
Suddenly, your arms, which had been holding most of your weight on the console, give out. Your shoulder smacks into his, jostling the two of you out of whatever trance you had been under. Recoiling at supersonic speed, your face burns as your sputter, âJ-Jesus, you scared me! Why arenât you watching the video and just staring at me like the blue-eyed Miley Cyrus meme?âÂ
Donghyuck drags a hand down his face, and you see his ears turn a bright red. âS-Sorry. I didnât even notice I was doing itâHey! Thatâs rude. Iâll have you know that Iâm often told that I have innocent Bambi doe-eyes.âÂ
You know heâs trying to give you an out by cracking a joke, and youâre grateful. Any more of that and your heart wouldâve jumped out of your mouth.Â
âWhatever. Just watch the video. I worked really hard to get it, you know. I even wore one of those oversized hoodies and giant sunglasses with a scarf to hide my face so I couldnât be incriminated.âÂ
He raises an eyebrow. âYou wore sunglasses inside? What are you, a Republican?âÂ
âDo you want the video or not?â you snap.
âHey, you canât give me a gift and then threaten to take it back,â he retorts before quietly continuing, âThank you, Y/N.âÂ
You try to ignore the way your heart swells at his sincerity.Â
âYouâre welcome,â you mumble.
On the drive to the skating rink, neither of you notice that there isnât any music playingâtoo distracted by the butterflies in your stomachs.Â
.
.
.
When you pull into the parking lot, you spot Mark getting out of his car. Desperate to escape this suffocating enclosed space with Donghyuck, you nearly tumble out of the door after him.
âOh, look, thereâs Mark,â you say hurriedly, âIâll show him the video too.âÂ
âWait, Y/Nââ Donghyuck calls, trying his best to hobble after you.Â
Mark spots you in his peripheral and stops, waiting for the two of you to catch up.Â
âWhy are you running?â Mark asks when you jog up to him. âIf youâre trying to get away from Donghyuck, all you need to do is power walk. Or you could hit him with a car again and break this other leg.âÂ
âVery funny, dickwad,â you shoot back, rolling your eyes. âAnd to think I did you a favor.âÂ
âYou did?â He looks confused, but youâve realized that he always perpetually looks confused.Â
You go to show him your phone, but Donghyuck finally catches up and squeezes in between the two of you. âWait, I need to talk to MarkââÂ
âHold on a sec, dude. Let me see this first. Iâm curious now,â Mark huffs.Â
âI asked Coach which team you guys would be up against first in the playoffs and snuck into their game to film it, so you could watch it and learn their tricks,â you announce proudly.Â
âOh, you donât have to worry about that,â Mark replies breezily, âWe already have recordings of a bunch of their games.âÂ
You slowly lower your phone, nearly letting it slip out of your hand.Â
âWhat?âÂ
âDonghyuck didnât tell you? We always review our opponentsâ games before playoffs,â Mark explains, glancing between you and Donghyuck and realizing a beat too late that he said something he wasnât supposed to. âOh, I guess he didnât, huhâŠâ
âYou have literal shit for brains, Mark Lee,â Donghyuck says through grit teeth. âHow many years have we played together and you still canât take a hint?âÂ
âSorry! I thought Y/N knewââ
âJust go,â Donghyuck sighs, shaking his head.Â
Mark runs away so fast that he almost leaves a puff of smoke in his wake like a Looney Tunes cartoon. Once heâs gone, Donghyuck cards a hand through his hair and turns to you with an apologetic look on his face.Â
âY/NââÂ
âYou couldâve told me,â you say quietly. âInstead of making me look like an idiot.âÂ
âYouâre not an idiot,â he responds almost immediately. âYou just looked so happy, and it made me happier, so I kept quiet. Besides, the video does help.âÂ
You laugh bitterly. âIn what way? Was it funny watching me get all excited like a fool, thinking I had actually done something for you?âÂ
âWhy are you being so harsh on yourself?â Donghyuck asks, putting a hand on your shoulder. âI mean it. The video really does help.âÂ
âIâm not being harsh on myself. Iâm telling the truth. All Iâve done is just screw up your life, and when I try to help even a little bit, it just hinders you more,â you say in frustration.Â
