daffodylli

[daffodylli]

you deserve her, friend

can't believe it's about to be 2020 and zendaya isn't my girlfriend yet .... im vexxed

[daffodylli]

I'm gonna fucking lose it

my band teacher's texts are so dry

like he is technically legally blind but he DOESNT HAVE TO DO THIS SHIT TO ME

[daffodylli]

serial killers on the parcast network

pretty much anything from that network, tbh

anyone know any educational podcasts where the people talking arent annoying as hell. Keep trying to listen to last podcast on the left to go to sleep but their booming voices wake me up

[daffodylli]

can we get a pride flag for that rat that jumped into a whataburger fryer

[daffodylli]

h&r block: yes sir what do you need today

me: I would like to hire a financial advisor because I've got better things to do that file taxes

h&r block: ooh, going on vacation?

me: no, simple tax evasion

#tax evasion #h&r block #meme #haha funNY #i dont do tax evasion only murder #sorry guys for the lies

[daffodylli]

overalls were invented in order to prevent wayward manlets from pulling hard working miners pants down and sucking them off during work hours

[daffodylli]

Studio Gibby

Gibby from iCarly bought out Studio Ghibli and renamed it to Studio Gibby.

His security team came to people’s houses and seized everyone’s copies of each Ghibly film and replaced them with the same films except all of the new films included Gibby superimposed into them, acting alongside them in real life but everything else was still animated.

If you hid the original films, it was considered a war crime.

[daffodylli]

got our prenups going from

sign to sign,

sign, sign, sign sign

divorce? aw man so we back in the court

[daffodylli]

shout out to the older woman in the snack aisle at walmart who just answered her phone and snapped “i’m in an important meeting, what do you want?”

[daffodylli]

nothing makes me happier than a pile of ce-cheesed mac

[daffodylli]

drop it!!!! drop....... it ........

Her Grip

[daffodylli]

im just looking for someone who's head i can crush between my thighs :^)

[daffodylli]

james kirk

I was at a gay bar and I saw a woman who looked like my best friend (who I have feelings for) and so I walked up to her but then I realized that she wasn’t my friend but I decided to talk to her anyway since I’d already gone up to her, and I told her that I was “like James Kirk”, which is weird because I’m not and I’ve only watched a couple of Star Trek episodes. We were walking down the beach and I suddenly realized that I was high, like EXTREMELY high, and I started laughing. “I’m high,” I said, and then she got pissed and said something about how I was straight and lead her on, because gay people don’t smoke weed, and then I was like, “No, you idiot, I said I was like James Kirk, what kind of straight girl says that??” and then she was all, “Oh yeah, well, do you wanna date?” And I said, “No, sorry, you look too much like the person I am in love with so that would be weird,” and then I woke up.

[daffodylli]

AHHHHHH

[daffodylli]

I AM ABSOLUTELY LOSING MY MIND AFTER READING THIS PLEASE READ IT

[daffodylli]

tbh whenever tulio was on the screen i got a hard pp

[daffodylli]