csa-survivor-confessions

[csa-survivor-confessions]

?

Hello,

I want to ask if it is possible to make up somatic/body flashbacks?

I’ve been struggling with this for about 2 years now—believing then denying my memories—and honestly I’ve had many flashbacks, reminders that lead me into dissociation, and body memories that i can very much feel in the moment that i am remembering them. I have used all this as a sort of way to validate my memories, but I’ve been told that it is possible to get these reactions from a memory that isn’t real/is made up. For context, I remembered those memories slowly by myself and not with any influence from a therapist or anything of the sort, so I would like to know what you think and if those reactions could come from something made up

Thank you for your time

Hello,

So no in general body memories. Some degree of distress can come from misremembered events, but generally, they don't usually occur in a flashback situation or come from spontaneously remembered events. Stress when remembering misremembered are common in situations like being told to recall events you don't fully remember. So an example is you saw a crime and was there but you don't remember the event at all close to reality. So there is stress at the basis but your brain didn't encode it properly.

Imagining situations can also cause upset. These imagined events aren't going to cause intense reactions or come up with spontaneous triggers. So you can make yourself upset of course, but that isn't the same as flashbacks or body memories.

I would say what is much more common than spontaneously created flashbacks is a flashback that is misunderstood. It's possible for details to shift or to not have a clear linear situation making understanding difficult. This is important to understand because there was likely a sexual trauma at the bottom of your flashbacks and body memories. Treating these would be best to handle this distress in a way that is created to help with sexual trauma. Not remembering all of the details is not at all the same thing as fabrication.

I would also suggest please don't try to force yourself to remember more. You are only going to make the flashbacks worse and could create even more confusion surrounding memories of the trauma.

I hope this helps,

-Admin 1

#ask #flashbacks #body memories #csa #sexual abuse #abuse #invalidation

[csa-survivor-confessions]

? (Tw cocsa, suicide mention)

Me and my partner were both minors at the time and I started sexual shit but I ultimately didn't want it to continue. I blame myself for it because I could've stopped it at any time but didn't because I didn't want my partner to commit suicide because I put up a boundary. This was years ago and I still blame myself and I think it's my fault but I want someone elses opinion on it and I have no one I can mention this too but. Is it my fault?

Hello,

You are going to be okay. I understand how complicated this must be. I understand it can be confusing. When dealing with minors interacting sexually it does vary by age how it is going to affect the kids involved. Teenagers can interact with teens of similar ages sexually and it is perfectly healthy, sexual experimentation is developmentally appropriate for high schoolers. Young children are not in the same space, developmentally they are not ready at all, and i believe any sexual interactions even between children of the same age will likely cause harm.

If you felt too scared to stop it was not healthy consent. Even if someone agrees to start something sexual they have a right to revoke consent and then everything should stop. A partner holding the threat of suicide over the other person for setting boundaries is abuse. Now if they didn't say it outright but you felt responsible for them in that way then it was very unhealthy.

I don't think it's your fault you felt trapped into sexual situations you didn't want to. Being psychologically contained by fear isn't a healthy space to be in, you are not at fault for not stopping it.

Hope this helps,

-Admin 1

#ask #info #cocsa #csa #suicide cw #psychological abuse

[csa-survivor-confessions]

Eid Mubarak To Our Followers Who Celebrate & Their Loved Ones

#blos post #eid #trauma recovery

[csa-survivor-confessions]

realizing we might have experienced online nccsa and we’re so blurry currently

,

#confession #csa #nccsa #sexual abuse #abuse #digital abuse

[csa-survivor-confessions]

?

How rare are false memories/recovering/creating false memories? I’ve heard it’s pretty rare. And that a lot of the time, when you have a feeling that you may have an issue that people wouldn’t usually jump to without any reason/strong thought into the idea, that that’s a pretty good indicator that there IS something there.

If someone has a lot of feelings that something bad happened to them, something they don’t remember, and they have strange feelings associated with certain things, how likely is it that they’d end up foraging fake memories of something happening? Is it actually a rare occurrence, or would it be something someone trying to work through their trauma would have to watch out for and try not to do?

