hi can i pls ask an ignorant question? if bi means being attracted to all the genders, what's the difference between that and pan? sorry if the answer's really obvious i know nothing lol
Hi so, honestly, there isnt a difference between bi and pan, bi is attraction to all genders, we have two labels that describe the same orientation.
Basically, the pan label was popularised online in the early 2000s. at the time there was a pervasive idea tht bisexuals were only attracted to cis men and women. This is from the first post on the 2002 Livejournal community, I Am Pansexual:
â⊠[T]his community is for pansexuals, as described in the user info. Pansexuals love people of all genders, male and female, but unlike bisexuals, pansexuals love transgendered, androgynous and gender fluid people, people who donât fit into the categories of male or female.â
you can find the source for that quote and read more info on the history of pansexuality here. Those who IDed with the pan label back then used pan to mean attraction to cis men, cis women, and trans people. This definition is transphobic, trans men and women arent different genders to cis men and women and therefore, they dont fall under a separate attraction, nonbinary people arent a new third gender that you need a whole new and different sexuality in order to be attracted to. This is generally what people are referring to when they say the pansexual label has transphobic origins, but there have also been several redefinitions of pan that have also been transphobic.
I reccomend watching this youtube video which addresses the narrative that bi activism has a history of ârampant transphobiaâ.
Since 2002 the label has gone through several changes in definition, but the most common one lately seems to be that pan is attraction to all genders (regardless of gender); while bi is attraction to 2 or more (gender is a factor in attraction).
But if we look back at bi history, we can see that bisexuality has never been limited by gender, bisexuals were never fixated on the bi = 2 definition. its also useful to know that when people first started iding as bisexual (Stephen Donaldson, also known as Donny the Punk, was one of the first people to id as bisexual in around 1966 and the label gained popularity in the 70s), it meant something similar to unisex.
Bisexuals have been describing their bisexuality as attraction regardless of gender since the 70s;
âBeing bisexual does not mean they have sexual relations with both sexes but that they are capable of meaningful and intimate involvement with a person regardless of genderâ
Janet Bode, The Pressure Cooker, View From Another Closet (1976)
âI am bisexual because I am drawn to particular people regardless of gender. It doesnât make me wishy-washy, confused, untrustworthy, or more sexually liberated. It makes me a bisexual.â
The Bisexual Community: Are We Visible Yet?, By Lani Kaâahumanu (1987)
and The 1990 Bisexual Manifesto:
âBisexuality is a whole, fluid identity. Do not assume that bisexuality is binary or duogamous in nature: that we have "two" sides or that we must be involved simultaneously with both genders to be fulfilled human beings. In fact, donât assume that there are only two genders.â
evidences that bisexuals were aknowledging nonbinary genders (although they would have used genderqu**r or genderfuck instead of nonbinary as nonbinary was coined as a gender term more recently than the 90s) and including them in their bisexuality a decade before the I Am Pansexual community even existed. This is one of the many reasons why the pan label is also biphobic, because it trys to redefine bisexuality against bisexuals will, so that pan can mean attraction to all genders instead of bisexual.
If you want to read more about how different definitions of pansexual are based in biphobia i reccomend this article.
Here is the current defintion of bisexuality, as used by the American Institute of Bisexuality, and the Journal of Bisexuality. from the bi.org website:
"There are as many ways to be bi as there are bi people. No one word can fully capture the nuances of personality, culture, beliefs, or personal preference; no word should try to. The term bisexuality makes no such pretenseâ  it is a general and inclusive term that encompasses everyone; all sexes and all genders. That does not mean that bi people are attracted to everyone, merely that bi peopleâs attractions arenât limited by sex or gender."
âPlease also note that attraction to both same and different means attraction to all. Bisexuality is inherently inclusive of everyone, regardless of sex or gender.â
If you want to read more about bi history then this article; The Bisexual History They Donât Want You to Know by @mediumkravitz is a good place to start. Kravtiz has also written; Does Liking a Nonbinary Person Make You Bi or Pan? Not Necessarily. which might clear up any confusion on where attraction to nonbinary genders fits into sexuality.
