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clockwork-manga · 6 years

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IMPORTANT MESSAGE:

Everyday, Rikuto’s name gets misspelled and mispronounced by many. If you or a loved one shows any signs, go to www.helprikuto.com/notactuallyarealwebsite right away. Help stop Rikuto’s name abuse.

Disclaimer: This is just a JOKE. Don’t actually try using the fake url because seriously, its just a joke. It even says “not actually a real website”. In all 100% seriousness, Rikuto prefers if his name is spelled correctly. He is cool with being called “Riku” as well.

#clockwork #clockwork rikuto #riku #rikuto #rikuto mizui #joke #lol #late april fools

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clockwork-manga · 6 years

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Nate: Since I think almost all the dialogue in the first part was too info-y, I copied it and made some edits. You can take it and compare to what you have, seeing what you want to keep, to change, etc. I removed a lot of the exposition, took out some unnecessary words, and shifted around the dialogue a bit to make it sound less awkward to me. Again, these are all just suggestions.

I read over it a couple of times. Thank you for the help. I will probably keep some things the same, but I will change some other things. Again, thank you :)

#g14 #ask

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clockwork-manga · 6 years

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Rikuto’s aesthetic

#aesthetic #aestheitcs #aesthetic board #moodboard #rikuto #clockwork #clockwork rikuto #riku #rikuto mizui

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clockwork-manga · 6 years

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Little chibi ink doodles.

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clockwork-manga · 6 years

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Naomi’s aesthetic

#aesthetic #aestheitcs #aesthetic board #moodboard #naomi #clockwork #clockwork naomi #naomi walker

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clockwork-manga · 6 years

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Nate: Since you asked for examples, a good one is the first part of chapter one with Yuki and Haggus. While the description is good, most of the dialogue in it has way too much info, and it really doesn't sound natural.

I mean, like, could you quote the example please? There is a lot of dialogue. Perhaps ideas on how to change it could be helpful as well (just to provide a good example, so then the story sounds better)

#ask #g14

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clockwork-manga · 6 years

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Happy little ink (and a few colored ink) doodles.

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clockwork-manga · 6 years

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Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Any references to historical events, real people, or real places are used fictitiously. Other names, characters, or events are products of the the author’s imagination. Any resemblance is purely coincidental. Please do not repost this story and/or claim it as your own.

(Start from the beginning here! -> ) prologue

(Previous chapter: chapter 1 -> ) Here

(Beginning of Chapter -> ) Here

The duo of teenage girls continue onwards to Rikuto’s home. By the time the two reach Rikuto’s house, it is three thirty in the afternoon. Yuki knocks on the dark grey apartment door with a loud thud. No answer.

“Maybe he’s asleep?” Yuki wonders.

“Nah, there’s no way he’d do that when he kept texting me earlier,” Naomi retorts with annoyance. “Open up, ya idiot! We’re here to play video games!”

“Alright, alright Naomi, let me get to the door,” Rikuto calls from inside the apartment. He unlatches the chain and opens the door. Naomi immediately runs inside, with Yuki slowly following.

“Ah, nice and cool in here; it’s so hot out there, that I would have boiled if I was out there any longer,” Naomi sighs in relief. She lays across the couch in the dark living room full of fans.

“Well, you are wearing a dark colored hoodie in summer. What else were you to expect, snow?” Rikuto questions Naomi.

“Less chat, more games,” Naomi replies as she sits up on the couch.

“If you say so, but I’ll defeat you in no time.”

“Are ya sure about that? I’m bettin’ I’ll take ya down!”

“Oh? How much are you planning to bet on?” Rikuto smirks. “You want to play too, Yuki?”

“I’ll just watch you two play. Thank you anyways,” Yuki responds with a slight smile. Minutes pass and Yuki begins to get bored, so she plays with the knob on the pendant watch. She turns the knob a bit.

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clockwork-manga · 6 years

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unnecessary add-on exclamations, and break up the longer sentences a bit more. That makes it seem like the characters are really saying something spontaneous, rather than already-prepared speech. It's totally okay if you're having a hard time getting this, learning how to write good dialogue is tough.

I noticed that. I tend to do those things. Since I do plan to make this a manga/graphic novel in the future, I feel that it won’t end up looking like the characters are having formal speeches with each other. One thing I did research though, was that in Japanese culture, people tend to speak very formally and politely (same thing with actions, it seems). Now, since Yuki, Rikuto, and Naomi are best friends, they should act less formal around each other. I am still trying to figure that all out. *nervous sweatdrop* Naomi tends to act less polite and formal due to not really following culture (she is American) and it reflects her careless personality. Thank you for helping me out here :) All help is greatly appreciated.

#g14 #ask #advice

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clockwork-manga · 6 years

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Nate: That's okay. :) Anyway, what I meant was 1: The characters talk less about their current lives. They usually shouldn't say things the other characters already know. Leave some things out, and experiment to see what kinds of things the readers might figure out for themselves. 2: A lot of the dialogue (not all but a lot) from the characters is "State fact. State fact. State fact." People in real life don't talk so efficiently and straight. Put in just a *smidge* of

I see. The thing is, I need to find a way for the story to show how these characters act, their personalities, their interests and so forth. Such as Rikuto obsessing over video games. Is there any examples that really need to be fixed up? I feel like a specific line of dialogue from the can help me figure out how to fix this.

