darkdreamtheorist
Dahs’ Nightower
Realm of seclusion, forseer of realms unexplored, peered through nigh terrors. House of the Dark Dream Theorist, scrive of plagued visions
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This would be a nice concept for a funny animal story: a goat walks the farm on its back legs working like their master when they’re out of town on chores or sundries, but fail every chance due to their stubbornness and pride of being close to said farmer makes him ready to hold the load on his own when his barnyard animal friends want to help him as well. Maybe as a joke, but I don’t mind making up a tale of this.
I had this made by John Fountain on X/Twitter, designing an anthro version of Jeb, grouchy goat from Home on The Range, as a farmhand.
Some point in Joan’s life, her, Gene, and Matt, visit Patch of Heaven to see how were things w Farmer Jeb after Pearl Gesner bit it to her own patch on Heaven.
Even tho Calloway acted as leader for the farm, Farm wasn’t doing well, and with Jeb insisiting he work his friends ragged, they could use their help to get his senses in order. Joan & Gene growled at the ol’bill, her analyzing this abuse in the barnyard. “You may wear the overalls and red jimjams here, Jebediah Williams, but you can’t make a factory from of yer barnyard pals. You may be older than most of these folks, but that don’t make you wise,makes you a wiseass! If there’s something gnawing under your beard that’s makin’ you push them away, you can tell’em; they’re grieving Mrs. Gesner’s loss as much as you. You know that, right?”
In truth, he did miss Pearl much as they do, but didn’t want to feel soft, had to act tough and worked his hooves off to hide his pain when he raised his post as farmhand with Mrs. Calloway.
Jeb will ask for their help next time he’s playing farmhand, and let the new hire Emily assist when his back acts out, right after she gets the prickles off her paws. Jack and Buck tried giving her a home sickness remedy, finding things that reminded her of Santa Monica, CA (used to be a valley girl in her Arcean life). “I was pleased with the geyser as a hot tub in the desert, rolling my paws on cacti like they were massage rollers, big nuh-uh! Got most of those pins outta my hands, but my feet are another story. Owwuu!”. Wooper and Gene pull prickles off Emily’s feet with the chicks n pigs, but her howling got louder with every pull, til then Matt’s Smoochum’s Demon Kiss numbed her down til Quagsire’s Wake-Up Slap could get her up prickle free!
(See, Emily did come to Mrs. Calloway years ago when she and her drunkard Mightyena dad Mike stumbled into the old west via Hoopa’s portals.
They were victims of lycanthropy after he fiddled around with what he thought was a plain ol’ wolfette, but in fact was a shewolf. During on of those full moon seasons, she bit one of his shoulders and became a Mightyena dogman overnight, drowning his shame and sorrow in any brandy he snatched from homes to homes.
Calloway and Grace welcomed them to POH, but Mike’s drinking annoyed the cows, asking he learn to sober up til he could see his daughter once she’s been made “a proper shewolf”, having spent most their lives in the wild for decades even after their werewolfing. Months pass and Emily was like Calloway, proper and a bit modest, dressing in full gowns or blouses that cover her entire body and gloves, an old N’Gaian tradition to discern Narnians from Barbans from the early years.
While she did pick up Calloway’s “Colonial English” speech, her Cali accent does slip in at extreme emotional moments, like reuniting with her Tepig pal Tempa, fully grown to Emboar. She’s glad to cut loose and naked upon returning home to Arcea, but kept the modest clothes to remind her of Calloway and POH.)
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Terrible Game Idea:
A Fighting game where each character plays like a different genre
ex fighters:
Rhythm gymnast (DDR) hits to the beat of rival’s theme, stay to the beat for higher damage rate.
RPG Knight (Dragon Quest) uses menu bar for attacks, defense and tech hits, fill a Limit bar for Combos and Final Moves
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Matt reveals a secret to Roberta (via perchance Mini Scenario Generator)
Caitlin invites Roberta to a sleepover at her Alberta villa with the rest of her Slumber Posse, with Matt as their bouncer throwing any wildlife or riffraff comin’ to crash their party. Robbie hopes her Gargoyle side doesn’t show shud the sun mark he painted on her back gets smudged.
While Cait’s Crew partook in Freaky Stories and shlock movies for the long night, Roberta looks for Matt to reapply the sun mark. She lookd for him in the bathroom doing his business, but sees the tang coyote had snuck off to the kitchen, chugging a whole carton of milk from the fridge. The long-footed Blue-Grey Pinscher jumped on Matt, tweaking him to spit out the 1/4 pint in his muzzle back to the carton. He closed the lid and zipped the carton back in the fridge as he lied flat in defeat, his ears drooped down, pouted in shame as Robbie stone glares him. When he was free, Matt dropped on fours, bashful, facing away from Berta’s glare when she inquired of his midnite snack.