Youâre not sure how the atmosphere grew so somber, but you suppose that's the energy youâve always brought to him. Youâre just a dark rain cloud to his sunny skies.Â
âCome on,â Donghyuck says, grabbing your hand and tugging you towards your car. âLetâs go to the mall.âÂ
âWhat? Why? What about practice?â you ask, completely caught off-guard by his seemingly out-of-nowhere suggestion.Â
âCoach wonât even notice that weâre not there, and if he does, heâll get over it,â Donghyuck replies. âNow come on.âÂ
âBut I donât want to go to the mall,â you say petulantly, pouting like a child and wanting to wallow in your own misery.Â
âWeâre going.â
âYou know you canât go anywhere without me driving you, right?âÂ
âThen you better hurry up and get in your car unless you want to unleash this traffic hazard onto the streets,â Donghyuck says, pointing to his leg.Â
The two of you have a staredown before you finally relent, begrudgingly getting into the driverâs seat and slamming the door. He beams at your silent agreement to go, and youâre suddenly not as upset as you were earlier, though you still maintain a pissy expression because youâre dramatic.
Luckily, the mall is about a fifteen minute drive from the university, so you get there rather quickly. You wait for Donghyuck to explain why he randomly insisted on this impromptu trip, but he keeps mum about it, simply leading you to the lowest floor of the mallâwhere the skating rink is. Other than the handful of staff who are all either on their phones or hiding in the break room, the two of you are the only ones here since itâs the afternoon during a weekday.Â
âSo we left that skating rink to go to another skating rink?â you ask wryly.Â
âYup. Wait here,â Donghyuck says, leaving you in the changing area while he goes to the front desk. You awkwardly sit at a bench and twiddle your thumbs until he comes back with a pair of skates in hand.
âWhat are you doing? I know the doctor said you can walk on your leg now, but he definitely did not say you could skate,â you scold.Â
âGood thing I wonât be skating,â he answers nonchalantly, handing you the pair of skates. âI didnât know your exact shoe size, but these should fit.âÂ
âNo way,â you shake your head. âNuh-uh. I havenât skated since I was, like, seven.âÂ
âWell, youâre about to receive a lesson from a damn good teacher,â he says, nudging your foot. âHurry up and put them on.âÂ
âHow are you going to teach me with that giant walking boot? Are you just going to get on the ice without any skates?â you demand.Â
âAs a matter of fact, I am,â he counters, âItâs not like the staff are going to call me out.âÂ
âI donât understand why youâre doing this,â you sigh. Nevertheless, you slip your shoes off and put the skates on. âAnd I still donât think you should be on a slippery surface even if youâre not skating.â
âAnd I donât understand why youâre getting a communications degree with you when you have a PhD in nagging,â Donghyuck teases.Â
âYouâre a douche,â you say, giving the laces on your skates one final tug before standing to your feet, albeit wobbly as you try to remember how to keep your balance on the blades. âLetâs get this over with.âÂ
Donghyuck offers to hold your hand as you make your way to the entrance of the rink, but you quickly swat him away in fear of dragging him down with you if you fall and injuring him further.Â
Your legs tremble like a newborn fawn when you finally step foot onto the ice, clinging onto the side railing with a vice grip. Donghyuck, despite his five-pound walking boot, comfortably walks onto the ice and maneuvers around as if he were uninjured.Â
âIs this some sort of sick humiliation ritual? Is this how youâre going to get your revenge on me, by having me bust my ass on this ice?â you ask, voice wavering like just the rest of your body.Â
âAnd you say Iâm a drama queen,â he mutters. âWhy do you always think of such dark scenarios? You were like this when we first met too. You just assumed I was dead first before asking if I was okay.âÂ
âI like to assume the worst,â you reply matter-of-factly, âLowers my expectations. Makes my life a lot easier.âÂ
