darkpaladin

[darkpaladin]

[darkpaladin]

you wouldn't last an hour in the asylum where they raised me (destiel)

[darkpaladin]

[darkpaladin]

Is it weird that I want the holding cell flat? I wanna put my friends in there and give them puzzles to solve to be let out 🥰🫶

[darkpaladin]

[darkpaladin]

Working at the sex shop really did rewire my brain. There was basically no topic that was too taboo to talk about, and what little propriety I’d had evaporated. I’d be out walking and chatting with friends about erotica I’d had to read that day only to be shushed and realize people were staring at me.

It always struck me as a little bit silly but I learned to curb myself for others comfort levels. Mostly.

But I have one distinct memory of decorating holiday cookies with my parents and my grandmother. My mom had worked in a sex shop back in her day, and I never hid my line of work from my family, so I was telling a work story.

I was conscious that my dad was slightly more sensitive, so I was using pretty broad descriptions, but I happened to mention silicone lube and my nana asked, “What’s that?”

I went into full sales mode. Focused on the little reindeer cookie I was decorating I started info dumping, “Oh, it’s pretty great. Water based lubricants get absorbed through vaginal mucous membranes, but silicone is too dense and our body can’t absorb it the same way. So once you apply some silicone you never have to worry about chafing, and a little goes a long way. It’s especially popular with older women, because they start producing less natural lubricant and absorb water based lubes so quickly.”

There was a silent beat after this statement.

I looked up.

My mom and grandmother were looking at me with rapt attention, and I belatedly realized I was addressing two older women who probably would welcome extra lubrication.

And then there was my dad, blushing so pink with embarrassment that I thought he was about to faint.

“I can talk about something else,” I offered in apology to my dad.

“Like hell! He can go in the other room, tell me more!” My nana declared. My dad scampered off to busy himself in another room while I answered their questions and talked about brands and pricing.

I slipped them each a small bottle of silicone lube for the holidays.

[darkpaladin]

it's wild that virtually all modern digital infrastructure is built to constantly spy on us and harvast our data for advertising yet online advertsing is still basically worthless and nobody seems to actually be benefitting from all this

[darkpaladin]

i get that i can expect to see the “unreality” tag a lot on my stuff. i post a lot of weird eldritch shit and even when i post something that isn’t it’s still deeply steeped in my nonsense.

but i’m fucking losing my mind at how even my posts that are correct and true will be tagged that. fatal incuriosity is inescapable when you’re me.

[darkpaladin]

I’m sooooooo glad something like this would never happen in Philly

[darkpaladin]

Just copped that new #NintendoSwitch from #Temu

[darkpaladin]

how r u gonna call them love handles and then try to convince ppl thats a bad thing. insane to me

[darkpaladin]

The X-men are literally just what any average queer friend group looks like

[darkpaladin]

[darkpaladin]

[darkpaladin]

Top Ten Parasocial Bloggers (You can, will, and should fuck #3!)

[darkpaladin]

[darkpaladin]

"who radicalized you" ever since i was a child i wanted other people to be treated nicely and fairly because i didnt understand why theyd deserve otherwise and it fills me with disgust seeing how people treat their fellow human beings sometimes