dawninlatin

[dawninlatin]

bring back tumblr ask culture let me. bother you with questions and statements

[dawninlatin]

Queen of Peace, chapter 20

A manorian High School AU

Words: 2,5k | AO3 Link | Masterlist

Summary: Manon Blackbeak is flawless, untouchable. From the outside at least. Her grandmother pushes her to achieve greatness, and she doesn’t let anyone get too close in fear of being hurt. How can anyone love her when not even her parents could?

Dorian Havilliard has always felt safe and confident around his friends. He might not have the greatest of families, but with Aelin and Chaol by his side, nothing can go wrong. That is until he tries keeping his greatest secret from them.

What will happen when Dorian and Manon gets to know one another? Can two lost souls find their way back together?

cw: animal abuse, verbal abuse, violence, panic attack

I feel nervous in a way that can’t be named

I dreamt last night of a sign that read «The End of Love»

-Florence + The Machine, The End of Love

Dorian was normally against the concept of Sundays. Aside from being the most boring day of the week, Sundays always made him feel weirdly sad and anxious. Another weekend was coming to an end, and he hadn’t enjoyed it to the fullest, and then there was Monday, getting nearer and nearer, looming over him with all its responsibilities and assignments.

This Sunday, though, could last forever, and Dorian wouldn’t mind at all. 

He was cuddled up in bed, watching some trashy reality show. That in itself wasn’t unusual for him, but what made this Sunday so different was the fact that Manon was cuddled up with him, currently leaning against his chest and laughing from the show she «could watch for his sake but would need to bleach her eyes, ears and brain after being exposed to».

It was well past noon, but neither cared to get up just yet. They’d left the party at Aelin’s at an ungodly hour, after all, making it back to Dorian’s and sneaking in as quietly as possible to avoid waking his mother and brother.

«I wish this weekend could last forever,» Manon sighed after a while, twisting in his arms until they were face to face.

She looked breathtaking in that moment, Dorian thought, with her swollen lips and tousled hair, her golden eyes bright. Images from last night flashed through Dorian’s mind, and he felt himself harden at the memory of how her bare skin had felt against his.

Manon must have felt it too, judging by the way she now smirked and shifted a little, so that she was fully straddling him. Dorian let out a groan at the sudden friction, his cock going from half-hard to ready and aching in a matter of moments, and his hands moved to grip Manon’s hips, guiding her against him in a rhythm that had them both panting.

«We could just never leave my room? School can go fuck itself, for all I care» Dorian suggested with a shrug. Manon’s answering chuckle was quickly interrupted as Dorian brought his lips to hers in a hungry kiss, a gasp escaping her she tasted him. 

«Sounds like a great idea,» Manon managed to get out between kisses, still grinding against his hard cock. Dorian let a hand drift under the t-shirt she was wearing, his t-shirt, and moved it upwards, until he found one of her breasts. He brushed a finger against her peaked nipple, and Manon let out a low moan at the sensation.

Manon sat up, hands moving to lift the t-shirt over her head, and gods, the day Dorian died, he wanted this to be the last image he saw; Manon, sitting astride him, arms lifted and glorious tits on display, face flushed and moon-white hair falling down her back.

Sundays might not be so bad after all.

-

It was already dark outside, by the time Manon left Dorian’s, having spent all day cuddled up in bed, alternating between sleeping, mindlessly watching TV and exploring each other’s bodies. 

She’d even met Dorian’s mother, Georgina, which had been a surprisingly pleasant experience. They’d had to venture into the kitchen to get something to eat eventually, and Dorian had been sure they were home alone, from how quiet it was, but the moment they’d stepped out of his room, the front door had opened, his mother and brother back from wherever they’d been.

Dorian had assured her, earlier, that if they ran into his mom, she wouldn’t mind, but Manon still felt mortified as she stood there, hand-in-hand with Dorian, her cheeks bright red. She’d been wearing his shirt, for fuck’s sake! They might as well have had a blinking sign over their heads saying «We’ve spent all night having sex!»

Luckily, Dorian’s mother had been nice enough to not make any teasing comments (at least not while Manon was there, but she’d gotten a text from Dorian exactly one minute after she’d left, begging her to come back and save him). 

Instead, she’d pulled a blushing, mortified Manon into a warm hug, telling her how nice it was to finally meet this «friend» Dorian kept talking about. 