âYeah, Iâm sure it does,â he says sarcastically before gently grasping your wrists and carefully dragging you away from the railing. âNow stop hiding in the corner like a small injured animal. Thereâs only room for one injured animal, and thatâs me.âÂ
âNo, no, no. Iâm going to fall,â your voice slowly escalates into shriek as your nails dig into his forearms. The ice is too slippery, too slick, and you feel your knees start to buckle as you lose your balance.Â
But you donât fall. Instead, Donghyuck wraps an arm around your waist and pulls you against him, keeping you upright even with your jelly legs. You feel the taut cord of muscle in his arm flex as he holds you, and he sucks in a sharp breath when your chest presses to his. Your breath comes out in labored white puffs from the temperature, and you curl your fists into his shirt, clinging onto him for dear life because you know youâll crumple to the ground if he loosens his grip even a little bit.Â
Even though your mind is whirring with a million thoughts and you feel like youâre about to have a heart attack, your body reacts naturally to him, curving to fit with his just right. The warmth of his calloused fingers splayed across the small of your back anchors you, and you feel so secure in his arms; he cradles you against him as if you were made of glass.Â
âI got you,â he reassures you, his breath rustling your baby hairs. âOkay?âÂ
You give a small nod, and he takes a small step back. And another. And another.Â
Slowly but surely, he manages to pull you to the center of the ice, where the logo of the mall is printed.Â
âDo you remember what position I play, Y/N?â Donghyuck asks, leaning back so that he can look at your face.Â
Now that youâve regained some strength in your legs and have grown a bit more comfortable on the ice, you start to relax your grip on his poor shirt. You even manage to tear your eyes away from your feet to meet his gaze.
âCenter,â you answer. A fitting title, indeed.Â
âSo youâre not just a black hole of hockey information, after all,â he sniffs. âIâm so proud.âÂ
âGet to your point quickly,â you warn.Â
âSo impatient,â he tuts before breaking out into a smug beam, âYouâre standing right where I usually am at games.âÂ
âYou dragged me all the way out here to flex?â you gawk in disbelief.Â
âOf course not!â He raises an eyebrow.. âBut are you impressed?âÂ
âTake me back, you ass.âÂ
âKidding,â he quickly says, stifling a laugh, but you still feel it rumble in his chest.Â
âWhy are we here, Donghyuck?â you ask again, exhausted.Â
He pauses, and everything goes perfectly still.Â
âYou know, this is the first time Iâve stood here in a month,â he muses, almost unaware that heâs speaking aloud. âThis is the first time Iâve been on ice in a month.âÂ
âWell, you were injuredââÂ
He shakes his head. âHockey players play with worse injuries than this constantly. If I had really wanted to get back on the ice, I wouldâve done it.âÂ
You donât say anything.Â
Donghyuck looks around the empty skating rink. âItâs big, isnât it?âÂ
You follow his line of sight and scan the vast expanse of the ice. From a distance, it doesnât seem so big, but the ice feels like it stretches on for miles when youâre standing in the middle.Â
âYeah, it is.âÂ
âI thought so for a while too. Trying to get to the goal felt like climbing Mount Everest. I loved that feeling of the cold air freezing my lungs, the air getting thinner as I got closer,â he describes before trailing off. âBut one day, the rink felt like it was shrinking, closing in on me. I was being chased instead of the other way around. Centers cover more ice surface than any other player, but I was being held down. Anywhere I skated wasnât far enough. But that didnât matter. I had a championship to win. A team that I couldnât let down. Scouts that I had to impress. A talent that I worked my entire life for. A career that people would kill for. It didnât matter that I felt like I was suffocating every time I put on my uniform.âÂ
Your first reaction is to say something, anything to comfort him, but his expression tells you that the best thing you can do right now is hold your tongue and just listen.Â