The last thing i’d want to do is make false memories of being hurt and delude myself into believing it’s true when it isn’t.

Hello,

There aren't hard numbers on false memories or on how many people recover memories. It's complicated because of how both normal memory and memories of trauma are created.

If you have no basis to prove if it did or didn't happen, like if there were no reports at the time etc, then you can't scientifically prove how many abuse survivors have false memories.

What we do know is that memories when recalled can shift in details, this doesn't make the core of them false or that no memory of abuse is reliable. All this shows is that memory is not an exact replay of events normally.

Most completely fabricated abuse memory incidents we know for sure were tied to the person having their memory influenced. Like a parent, police officer, therapist, researcher or other person who has power. We know that you can be convinced something happened. But this doesn't apply the same way to memories a person remembers outside of situations with influence.

Traumatic content like body memories, flashbacks, panic attacks, severe dissociation and other somatosensory elements are not as easy to force into someone. Non-abusive situations where false memories happen don't generally come with this content.

As for trying to force recovery of memory, there is very little science that shows this as something that is a good idea or safe. There is a difference between memories that surface due to being safe, being in a new traumatic situation, or things related to structural dissociation and forcing recovery. You can completely fabricate things with these processes yes, but more likely is to confuse real memories and re-traumatize yourself if there is trauma you're carrying. 

Completely fabricated memories of abuse are definitely not incredible common. A lot of the push for people to belive that abuse survivors are all lying do not come from scholarly work. There is lots of science about the ability to influence memory, and recall confabulated memories, but none of this reports actual epidemic of false abuse memories. However, please please be safe with how you go about working with trauma you might carry in your body. 

Anxiety, depression, hypervigilance, body memories, panic attacks etc that you might be experiencing would likely be what you would want to start dealing with. Learning coping skills and working through the struggles you currently have could be very healing without having to start by trying to force memories. Memories are of course important to healing, they are not the be-all end-all and definitely not the place you would start healing anyway. And there are therapeutic techniques that require very little memory in the first place. 

If you feel like something is wrong there is likely something you are dealing with even if you don't know the source of your struggle. Your emotions and perspective are so so so important. Do not dismiss your body, but please be careful in how you do so. Do not force yourself .

Hope this helps,

-Admin 1

#ask #advice #recovered memories #false memories #abuse #childhood trauma #trauma

[csa-survivor-confessions]

I struggle to remember much of what happened to me, I struggle to remember where everything was at. I remember there was a hospital, my mom brought me to it and she had people take pictures of me naked. I think some other abuse happened there as well. I don't really remember the other places but I remember being raped, by both men and women. I would be held down, they would touch me and I hated it, I hate it even now. I never wanted this, I've always wanted to be a "normal child" but I couldn't be, because I had a speech disorder.

Then I had moved schools and realized I was severely bullied and abused at home. Then I remembered my mom sexually assaulting me. And now, I'm here. I remember my mom ALLOWING people to fucking rape me. What the fuck is her problem. One of the times I was sexually assaulted it was almost staged as a ritual, probably the assaulters kink. I hate it. There was so much other stuff that happened to me as well. And I just want to be "normal"

Another EXTREMELY frustrating thing is that some people legitimately don't believe RAMCOA exists. And it's just like, you do realize the world isn't all happy and that some people truly are that sick right? And some people believe I should just keep quiet about it?? Like if I bottle it up I'm going to try to kill myself and I have, SEVERAL times, what are people's problem?

[Crisis Resources]

#confession #csa #sexual abuse #abuse #child abuse #RAMCOA #mother mention #medical mention #cursing mention #rape cw #incest cw

[csa-survivor-confessions]

for the last 3 months, i (ftm) have been seeing my boyfriend (also ftm), and we've started to get intimate. but because i was continually sexually abused and raped throughout my childhood and early teens, i cant bring myself to orgasm. i feel safe enough to engage in sexual activity with him, but im so embarrassed that my body doesnt exactly.. react properly

im looking for advice, but mostly just needed to get this off my chest - 🏒

Hell,

It sounds like you might cognitively know that you are safe but your body is still holding on to the traumatic aspects in your nervous system. Getting your body to feel more safe could be useful.