She’d been even more delighted when Dorian, just as blushing, had stammered out a «she’s my girlfriend, actually». The conversation had ended with Dorian’s mother insisting she come over for dinner some day, and Manon surprising herself by finding she actually wanted to.

All in all, it might have been the most embarrassing experience of her life, but it had also been kinda nice. It helped that Dorian was absolutely adorable when flustered.

As she walked home,Manon tried to think of the last time she’d had this lazy of a Sunday,  and quickly found that she couldn’t. It didn’t fill her with panic and restless energy, though, like it normally would have. A weekend like this was exactly what she’d needed, after a long, stressful week. Especially when next week would be just as bad, with her grandmother coming back and all. 

Merely thinking about it was enough to ruin Manon’s good mood. She’d be back to constantly walking on eggshells, constantly keeping her mask on, constantly lying to keep her grandmother pleased.

Only a few more months, Manon reminded herself. Then she’d be free.

Gods, if her grandmother had known what she’d been up to for the past day-

Manon smiled to herself as she thought back to last night, already looking forward to the next time she’d be home alone, but then she turned down her own street, her house becoming visible, and the smile quickly disappeared, along with any joy she felt, dread taking it’s place instead. 

The lights were on.

Could her grandmother have come home early? Manon’s heart raced at the possibility, especially when she had no idea of knowing how early.

As she got closer and closer, she tried to rationalize, tried to keep the panic at bay.

She could have forgotten to turn the lights off yesterday? But Manon knew that wasn’t the case. She never forgot.

Some small part of her hoped that Asterin had come back, and she pictured walking into the house, her cousin greeting her, asking her what she’d been up to, as if nothing had happened. They would make dinner together, like they’d used to, and when Asterin suggested they watch a movie together, Manon would finally say yes, forgetting her homework for once.

It was that delusional hope that drove her forward, kept the fear from consuming her, even if she deep down knew the truth already.

Because as she entered the house, as she stepped into the living room, it wasn’t Asterin greeting her.

Manon forced herself to look her grandmother in the eye, to seem as unbothered and unafraid as possible, as the elder woman demanded, «Where have you been? It’s late.»

«Just dancing, I forgot the time,» Manon hastily replied, the lie easily slipping off her tongue. It had become so rehearsed lately she didn’t even have to think, and she begged whatever higher power might listen that it would work this time as well.

But Manon realized, before her grandmother had even spoken, that it wouldn’t, from the way her grandmother’s eyes darkened. 

«You’ve been dancing since last night?»

Shit. 

This was the moment she’d been waiting for. Dreading.

Manon swallowed audibly, trying to come up with a good answer, something to get her out of this mess. «I-»

«Don’t even try lying to me, you ungrateful brat!»

Her heart was racing, and she was sure it would burst out of her chest at any moment, but all she could do was stand there and take the verbal beating that was sure to come. There was no way she could lie her way out of this, no plausible reason for why she’d been away all night.

«The moment I go out of town, you start acting like an irresponsible slut, is that it? You are nothing but a disappointment! I expected you to do better, be better, but then you go and whore yourself just like your mother and that pathetic cousin of yours, throwing away everything I have done for you!»

«I’m sorry,» Manon whispered, eyes locked on her feet as she wished for the ground to open and swallow her whole. The familiar feel of shame and panic filled her, like all the other times she’d stood before her grandmother like this. Frozen. Powerless. And this time, there was no way out of it.

Manon thought of the countless times she’d been in this exact position, apologizing for whatever wrongdoing had aggravated her grandmother this time, of how she time and time again pushed herself beyond her limits to please her, yet it was never enough, and suddenly found herself feeling angry, more than anything. 

The anger filled her veins, drowning out the fear and giving her courage. Enough courage for Manon to do something she’d never done before. 

Lifting her head and meeting her grandmother’s furious gaze, Manon spoke with a surprisingly calm voice, «If you’ve done such a good job at raising me, you should trust that I know what I’m doing. Having fun and being a teenager for one gods damned night doesn’t mean I’m throwing away my whole future.»

Her grandmother seethed, her expression shifting into something darker, something dangerous, but Manon must have lost her mind already, because she didn’t back down, didn’t cower, even as her grandmother yelled, «How dare you talk back to me?! You are nothing but a worthless piece of shit! I should-» 

But before she could continue her furious rant, she was interrupted by a loud yowling, Abraxos marching into the room at the worst possible moment.