Also lastly, if you would like to read more on bisexuality and bi history, i recently made this masterlist of bi books, which might be helpful.
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50 Types of Kisses - Writing Prompts
Send in a number and a pairing!
Small kisses littered across the otherâs face.
A small, fleeting kiss - which is immediately followed by a passionate, hungry kiss.
A breathy demand: âKiss meâ - and what the other person does to respond.
An accidental brush of lips followed by a pause and going back for another, on purpose.
Throwing their arms around the other personâs neck, hugging them close before kissing them passionately on the lips.
Wild, breathless kisses brought on by a heartfelt gift.
French kisses where they trace every tooth with their tongues as though trying to memorize them.
Laying a gentle kiss to the back of the otherâs hand.
A kiss that lasts so long, they are sharing each otherâs breaths.
A hello/good-bye kiss that is given without thinking - where neither person thinks twice about it.
Morning kisses that are exchanged before either person opens their eyes, kissing blindly until their lips meet in a blissful encounter.
Sneaking away to a hidden corner to share a secretive kiss.
Butterfly kisses against the otherâs cheeks.
A kiss so desperate that the two wind around each other, refusing to let go until they are finished.
A fierce kiss that ends with a bite on the lip, soothing it with a lick.
One person pouting, only to have it removed by a kiss from the other person.
Tucking their hands beneath the other personâs shirt, just to watch them break the kiss and gasp in surprise at the sensation of cold/warm hands on their skin.
Teasing kisses where one person blows air into the otherâs mouth and runs away.
One person stopping a kiss to ask âDo you want to do this?â, only to have the other person answer with a deeper, more passionate kiss.
Kissing in a stairwell, giving them an artificial height difference.
A chaste kiss given to each other because they are in mixed company.
A kiss that is leading to more, but is interrupted by a third party.
A kiss that tastes of the food/dessert they are eating.
Deep kisses where they have their hands tangled in each otherâs hair to pull them closer.
Wet kisses after finding refuge from the rain.
Brushing a kiss along the shell of the other personâs ear.
Kisses exchanged while one person sits on the otherâs lap.
One person tracing the otherâs lips with a fingertip until they canât resist any longer, tilting their chin towards them for a kiss.
Staring at each otherâs lips for a moment before moving closer, as if drawn together by some unseen force.
Weak, sweaty kisses because itâs unbearably hot.
Pulling away from a kiss, whispering words of love against each otherâs lips.
A kiss so passionate, so perfect - that after they part, neither person can open their eyes for a few moments afterwards.
An unexpected kiss that shocks the one receiving it.
Kisses that start on their fingers and run up their arm, eventually ending on their lips.
An awkward kiss given after a first date.
Starting with bunny kisses before moving on to soft kisses.
Cleaning the other personâs lips with a lick and a kiss.
Whispering âI love youâ before a chaste, delicate kiss.
Kissing tears from the otherâs face.
A gentle kiss that quickly descends into passion, with little regard for whatâs going on around them.
Kisses shared under an umbrella.
Distracting kisses from someone that are meant to stop the other person from finishing their work, and give them kisses instead.
A kiss pressed to the top of the head.
Tentative kisses given in the dark.
Kisses exchanged as they move around, hitting the edges of tables or nearly tripping over things on the floor before making it to the sofa, or bed.
A lingering kiss before a long trip apart.
A kiss paired with a tight hug, knocking the breath out of the person being hugged.
One person has to bend down in order to kiss their partner, who is standing on their tip-toes to reach their partnerâs.
Short and sweet kiss after meeting up for a date.
A kiss, followed by more that trail down the jaw and neck.