âAnd as comical as it sounds, being hit by your car couldnât have come at a better time for me. For the first time in my life, I was relieved that I didnât have to play. Even though my career couldâve been over, I didnât feel a thing. I just wanted to quit everything, but the thought of throwing my whole life away terrified me too. I thought maybe if I attended the practices and the games that it would make me want to get back on the ice, but it didnât. It wasnât the game that made me want to play again. When you cried for me after we lostââ
Donghyuck draws in a shaky breath.Â
âI had forgotten what it felt likeâto have someone cry so wholeheartedly for you. To be yelled at for pretending to be okay. To be seen. Being with you has made me realize that maybe my world isnât so small after allâthat it isn't collapsing in on itself like I thought. You make me feel free again.âÂ
He lifts his hand and brushes a stray lock of hair from your face. You watch as his eyes drag across your features, going from your eyelashes to the slope of your nose before lingering on your lips.Â
âI wasnât lying when I said your video helped,â he reiterates, âWhen you showed me your phone with that spark in your eye, it made me want to play hockey again. I want to see it the way you do. I want you to see me.âÂ
Your breath hitches in your throat when he leans in, resting his forehead against yours. The hand on your back brings you closer while his other hand reaches down and grabs your own.Â
âIâm really glad you hit me with your car, Y/N,â he whispers, a bright laugh escaping his lips.Â
That sentence cuts through war raging in your head, and you let out an involuntary snort, giving him a half-hearted shove. âStop making it seem like I did it on purpose.âÂ
âThatâs all you have to say after I just poured my heart out to you?â he asks, raising his eyebrow in amusement.
âNo! I justâŠIâm thinking,â you mumble, head swimming with the scent of his fabric softener. The way he talked about you, the way heâs looking at youâdoesnât that mean he likes you? But that makes no sense. The two of you areâŠwell, youâre not sure what you are.Â
âAbout?â he hums, lacing his fingers through yours and playing with your hand.Â
âIâI donât know. Youâre being very distracting,â you sputter. Has he always this suave? You distinctly remember how he would turn bright red whenever your hand would just accidentally brush against his, and now heâs grown so emboldened seemingly overnight.Â
âI am?â He blinks innocently.Â
And you know youâve got it bad when you even find that somewhat adorable.Â
âOkay, back up, buster,â you order, pushing yourself off him. âI need five feet between us, so I can properly think.âÂ
âWait, Y/Nââ
In your frazzled state, you forget that youâre wearing ice skates that you are very much incapable of standing upright in without Donghyuckâs help. You feel yourself beginning to tip backwards and shoot your arms out behind you to break your fall.Â
Crack.Â
âYeah, itâs broken,â the same ER doctor from your last visit announces, flipping through yet another set of X-rays. âNot as clean of a break this time. Probably going to take at least twelve weeks to heal.âÂ
If you could put your head in your hands, you would, but your right arm is currently in a thick cast and hanging from a sling. Not to mention it hurts like a bitch.Â
âIâm sorry, Y/N,â Donghyuck winces, âItâs my fault. I shouldâve caught you.âÂ
âNo, itâs fine. This is divine retribution, Iâm sure,â you sigh.Â
âIf I may ask, what exactly do you two get up to in your spare time?â The ER doctor looks from Donghyuck to you and then back to Donghyuck.Â
âI actually decided to pivot to a career in amateur wrestling, and Y/N agreed to be my practice partner, and sometimes we getâŠexperimental,â Donghyuck responds without blinking an eye.Â
âNo,â you snap.Â
The ER doctor gives the two of you one last side eye before leaving, drawing the privacy curtain behind him.Â
âWhy do you always insist on embarrassing me in public?â you ask, shaking your head.
âI simply have a natural calling for it. Like Michaelangelo and sculpting,â he insists.