The first thing would be to talk to your partner. Just let them know that you're struggling and would like to be open to talking about sex. Being in open communication with partners can always increase the felt safety.

Practising non-sexual physical intimacy can be very useful. Being with them physically without the pressure of having to react properly in having an orgasm might be useful. it can be deeply helpful in forming more safety.

Starting from more basic intimacy and working up can be pared with doing calming coping sills together. Like mindfulness, relaxation or other things that help regulate your nervous system can help bring your body to connect with your partner while doing safe activities.

Another thing that could be a factor is maybe you're just not having sex you like. A way to help figure out what might be good for you would be masturbation and trying some sexual things by yourself. This can increase knowledge of your body, bring you to orgasm in a safe place, and maybe find things that turn you on you could try with your partner.

As part of that conversation, you could also talk about if there is something you think would be more satisfactory for you. Different positions, different physical stimulation, ways of talking during sex, use of toys, ways you want the space to look like, and many other things people can do! it's perfectly okay to try different things.

It doesn't mean you don't like or trust your partner to be more sexually aroused by different things than what you have done by now.

I hope some of this helps,

-Admin 1

#ask #advice #healthy relationships #sexual health #csa #sexual abuse #abuse #rape cw

[csa-survivor-confessions]

(?) Hi. So a month ago my mom was watching a tv program and then a csa scene appeared. I was flooded with the emotional disgust, and I felt like it definitely happened to me. Since then I have been getting this strong feeling of "it happened to you. You can't remember but someone 🍇 you", and there were some signs...I cannot remember almost anything about my childhood. It's like I can't remember anything, but still my gut tells me that it happened... I am so scared... Do you have any tip to deal with all of this?

Hello,

First please don't go and try to make yourself remember things. This will cause memories to be misunderstood and make you more upset. If there is sexual trauma or even other kinds of trauma you can re-traumatize yourself and confuse you more.

Next, I would suggest taking time to care for yourself. Taking time to focus on self-care and looking into coping skills for the anxiety, depression etc that this has brought up.

I can not tell you if you were raped or not. It is possible that this triggered you and now you are dealing with procedural and emotional memories from an instance of sexual harm. These non-narrative memories can give us clues that there was an instance (or many) of sexual abuse.

If you are experiencing body memories/flashbacks it is a sign that you have gone through trauma. What exactly happened which is causing those trauma responses is sadly something I can not tell you. I am very sorry for that.

What is definitely true is that you are going through a lot. Dealing with an influx of negative emotions and disturbing thoughts is never easy.

Respecting what your body is telling you is important. Using the above-mentioned coping skills can be useful. Journaling about the thoughts and emotions can also help externalize them and help you work through them and get out some of what is distressing. Art can also help. Physical movement can also be extremely helpful in metabolizing stress.

If possible talking to someone in real life might be helpful as co-regulation (having another nervous system to help you feel less triggered) can help talk about subjects without getting triggered beyond your ability to deal.

Again I can tell you what did or did not happen, but it please understand that you are ging through something very real and you can move towards feeling less consistently overwhelmed.

hope this helps,

-Admin 1

#ask #repressed memories #csa #sexual abuse #abuse #rape cw #coping skills #info

[csa-survivor-confessions]

? Tw for CSA mention / Is it abuse if I consented in the moment to sexually explicit roleplays? I was 18, she was 26, she told me she had CSA headcanons about fictional characters and I support that but she described their experiences explicitly in our roleplays and almost fetishized it... But I feel bad, I feel like I did the exact same thing back, I feel like I was pressured into it because she'd get sad when I couldn't reply but I didn't say no for a whole year... Was I abused?

hello,

As you were an adult it can't be CSA, CSA refers to the abuse of a child. However, that doesn't mean you couldn't have experienced abuse.

If you felt pressured into doing sexual actions you didn't want to do then that counts as sexual abuse. All sexual situations including digital communication have to be consented to freely if there isn't then it isn't consent. Guilting people into participating in a sexual situation is manipulation and the consent is not free and enthusiastic.