“😠Think you can save a few pints for the sleepover Facials!? 😓 And maybe a fresh Sun glyph on my back? We don’t want Cait and her clique to live out a B-Movie when my stony self kicks in!”
“Uh, sorry.” Matt apologized, but couldn’t stop musing over the drops that touched his tongue in silence as he applied the mark with his kekaishi paints on Roberta’s shoulder. “🤤Minnesota. Fine grown feed. Age 15.”
Robbie darted to Matt, whisping her query while still inking a fresh mark. “😑 Oh great, just wut I need, a milk sommolier. As if you got all that from the swill you just spat back into the jug. 🤔Although, I heard one of Cait’s guests gossip about a milkmaid by the shed. Guess that’s how this estate gets fresh dairy w/o going to a Winn-Dixie. btw, how did you know she was some Fargo Teen? You’d have to be close and personal to their udder and not get kicked back before milking.”
Embarrassed, Matt leared over her ear to share his secret cow whispering prowess, covering with his front paw so the sleepover guests don’t read him four steps away from the main hall.
“😖I always drank straight from the source. 😓For 6 years I’ve tasted and milked every maid that ever lived & come across for a taste of the good stuff, tho I did have to do them favors before they let me squeeze their udders!”
“😰You had milk from every cow in N’Gaia?”
“😞And other cloppy toed ladies. Yaks, Llamas, Moosies, even Goat’s milk. Bit sour goin’ in and out.”
“Do you crawl under their udders and pull them down ur gap when they’re asleep if they didn’t let you?”
“Naw, dat wud b Bad Boi Ed. A Good Boi asks if they need help with chores round their house or run errands. The Deed’s done, and they spritz me a cup or get on all fours n I squeeze a bucket full out back or in a private stable…or down the hatch, like u said. They don’t like it, but forgive me they do, big ol puppy dog Matt here.” Just as the inquiry finished, so was Matt’s seal for Robbie’s grotesque change, and she was ready to come back for the makeover part of Cait’s party.
“Yeah, you’re older and taller than any dog I’ve met, mixed or purebred. And, btw, Caitlin’s Slumber Posse ain’t gonna like a frickin’ kai-oat (coyote) raiding her kitchen of her guests’ snacks and DIY facial mask ingredients.”
“I’m housebroken, and don’t tell her, please! I didn’t spill ur rocky heritage to her or her would-be pals, and I don’t want them thinkin’ I’m some dairy vampire about to suck the Milkmaid dry.”
“Long as Spin the Bottle or Truth or Dare aren’t on the list, we’re In for now.” “Dewclaw swear it?”
“😨😞*sigh* 😒yeah, I Dewclaw swear.” ☺️ Robbie & Matt return to the Middle room where Cait and pals are finishing the movie-thon, none wiser of the kicthen incident.
#Joan’s Parck#oc#headcanon#fanon#truth or dare#doggoyle#secret shame#addiction#18+#nsfk#cw/tw#6teen caitlin
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🤬 MY LIFE’S NOT UR BZNZ K!?
Dmn u Critt’rs, all of ya! I n my sibs got beef with detractors like u online and in life who think they’re better than I or my fam n Im bloody sick of it! So wut if I look like Tigger & Chester Cheetah’s mistake, or Pyuma’s too much of a kitty cat or looks like her Hyena BF, and don’t get me started on Megara’s attentive ass or Rhonda soundin’ like Luan Loud n wud b bttr off a clown like her uncle n not a business predator! WE KNOW U MORE THAN WE DO wit the same SoMeds as U LOT n we can FIRE BACK with 1 POST! N dat dont give u a right to spam our PFPs or likes on things u wudnt giv 1 GDdmn iota or 2 if u lookd it up on the Google.
Oh, and About my body, a-holes, THAT’S HOW I WAS BORN:
A stray puss havn her way with my Siberian pop cuz she liked his asinine comedy routines and would do it to the Discovery Channel at a Motel 6!
