From the age of 16 to 26 Mac released a total of 23 mixtapes, studio albums, EPs, and live albums. My personal favorite is the mixtape “Faces.” It is a mid-career raw beyond all belief, drug fuelled freestyle sounding at times, tragically beautiful, but primarily off the leash exploration of a mind unlike no other. It would be hard to compare any other hip hop artist releasing music from the time he did to the time of his death who developed along with his listeners in such an impressively consistent manner. He went from a fun backpacking kid with work ethic like no one else to a lyrically developed and complex rapper having as much fun as possible while delivering absolutely delicious devilish lines into a true musician and lyricist adult exploring the depths of love, heartbreak, existentialism, and addiction. It took me a while after his death to want to listen to his music as it just made me sad at the time. If his development was any sign of where he was headed over the next 25 or 35 years, it would have been a gift from whatever god, spirit, force, or entity you believe in. Perhaps sometimes it’s true that “only the good die young.” Perhaps sometimes it’s true that only the GOAT die young. This is just a simple and humble thank you to a man who changed my life for the better and has given me dozens if not more likely hundreds of hours of entertainment, Thank you, Mac Miller. Millions upon millions of people obtained joy, felt compassion and were induced into having their anxiety transduced (i doesn’t think that’s a word) into/through pleasure via music that represented a generation the age of 14-29. His music connects to further age ranges but he did truely define a decade from 2009 until 2019 and I could never thank him enough were I ever given the chance.
Life was psychologically less daunting when I had yet to face the depth of nature, the intricacy of truth both with and against belief, and my own ability to be emotionally vulnerable. People, situations, and curiosity through experience compelled me to explore these facets of the human experience.
What can appear to be strength, courage, and undaunted fortitudinous in youth were in some ways largely untested and unproven early on. Bolstered by little more than lack of proof otherwise. Myself and humans in general on shore is confident in his ability to match a sea of which he’s never faced the like of, simply because he sees what he perceives as timidity and wavering in those already tested through age and actual experience. The tested and proven, when ability and luck align and survival is preserved, are by in large ionically more humbled and reverent than the bolstered unproven youth.
To be put simply, the long-term reaction and earnest conscientious response through difficult times and perplex psychological mindsets illustrate the true nature of one’s character. Buk’ says it succinctly; “What matters most is how you walk through the fire”
From the well meaning but often innocuous thinkers both before and after Carl Jung, dreams have been something that we all experience and can feel the need or call to analyze.
Let’s get one thing off the table early on here and be honest, we more often than not do not genuinely care to hear about other people’s dreams. It really isn’t our fault though. It isn’t easy to even the dreamer themselves to feel and self empathise meaning from a dream. Accordingly, it makes sense that it is difficult for someone with a lifetime of different experiences and perspective to interpret what another’s dream could possibly mean with any authentic legitimacy.
Still, I think a lot of us don’t even attempt, nor need to attempt to find some sort of deep meaning within our dreams. Rather, we experience things while dreaming that affect us deeply in such a manner that their deep meaning isn’t the important part. The experience one can go through in a dream is often impactful enough without interpretation.
I would like to talk about a night of dreams that I had a few nights ago that affected me not only during the time, but in ways I’m not sure that I understand yet moving forward. The first dream of the two I will discuss that I had that night was that my mother died. That’s the general summation of the dream and while there was more to it, that’s the pertinent fact. I was heartbroken and torn apart in a way that I’m not proud to say, but in a way that I might not have ever so far been able to reach my normal waking state. This is all true despite my mother passing away six years ago this December 26th. In the dream though, it was happening for the first time and it tore me apart, I woke up in literal tears.
I spent an hour or two after that laying awake just absolutely bummed and additionally ashamed that I might not have felt this bad even right after (for whatever reason) over the last six years despite true and absolute departion from the heart that made mine. I am not writing about this to simply point out that dreams can be absolutely heartbreaking because the next dream I had a few hours later once I was able to sleep again was amazing.