It makes sense that if these situations occurred across time you would participate in them as it becomes a normalized part of your relationships and actions. You've done nothing wrong.

Be Blessed,

-Admin 2

#ask #is this abuse #sexual abuse #child abuse #abuse #digital abuse

[csa-survivor-confessions]

Ramadan Kareem to Our Community Who Observe & Their Loved Ones

#blog post #ramadan #trauma recovery

[csa-survivor-confessions]

How do I bring up things to my psychiatrist? Seeing him for the first time on Tuesday morning and I don't know what to do. I'm falling apart, I'm not showering or eating anything but snack-type food, I'm just lying in bed with the curtains closed. I have a vent journal now which has been helpful and I stopped crying every second day because I have no tears left. It's been a few years and I know I need to talk about it but how do I do it without collapsing? How do I get the words out?

My boyfriend is being so supportive and it hurts because I might have to break up with him. I'm coming to terms with the fact that I may not ever want sex but I'm too scared to tell him because I know we'll eventually have to end it. So far, he's fine with it but that's because he thinks it'll get better. I don't want him to think I'm just broken because of trauma, this has been an issue before that already. Maybe I'm asexual, maybe I just don't want it. But I'm also terrified of breaking up (aside from how much it'd hurt) because then, if I suddenly crave my abuser I won't have a reason not to call him and apologize for cutting him off and begging him to forgive me GOD I need help.

I can barely bring myself to study for my exams, everything feels like a chore. Even talking to people I love. I'd say "write him a note" but idk if I'd feel courageous enough to even give him that. What if I waste this opportunity and just not talk about it? :(

Hope you've had an alright day

Hello,

The first thing I suggest is to decouple these problems. I think talking to your therapist and your boyfriend can be handled at different times. Talking to a therapist could also help you work through blocks in communicating with your partner. You don't have to do both these things right now, take it in turns.

As this is the first appointment they might ask general questions that include "Were you abused as a kid" and you can say yes without having to give any details. This can circumvent the big disclosure moment, but you shouldn't be forced into trauma work immediately.

Keep in mind that you do not have to talk about the abuse right away. You can share some of what you're struggling with now: not eating well or taking care of all the basic self-care steps. Starting here with the current problems might help. Once you're a little more comfortable with this provider you might have some reduction in the block to talking about the abuse.

Learning some basic coping skills and getting better with your basic needs can be helpful even without the abuse disclosure.

Not sharing about the abuse on the first day isn't a waste of time. You don't only have one appointment and then nothing ever again. Getting there is okay to take a few sessions.

Next your correct about writing down being a good place to start communicating with your therapist. It can be hard but that is likely going to be useful. You can also use your journaling with a little more purpose. Try putting the words fo abuse/csa etc to your experience in writing. Write a few notes just for you. then move towards writing for someone else.

Focous on the very basic things that you need to share. You don't have to put any detail into it if you don't want to. You also do not have to read the note out loud you can just hand it to your therapist.

Talking to yourself out loud saying "I was abused" or similar statements can be a huge moment. Just fully recognizing what happened verbally can help some people be able to say

(more under the cut)

Other externalizing practices can help as you move forward to share what you want, like art, music, story writing, dance, etc. This can help work through things on it's own and find ways to communicate emotions with a provider.

If verbal communication might be easier you can do that to. Some people find little preparation helpful if writing is more difficult for them. Getting up the energy can be hard. Trying to have some time before and after the session to decompress could help, this can be hard with work & school but as much as you can that can help a lot.

Using calming skills to centre yourself can be helpful as well.

Another way to help with feeling able to share might be to think if a friend told you they had been raped at that age how would you have supported them? Hopefully, you can bring up some felt sense of being loved through this hard time.

Another way might be to think what you would tell yourself at the age of the abuse. How would you love them, validate them and give them compassion? This can help a lot to bring comfort to that part of you that is terrified to share. Because you have some degree of centre for yourself.

To be honest you do eventually just have to do it. All of this I hope will help you. But please give yourself time to get more comfortable and don't put so much pressure to do everything right now.

