Winter: When someone tells you to stick it where the sun don’t shine, they mean Atlas.
Penny: Forgot the word for pillow earlier so I called it my head bed.
Qrow: I may be getting old but I’m still not “gets excited for rain because we desperately need it” old.
Blake: You found your soulmate only to discover they end every sentence with “just sayin’.”
Vine: I hate everyone. Don’t take it so personally.
Saphron: Of course you judge parents in restaurants before you have kids. That’s how the human race survives, each person thinking they can do it better before finding out no you fucking can’t
Raven: When I was a kid, people put drugs and razor blades into Halloween candy. Now I have to spend good money on those things. *sighs*
Jaune: I’m more afraid of my barber knowing I don’t use conditioner, than my dentist knowing I don’t use floss
Elm: I think one big reason for my ongoing domestic happiness is the fact that we don’t have a dishwasher for me to load incorrectly.
Clover: Why would I want an island in my kitchen? I don’t even have a boat.
Qrow: Accidentally snagged my undies on a hemorrhoid and ripped it (the hemorrhoid, not the undies)
Ivori: people who complain about the price of cocaine obviously don’t suck dick very well
Ruby: You think you had a rough childhood? I once endured a Thanksgiving stuffing made from baguettes and chopped salami and I am not joking