And just like that, Manon’s heart stopped, her courage reduced to nothing as her grandmother’s hateful gaze slowly shifted from Manon to the cat. The woman tolerated his presence in the house at best, but for him to interrupt her like this, when she was already so angry…

Before Manon could react, her grandmother harshly grabbed Abraxos by the neck, yanking him up from the floor. The cat hissed and scrambled to get free, but her grandmother’s grip was too tight. Manon couldn’t breathe, this wasn’t happening-

«I never should have allowed this fucking creature into my house!» 

«STOP! Please, you’re hurting him!» Manon begged, her vision blurring from the tears gathering, threatening to spill over. 

Her grandmother’s eyes focused back on Manon as she screamed, Abraxos still being held in an iron grip, and the panic in his features shattered Manon’s heart into a million little pieces. She would never be able to forgive herself for this. 

«Please,» she tried once more, willing her voice to calm. «I’ll do better, I promise. I’m so sorry. It won’t happen again! Please!» 

«Fine,» her grandmother spat out, and Manon let out a sigh of relief, hastily brushing away a stray tear that had managed to escape.

Manon had stupidly enough expected her grandmother to then gently put the cat back down, before continuing her rant, but that wasn’t what happened.

Instead Manon’s grandmother gave her a malicious smile, before she flung Abraxos at the nearest wall. Manon let out a cry as the cat hit the wall, then the floor, with a painfully loud thud. 

It was only a matter of seconds, but it felt like hours, where Manon’s heart stopped beating, where her lungs stopped breathing, where Abraxos lay on the floor, completely still.

Her mind had never been so quiet before, never been so loud. This wasn’t happening, she couldn’t lose-

Then the cat moved, scrambling out of the room. 

Manon trembled, completely paralyzed as she stared at the spot where Abraxos had just been. She registered her grandmother stalking closer, until she was right up in Manon’s face, registered the hissed «If you ever cross me again, I’ll make sure that pest doesn’t make it out alive», registered her grandmother then walking away, but Manon couldn’t bring herself to answer, to move.

All she could do was stare, and stare, and hope she woke up from this nightmare soon.

It wasn’t until she heard the door of her grandmother’s study slam shut that her body started moving, taking her to her room. Manon had no control over her movements, feeling as if she was viewing her body from the outside.

As soon as she’d crossed the threshold, she carefully closed the door behind her, then made her way towards the bed with robotic movements, slowly lying down on her side. 

He’s not dead, she repeated to herself, over and over again, as her breaths became more hurried, more shallow. He’s not dead, he’s okay, he’s notdeadhesokayhesokay-

Even in her panic, Manon could feel something warm settle against her, and it was this that finally broke her.

Between quiet sobs, she managed to whisper, «I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I love you. I didn’t mean to get you hurt. She’ll never hurt you again. I promise. I’m so sorry.» 

Tears blurred her vision, and she couldn’t fill her lungs properly, but she kept stroking the soft fur, kept apologizing, hoping he would understand. 

This had all been Manon’s fault. Abraxos had been home alone for 24 hours, and Manon had left him plenty of food, but of course he would want attention as soon as he heard someone in the house. She shouldn’t have stayed so long, shouldn’t have been there at all-

She was careless, stupid, worthless-

The tears kept falling and her body kept shaking. She tried to gather her thoughts, tried to come up with a plan, but her mind was utter chaos. Everything had gone so wrong in such little time. The only thing grounding her was the steady rise and fall of Abraxos’ chest, proof he was okay, proof he didn’t hate her for letting her grandmother-

She’d almost lost him today.

And had the rational part of her mind worked in that moment, she might have felt a little pathetic for being this attached to a pet, but Abraxos had been there since she was a child. In periods of her life, he’d been her only companion, her only comfort, while growing up under the roof of this monster. 

She’d almost lost him today.

Manon couldn’t let it happen again.

Even if it meant going back to spending every waking hour working to meet her grandmother’s expectations, going back to being careful, never stepping out of line.

She couldn’t risk anyone else getting caught up in this mess, getting hurt because of her. 

She only hoped he would understand, if not tomorrow, but some day, that this was for the best. Him hating her, was for the best.

Only for a few more months, she repeated to herself, like a mantra, through the hours of the night, until she finally fell asleep, Abraxos having settled on top of her chest.

A/N:

Where do I even start?