Also also, dooch-turdz, whn ur human masters wr still around, Groucho/dad needed to Walk Wild to get their attention since my Mystery Mom was expecting me! Sad he got tranqd for that, but thnk those Ohioan vets for birthin me round the 80s, n Im sure they know whr n whn but I don’ care 2 ask, that origin was 😳. Speaking of dat pssy btw, soon I came to N’gaia, she was MIA 5 months of my life! 5. MONTHS! she missd my awkward transition from common housecat to big jungle cat! My stripes were showin at 2 cat years (maybe 12 humy years) n i got to b the gangliest TIGGER of my school n my habitat! My paws swelled up, I reached the roof of my clubhouse, and had barely any meat on my bones. lucky I wuznt lactose-intolerant for all the 5 gallons of milk a day or i’d snap n fall. Lucky I also learned many deadly fight moves with my aunt Jane, a mirror image of myself in evry way, cept she’s MOBIAN n her paws r normal size n DEADLY, like me if u don’t SIT DOWN N SHUT UP if u keep spamming these hatr comments on our pages, or it’s Krav Maga time for the lotta ya, GOT IT!?
😡…😌 good
I’m glad we had this little chat about hate speech. CU NXT TIME!
—JT, Benton-Night Intern
Big Appleton, NY
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✨ Please reblog the polls to make them reach out to as many people as possible, but KEEP IT SPOILER-FREE to make people listen to the music with an open mind 💖 Artists and titles will be revealed after the poll's conclusion ✨
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Dahs’ Nightower turned 3 today!
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Frequent rental stop was Video Ave. we had to get one movie or game to watch/play for 5 days wh also getting popcorn n snacks. closed down, in its place was auto insurance or sumsht
Made this poll because I miss Champagne Video, my favorite video rental place. Your loss would be easier to bear if you hadn't been replaced with a waxing parlor.
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from the Dark Dream Archives, Aug-27-2020:
Alicia's home, by the foyer, yard has a wide paved path. Foyer floor lifts, Horse with huge shipping cube races down. Path goes down, now it's a mountain. Horse gains way, I dodge. Her home hasn't much furniture or décor. Came in to garage, saw the horse, black w/white diamonds on legs and white star on forehead covered by postal hat. Takes clipboard w/ postal invoice in mouth from saddle. Signed with my initials & star glyph. Don't even know what I or Alicia got on a box bigger than either us. As I opened it, flash! Dunno if it's mower or gardening shed
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Thank you to everyone who got me to 100 likes!
ROLF IS PLEASED!
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Yea, its small map scrolls u wear on your wrist to navigate treacherous paths, a proto GPS
Like this wud be dwarven craft when wayward adventurers cant b bothered to carry huge maps in their inventory
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Memo to ALL Tumblr users:
I M NOT—REPEAT NOT!!!!—A S69X M4Ch1n3 page!!!!
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Sling Set 7, June 20X6
Claire de Flume
Our summer trip for all the zoomates in Central Park Zoo to Hori-Zones indoor water park hit a flat in the bus dept, all the tires!
The weatherwoman Absol almost Wilded out undressing herself in the news station when her forecast called for extreme heat, 115°F!
Every furry critter got popcorned with their fur fuzzed and stewing in their sweat, and the arctic ones were stocking ice as if the World was melting! Even the reptiles panicked cuz of all that sun and multiple moltings!
WE NEEDED OUR POOLTIME!
😮💡
Wait…Didn’t Gene n I use that outdoor tub on the Stuyvesant girl when some imp possessed her & her can gal Tina? filled it with enough salt n sand to make a beach n lure a rabid raccoon w/ a naked mongoose cashier lady, demon b gone! Tonia’s got plenty water fun stuff for the dogs she trains at her obedience classes, and that slide her dad gave her for the playground cud b an attraction at the zoo, plus maybe the Arises could spare a few giant ice blocks for our makeshift ACs in holed-out coolers from the frisbee dudes visiting from Brooklyn! We still owe that mongoose 4 the striptease bait, we’ll offer a go at our exclusive Park Zoo waterpark rides no charge? If Alice lets us, that is. She was happy to oblige mostly cuz her makeup wuz running, and some inhabitants were willing to make their spaces into attractions and pools with some summer gear of their own!
Then it’s settled: one Gimungo Water Park at CPZ for the whole damn summer, all residents n tourists looking for cool welcome!
2 weeks time, the grand opening of Central Air Water Park Zoo was in full swing! It wasnt Hori-Zones, but we pulled off wut we could with the junk from neighbors’ garages and the shed. Got the firefighters and mayor in on the action, securing permits to connect hoses to the hydrants and into the zoo’s main water system. And we made sure to direct those hottest of dogs to the chillest parts of the zoo, mainly the Polar Bear & Penguin habitats, but we added saunas in the desert and rainforest habitats for the tanners and steamers. Shame we had to charge $10 or $20 on All day passes for our guests, but 2-4 single scoop cones from a malt shoppe per guest/group wud b enough charity to pay for new bus tires after tarring on the blacktop!
