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criticalrolo · 3 hours ago
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criticalrolo · 3 hours ago
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are there any book suggestions you’d give specifically for a nonbinary butch?
the essay “Sex, Lies, and Penetration: A Butch Finally ‘Fesses Up”, by Jan Brown, from the Persistent Desire, editor Joan Nestle, 1992. 
“Most of us graduated from the university of self-destruct. Some of us are street survivors, incest survivors. We lived with abusive boyfriends or drifted through years of substance abuse. We carry many kinds of scars. All of us see ourselves as the “other”, as the “alien queer.” We each have our own history, but what links us is what we lust after. Those images, that sex, keeps us alive– out prisons and locked wards, abusive relationships, and bad-odd fights in bars. We don’t need to judged, pitied, or analyzed.”
“Then there is the ongoing and contentious great butch debate, or what I call the “Is my butch my boyfriend?” argument. We always told you that, although we were butch, we really didn’t want to be men. Butch was not synonymous with male, we promised. Butches might look very masculine, but in reality we were butch women. There was, in fact, nothing male about us. Guess what? Right again. We lied. There is little “woman” left in us. Even though many of my butch buddies “pass” on the street, most of us, me included, couldn’t hang out safely with the boys at the pool hall without a breast reduction and a handgun. Still, we do not think of ourselves as women. Or, in fact, as lesbians. Now I’m not talking about middle-of-the-road androgynous, butchy types here. I’m talking “other” again. When we hook up with another butch sexually, we are faggots. When we have a girlfriend, we become her man. We become male, but under our own terms, our own rules. We define the maleness. We invent the men we become.”
Gender Failure, by Ivan Coyote and Rae Spoon, 2015
“In any case I find that the majority of reporters don’t really want, or are not provided the space or time or word count, to really understand their subject. That every person or event they write about or review must be reduced to talking points, a headline, and a pull-out quote. All too often this means I am reduced to a woman who looks like a man. Or a gender-bender or some other nonsensical or diminutive term. I am no longer an award-winning author of ten books, or a musician, or a performer who has been touring the world for nearly twenty years, or a storyteller. I am reduced to a sideshow attraction. I once had a reporter ask me if I have had any surgeries. I told her yes. I had an ingrown toenail removed in grade five, and I had to have my wrist re-broken and set properly once when I fell out of a tree, but that I still had my appendix and my tonsils. She told me she knew I was going to say something like that. She said, “Come on, you know what I mean.” I told her to come right out and ask me what she was asking me. So she asked me if I still had my breasts, or if I was planning to have a breast augmentation, or if I wanted to have a penis constructed, or my penis removed. It was only then that I realized she didn’t know what sex or gender I had been assigned at birth, so she couldn’t even be sure what I might want removed or added on to me, but still. She had to know. She just had to ask. “Beg your pardon,” I told her. “I thought you were interviewing me because my novel about a heterosexual mechanic just won a national literary award.” There was a moment of silence. We finished the interview, but gone was her conversational, easy, friendly demeanor. After that she talked to me like I was the one being difficult.”
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“The thing about rarely being seen, the thing about being called words that always bounce off me or fall flat at my feet, is what a heart balm it is when she looks right at me like she does. How she heals me with that sideways flicker-in-her-eyes look. That you-just-wait-until-I-get-you-home look. How her hands on me helped me own all of this body again. Her hands on me how she takes me takes what she wants and then gives it back to me when she is finished, gives it back to me better somehow. And I mean all off me. More whole. All the sweeter because it took so long for me to find myself, to truly live inside all of me.”
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criticalrolo · 4 hours ago
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consistently forget that medication that relieves minor incomveniences exists so when i have a headache or my eyes are itchy from allergies or whatever im like “oh… the suffering is endless. this human form is weak and the tiny pains do build like pebbles stacking to a mountain. i accept it” whole time theres aspirin and allergy eye drops in the cabinet
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criticalrolo · 4 hours ago
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guys I really truly wish that I was smarter and more eloquent when it comes to discussing Gender and Presentation and its intersections with Sexuality but I am not that smart and mostly just tired. so basically just. takeaway is society is actually quite vocal in how much it hates it when u don’t perform ur assigned gender “correctly”
the other day i had to see the words “butch privilege” and one of those stupid posts about like. how great it is to see A Woman Being Allowed To Be Feminine For Once!! and I just. wow sometimes the Online Takes really get to me
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criticalrolo · 5 hours ago
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the other day i had to see the words “butch privilege” and one of those stupid posts about like. how great it is to see A Woman Being Allowed To Be Feminine For Once!! and I just. wow sometimes the Online Takes really get to me
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criticalrolo · 7 hours ago
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I think a lot of the discourse on here, esp about intra-community issues, comes from the perspective of people who are a part of pretty insular leftist queer communities and assume everyone else engaging w their writing is too. so you have stuff like “white trans people are celebrated when they come out” or “everyone wants to fuck transmasc genderqueer people” as statements people are making, which are very very true in some cases from within these really insular communities but seem like you’re blogging from another dimension to people who like, live in small town Iowa.
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criticalrolo · 9 hours ago
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oh no he’s leaking
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criticalrolo · 20 hours ago
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criticalrolo · 23 hours ago
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criticalrolo · 23 hours ago
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You look like a white Lin Manuel Miranda.
Turn off anon I just want to burn you to a crisp with hell fire
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criticalrolo · 23 hours ago
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the “feminine urge” meme set us back 9 million years. people just unironically posting shit like ‘the feminine urge to do the dishes and submit to my man. and have no financial independence and have glass bones and paper skin-’ like girl oh my godddd take it to the christianmingle dms stop making me read this corny shit out in the open
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criticalrolo · 23 hours ago
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one day some of you will actually go outside and go to pride and you’re going to meet old black queens who refers to themselves as femme, you’ll meet people from small towns who still use the word transsexual, you’ll see that your local activist organization set up a stall about your local LGBT history that includes leather bar’s history, you’ll see lesbians in groups refer to themselves as “guys” and “boys”, you’ll see someone with breasts and pasties and little else have “he / him” painted on his chest, and you’ll be so caught up with your terminally online attitude that instead of appreciating the wide diversity of people who exist in the LGBT community who are brave enough to share themselves you’ll just be formulating posts and tweets in your head for when get home about how “problematic” it all was and it’s honestly tragic
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criticalrolo · 23 hours ago
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pls let me take back the words i said
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criticalrolo · a day ago
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a casmary fake dating episode in s12 would have been excellent dean psychological torture chamber material. he’d develop diseases you’ve never even heard of
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criticalrolo · a day ago
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the Magnus archives is such a mixed bag. because some episodes are like do you feel it? the perpetual loneliness that screams at you through the crowded streets? the fear that lingers every time you sit alone on the busy train? do you understand why you are alone, do you? is it better to be alone and miserably uncertain as to why, or to be isolated knowing what your faults are? do you understand what it is to be lonely? and then the next episode is like, My coworker is having Sex with a Beetle
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criticalrolo · a day ago
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criticalrolo · a day ago
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Southern Bell
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