cocaineorchids

[cocaineorchids]

I woke up today with an ache in my soul. A reminder of the things you planted in my brain and left deep-rooted to overgrow like a wildfire. Time is the only healer of a broken heart but what do they say for those with broken souls? What about those of us who aren’t necessarily heart-broken, but in a constant loop, replaying the mistakes of the ghosts of our pasts, who’ve left deep scars in the most beautiful parts of ourselves. What do we have to say for those of us who are so sure that we’ve rid ourselves of the lingering aches left by those who took a knife to our hearts, only to wake up one day and feel as if we’re reliving it all over again. How is it that when all is said and done, those who’ve left us with a distorted self-image and a life time of questions, are the ones who walk away unscathed. I suppose my point is, how am i okay when i’m not okay at all.

#poetry portal #poetry #poem #breakup quotes #excerpt from a book i'll never write #excerpt from a story i'll never write #quotes #poetryportal #scream poetry #scream poem #breakup poetry #sad poetry #my poem #love poem #poets on tumblr #original poem #writers and poets #poems and quotes #sad poem

[cocaineorchids]

when you told me how she felt about you, your lips dripping with all the reassurance of yours for me, it didn’t cross your mind that it’d be a thought i’d go back to like a bad habit. with all of the trust i have in me to give to you, i am not overflowing with it. when you told me, my walls shifted a little and where the trust was seeping out faster than i could catch it, it was no longer unable to be contained. friend. that six letter word i catch myself getting stuck on like gum on the bottom of my shoe. and who am i to not believe in you, although please forgive that i can’t. call it what you will, but this is caution in all it’s bloody glory. i am nothing if not prepared for the battle of my own emotional turmoil. you see i am unequivocally, irrevocably in love with you, but when you told me that, and please understand that all i could see is that same feeling radiating within her

it’s not fair i know, but if the turned tables turned, would your humanity show too? i ask as if i don’t know the answer is that you’d understand in a way i could never fathom. a part of me though, the most selfish part of me wishes it’d pierce through you too. a thought you can’t shake. one that makes you question things to your core. yet i know this is what i’d call wishful thinking and when it comes to this page in the book, i know we’ll never quite be on the same one

#poetry #scream poetry #scream poem #breakup poetry #sad poetry #my poem #love poem #poem #breakup quotes #excerpt from a book i'll never write #excerpt from a story i'll never write #quotes #poets on tumblr #original poem #writers and poets #poetry portal #poetryportal #poems and quotes #sad poem #poems on tumblr #poems and poetry #short poem

[cocaineorchids]

i have never known love in the way that you love me. it’s not healthy i know, but i am holding my breath waiting for the other shoe to drop. waiting for the broken glass shattered at the foot of my bed and the sleepless nights where your silence rips at my soul more than any words that could ever spill from your mouth. I’m waiting for the conversation that always inevitably comes, the “you’re too much,” or “not enough” conversation, the one where you tell me i’m not trying hard enough or i’m trying too much. i’m waiting for the days when i’m too clumsy and probably too awkward because it’s always followed by the sound of us yelling, you yelling, him yelling i mean. i’m waiting for the empty mornings and the mind numbing nights that are never met with an “i love you” as if it were a feeling you’d left at the front door before you came in, or before you were leaving and while we’re on the subject, i’m waiting for that too. you leaving i mean. No one ever sticks around to play with a broken toy and how am i supposed to convince myself that you’re any different. except you are, different i mean. And i know all of the things i’m waiting for, terrified for, may never come and my god do i love you so naively as if it’s the first time id ever fallen in love. until i’m reminded that it’s unfortunately not the first time and i find myself once again, breath caught in my throat, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

#poetry #poem #breakup quotes #excerpt from a book i'll never write #excerpt from a story i'll never write #excerpts from my life #scream poetry #excerpts from my writing #love poem #my poem #scream poem #excerpts #love quotes #quotes #excerpts of stories #excerpt #writings #breakup poetry #breakups

[cocaineorchids]

6 year old me would cry if she knew there is nothing wrong with me.

8 year old me would be so proud i found friends who genuinely enjoy having me around.

10 year old me would love that i talk to my dad regularly now.

12 year old me would cry knowing that i found a man doesn’t hurt me.

14 year old me would lose her mind to know i was right about him being the one i would spend the rest of my life with.

16 year old me would be so proud that i fell in love with myself.

18 year old me would love that i’m doing well in school for the first time in my life.

20 year old me would lose her mind if she knew i had the courage to leave the relationship that made me lose who i am.

