coffeemonster42

[coffeemonster42]

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Finally, I got around to writing a book.

Here it is.

It has nothing to do with this blog (except that I wrote it).

It doesn’t contain any photos.

You can’t even colour it in.

It has, however, already received a 5 star review on Amazon and it’s only been out for 2 weeks!

So if you like stories with a steampunk twist, a dash of bawdy comedy and a snarling villain, then click the link and take a look – you might like it.

#the diplomat #original writing #paul may #steampunk #dieselpunk #comedy

[coffeemonster42]

Christmas.

It's Christmas time again, which means people coming together to celebrate rampant capitalism at its most naked and unashamed. Cynical? Maybe. But then I'm not that person punching other shoppers in the face as he tries to buy the 70 inch TV on special offer for one day only.

And don't get me started on people who panic buy enough food to feed 20 people because they're terrified that they and their 4 guests might starve on Christmas day or boxing day because the shops are shut.

#christmas #xmas #balls #tinsel #bing crosby #coffeemonster42 #christmas tree

[coffeemonster42]

A few more shots from the Danube river cruise.

On the last evening of the cruise the staff put on a gala variety show for us. We all enjoyed singing along to memorable classics, pushed into our eardrums with alarming enthusiasm by the singer who was a lady of ample talents but little in the way of self restraint. She gave us Elvis, she gave us Abba, she gave us what might have been Motorhead and she gave us what sounded a bit like the theme tune to the nine o'clock news.

Accompanying her on his organ was Dave, the resident musician who also doubled as the waiter in charge of the soup at dinner. He attacked the keys with blurred fingers and a fixed grin that could have startled a leopard.

Everyone got up to dance. We all enjoyed 'the macarena'. There was one moment when we all happened to be jumping up and down on the same side of the boat which caused us to take on water and triggered a siren, but we ignored it. We danced and sang until we were exhausted and also very drunk. The next day we went home. Happy, hung over, with sore throats and bloated livers. Excellent.

#coffeemonster42 #x-t5 #danube #fujifilm #liver #macarena #abba #motorhead #organ #sinking

[coffeemonster42]

More snaps from the Danube cruise.

On the boat we met a large man with a red face and a knee which, he told us, he had taken to the doctor's several times over the last year because of throbbing. He told us, in some detail, about the throbbing while we lounged on the observation deck, eating cake and watching the scenery drift by.

I asked him why his knee throbbed so much and he shrugged. "I put it down to dogging," he said.

After a delicate pause, I asked "How did that, uh, happen?"

"Walking the dog," he said. "Slid on some ice, fell on me knee. Never been the same since."

We nodded in sympathy. Dogging. Best avoided, if you ask me.

#danube #budapest #night photography #coffeemonster42 #fujifilm #x-t5 #hungary #dogging

[coffeemonster42]

More snaps from the Danube cruise.

Joining us on the cruise ship was a party of ladies who apparently all worked in a beauty and tanning salon. They were great fun, with their raucous singing, shrieking banter with the waiters and a gargantuan thirst for prosecco. And after breakfast they got even more crazy!

I did overhear an elderly gentleman on the next table mutter something about not wanting to share the boat with a 'bunch of yo-yo knickered painted tarts' but perhaps his rheumatism was playing up.

#tarts #rheumatism #boat #danube #coffeemonster42 #fujifilm #x-t5 #star wars #tanning #beauty parlour #prosecco

[coffeemonster42]

Some snaps from the Danube cruise.

River boat cruising is all about wallowing in the genteel elegance and refinements of days gone by.

At eight, one is awakened by one's butler, who clears away the bottles and bong pipes from the night before and offers up a breakfast of assorted delights; eggs, kippers, porridge, toast, Dundee marmalade. He is also on hand to assist one in staggering from the bed and into the shower.

Later in the day, after several hours of squinting at the horizon from the Smoking Deck, one is called to luncheon by the striking of the Luncheon Gong. Several hours later one is helped from one's deck chair on the Drinking Deck and put back in one's room where high tea is served, along with a selection of fine wines and liqueurs.

An arbitrary amount of hours then passes before one is awakened and encouraged to dress for dinner. Dinner, in the Salon, where the boat's staff are on hand in their finest livery to ensure that their guests are properly attended to, and indeed off their tits, before bed time.

Wife swapping is entirely optional and is certainly not mentioned in any of the brochures.

#coffeemonster42 #danube #cruising #bong pipe #fujifilm #x-t5 #wife swapping #star wars #breakfast #smoked kippers #butler

[coffeemonster42]

Bratislava's UFO Tower, Slovakia.

Built in the 1970s by the Soviets who must have been huge fans of cheesy 1960s scifi TV.

I'm fairly sure that Captain Scarlet fell to his death from something similar.

Here are a few shots from Vienna.

The Danube runs across upper Vienna and the river swells into a broad inland sea, teeming with cargo ships and cruise ships and people sipping cocktails and admiring the scenery from both. Alright, not so much the cargo ships.