âI hate you.â
âWell, thatâs a shame because I really, really like you,â he smiles.Â
And you think he really, really means it too.Â
You look away, still unsure of how to answer him. You know it doesnât go unnoticed by Donghyuck, but he changes the subject anyways.Â
âI guess itâs my turn to drive you around now,â he says in a sing-song voice.Â
âHow the hell are you going to do that with the boot?â you ask, giving him a dubious look.Â
âIâm getting it off in two weeks,â he points out.Â
âSo you want me to miss two weeks of school?âÂ
âNo,â he sniffs, âIâll get Mark to drive us.âÂ
âMarkâs car is filthy!â
âAre you really one to talk?â
You shut your mouth after that.
.
.
.
The two weeks whizz by, and Donghyuck finally gets his walking boot removed in exchange for a much more discreet brace. The doctor even gave him the OK to play but only for short increments at a time and no more than ten minutes.Â
With Donghyuck so focused on his recovery in addition to the fact that the two of you have been carpooling with Mark, you and Donghyuck havenât really had a chance to properly talk alone since the mallânot to mention the fact that youâve been avoiding him like crazy. Itâs also pretty hard to think about anything else other than how much your arm hurts and how sweaty your cast gets.Â
However, despite everything, you still show up to watch Donghyuck practice for his first playoff game. He texted you that he could pick you up in the morning, but the thought of being alone with him after all this time made you feel way too jittery, especially since you were still trying to sort your feelings out. In the end, you lied and said your arm hurt too much, skipped your classes, and told him a friend would drop you off in time for practice (you just called an Uber). Since you leave your house a bit late, practice has already started.Â
You see Donghyuck doing laps around the rink, warming up. This is the first time youâve seen him in his uniform in person, and you realize that this is how a hockey uniform is supposed to be worn. Youâve always thought that hockey players always looked a bit like the Michelin Man with how bulky their gear is, but Donghyuck looks like he belongs in a modeling catalog.Â
This is so pathetic. He gives you a little bit of attention and now youâre fawning over him like youâre sixteen again.Â
But itâs hard not to fawn when he looks so natural on the ice. Even though heâs not at his prime, the way he glides so smoothly across the rink and how he dribbles the puck with his stick all feel like second nature for him. Every move he makes seems purposeful, graceful.Â
You make Donghyuck want to play hockey again? Impossible.Â
Not when he belongs on the ice.Â
But why does he hold you in such high regard? Why does he make you feel so special? He makes you feel like you belong with him. The spot beside him is not a place someone like you could ever dream of taking, yet he makes you want to. He makes you want to be selfish, to expect something.Â
Even if he does like you, he canât possibly like you more than you like him. He may have been reliant on you this past month, but youâre going to need him more than he would ever need you.Â
The more you watch him on the ice, the more you feel like youâre looking at the banner of him on your way to statistics. Heâs not really a person that you know anymore but a pillar. A pillar of everything that is out of reach to you. Youâve gotten to see a different side of him for a short period of time, but youâll be nothing but a blot of the past once heâs fully recovered. Heâs going to graduate college and become a professional player in the NHL. Heâs going to make a name for himself. Youâre just going to be in a cubicle for the rest of your life.Â
The two of you make no sense.Â
Itâs easy to not want something that youâve never had, but itâs so much harder to let go when youâve been given a taste.Â
Itâs a sobering feelingâreality.Â
âY/N?âÂ
You startle, turning to see Mark.Â
âHi, Mark,â you say, voice wavering between octaves.Â
âYouâre here to see Donghyuck, right?â
âNo, Iââ
âDonghyuck!â Mark calls out loudly, cupping the sides of his mouth with his hands. âY/Nâs here!âÂ
You wince at the echo of his voice, but Donghyuckâs head shoots up when he hears your name. A huge grin breaks across his face, and he gestures for you to wait while he starts to skate off the ice, ripping off the bulkier padding of his uniform and taking off his helmet as he goes.Â
âHey,â Donghyuck says, making his way up to you. âYou didnât have to come if you werenât feeling well. Howâs your arm?âÂ
