cybernetixxx

[cybernetixxx]

Ok, so turns out the egirl is pretty indeed but she has a strange personality. Idk how to explain but she's kinda off-putting to me so I guess we won't be friends :(

How do I tell the cute egirl at my work that I like her style?

[cybernetixxx]

[cybernetixxx]

✩‧₊˚ *✧ 𝔠𝔶𝔟𝔢𝔯𝔡𝔬𝔩𝔩𝔰･ﾟ:*

[cybernetixxx]

[cybernetixxx]

I don't get why an army of girls is still so charmed about my ex. He has nothing to offer except being a dick, even though he's trying to manipulate people to think he's all nice and cute. Go through his social media where he's posting about punching people he doesn't agree with and hating women, ask the people who know him why they don't hang out with him. The red flag is pretty obvious. Be smarter, Jesus. You're blowing up his ego, make him die believing he's a prince charming, while he doesn't deserve shit and you're going to get hurt. On the one hand I feel you deserve it if you let him believe he's unpunishable and will easily get what he wants but on the other I know he's a manipulative bitch so I feel sorry for those fools.

#my first ex though #vent

[cybernetixxx]

BIOHAZARD SCENERY 12 / ?? resident evil 7 : biohazard, 2017.

[cybernetixxx]

[cybernetixxx]

[cybernetixxx]

I wish there was an option to get a certificate from a speech therapist that I speak quietly and I really CAN'T hear this is not the right tone as for me it sounds ok, so I could throw it in people's faces when they're being mean about it. Unfortunately it seems that nothing like this exists.

#vent

[cybernetixxx]

Sad boys but they make a song with $uicideboy$ and call it Depression

[cybernetixxx]

[cybernetixxx]

strangers love asking me for directions and info about public transport. I guess my complete general cluenessness isn't apparent enough

[cybernetixxx]

That's how I feel my whole life

because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

#life is a test

[cybernetixxx]

[cybernetixxx]

Alert everyone!

Alert everyone!

She is possessed by God!

She's speaking languages

She's losing senses

She talks to him all day and night.

She warns us to obey her demon

Or otherwise we'll suffer lots

She pierces people's heads like needle

One's brain poisoned with threats then rots

The exorcists throws up his hands

Says: "only way we can survive

Is to not believe her lies"

Then stabs his fearful heart with knife

Oh the world doomed like us all

Now she's knocking to your door

Will your courage be enough

To face all of her witchcraft?

#lyric #poem

[cybernetixxx]

SILENT HILL 3 (2003)

[cybernetixxx]

Afterlife

A kiedy przychodzi śmierć

Wydaje się tak naturalna jak przepaść

I każą ci uważać by samemu do niej nie wpaść

Świat płacze

Mówi, że to grzech

Że przed kosiarzem wszystkim trzeba nam uciekać

Straszniejszy od śmierci jest lęk

By cię od niego uwolniła już nie możesz się doczekać

Gdy zwłoki zimne jak lód

Odkrywane kojącą ziemnską są pierzyną

Ty patrzysz za nimi w dół

Doświadczasz czas, który dla niego już upłynął

Postawcie mi na grobie krzew

Jeśli wierzycie, że coś czeka nas po śmierci

Spłynie do ziemi moja krew

By go napoić i zatoczyć krąg energii

#śmierć #wiersz #liryka #afterlife