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Coffee Shop AUs
Iâm a regular at this coffee shop, but they always get my name wrong. As the names get more outrageous, Iâm starting to think this is on purpose
Who is responsible for the music in this coffee shop, because I want to have a talk with you
I have a cat cafĂ© and you never really talk to anyone when youâre here and it seems almost rude, but the cats all seem to love you
Everyone has their personal breaking point and if you cut in front of me in line today, I will definitely break something
We have a sign that says âGive your barista a smileâ and you really take this to the extreme and while I act like it annoys me, it always makes my day to see your weird grimaces
There is a big storm outside and yes, we were all warned, but some people have to work and now there is this group of people starting to make this small café their own for the next couple of hours till the storm eases up or we get rescued
The couple at the table between us keeps talking very loudly about the most outrageous things and we exchange glances from across the café every time they say something new
Youâve been a regular at our cafĂ©, which specializes in very aromatic coffees, for months, always ordering tea, and I now find out that you hate the smell of coffee, and the all really like you, but why donât you just take your tea instead of sitting here for hours and talking to us baristas?
Giving baking classes after closing hours has really helped my coffee shop financially, but itâs also a struggle when people come by who should be nowhere near a baking oven
Youâve been coming in for weeks now and it seems like you only want the wifi and all the employees are starting to make bets about what youâre always typing on your laptop
Weâve met online and you keep suggesting meeting up for a blind date at the cafĂ© I work at, and does this mean I probably already know you if youâre a regular there? Because you canât be one of my coworkers, right?
I need a specific book from the library for my thesis and I see you in the campus café using it as a laptop stand
Our boss definitely just hired the new guy because heâs their nephew, but now itâs my responsibility to keep this chaotic idiot under control
The coffee shop I work at is like a queer hotspot, but I donât want to assume with you, and Iâm afraid one of these days my co-workers will just ask you, because I keep going on about you
Some people canât have regular milk because of health issues and Iâm starting to get really annoyed, because people keep switching it and the plant-based milks up
We open up at six in the morning and youâre always already waiting in front of the door at 5:45
You have really bad taste in coffee and one day Iâm going to refuse to make this abomination
The owners donât allow animals in the cafĂ© and I canât help but notice that your jacket is making noises
Youâre a regular at our coffee shop and youâre normally punctual like a clock, so excuse us for getting worried about you, when you turn up
Itâs one of those really slow days and weâre two employees and just two customers on a date here and we already cleaned everything twice, so weâre starting to get really invested in that coupleâs relationship
If you like my blog and want to support me, you can buy me a coffee! đ„°
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Touches Ask Game
Prompts for writing human connection, intimacy, belonging.
Hand-holding
The purest form of human connection.
tiny hands in big hands
calloused hands in soft hands
cold hands in warm hands
hands with the perfect ratio to each other for hand-holding
platonic hand-holding
running their thumb over the otherâs hand
dancing with their hands holding onto each other
squeezing hand for comfort and encouragement
holding hands across the table
happily doing everything with just one hand, if it means they donât have to let go
not wanting to lose each other in a big crowd
possessive hand-holding
linking hands together during sex
grabbing hand to show them something
loosely holding onto each otherâs hands, laying in oneâs lap
only linking the pinkies together, not ready to let go completely
holding hands while skating
excitedly grabbing each otherâs hands during a concert, jumping up and down together
playing with each otherâs fingers
pressing the otherâs hand against their cheek
holding hands while one is balancing on a small wall
grabbing the otherâs hand to pull them back from something
holding hands under the table
only realizing it when they have to let go
standing in front of each other, holding both their hands
holding their hands above their head, fingers linked together
passionate hand-holding
grabbing the otherâs hand so they donât fall
holding hands while running through the rain
brushing against each other, linking fingers together for a second
grabbing their hand to grab their attention
not really paying attention, both doing something else, but still holding hands
bandaging the otherâs hand and not quite letting go
holding hands while driving
grabbing the otherâs hand to pull them back to them
unconsciously searching out each otherâs hand while sleeping
not realizing theyâre holding hands till someone points it out
swinging hands back and forth, skipping like children
holding hands in a museum to pull them to the next exhibition
letting go when there is an obstacle in their way and immediately grabbing each otherâs hand again when they pass it
loosely holding onto each otherâs hand
dragging the other with them, holding their hand
raising the otherâs hand to their lips to kiss it softly
holding hands while jumping down from somewhere together
comparing hand sizes, then linking fingers together
Hugs
A warm embrace.