âFine,â you squeak out a bit too fast.Â
âYou donât sound fine,â he points out, completely unconvinced.Â
You curse yourself for being such a shitty liar, avoiding his gaze like a criminal being interrogated. You absolutely do not need him to psychoanalyze you when youâre in such a vulnerable state.Â
You can feel Donghyuckâs knowing gaze sweep across your features. âThis isnât about your arm, is it? Is that why youâve been avoiding me?âÂ
Your silence is confirmation enough for him. âY/N, I just wanted to tell you how I feel. Youâre under no obligation to like me back. If you want me to pretend like it never happened, I will, but please donâtââÂ
You really donât want to have this conversation here or ever, but you suppose you canât exactly ignore it any longer.Â
âI do like you back,â you say gingerly. âMuch more than you know. Much more than you like me.â
He goes to protest, but you cover his mouth. You want to say it all at once because you know heâll change your mind if you let him talk.Â
âIâm not an ambitious person, Donghyuck,â you whisper. âI know when I donât belong. Thereâs no place for me here. We only have a little bit before graduation, and then weâll probably never see each other again.âÂ
His expression wrenches. He looks like heâs in more excruciating pain now than he did when he broke his leg.
âI know you say I always think of the darkest scenario, so Iâll try my best to be optimistic this time,â you continue. âOnce you become a famous hockey player, treat me to a meal or something if you remember me. Or we could have a listening party when Taylorâs new album comes out if you still like her music by then. But I donât think weâll be any more than that. We canât.âÂ
âWhy?â he asks harshly, grasping your wrist and removing your hand from his mouth. âWhy are you deciding that before anything has even happened?âÂ
âIâm trying to make your life easier, Donghyuck,â you say, exasperated. âSo you wonât have any baggage when you leave here. Youâll forget about me in no time.âÂ
âYou are so mean,â his voice cracks on the final word, âI wish you just told me you hated me.âÂ
âIâm soââ
âDonât,â he interrupts coldly, and youâve never heard him speak like this to you before. âDonât apologize. Justâplease just leave.âÂ
You know heâs crying by the way his shoulders shake when he turns away from you. He doesnât return to the ice, instead opting to head back to the locker rooms. Every step he takes grows more and more sluggish, and youâre worried that his leg is giving him trouble. You watch his figure disappear behind the double doors and stand there silently, listening to the sound of a whistle cueing drills followed by the ice skate blades skidding across the ice. Theyâre noises that youâve heard thousands of times over the course of the month, but you think youâre going to miss them a lot.Â
Youâre going to miss him.Â
This is for the better, you keep telling yourself.Â
Eventually, the words donât even make sense anymore.Â
Against your better judgment, you decide to attend the first playoff game.
You havenât spoken to Donghyuck since you rejected himâis it really a rejection if there was nothing to reject in the first place?âbut it doesnât change the fact that you care about him more than anyone. You want him to succeed. You want to support him, even if that support is unwanted.Â
You tell yourself that youâre going to be selfish one last time and then youâll let him go.Â
As to not be a distraction to him in case he somehow spotted you, you decide to wear the same attire you wore when you snuck into the opposing teamâs game, sunglasses and all. Luckily, by the time you arrive, the rink is already packed to the brim since itâs Donghyuckâs comeback game.Â
You find an area in the back to stand, lowering the brim of your hat to avoid any unwanted camera shots on the big screen. Shortly afterwards, loud music starts to blare from the speakers and you spot the team skating out on the rink. Donghyuck leads the line to wild applause from the crowd, and you clap along as well, but your stomach turns at how exhausted he looks. He smiles and waves for the cameras, but his face is pallor and there are deep bags underneath his eyes.Â
This isnât what you wanted.Â
You wanted him to thrive, much more than he wouldâve without you. You wanted him to forget about you and focus on his career. You wanted him to be okay.Â
So why do you keep hurting him?Â