The next dream I had that night was a very vivid but less intense experience in which I got to spend what felt like a few hours with one of my favorite poets, Charles Bukowski. A man I’ve never met before and whose been dead since I was a small child, years before I read his work. I’ve seen video footage of him and I believe the dream was an amalgamation of a lot of those videos. In the dream I had an amazing experience with him walking around Los Angeles while shooting the shit in the way only he could (without a hint of fraudulent pseudo service level bullshit.) We walked about entering headshops, pop-up stores, and galleries of all kind. We were buying other poet’s work and comedian’s apparel that he never could have afforded for probably 60 of his 70 some odd years. And when I say odd years I do mean ODD years. It was an amazing experience that I never actually lived, and I wouldn’t change it for almost anything. I wouldn’t even change it as a trade off to not have the nightmarish dream I lived a few hours early.
From a dream of death to just a few hours later, I got to experience an existentially blissful and fun afternoon with somebody who lived and enacted a life that I could truly say I respected and believed in it’s honestly. It was as a real as the pain I felt with the former dream (not to put them on the same importance level, but at least the same experiential level.)
I’m sure I could talk to a psychologist, psychiatrist, or even a good friend and break down what some of this meant to me on metaphorically or psychologically deeper levels. But this isn’t important to me. I did in some form reexperience the worst thing that has ever happened to me in my life and sometimes I feel I need to be reminded of that because it was the worse thing that ever happened to me. She, my mother was and is a major component, if not the component in my heart and soul.
If there’s anybody still reading this, I wrote this because I had to, but also because I want to let everybody else know that sometimes you can have dreams that give you insight on what you need to do, what emotions you should be paying closer attention too, or how you can be a better person. All of this and there wasn’t some deep metaphorical interpretation needed.
A write up I did a year or so ago with the perhaps purposely controversially title “Might is right.”
MIGHT IS RIGHT: an essay on why I am philisophically an anarchist and why if you believe in any true semblance of free-will, I maintain you are one too.
Might is right. This isn’t a moral claim. This I believe is an immutable existential truth. It is such if you, for all practical sake, accept man as an individual to be primarily a psychologically autonomous being within and of a physical body.
One (or more, in assent with one another) have the option to impose their will on another (or a given party of others.) This imposition of will is to be done through coercion. This coercion can be done through either an attempt to reason as a means of persuasion, or ultimately through threat or means of physical force. (There is a side argument to be made that threat of force is an attempt to reason through means of persuasion. This though relies on the one whose will is attempted to be coerced, to willfully believe it’s credibility and accept the terms.)
With that side argument placed on the back burner, this other (or others) who have had their will attempted to be coerced then have the option to accept this imposition of will upon them or to then coerce the original party into an acceptance of their denial with possible renegotiation of terms.
This responsive coercion can as well be done through either an attempt to reason as a means of persuasion, or ultimately through threat or means of physical force.
This is why philosophically, I am an anarchist. I for all practical and pragmatic sake believe in free-will. I believe every human who has the years and biological accordance of typical physical brain development can hypothetically make their own choices. They have that or the option to be coerced through credible threat or means of physical violence.
This is not anarchy in the sense popular media and popular opinion connotates. That is generally, anarchy with a moral claim that people are inherently bad and need to be coerced into being good. That for all purposes could be true within my definition, but as stated, my claim isn’t a moral one. My claim of anarchy is in a philosophical sense if one accepts the terms I’ve laid out. That of free-will given a set of biological parameters.
Within these biologically possible developable parameters, I believe one can have the option to not through simple psychological coercion, (this would presumptively deny the practical and pragmatic free-will here described) have the option that through acceptance or through means of physical force, have their will imposed on.
All of this includes the free-will to not physically transgress upon those less fortunate in ability and circumstance. And also to help and support those one wants to. To love and take care of those who need it. It does not preclude some simple self-servitude.
While the terms practical and pragmatic used here could be debated on legitimacy or consensus of meaning, I have out of attempted theoretical consistency chosen to allow for sociological, technological, and empirical evidence to be considered when attempting to understand what other terms such as the biological parameters above described mean.
A personal short write up on my existentialism agnosticism, it perhaps being simply “faith,” faith as such being a choice, and what “God” is to me.
