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The mossmice welcome the bee queen

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I hate work I should be at the (remembers I don't want to go to the club) the imagination

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actually there were 0 time travellers on the Titanic, because the time cops have an entire outpost to safeguard that one particular point in history. every rookie spends a least a month on Titanic duty and they all complain bitterly about it since it is, essentially, the time travel equivalent of being the guard who has to stop tourists from licking the Liberty Bell.

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I don't know what paddington is doing on that list, but it made me think of the time someone drew a picture of the queen with paddington after she died, and we had scores of people losing their minds at the idea that paddington bear wasn't the same kind of communist as them

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Yes I am worried about Kerry at the moment. Her behaviour’s completely off the rails, at present. Frankly, she’s behaving like the antichrist.

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Alex: Kara? What's wrong? You look like you're about to cry.

Kara: No, nothing. It's just... something that happened with Lena.

Alex: What did she do? Is she evil after all? Did she cheat on you? Do I need to kill her??

Kara: *sniffling* She just- she-

Alex: Woah, hey it's okay. Take a breath, then tell me what happened.

Kara: We were baking a cake for when Ruby and Sam come to visit. Everything was going great, we were having so much fun, and then I turned round and saw it...

Alex: You saw WHAT Kara???

Kara: The bowl! In the sink! Full of water!

Kara: I'd maybe have understood if she'd scraped it out herself rather than sharing it with me, but she didn't even eat it! She just... washed it up.

Kara: All that lovely cake batter, washed away down the drain like it was nothing. I'm not sure I can ever see her quite the same way after this.

Alex:

Alex: ...you eat the raw cake mix?

Kara: *clutching her heart dramatically* ET TU BRUTE?!

#like my darling wife lena would always save kara the cake bowl after that

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idk how to flirt but i can make things awkward if you're into that

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Kara: Telling someone you love them is such a wonderful part of human connection. Like, your friend saves the last doughnut for you so you say 'I love you', or your sister cracks up at her own dorky pun and it makes you laugh so you say 'I love you'. I just think the world would be a better place if we were all open enough to say 'I love you' a little more often. Alex: ... So that's why you blurted out 'I love you' to Lena in the middle of Game Night? Kara: Exactly! Alex: Sure, totally makes sense. Alex: ... Now explain why she stuck her tongue down your throat straight after. Kara: Kara: Kara: Sticking your tongue down someone's throat is such a wonderful part of human con- Alex: BYE.

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They're young... They're in love... They eat LARD

British Lard Marketing Board

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How To Tell If You Are In A Jane Austen Book

found on the-toast.net

• Someone disagreeable is trying to persuade you to take a trip to Bath.

• Your father is absolutely terrible with money. No one has ever told him this.

• All of your dresses look like nightgowns.

• Someone disagreeable tries to persuade you to join a game of cards.

• A woman who hates you is playing the pianoforte.

• A picnic has gone horribly wrong.

• A member of the armed forces has revealed himself to be morally deficient.

• You once took a walk with a cad.

• Everyone in the neighborhood, including your mother, has ranked you and your sisters in order of hotness. You know exactly where you fall on the list.

• You say something arch yet generous about another woman both younger and richer than you.

• You have one friend; he is thirty years old and does business with your father and you are going to marry him someday.

• You attempt to befriend someone slightly above or slightly below your social station and are soundly punished for it.

• A girl you have only just met tells you a secret, and you despise her for it.

• You have five hundred a year. From who? Five hundred what? No one knows. No one cares. You have it. It’s yours. Every year. All five hundred of it.

• There are three men in your life: one true love, one tempting but rakish acquaintance, and a third distant possibility — he is courteous and attentive but only slightly interested in you. He is almost certainly the cousin or good friend of your true love, and nothing will ever happen between you two.

• A woman who is not your mother treats you like her own daughter. Your actual mother is dead or ridiculous.

• You develop a resentment at a public dance.

• Someone you know has fallen ill. Not melodramatically ill, just interestingly so.

• A man proposes to you, then to another, lesser woman when you politely spurn him. This delights you to no end.

• A charming man attempts to flirt with you. This is terrible.

• You have become exceedingly ashamed of what your conduct has been.

• A shocking marriage of convenience takes place within your social circle two-thirds of the way in.

• A woman in an absurd hat is being an absolute bitch to you; there is nothing you can do about it.

• You are in a garden, and you are astonished.

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Here's some Mammuthus primigenius reconstructions to start your day. Fossil evidence shows that good parents would knit festive scarves to keep their babies warm while their thick fur was growing in.

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me: *sobbing in the woods*

The eldritch horror that’s been watching me from behind a tree: ….Red Lobster’s hiring.

me: *turns around* oh shit fr?