You dig your nails into your palms as you watch him skate to the center and take his position. Thereâs a momentary hush that falls over the crowd as the referee holds the puck above him and the other centerâs head before dropping it between them, and the game is off to the races.Â
Donghyuck ends up playing for way longer than ten minutes, throwing all caution to the wind, but he moves like a lightning streak across the iceâscoring a hat trick before the first period is over. His momentum carries onto the last two periods as well as he absolutely demolishes the opposing team. He is especially persistent in hounding Number 30, the player you warned him about. You almost feel bad for Number 30 since he is most definitely on the receiving end of Donghyuckâs poor mood.Â
With only ten seconds left in the third period, Donghyuck scores a buzzer beater and the winning goal of the night. The crowd is on their feet, clapping their hands and stomping their feet so strongly that the whole stadium shakes.Â
You feel like crying again as you watch Donghyuckâs teammates descend on him in happiness.Â
They donât understand.Â
Heâs playing like he did beforeâlike heâs being chased. Like heâs being slowly crushed between walls of the stadium. Itâs a lifeless victory, and itâs your fault.Â
You were wrong.Â
Heâs not okay. You hurt him more than any physical injury ever could.Â
You shouldâve just thrown yourself into his arms, your fears of being hurt be damned. You shouldâve believed in him, believed in his feelings. You shouldâve at least given him a chance to prove you wrong. You shouldâve just allowed yourself to like him first and foremost.Â
When you look back at the rink, you see a reporter making her way onto the ice with a camera crew. Donghyuckâs face is suddenly on every screen in the skating rink.Â
âSo how does it feel to score so big after being away for more than a month?â she asks, handing him the mic.Â
Donghyuck looks upâpast the reporter, past the cameras, past the audience, past the lights.Â
He sees you.Â
Even with your sunglasses on, you feel how piercing his stare is. The mist that had clouded his gaze the whole game dissipates almost instantly. His eyes shine clearly, and you see that spark that you thought you had single handedly stomped out.Â
âHey,â he breathes out, clutching the mic so tightly that his knuckles are white. âHey, girl wearing the sunglasses inside like a Republican.âÂ
You freeze as the crowd starts to mutter to each other, confused as to what he means.Â
âYou lied to me. You said I would forget about you, but I see you even in my dreams. And now youâre here too. Why are you tormenting me?â he demands.Â
You hurriedly start to make your way down the stairs and to the entrance of the rink, not wanting him to say something he would regret in front of a live audience. When he sees you coming down, he skates over to meet you.Â
âYou were wrong,â he continues. âI like you way more than you like me.âÂ
âDonghyuck, IââÂ
âIâm an ambitious person,â he states. âI can be in love and be a professional hockey player. I know I can. Iâll have enough ambition for the both of us, so please be with me. You belong right here with me, Y/N.âÂ
You finally make it down to where he is, trying to catch your breath as he watches you, looking at you as if you were just a figment of his imagination.Â
âI promise Iâll treat you well,â Donghyuck says softly, lowering the mic. You realize that heâs echoing the words he said to you the way you met him, and you wonder if youâve been in love with him since then.Â
There are so many things you want to say to him, an apology especially, but you decide to save those words for when the two of you are alone.Â
Instead, you march right up to him, loop your sling over his neck so that your cast can rest comfortably on his shoulders before cupping his cheek and pressing your lips against his.Â
It only takes him half a second to kiss you back, wrapping his arms around your waist and lifting you off your feet. You can feel the tension physically leaving his body, as if he finally released a breath he had been holding for a long time.Â
When you pull apart, you ignore the loud whooping and hollering of the crowd, leaning in just close enough so that only the two of you can hear what youâre about to say. Your lips brush against his again when you say:
âIâm really glad I hit you with my car, Lee Donghyuck.âÂ
âWow, I must say, that was like a scene straight out of a romance movie!â The reporter gushes excitedly. âSo how did you two meet?â
You and Donghyuck exchange glances.
âWellâŠâ
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