Some advice for sharing your trauma and sexual fears with your partner

Make sure you have a time and space where there are not lots of outside influences. Time when there isn't something that has to be done right away and you can both feel everything without needing to stuff it down for the next thing.

Having drinks and a comfortable place to talk can help a lot. These calm enough spaces can help regulate your nervous systems.

Like with talking to a therapist writing down what you want to say before can work if you like that. Emailing or texting what you want to share is even an option if facing your partner feels to scary. But talking to them face-to-face is still deeply important as the connection between people physically together can be healing.

Please don't start by telling them you think you will have to break up preemptively. If you don't want to break up let your partner share what they need. You just need to tell them you are having a complicated time with sex and sexuality and you might be ace. This can let them decide if sex is enough of something they need that they want to break up.

You don't know if they are considering sex to be something they absolutely expect you to have unless they told you as much. You don't know that they are just waiting for you to get better fast or not. You can't read their mind, let them talk to you about if sex is a thing they must have to be happy or not. I really do think giving them a chance is better for them assuming your difficulty with sex right now is an automatic break-up point for them.

Try and be as neutral as possible, and you only have to share what you want to at this point. It's okay if this is a multiple-time conversation as well. You don't need to break up right this minute.

All that being said, if you want to break up, then you absolutely can. You always have the right to be in relationships you feel safe and loved. It's fine to break up with anyone if you don't feel safe.

It makes sense that you are scared about reaching out to your abuser, but maybe talking to platonic friends and getting some emotional support could help with that.

Also if you like your psychtrist they might help you plan out how to talk to your partner.

Sorry for the length of his reply. But I hope some of it is useful.

Be Blessed,

-Admin 2

#ask #advice #psychatrist mention #talking about abuse #boyfriend mention #trauma #childhood trauma #child abuse #sexual abuse

[csa-survivor-confessions]

?

Ik this a weird question, but does it mean anything I relate a lot to characters who are implied to or explicitly been SA-d?

Ik it doesn’t have to mean anything necessarily… but I wonder…

I wonder too bc I’ve also had my fair share of SA nightmares and idk yk?

I haven’t thought about the possibility of it these past two years, but there was a time where I did.

Idk. I don’t remember at all if smth happened or not. And those occasions I do remember later in life were minor and feels like I’m overreacting…

So what do u think? Just your opinion, I’m you obviously can’t say (with certainty) whether I was or not.

(Thank you btw, for everything)

hello,

if there were "small" occasions of situations of sexual trauma it could be part of the nightmares and/or relating to trauma survivors. Trauma doesn't always look like the most "severe" way you can imagine. Reoccurring events that are sexually violating, non-contact included, can cause trauma responses and nightmares. So these smaller negative sexual situations could stack up on each other and be very upsetting.

Now I can't not say if something else happened. Relating to characters who survived sexual trauma could come from other factors of the character or if you experienced non-sexual trauma you might relate to the character. Relating to a character who experienced sexual violence doesn't mean you did, but can be common to survivors.

Nightmares of sexual violence can come from things like being heavily exposed to stories of sexual assault. Nightmares that are reoccurring and upsetting can be coming from a sleep disturbance condition and/or a psychological situation causing nightmares. So this may be coming from sexual trauma, either the smaller events or a big things you don't remember. So I think complicated things are going on, which is fine and does not mean the pain you are experiencing isn't real.

Please don't try and force yourself to remember things. You are more likely to become more confused, dissociated and otherwise distressed. It can cause confabulated memories.

What you're going through is not uncommon. You can survive, and you can move forward. If possible reaching out to someone to talk to in person could be helpful as you could walk through more in a collaborative way that I sadly can't do.

I'm sorry I can't tell you 100% what is causing which symptoms.

And you're deeply welcome.