“Agnostic existentialism is a type of existentialism which makes no claim to know whether there is a "greater picture”; rather, it simply asserts that THE GREATEST TRUTH IS THAT WHICH THE INDIVIDUAL CHOOSES TO ACT UPON.“
IMPORTANTLY, all of this leaves the possibility for an individual to at minimum attempt to ACT upon an apparent or personally operative truth that there is a grand but difficult to comprehend meaning to existence. To me, this ability to recognize the personal apparent absurdity of having knowledge of the ultimate why but refusing to fall into nihilism could be consider my faith. All of this while necessarily also attempting to act as if you have knowledge of the ultimate why and that IT IS GOOD is conceptually what I consider to be God. God to me is the ideas or truth that I can without hypocrisy act as if there is a greater and purposeful meaning to life. That it is good while fully acknowledging my own apparent impossibility of actually knowing it to be so.
“Breathe. It’s okay. You’re going to be okay. Just breathe. Breathe, and remind yourself of all the times in the past you felt this scared. All of the times you felt this anxious and this overwhelmed. All of the times you felt this level of pain. And remind yourself how each time, you made it through. Life has thrown so much at you, and despite how difficult things have been, you’ve survived. Breathe and trust that you can survive this too. Trust that this struggle is part of the process. And trust that as long as you don’t give up and keep pushing forward, no matter how hopeless things seem, you will make it.”
— Daniell Koepke
“The truth is: you don’t have a life, you are life. The One Life, the one consciousness that pervades the entire universe and takes temporary form to experience itself as a stone or a blade of grass, as an animal, a person, a star or a galaxy. Can you sense deep within that you already know that? Can you sense that you already are That?”
— Eckhart Tolle
Something I think about.
Dostoyevsky at the gambling table. Hemingway at the bullring. Hunter S. Thompson at Owl Farm. Bukowski at the horse track.
BUY THE TICKET. TAKE THE RIDE.
THE WORDS ORIGINALLY SPOKEN AND TO ITS TRUE MEANING LIVED ACCORDINGLY TO BY HUNTER STOCKTON THOMPSON. I WANT TO DISCUSS THE PHRASE NOT BECAUSE IT COMES FROM HIM BUT BECAUSE I THINK IT, IF UNDERSTOOD CORRECTLY, IS A FUNDAMENTAL PIECE OF ADVICE AND MANNER IN WHICH TO LIVE SHOULD YOU BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF ABOUT WHEN YOU’VE BOUGHT THE TICKET. THE PHRASE FIRST TOUCHES UPON HOW WITH JUST A SURFACE UNDERSTANDING THAT ONE MUST ACCEPT WHEN THEY HAVE PRIMARILY BEEN THE CATALYST TO WHATEVER SITUATION THEY FIND THEMSELVES IN AND MUST ACCEPT THE CONSEQUENCES. THE DEEPER AND MORE IMPACTFUL UNDERSTANDING OF THE PHRASE CAN BE READ AS NOT ONLY ACCEPTING THE CONSEQUENCES OF A SITUATION YOU WERE THE PRIMARY CATALYST OF, BUT THAT YOU SHOULD ACCEPT THE FACT THE RIDE IS ON AND MAKE THE BEST OF IT. ENJOY AND RELISH IN EVEN THE PERHAPS AT THE TIME PERCEIVABLE BAD CHOICE AND CONSEQUENCES. IN THIS ASPECT, IT HAS A FLAVOR OF AN OLD POEM OR SIMPLE DECLARATION I READ MANY YEARS AGO OF WHICH OF I FORGOT THE SOURCE AND YET REMEMBER THE GENERAL DECLARATION. THE BASIC THOUGHT WAS TO REMEMBER THAT EVEN WHEN DEPRESSED, ANGRY, IN PAIN, AND THE LIKE, THAT YOU WERE ALIVE. YOU WERE A FEELING BEING. TO TRY YOUR BEST TO ENJOY IT OR AT LEAST CONSCIOUSLY ACKNOWLEDGE IT BECAUSE YOU ARE FEELING AND THE SITUATION IS WHAT IT IS AT LEAST FOR THE TIME BEING AND YOU ARE EXPERIENCING IT. TO EXPERIENCE EVEN THE PAINFUL, IF YOU CAN APPRECIATE THE EXISTENTIAL PERCEPTION IT IS TRUELY YOU EXPERIENCING IT. YOU HAVE BOUGHT THE TICKET TO THIS LIFE AND SIMILAR TO THE FIRST NOBLE TRUTH OF BUDDHISM, THERE WILL BE PAIN AND SUFFERING AND MISTAKES MADE, THIS IS THE RIDE.