darkobssessions

[darkobssessions]

[darkobssessions]

“I wait and ache.”

Sylvia Plath, The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath

[darkobssessions]

April 10th, 2024

I want to live in the land of forever sea and warmth. Love spilling from our lips, joy our daily bread

I want the warmth and the sweat to mix with the happy tears that we finally landed there, you and I

I want this dream to be reality and the limbo and the turmoil a distant nightmare, such that I wonder if it was real

Laughing and loving, relishing every day, having completely upended the hand we were dealt

Cards all over the sand, dreams on full display, bring it on world, we are here to stay

Every dream and delicious bite, you sweet to me, your skin salty; I know because I taste it often

Dig in, this feast for two, with so much leftover we are feeding the world

These hands are busy, paddling, refining recipes, tracing new memories on our skin

Chasing me down the beach threatening one more love slap- please, please catch me, I run fast but I stumble on purpose

I am full of love and life, and we are there and it is not just that, to the exclusion of the whole rest of the world

We have found our niche, we are living in real time, beating with the universal heart

Making medicine, music, art. Food to feed the people. We are healing and happening and we are preparing

A tribe is coming through. We have each other and we have got every solid connection

The trades, the trees, the people, the means. We have it all

This do over is so sweet, so just. This legacy has wings and we came here to fly together

We nearly died together, nearly died apart. This is the new lease on life to live the part

Broken but beautiful, strong but so tender, gentle yet fierce, smooth yet contrary

Like the perfect recipe, spice and crunch and flavour. Like the perfect dream, finding your soulmate on an island

And getting to have that on repeat, lucid and solid and sustainable, as ephermeral and fleeting as it is

I want to flit and flirt with you, our short life spent in flight

[darkobssessions]

It hurts how much I love you.

How can it hurt so much?

It hurts because it's real.

[darkobssessions]

[darkobssessions]

Rose

[darkobssessions]

[darkobssessions]

Vladimir Mayakovsky, from a letter featured in "Love in the Heart of Everything; The Correspondence between Vladimir Mayakovsky & Lili Brik, 1915-1930,"

[darkobssessions]

“Please make me empty, if I’m empty then I can receive, if I can receive it means it comes from somewhere outside of me, if it comes from outside of me I’m not alone! I cannot bear this loneliness. Above all it is loneliness.”

— Leonard Cohen, Beautiful Losers (text found here)

[darkobssessions]

[darkobssessions]

Don't forget about the Palestinians.

Don't forget about them now.

Don't forget about them tomorrow.

Don't forget about them in a week from now.

Don't forget about them in a month.

Don't forget them next year.

Don't forget them in 5 years.

When the history books start to update, don't let them put lies in there.

When documentaries come out, boycott the ones who call this a victory for Israel.

When books release talking about soldier's personal experiences with Palestine, remember the victims. Remember the truth.

Don't forget about what we've seen.

Don't forget about what we've heard.

Don't let them tell lies about Palestine.

Don't forget about the Palestinians when the world tries to make this go away.

[darkobssessions]

April 3rd, 2024

And after everything,

It turns out that all I am is a coward.

A bloodbath of a childhood, a herculean effort to course correct, many sacrifices and awakenings later

But a coward, when it came down to it

Too weak, too small, too afraid to do anything

Not when it mattered, not while it matters

Convinced myself for years of one thing or another

First inherently evil, then irredeemably broken, then unique and gentle, then strong and saviour

Only to be faced with my true self

Too afraid to be seen, too afraid to speak

Let my life pass by in silence

While I am aware, watch life slip through my fingers

While I have the chance

Open my mouth and say no words, while I have vocal cords

Use no modern tools to convey meaning

While I have the chance, while I have the chance

It turns out I was only a coward after all

Not special, not destined, not damaged, not all seeing

Only cowardly, only small

Only choosing to ignore

Only succumbing to the choice to turn away

When I accepted that making something of this life was not for me, I don't know

But it was subtle

Because I do not recognise myself

I fought for years to get to today

Alive, and healthy

With all my dreams intact

My heart tied with the red ribbon of fate to his

My eyes solidly on the books and the accomplishments for my Tata's hands

Now she is gone

Me still on a hamster wheel

Neither closer nor further to you and us and saving that cat

I preserved the dreams for so long only to find it was too late

And I didn't have it in me anymore to make them happen

I am here now and I am only a coward

For neither death, nor displacement, nor desire could move me

The end?

[darkobssessions]

@sokyoungchul

[darkobssessions]

April 3rd, 2024

I could play a game

And come here and pretend you don't love me

Forget that we're one and let fear overtake me

But luckily I learned that I was just playing a part

And much rather it be healing this heart

Ways we are together even when apart

We are all one and we can create whatever

Why we are choosing separation and suffering

Is our very own karma

Time to learn and reset

[darkobssessions]

“He was like an animal, hungry for every sensation, for every way of knowing me.”

— Anaïs Nin, from Auletris 

[darkobssessions]

[darkobssessions]