friendly hugs
hug around the waist
hugging while twirling around
comforting hugs
side hugs
hugging and gently holding the otherâs head
pulling someone into a hug
hugging while walking
eye-to-eye hugs
hiding their face in the otherâs neck
clinging to each other
hugging while lying down together
group hugs
hugging with head on shoulder
tender embrace
ânot wanting to let goâ hugs
hugging from behind
bear hugs
hugging with hands in each otherâs pockets
cuddling
hugs and kisses
hugging and jumping up and down together
familiar hugs
hugging with height-difference
gentle hugs
hugging with patting on back
piggy back hugs
quick hugs
hugging while slow dancing
one-sided hugs
hugging while straddling the partner
long-lasting hugs
âpicking them upâ hugs
hugging while grabbing butt
cuddle pile
Kisses
Showing affections.
goodnight kisses
hand kisses
smiling while kissing
lips barely touching
morning kisses
slow kisses
passionate kisses
kisses on the cheek
first kisses
goodbye kisses
welcome home kisses
kisses on the corner of their mouth
frustrated kisses
kissing each other breathless
soothing kisses
nose kisses
kisses as a promise
short pecks
forehead kisses
kisses on head
âweâll face this togetherâ kisses
kisses in the rain
life-or-death kisses
kisses for a cover
hard kisses
giggling while kissing
desperate kisses
neck kisses
hushed conversation in-between kisses
eyelid kisses
gentle stroking of cheeks
small kisses
kissing it better
jaw kisses
wake-up kisses
kissing away tears
public kisses
relieved kisses
kisses for comfort
tummy kisses
kisses to shut them up
slowly kissing down the body
âweâll see each other againâ kisses
kissing each finger
sleepy kisses
angry kisses
feather-light kisses
kisses with trembling lips
secret kisses
kisses with their last dying breath
Touching
Feeling another humanâs touch.
touching foreheads
running fingers through hair
hiding face in neck
caressing the otherâs hand
feeling their pulse
patting the otherâs head
holding hands
shielding the other one with their body
listening to the otherâs heartbeat
spooning at night
laying their hand on the otherâs neck
pushing a strand of hair behind their ear
nudging the other one
putting an arm around the otherâs waist
hugging each other
massaging them
holding the otherâs chin up
squishing the otherâs cheek
high fiving
bandaging/stitching up an injury
kissing the otherâs brow
falling asleep on the otherâs shoulder
carrying the other one in their arms
whispering in their ear, lips touching the skin
stroking the otherâs arm soothingly
kissing the top of their head
pulling the other one towards them
feeling for each other in the dark
tickling the other one
grabbing onto their arm
doing a pinky swear
caressing the otherâs back
tasting their smile
washing the otherâs body
kissing their bruises and scars
lifting the other one up
putting their head on the otherâs chest
stroking their leg
leaning into the otherâs side
patting them on the back
sitting close and knees touching
braiding the otherâs hair
giving them a piggy-back ride
sitting on the otherâs lap
feeling their temperature
linking arms with each other
touching their elbow to get their attention
dancing with each other
holding onto the otherâs shoulders for support
putting a hand over the otherâs mouth to shut them up
Hand-holding|Hugs|Kisses|Touching
If you like my blog and want to support me, you can buy me a coffee! đ„°Â
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uh @mylittlebirdcage now
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