I hope this helps,

-Admin 1

#ask #advice #csa #sexual abuse #abuse #childhood trauma

[csa-survivor-confessions]

im literally going to cry. im traveling and i keep getting flashbacks, i cant even have them in peace because i have to share the room with “my sister”. it feels like someone is pressing up against my ass, against my genitalia, like someone is grabbing my chest. why the fuck did my mom ever traffic me, why did she put me in that group? she literally had me raped, tortured, experimented on, and dehumanized. i just want to be home, curled up in bed. i can feel us splitting again (i have c-did, i just usually use i/me). fucking hell. why does this shit have to happen to me? i did NOTHING. i didn’t ask for this, i did my absolute best to be a good child. and im left like this. i wish those csa memories never came back, and those memories of the group in general, i wish i never remembered/lived through those other csa memories happening in the first place. i just. want. to. be. normal. why the fuck did she do this to me? (not a question btw)

.

#confession #csa #sexual abuse #child abuse #trafficking #commercial sexual abuse #abuse #mother mention #sister mention #flashbacks #body memories

[csa-survivor-confessions]

?

Hey so i was molested by a parent growing up, it was on and off and stopped when i was about 14, but i still live with him and the one thing he still does is force me to kiss him on the mouth. I wanted to know if this is “part” of that abuse or if it could be considered abuse in general? Even like emotional or smth. Idk

Hello,

Forcing you to kiss him is sexual abuse, it's not okay to touch people without their free consent. Kissing on the lips also has sexual connotations especially as it is a family member and that makes it sexual abuse.

I think it could definitely be considered part of a wider pattern of abuse.

I hope this helps,

-Admin 1

#ask #is this abuse #molestation #parent mention #incest cw #csa #sexual abuse #abuse

[csa-survivor-confessions]

?

Im not a minor anymore but I dont know where else to ask for this advice. I was in a situation where I gave consent but I then realized it isnt what I wanted. I eventually said a "I dont know" but something the other person said made me uncomfortable and I had no idea if it was playful and serious so I gave in and allowed it to happen. Another time later I was crying and having a bit of a mental breakdown because of the yknow. Sexy times. That I was having but I still went along with it. I mean. I never said yes in the first place either times but I feel like I pratically gave consent anyways even if I didnt say yes. Why do I feel so dirty n horrible after this.

Hello,

What Consent Is:

Informed: Every one must know what they are getting into.

Free: No one can be under any duress or manipulation.

Enthusiastic: Everyone must want to be doing it.

Ongoing: Consent can be revoked at any point.

Situations where consent is not possible :

Children, can not consent to sexual things ever.

Consent in an abusive relationship is not possible

Consent to sexual acts cannot happen between family members 

What Consent is Not:

The lack of a no. If there is not a yes, then it is not consent

Dressing or acting in a sexual manner

If anyone is too afraid or uncomfortable to say no then it is not consent

If any party is too intoxicated to understand or say no

Having said “yes” to a previous sexual encounter

How to Practice Good Consent:

Talk about what you and your partner(s) are comfortable doing before you have sex.

Continuously ask your partner(s) if they are okay with what you are currently doing.

Freely expressing what you do and do not want

Respect of your partner(s) in all ways

[Informational Article: What is Consent]

So, the lack of a "no" is not a "yes". And consent needs to be enthusiastic and ongoing. An "I don't know" is not a "yes". If one party in a sexual situation is saying cruel, threatening or otherwise manipulative, there was no consent.

Sexual abuse very rarely looks like an assault in an ally. Or the victim being violent towards the perpetrator. Both of those situations are completely valid, it's just not the only situation where sexual violence happens.

Giving in, letting happen etc. is not consent. What looks like giving in is often a freeze or fawn trauma response. No one should ever be in a situation where they are crying and afraid to say no during a sexual situation.

You likely feel horrible because you have been though something terrible. You were put into a situation where you likely felt violated, scared, trapped or other very overwhelming emotions. So you might be experiencing trauma responses

Feeling horrible or dirty is sadly very common for people who have been sexually harmed. The way violation changes self-perception as well as the way we were culturally educated about sex can make us feel dirty or have other negative beliefs after abuse. Trauma is well known to alter how we relate to ourselves, our bodies and other people. What you are experiencing is normal for survivors, though also of course deeply hard to deal with.

It does not mean you are dirty or that anything is your fault, but it is incredibly common. You have done nothing wrong. I am so sorry you have gone through this, but you are not alone.