22 year old me is proud i’m still here, still trying, and can’t wait to see what the rest of my life will bring.

e.d// ode to my younger self

[cocaineorchids]

You changed into someone I don’t recognise

[cocaineorchids]

Lori Gottlieb, Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: A Therapist, Her Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed

[cocaineorchids]

The worst part about a relationship ending is slowly realizing all the things that don’t matter anymore. For example, all the dates- his birthday, the day you met, your anniversary- that are just ordinary days again. The comfort is gone, the routines and traditions are over, and it makes you sick, but to make it worse- he’s the person you’d normally go to when you feel this uneasy, and you don’t have anyone else that could make it better like he would. And weeks go by and you’re still thinking about the fact that you know all his favorite foods and you don’t know how to fill that space in your brain with something else. You keep mourning the end of you and him, but then you realize that’s not the only thing that died, because there’s also your five year plan and the inside jokes that don’t exist anymore and the kids with your eyes and his hair who won’t ever be born, and then it hurts all over again.

But if you’ve felt this before- or if you feel this right now- that means you’ve been through the exact same thing as I have and so have all the other people reblogging this. And I got through it, over it, past it, happier. Many times. And so will you. Because the things you lose when you lose a person are all replaceable with someone new- new anniversaries, secret places, nicknames, cute jokes, a new list of favorites to remember. And you have no reason to think that the next person who makes you feel like home is going to be less special to you than the one who just left.

[cocaineorchids]

It is OKAY to be happy. It is ALWAYS OKAY to be happy. Just because you are happy DOES NOT MEAN you do not care if you leave someone or do them wrong. It DOES NOT MEAN you are heartless or cruel and therefore undeserving of happiness. It just means you are doing things for yourself and THAT’S OKAY.

And it is OKAY if others do things for themselves too. Just because people look happy after they do you wrong or leave you DOES NOT MEAN they don’t care. It DOES NOT MEAN they are heartless or cruel.

But keep in mind that simply caring is NOT ENOUGH to fuel a relationship, and if someone cannot make you FEEL cared about, that is a sign of an unhealthy one. And that is why sometimes moving on is OKAY. Being happy is OKAY. It’s an endless cycle of OKAY.

[cocaineorchids]

suddenly remembered this poem as i was making breakfast this morning & frantically googled “poem remembered to buy eggs?????????” & somehow managed to find it & it utterly knocked the wind out of me just as much as when i first read it

[cocaineorchids]

“I love you in a desperate way, I love every movement your body makes. I’ll love you even when you stray, that’s how much of me you take. I love the way you laugh so hard, and the lines on your face when you smile. I love when you take everything too far, and push back your promises till tomorrow. I love the arch of your back and the curve of your shoulders, I love it when they’re mine. I love you even as you hold her, I love you against all reason, throughout time. I love you now as I watch you go, just as I loved you from the very start. I love you wildly, foolishly I know, even as you break my heart.”

— Let Me List the Ways

[cocaineorchids]

You’re killing yourself to be beautiful, when everybody already sees your beauty. Well everyone, except you.

- note to self: look beyond, you already are enough

[cocaineorchids]

“I am coming to terms with the fact that loving someone requires a leap of faith, and that a soft landing is never guaranteed.”

— Sarah Dessen, This Lullaby (via books-n-quotes)

[cocaineorchids]

healing comes in waves

some days i miss your touch so much i can’t stand the aching pain your hands left behind

and other days i don’t even think of your name.

some days my walls covered in the memories of us come crashing down on me and i can’t breathe

while other days i’m burning the memory of you out of my brain

this heartbreak came with glass shards lodged in every beating piece of my heart

some days the pain is too much

while other days

most days

it’s almost as if i’ve finally got the last glass shard.

~acm

[cocaineorchids]

If your goal

was to break me

My Love

I must inform

you

I will

always

mend

despite

in spite

of you

Perry M. // Bad Times

[cocaineorchids]

When you finally find the right person I think nothing else in the world would matter- no other people that broke your heart or didn’t return your calls, all your maybes, could haves, wish it would haves- nothing. So that person you can’t get over is meaningless and one day you’ll see that. Trust me, you didn’t let the perfect person go because if you don’t still have them, that means they weren’t the perfect person. Because the perfect one won’t leave. Perfect is forever, and forever doesn’t mean you’re obsessed with them and they don’t love you back. Soulmate means you’re meant for each other in every way down to your core. And maybe you’ll never find your one, but they’re out there and you didn’t lose them.

[cocaineorchids]

“no one can know about this relapse - you see, i’m supposed to be pulling myself up by my bootstraps - this is harder than i thought it would be. my brain is the city that never sleeps yet my eyes have lost their light - i pray i don’t have to answer for this in the afterlife because i can’t even handle being in the limelight.”

— smspoetry (honest thoughts about 24,236 people following my writing)

[cocaineorchids]

“The tragedy is not that we are alone, but that we cannot be. At times I would give anything in the world to no longer be connected by anything to this universe of men.”

— Albert Camus (via philosophyquotes)