While ringtail Gene ran the cashbox by the main gate, Matt & I played lifeguards with his dog cop buddies, thanks of officer Francine Doberman’s training, when she busted some fairground robbers at Coney Island last summer. Wigless, too: she didn’t want her hairpiece ruined by all that chlorine. And had to keep the gulpin poking out her bellybutton, Gulliver, from drinking “stew water” or it digested some unpleasing meat. I was keeping a sharp eye on Fenneko. My coworker was in heat looking to hook up “swim buddies” , like the two bros with their frisbee matches. I needed to make sure she didn’t try tasting their beef when she’s steaming!
Two hours into the Big Summer Chill-a-Thon, I seem to have lost one ringtail cat. Last I heard, Gene left the admission box to a Guagsire that also sold ice cream for the young guests. This one hippo lady, far too young to be in her golden years, haggled an orange sherbet cream pop as an entry fee for $15. The slimy blue newt took the twofer, but didn’t suck in the refreshing relief in its mouth just yet, rather it smeared it on its steaming forehead before biting into it! Not enough dough or a favor from this grueling heat, she made a bargain on that fee!
No wait, that’s Greta Dee, the sweet-loving elderly woman down in Hell’s Kitchen! Moved to New York from London five months back, set up her family’s candy store, Dee’s Luscious Sweet Shoppe, in the most rotten part of the Big Apple! Can’t b safe for any kid or adult geting their goodies and not b unalived by a crook!
I heard thru the grapvine that delectable granny was a witch of sorts with her assorted candies, not only did she smooth out her wrinkles & fat to a fetching pear shape, the sweets in her shoppe seem irresistable to not buy. That or, like in Hansel & Gretel, she was luring unwiting victims to make her goodies with animal sacrifices or sum sh!t
I’m in no mood for urban legends out of fairytales, not like I had enough urban fantasy adventures in my life without the ringtail going off on his A-side story. I got a needless b-plot as temporary lifeguard saving some unwiting college broskis from getting STDs from my horny-ass coworker. With her tiny size, she’ll play Lost Preschooler and get those meatheads on the arctic river floe by the Polar Bears virtual glacier!
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Lady in Whiskers & Slippers (Updated 11-19-23)
(Sling Set, 19. October)
Back in Cinci-Oh, I struggled to earn small wages doing odd jobs in my awkward teen years. At Human age 13, my limbs shot up like bamboo n my paws were whopee cusions, yet Im still kitten sized compared to Big Rhonda n Aunt Jane (Circene screwd my mom's genetics more than dad screwed her in the motel 6 pool that birthed me! srry TMI).
Two of my best gigs boiled to babysitting and the Cactus Joan Revue at Cincinnati Zoo.
Sure I liked pouncing thru loops made by my preternatural tail Slink n wranglin livestock by the petting zone in Aunt Jane's Cowgirl dress from her Paris,Texas Runway last spring when she toured w/Coco Banana, the sitting jobs fared better cuz I met some critters as odd as I am, like that pygmy hippo boss baby Benny and his growth formula down by Wall Street, or that shadeling Taz Devil Vincent from Brisbane, Australia. But my recent sitting gig had some skeletons I hadnt noticed til then, n it all came to my sitee Last July.
I took care of a literal cat lady and her litter of 35 for 3 wks in her rustic Rhode Island shack. Her name was Julie Phyllis. 30yrs ago, she was a former resi of Spooner Street with a handful of cats, plus a large tabby w/black stripes she calls Mistress Bengal acting as security for the few dogs that dare cross her sidewalk n lawn. Lately some rowdy kids spouted off tall tales of her becoming a cat herself or that Bengal would take her place if she wasn't fed well enough. Wutever the case, she had gradually gone from Crazy Ol Cat Lady to Crazy Ol Cat IRL 'round Halloween time. They hadnt figured what caused her transfur, say for some strange glowing plants by her yard. Her cats musta rubbed on the leaves which carried bits of Circene spores in'em, then she rubbed her face n hands on their fur, turning her to this light orange Tabby I saw my first week of Nana-sitting, or maybe Ms. Bengal had been Mobilized n took Phyllis' place. Like any bothersome pets in the suburbs, her neighbors had shooed them far out of town, living their next nine lives in that shack.