Be Blessed,

-Admin 2

#ask #is this abuse #sexual abuse #abuse #psychological abuse #rape cw #information

[csa-survivor-confessions]

?

hi, i want to know if im really overreacting or not.. i was sexually assaulted by my dad when i was nine, and my mom just watched. i always knew that my mom didn't like me because she treats my brother way differently than she does me, but it just hurts really bad because why do you hate me so much that you watched me get assaulted by my own father, YOUR husband, and didnt do anything?? and you expect me to treat you with respect when you treat me like you wish i was dead???? and this has happened with my grandfather too, he made a perverted comment about me when i was around the age of seven or eight, and my mom and dad just sat there and stared at me. it makes me feel like im being dramatic for being upset with the way she just ignored and didnt acknowledge it, or even protect me.

Hello,

This is a type of abuse & neglect. It can be called betrayal trauma, people, like your mom, saw you being abused and did nothing. That is wrong and shows you that you were never protected the way children should be by your parents. It's a level of trauma on top of the direct abuse done by other people.

Voyeurism if she watched the assault directly can also be child sexual abuse in and of itself. Having someone watch you be assaulted is a kind of betrayal and abuse that would definitely be horrible. Any reaction you have to it is valid and fine.

It's perfectly understandable to feel confused but I promise you are having trauma responses. Your parents violated you horribly and failed to protect you, including from themselves.

I am so sorry you deserved to be treated with respect and love from your family. But you can find a family that will treat you with love if that is something you need.

I hope this helps,

-Admin 1

#ask #is this abuse #abuse #csa #sexual abuse #child abuse #incest cw #father mention #mother mentoion #grandfather mention #sexual assault

[csa-survivor-confessions]

(?)

my therapist keeps making me feel invalid and that what I went through wasn't actually SA. when I was a child an adult in my life would do things like grope me, fondle me, and kiss me on the mouth and neck. there was one time I woke up nude from the waist down and I saw him in the doorway smiling/smirking. I was so young and felt so much anxiety from this yet she tried to insinuate that I only perceived it wrong. that he didn't mean any harm to look at me that way. I don't know what to do or what to believe anymore all I want is some clarity. I don't know what's more painful, that this person in my life had bad intentions or that i'm just crazy and making this all up or perceiving it wrong. I think its also important to mention my abuser also hurt me emotionally and physically, they struggled with a complete lack of empathy. he enjoyed making me uncomfortable and frustrated

Hello,

Therapists can be insensitive and hurtful and I'm sorry that is the situation you are in.

 I don't think you perceived all of this wrong if he had a history of sexual abuse already believing he is being inappropriate makes sense. Groping, fondling, and kissing on the mouth and neck are all sexual abuse. You were a minor, you could not consent to any of that. It is abuse. Abusing someone emotionally and physically is also wrong, and no sexual touch can be healthy in that situation even if you were an adult.

I can not tell you what happened around the incident with your clothes off. However, I don't think being upset by the situation is something totally unfounded. Looking at you naked is wrong and sexually abusive too. Whatever the look he gave meant you when your pants were down, it is still wrong considering he shouldn't be looking at you naked no matter what his expression was. I can't tell you what else happened, but I think your fear and hurt are founded in your experiences. 

Your therapist should not be trying to tell you how you felt then and now. She could have a lot of reasons for invalidating you. She might believe only certain acts are truly sexual abuse and doesn’t think your experiences crosses this line. She might believe CSA is more rare than it is. She might have been in similar situations and doesn't want to accept something wrong happened. And many other reasons.

Your therapist knows just as much as you about what this person was thinking or his intentions with you. She can not push you to dig up memories or tell you she knows what happens while supporting you. Holding your story and pain is something that is helpful even if neither of you knows what exactly happened. It’s important to let people process complicated emotions and body memories over time. 

If possible you might be able to change therapists to someone who will help you with your emotions instead of flat out invalidating because of the narrative memory gap. Again knowing exactly what happened doesn’t mean you were wrong about his expression or that you can’t heal with this memory gap.

I hope this helps,

-Admin 2

#ask #advice #therapist mention #sexual abuse #abuse #molestation #rape cw #csa #childhood trauma #trauma