confessions-of-a-humanoid

[confessions-of-a-humanoid]

#lain #serial experiments lain #schizoaffective #schizophrenia #mental illness #mentally ill #delusion #delusional #psychosis

[confessions-of-a-humanoid]

I keep ending up in inpatient, back on clozapine.

The doctor here keeps telling me lies and putting words in my mouth, and he thinks he is God because his face is plastered on the hospital's website (very few doctors get that). So what if he is associated with 113 papers on schizophrenia or clozapine, he is biased against me already and he won't let me leave.

#schizoaffective #schizophrenia #mental illness #mentally ill #canada #ontario #clozaril #clozapine #camh #centre for addiction and mental health #centre for addictions and mental health

[confessions-of-a-humanoid]

Life is quite strange. I started therapy with a psychologist a couple months back.

#schizoaffective #schizophrenia #mental illness #mentally ill #bpd

[confessions-of-a-humanoid]

#cowboy bebop

[confessions-of-a-humanoid]

Schizophrenic in Panic

#schizoaffective #schizophrenia #mental illness #mentally ill

[confessions-of-a-humanoid]

BPD can get better with age. It doesn't always. The few recent psychiatrists I have seen have determined that I no longer qualify for a BPD diagnosis and I actually agree. I no longer have been able to relate to any of the nuances of BPD even though I can understand it based on my past. It was also determined that my depressions were situational and not from schizoaffective depressive type, which I suspected previously anyway (that it was situational). My diagnosis sits at only schizophrenia now. I was once on 5 or more medications and now the only medication I take is clozapine. I am waiting for my hearing date as you get a mandatory hearing every 1 year (as CTOs are renewed every 6 months, so 2 renewals means a hearing before the Consent and Capacity Board). I have been inpatient on a psychosis ward in a psychiatric hospital for almost a month now. My testosterone has also increased but is still a fairly low dose.

#schizoaffective #schizophrenia #mental illness #mentally ill #bpd #canada #ontario #borderline pd #borderline personality disorder #clozaril #clozapine #ftm #assertive community treatment team #act team #testosterone

[confessions-of-a-humanoid]

#schizoaffective #schizophrenia #mental illness #mentally ill #bpd #antipsychotic #medicine #sad thoughts

[confessions-of-a-humanoid]

They might renew my CTO this December. I see a resident psychiatrist tomorrow afternoon. I have had my testosterone increased, but they are moving really slow.

#schizoaffective #schizophrenia #mental illness #mentally ill #bpd #borderline pd #borderline personality disorder #psychotic

[confessions-of-a-humanoid]

Wish me luck for tomorrow, I see my regular psychiatrist once a week starting then. I met her twice and then for several months I worked with a resident psychiatrist, but now she is back. I don't want to butt heads. I have a hard time building a good rapport with most female psychiatrists, the one at Slaight was a fluke I feel, and now I am with the Downtown East ACT Team via CAMH. The first couple of meetings, I got the impression she does not understand my situation at all. My community treatment order was renewed for another six months, and I have to follow the rules accordingly, even my group home reports on me.

#schizoaffective #schizophrenia #mental illness #mentally ill #bpd #medicine

[confessions-of-a-humanoid]

I am being discharged next week, or early the week after. Progress, I guess. My group home is making me get a covid swab to be able to return home, and I am getting my second vaccine on Thursday. My testosterone is going up to 20mg subcutaneously once a week still.

#schizoaffective #schizophrenia #mental illness #mentally ill #bpd #medicine #borderline pd #borderline personality disorder #cto #clinic #camh #centre of addiction and mental health #ontario #canada

[confessions-of-a-humanoid]

I am still inpatient. It feels like they keep extending my stay.

#schizoaffective #schizophrenia #mental illness #mentally ill #bpd #canada #ontario #borderline pd #borderline personality disorder #camh

[confessions-of-a-humanoid]

TW... suicide mention.

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.

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They keep prolonging my stay. I got transferred to a longer term unit. I feel like when I get out of here I want the cops to assassinate me because they're nonpeople drones. I'm in the wrong universe/neuron and timeline, it'll still be my will, so it is still quantum suicide.

My inpatient psychiatrist barely spoke to me today (Monday, May 31, 2021), so I hope he meets with me tomorrow. He keeps titrating me slower than I've ever been titrated. I've been stuck at 150mg for a little bit less than a week, meanwhile I'm supposed to titrate to 300mg. They did it faster before. I had a lump near my ear but it is going down now.

Someone stole my denim vest too.

#schizoaffective #schizophrenia #mental illness #mentally ill #bpd #canada #ontario #borderline pd #borderline personality disorder #camh #toronto #ftm #trans man

[confessions-of-a-humanoid]

I am inpatient again to retitrate my clozapine. It's easy to mess up. I am contesting the renewal of my community treatment order because I want to be able to be free but I tend to lose.

I am still at 10mg of T weekly subcutaneously.

#schizoaffective #schizophrenia #mental illness #mentally ill #bpd #canada #ontario #borderline pd #borderline personality disorder #camh #toronto

[confessions-of-a-humanoid]

2 weeks in and my voice is already crackling and hoarse. 🖤

#transition #transgender #trans man #testosterone #afab hrt

[confessions-of-a-humanoid]

I get my first shot of T on Friday. My name change is also almost complete. Things are spiraling upward. I wonder if clozapine is still necessary.

#schizoaffective #schizophrenia #mental illness #mentally ill #bpd #ontario #borderline pd #borderline personality disorder #ftm #transgender #transition #testosterone

[confessions-of-a-humanoid]

Voluntarily inpatient. My bloodwork was abnormal or something, so they are checking it again. They might tweak my clozapine.

#schizoaffective #schizophrenia #mental illness #mentally ill #bpd #canada #ontario #borderline pd #borderline personality disorder #camh

[confessions-of-a-humanoid]

When I was a child I would wish I could reincarnate as a cat, but I was always afraid that knowing my luck I'd be a spider because they're my phobia.

Can I start my life over and just be a cat instead

#phobia #reincarnation #childhood