First of all, it feels good to be back with my yearly update of this fic (I wish I was joking, at this pace I'll finish my college degree before I finish this fic...) As usual, the chapter is posted in the middle of the night, no editing, half asleep-

Second, Abraxos, my boi, you'll get revenge, I promise!!! I'm so sorry and I love you<3<3<3 I was in high school when I outlined this fic, and remember thinking "This chapter will hurt to write but you can give your cat lots of cuddles after<3" What 16-year-old me didn't think was that it might take me a while to write (4 years), and that I would be moved out at that point, really far away from my cat *crying*

Anyways- Feel free to leave a comment, either here or on tumblr, even if it's just yelling at me:):):)

See you next year I guess

Taglist: @fireheartfaery @bookishwitchling @celestialend @darklingswhxore @onfma @sayosdreams @rowaelinismyotp @rainbowcheetah512 @wishfulimaginings @dreamlandreader

[dawninlatin]

Queen of Peace, chapter 20

A manorian High School AU

Words: 2,5k | AO3 Link | Masterlist

Summary: Manon Blackbeak is flawless, untouchable. From the outside at least. Her grandmother pushes her to achieve greatness, and she doesn’t let anyone get too close in fear of being hurt. How can anyone love her when not even her parents could?

Dorian Havilliard has always felt safe and confident around his friends. He might not have the greatest of families, but with Aelin and Chaol by his side, nothing can go wrong. That is until he tries keeping his greatest secret from them.

What will happen when Dorian and Manon gets to know one another? Can two lost souls find their way back together?

cw: animal abuse, verbal abuse, violence, panic attack

I feel nervous in a way that can’t be named

I dreamt last night of a sign that read «The End of Love»

-Florence + The Machine, The End of Love

Dorian was normally against the concept of Sundays. Aside from being the most boring day of the week, Sundays always made him feel weirdly sad and anxious. Another weekend was coming to an end, and he hadn’t enjoyed it to the fullest, and then there was Monday, getting nearer and nearer, looming over him with all its responsibilities and assignments.

This Sunday, though, could last forever, and Dorian wouldn’t mind at all. 

He was cuddled up in bed, watching some trashy reality show. That in itself wasn’t unusual for him, but what made this Sunday so different was the fact that Manon was cuddled up with him, currently leaning against his chest and laughing from the show she «could watch for his sake but would need to bleach her eyes, ears and brain after being exposed to».

It was well past noon, but neither cared to get up just yet. They’d left the party at Aelin’s at an ungodly hour, after all, making it back to Dorian’s and sneaking in as quietly as possible to avoid waking his mother and brother.

«I wish this weekend could last forever,» Manon sighed after a while, twisting in his arms until they were face to face.

She looked breathtaking in that moment, Dorian thought, with her swollen lips and tousled hair, her golden eyes bright. Images from last night flashed through Dorian’s mind, and he felt himself harden at the memory of how her bare skin had felt against his.

Manon must have felt it too, judging by the way she now smirked and shifted a little, so that she was fully straddling him. Dorian let out a groan at the sudden friction, his cock going from half-hard to ready and aching in a matter of moments, and his hands moved to grip Manon’s hips, guiding her against him in a rhythm that had them both panting.

«We could just never leave my room? School can go fuck itself, for all I care» Dorian suggested with a shrug. Manon’s answering chuckle was quickly interrupted as Dorian brought his lips to hers in a hungry kiss, a gasp escaping her she tasted him. 

«Sounds like a great idea,» Manon managed to get out between kisses, still grinding against his hard cock. Dorian let a hand drift under the t-shirt she was wearing, his t-shirt, and moved it upwards, until he found one of her breasts. He brushed a finger against her peaked nipple, and Manon let out a low moan at the sensation.

Manon sat up, hands moving to lift the t-shirt over her head, and gods, the day Dorian died, he wanted this to be the last image he saw; Manon, sitting astride him, arms lifted and glorious tits on display, face flushed and moon-white hair falling down her back.

Sundays might not be so bad after all.

-

It was already dark outside, by the time Manon left Dorian’s, having spent all day cuddled up in bed, alternating between sleeping, mindlessly watching TV and exploring each other’s bodies. 

She’d even met Dorian’s mother, Georgina, which had been a surprisingly pleasant experience. They’d had to venture into the kitchen to get something to eat eventually, and Dorian had been sure they were home alone, from how quiet it was, but the moment they’d stepped out of his room, the front door had opened, his mother and brother back from wherever they’d been.

Dorian had assured her, earlier, that if they ran into his mom, she wouldn’t mind, but Manon still felt mortified as she stood there, hand-in-hand with Dorian, her cheeks bright red. She’d been wearing his shirt, for fuck’s sake! They might as well have had a blinking sign over their heads saying «We’ve spent all night having sex!»

