cptsdhero

[cptsdhero]

(shaking my 14-year-old self) I was so mean to you but I love you, I love you, love you

[cptsdhero]

Ya know when people told me "when you're finally safe enough that you can leave survival mode and start to let go of and process your c-ptsd/trauma things are probably going to get really, really bad before they slowly start to get better" I thought that was reasonable. I did not understand that by "things are going to get bad" they meant "you're going to find yourself in the worst mental state of your entire life, but dw, that means it's working" and tbh I simply wish someone had been more clear.

[cptsdhero]

does anyone know what the first step of unlearning shame is. please say it’s substance abuse

#lmao #drug ment tw

[cptsdhero]

#lol

[cptsdhero]

“how to tell a true war story” - tim o’brien

#thinking about this again #self rb

[cptsdhero]

but I always thought you were cool

[cptsdhero]

jessczapalskipoetry

[cptsdhero]

[cptsdhero]

something about growing up suicidal and extremely mentally ill. being the kid that your parents fight about, that sees psychiatrists and misses school. and creating this character for yourself, accepting yourself as someone that loves suffering and victimhood and depravity, that relishes in shocking or disgusting adults, that seeks pity. seeing death as your destiny, as this beautiful catharsis that will relieve you of all your suffering. imagining your own death for a sense of comfort, because you needed to feel like everything would culminate and be worth something.

how do you heal and move on? how do you grow up and become a normal person. when you're used to walking around crying for help, trying to express the urgency and enormity of your situation at all times. how do you let go of that.

#literally yeah

[cptsdhero]

man. y’know, putting aside all the reasons it really sucks, there’s something uniquely validating about the experience of a therapist or psychiatrist looking absolutely horrified as you tell them the details of your trauma for the first time

#hero's voice #cptsd #csa #mine

[cptsdhero]

[cptsdhero]

panels from Zoe Thorogood’s “It’s Lonely at the Center of the Earth”

[cptsdhero]

IM DOING RLY BAD

#i will be fine because i always am eventually but god. not doing well rn #hero's voice #vent

[cptsdhero]

having nightmares about him again

#idk what to do #i’ve been nauseous all day since the dream i had last night. it was a really bad one #maybe it’s time to finally call the ketamine clinic my psych referred me to lol #vent #hero's voice

[cptsdhero]

Dog Woman, Chris Abani

[cptsdhero]

[cptsdhero]

Bessel van der Kolk, The Body Keeps the Score