#coffeemonster42 #bratislava #slovakia #vienna #austria #danube #fujifilm xt5

[coffeemonster42]

Budapest. Tourists doing what they do.

Have you ever wondered what it might be like to be in an Agatha Christie thriller?

Take a walk around Budapest and linger for a while on the green bridge. Watch out for dodgy types with moustaches and narrowed eyes.

#budapest #fujifilm #hungary #coffeemonster42 #agatha christie #hercule poirot

[coffeemonster42]

Budapest, probably our favourite city.

A few more shots from our recent trip.

It's a photogenic city with a proud and uplifted face that is happy to carry the weight of its history but also happy to look forward to bright futures and new opportunities. In this respect it shares common values with a good many other former Soviet Union dominated cities and long may that continue.

#budapest #coffeemonster42 #hungary #x-t5 #fujifilm

[coffeemonster42]

A few night shots from Budapest.

These were taken a few months ago on our second visit to this amazing city.

It's got glorious 19th century architecture, a big river, mountains, hot springs, beer, great food, beer, charming and friendly people, and a nice climate.

Well, to be precise, we got there in May and it was having a mini heatwave which meant temperatures around 31C and that, frankly, is a bit too fucking hot for me.

Mind you, every shop had aircon so, well, whatever.

#coffeemonster42 #night photography #fujifilm #x-t5 #nightphotography #budapest #hungary

[coffeemonster42]

More shots of Valetta, night time shots where the lights and the shadows give it a Disney sparkle that any city would want.

Wandering around the centre at night is a feast for the eyeballs, the nose, and inevitably, the stomach. Also the beer is very good.

#malta #valetta #nightphotography #coffeemonster42 #night photography #fujifilm #x-t5

[coffeemonster42]

A summer's day, late in the day, as the light turns into gold and the shadows lengthen.

These were taken in my back garden and I had to lie on the grass to get the shots.

Luckily for me, our resident family of foxes have decided to crap somewhere else over the past few days, otherwise I wouldn't be typing this now, I would be in the shower.

#fujifilm #x-t5 #fujifilm xt5 #fox #flowers #gardens #crap

[coffeemonster42]

Malta. The city of Valletta, at night.

Malta is a remarkable place. We were there a few months back. We saw streets choked with cars, marinas choked with luxury super-yachts, ancient castles and buildings blasted by Luftwaffe bombs. All this and red, English post boxes. It's a place that combines the Arab world with English tea on the lawn.

#valletta #malta #coffeemonster42 #fujifilm #x-t5 #x t5 #streetphotography #streetshot #nightphotography #night photography

[coffeemonster42]

More from the Palace of Versailles.

We were hungry, but the cafe had run out of sandwiches.

"Maybe we can eat cake," I joked to the lady at the counter.

She gave me a tired look.

It's worth noting that her english was better than mine.

So basically, she didn't like my joke.

Fair enough.

#coffeemonster42 #fujifilm #x-t5 #france #palace of versailles #versaillespalace #shit jokes

[coffeemonster42]

More shots from Versailles.

Shooting dark interiors with bright highlights on all-manual mode is a challenge. Which part of the shot should you expose for? Beats me.

My method, for what it's worth, is to overexpose by a stop (according to the light meter) if the shot includes a lot of bright spots, and the subject is relatively dark. Seems to work most of the time.

#palace of versailles #chateau de versailles #versaillespalace #paris #france #fujifilm #x-t5

[coffeemonster42]

Versailles

I touched on this in the previous post, but just to clarify, re the Fujifilm X-T5, I fucking love this camera.

I've configured it to use the Velvia/Vivid film simulation with extra contrast, this gives me saturated colours and punchy contrast.

So now, in all-manual mode, she delivers the kind of shots I want straight out of camera. Because I can't be bothered taking crap shots and then photoshopping quality into them later.

We went to the Palace of Versailles recently and I had the chance to try the camera out in the salons where the light is fractured into not-much, shot through with darts of brilliance. Not easy to judge the exposure when eveything is dark or dazzling.

Here are a few shots. None of them have been tampered with.

#chateau de versailles #palace of versailles #fujifilm #x t5

[coffeemonster42]

I had a problem.

I love my Pentax K1000 SLR, but lately the cost of buying and developing film has made it more difficult for me to justify using it instead of my Olympus EM5.

Yet I wanted to use it.

I love the buttons and dials. I love its timeless elegance.

I adore the way it has no gadgets, no extra features, other than a simple light meter. It was designed to keep out of the way while its owner got on with the job of taking photos.

I asked myself, why doesn't someone invent a digital SLR that captures that timeless appeal?

And then, to my astonishment, 'someone' did.

The X-T5 has that look and feel of the K1000.

All major functions have their own, dedicated dial.

All that's missing is the frame advance lever, and that is a pity, but hey. Can't have everything.

I bought this one, shown here, and after reading the manual and marvelling at the many features, I disabled most of them and now I use it in all-manual mode, because that's what I like doing. And now I have a digital SLR that can be used like my K1000 and I am a very happy person.

#fujifilm #x t5 #pentax k1000 #pentax