Few things to know bout my time w/Ms. Phyllis 2/3 weeks in:
1-Her signature clothes were a periwinkle bathrobe,small round glasses, n peach slippers in stockings. But as a Barban spinster housecat who could shift from anthro to feral at random, she rips her pantyhose clawing n stretching her toes apart when going full cat. Otherwise she's naked in both her Mobile and Wild stance sans a grey-blue collar on her neck with a tag reading "Bagel" whn goin out,wearin it as if she was that same cat that passed not too long ago. And I no shame luv it!
2-Her cats see her as Queen of the Litterbox given her girth from eating too much Meow Mix n cream, but I see a deluded fat-ass pussy, which is no different than other cats, playin round the scratch post, lappin that saucer of cream n tuna.
3-Litterbox stank n dander everywhere was unbearable
4-A pantry stocked full'o'tuna cans, milk & cream yet she forgets to feed them while gourging on the rations herself, chowing so much Meow mix like Trail Mix n guzzling gallons upon gallons of milk!
All that said, she wasnt a bad client, forgetful n piggy yes, but not awful, n still tho...I cudnt help but shake that we were kindred in some way, dark stripes n glasses aside. Few times we went Out to walk, Julie hung with her Golden Girls by a small pet friendly café, sharing gossip from the pets on Spooner street n out of state, comparing pills n claw lengths, wooing would-be mates at the Petsmart n VFW home. She was almost like family to me, rekindling our bonds after we havnt seen one another for a long time.
Near the end of week 2, I saw some frames of Phyllis with her 'tiger cat' Ms. Bengal almost one n the same at this point, even wearin the confounded collar with the wrong name Bagel. Another frame of that cat corners my eye, with a Persian and Siamese by her side, but she wore an enchanting Viper Green collar. Funny how they look a bit like my aunt n uncle on my mom's side, Muffin & Finch. Dad told me they had another tabby as a friend by name of Bagel, looking way too same-ish as Julie on that big orange Snick couch there by the TV set with all the other cats huddled over for daytime soaps or Price is Right like my inlaws did at the adoption center–
⚡️👓⚡️😳 Oh my...I blocked that thought out as a cub some point, not giving 2¢ about it, but it factors into my lineage with Ma when she left our lives. I was too bashful to blurt out my discovery in front of her cats lest they attack their False Queen in shock. Tho given her short-term memory loss, she wudnt hav known herself much post-TF. Was she Ms. Bengal or Julie Phyllis? TBC
#Joan’s Parck#blog#journal#housesitting#cat sitting#crazy old cat lady#cat tf#KND fanon#shadow monster#taz#lost family members#forgotten memories#family mystery
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Cosmology of N’gaea, or What if Humans were the Virus?:
After Covid-19 eradicated all human life*, animals roamed Earth wild and free. #HumansAreTheVirus.
Suddenly a new mutation fell from the night-lit sky in the form of Circene, radiant green spores found in many grasslands and shrooms that latched onto the beasts from within thru lapping, brushing or grazing, physically altering their forms and altering their minds; they stood on their hind legs, produced human speech, gained intelligence. Some species have fully evolved to a human-like status with some of their features and now live like their former masters.
Three new class systems arose from these changes, namedso for the creatures of various literary figures containing animals in them andof how much Circene came into their systems: The Talkative Narnians from CS Lewis, the Housebroken Barbans of Brunhoff, and the Uplifted Mobians, namsake of the world which a speedy blue hedgehog hails.
However, another mutation branched out from the green spores. As Circene came from the nightshades bearing its name and in puffstool shrooms, a second type, Moly, sprouted about as did the Snowdrop flowers bearing the very same medicine Odysseus used to cure his crew and others from Circene’s curse. When taken in high doses, Moly would siphon any amount of Circene in an animals’ body and permanently erase their newfound lifestyle w/o taking cautionary measures. This dichotomy granted each species a choice to cross between the three classes.
Fun facts about N’Gaea:
- Civil licenses grant Narnians a freedom of transition via id collar or chip, allowing for certain privileges like finding jobs, affordable housing, and can choose whether or not to wear clothing in public,permitting they wear the collar, while Barbans can freely swap between feral & anthro forms by just how much clothing they wear (Zuzel the Fox). It does get awkward in changing rooms when you think a wild boar raided JC Penney in their birthday suit
- Adoption services grant similar privileges as a Civil license to both Barbans and Narnians while under supervision by a foster guardian, usually domestic animals, but don’t be too shocked if a bear lives in the same home as a nuclear family of deer adopted or as an in-law
- Certain diets had to be controlled, as predation upon any prey is illegal unless they were Narnian, or under a business like Herd Thinners or Dewclaw’s Fine Meats. You have to maintain some degree of natural order when they’re your boss, employee, or your mother.
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