#g14 #ask #advice

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clockwork-manga · 6 years

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Hey Fall, it's Nate. So so so sorry for being so long getting back on this. Anyway, a way to make the dialogue sound less awkward is not to put so much information in it. You can use the narration if you need to, or just let readers figure some things out on their own. You can also make the dialogue *slightly* less efficient, a little more unnecessary stuff, not a WHOLE lot, but a little to make it sound more real. It usually helps to read the words aloud and image someone saying it in real life

Its alright! I’m still having a difficult time trying to understand what you mean. My apologies about that.

#g14 #ask #advice

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clockwork-manga · 6 years

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Yuki’s aesthetic

#aesthetic #aestheitcs #aesthetic board #moodboard #yuki #clockwork #clockwork yuki

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clockwork-manga · 6 years

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Please be sure to check out my main blog (aka @fall17). I post my own original art, along with some fan art.

A new art piece that took over three days to create.

#art #not clockwork #main blog #please check it out #artists on tumblr #artists #anime #manga #cool

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clockwork-manga · 6 years

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P. S. The scene with the old man was quite funny. XD

Thank you! I am trying to add in some comic relief here and there, since the story is set in a more serious tone. I feel that some light comic relief will help the readers ease through the story smoother. It also shows how certain characters would react in certain scenarios.

#advice #ask #g14

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clockwork-manga · 6 years

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From Nate: Finished the rest of what there is so for, up to Chapter 2, part 2. There's still the problem with the dialogue, I get that if you're doing it in manga, you want to imitate the style -f Japanese-to-English, so that's a possible reason the speech to be awkward, but it's still too much so, and lines are stuffed with too much info. On the other hand, the characters are all nicely distinct.

I am taking some cultural things, by giving it thought and implementing it into the story. Although, like how I mentioned in the first message, only Yuki should be the awkward sounding one. By any chance, do you have any advice for making the other characters sound less awkward?

#advice #ask #g14

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clockwork-manga · 6 years

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Hey Fall, Nate here. Here are my thoughts on the prologue and first two parts of chapter one: There's a nice level of description, and the characters are all distinct, perosnality-wise. But to be honest, a lot of the dialogue is awkward and infodump-y, if you see what I mean.

I’ve noticed that. Yuki (the main character) is supposed to sound a bit awkward (she is supposed to be seen as shy and such), but I see what you mean. I will be sure to try and fix things up in a later time. I will try my best to do more “showing, not telling” as the expression goes in writing. I’m glad the characters sound interesting and distinct so far.

#advice #ask #g14

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clockwork-manga · 6 years

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Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Any references to historical events, real people, or real places are used fictitiously. Other names, characters, or events are products of the the author’s imagination. Any resemblance is purely coincidental. Please do not repost this story and/or claim it as your own.

(Start from the beginning here! -> ) prologue

(Previous chapter: chapter 1 -> ) Here

(Beginning of Chapter -> ) Here

***

“I wonder how Yu-Yu is doing today; she ran off without sayin’ anything yesterday,” Naomi questions aloud. She is wearing a black hoodie, even during the warmth of summer.

“Oh, is that girl a friend of yours?”

“Yeah, guess ya could say that, though I dunno if she thinks so. I’ve been a pretty cruddy friend if ya think about it.”

“I’m just happy that my little daughter has made friends.”

“Mom, cut the sappy crap already. I’m fine if I have friends or none at all. Not like I seem to really care about anything after all.”

“Alright dear, whatever you say. I need to head back to work. You know how the military can get.”

After Naomi’s mother leaves for work, Naomi stares at her phone. The time reads one fifteen in the afternoon. Looking at the text message notifications, she sighs in annoyance. The messages are from Rikuto, as per usual; nobody else would bother Naomi on a Saturday, to ask about a video game death match.

“There’s no way I want to hang out with this loser today. Maybe I should check up on Yu-Yu?”

Within minutes, Naomi rushes out the door and into the city to search for Yuki. ‘This is the most I’ve ever cared about for anything. Damn it, I hope Yu-Yu is alright. I should’ve been nicer. Gah, I don’t even know where to start! Where would she live anyways?’ Dirty blonde hair hanging down messily and a thick black hoodie, she runs in the streets. Naomi calls out Yuki’s name in hoping that Naomi would find her friend.

“This is hopeless! I’ll never find her! This was just a waste of time! What is wrong with you Naomi?” Naomi yells aloud in frustration. She clenches her fists in anger. “It’s that idiot, Rikuto’s fault!”

“N-Naomi, is that you?” A voice asks with a stutter. Naomi freezes in the middle of her rant and turns around slowly.

“Yu-Yu, I’m glad yer alright!” Naomi runs over to hug her friend.

“So what was that all about?”

“It was nothing! Nothing happened! Just annoyed with that idiot, that’s all,” Naomi confirms as she lets go of Yuki. “I’m just chillin’ in this summer day; it’s pretty nice out ya know.”

“I guess so? I was actually planning on heading over to Riku’s house and I was wondering if you wanted to come along, so we can all hang out.”

“Yeah sure, whatever, I’ll come along. I owe that idiot a death match in one of those combat video games anyway. I heard that game hasn’t even come out yet in other countries, which that’s pretty cool in itself I guess. Ya know he can be kinda cute when he goes off about something like video games.”

“Maybe, though I find it funny more than anything; just Riku being Riku.”

“Heh, he’s just being Rikuto ‘McDork’ Mizui as usual.”

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