Luckily, Dorian’s mother had been nice enough to not make any teasing comments (at least not while Manon was there, but she’d gotten a text from Dorian exactly one minute after she’d left, begging her to come back and save him). 

Instead, she’d pulled a blushing, mortified Manon into a warm hug, telling her how nice it was to finally meet this «friend» Dorian kept talking about. 

She’d been even more delighted when Dorian, just as blushing, had stammered out a «she’s my girlfriend, actually». The conversation had ended with Dorian’s mother insisting she come over for dinner some day, and Manon surprising herself by finding she actually wanted to.

All in all, it might have been the most embarrassing experience of her life, but it had also been kinda nice. It helped that Dorian was absolutely adorable when flustered.

As she walked home,Manon tried to think of the last time she’d had this lazy of a Sunday,  and quickly found that she couldn’t. It didn’t fill her with panic and restless energy, though, like it normally would have. A weekend like this was exactly what she’d needed, after a long, stressful week. Especially when next week would be just as bad, with her grandmother coming back and all. 

Merely thinking about it was enough to ruin Manon’s good mood. She’d be back to constantly walking on eggshells, constantly keeping her mask on, constantly lying to keep her grandmother pleased.

Only a few more months, Manon reminded herself. Then she’d be free.

Gods, if her grandmother had known what she’d been up to for the past day-

Manon smiled to herself as she thought back to last night, already looking forward to the next time she’d be home alone, but then she turned down her own street, her house becoming visible, and the smile quickly disappeared, along with any joy she felt, dread taking it’s place instead. 

The lights were on.

Could her grandmother have come home early? Manon’s heart raced at the possibility, especially when she had no idea of knowing how early.

As she got closer and closer, she tried to rationalize, tried to keep the panic at bay.

She could have forgotten to turn the lights off yesterday? But Manon knew that wasn’t the case. She never forgot.

Some small part of her hoped that Asterin had come back, and she pictured walking into the house, her cousin greeting her, asking her what she’d been up to, as if nothing had happened. They would make dinner together, like they’d used to, and when Asterin suggested they watch a movie together, Manon would finally say yes, forgetting her homework for once.

It was that delusional hope that drove her forward, kept the fear from consuming her, even if she deep down knew the truth already.

Because as she entered the house, as she stepped into the living room, it wasn’t Asterin greeting her.

Manon forced herself to look her grandmother in the eye, to seem as unbothered and unafraid as possible, as the elder woman demanded, «Where have you been? It’s late.»

«Just dancing, I forgot the time,» Manon hastily replied, the lie easily slipping off her tongue. It had become so rehearsed lately she didn’t even have to think, and she begged whatever higher power might listen that it would work this time as well.

But Manon realized, before her grandmother had even spoken, that it wouldn’t, from the way her grandmother’s eyes darkened. 

«You’ve been dancing since last night?»

Shit. 

This was the moment she’d been waiting for. Dreading.

Manon swallowed audibly, trying to come up with a good answer, something to get her out of this mess. «I-»

«Don’t even try lying to me, you ungrateful brat!»

Her heart was racing, and she was sure it would burst out of her chest at any moment, but all she could do was stand there and take the verbal beating that was sure to come. There was no way she could lie her way out of this, no plausible reason for why she’d been away all night.

«The moment I go out of town, you start acting like an irresponsible slut, is that it? You are nothing but a disappointment! I expected you to do better, be better, but then you go and whore yourself just like your mother and that pathetic cousin of yours, throwing away everything I have done for you!»

«I’m sorry,» Manon whispered, eyes locked on her feet as she wished for the ground to open and swallow her whole. The familiar feel of shame and panic filled her, like all the other times she’d stood before her grandmother like this. Frozen. Powerless. And this time, there was no way out of it.

Manon thought of the countless times she’d been in this exact position, apologizing for whatever wrongdoing had aggravated her grandmother this time, of how she time and time again pushed herself beyond her limits to please her, yet it was never enough, and suddenly found herself feeling angry, more than anything. 

The anger filled her veins, drowning out the fear and giving her courage. Enough courage for Manon to do something she’d never done before. 

Lifting her head and meeting her grandmother’s furious gaze, Manon spoke with a surprisingly calm voice, «If you’ve done such a good job at raising me, you should trust that I know what I’m doing. Having fun and being a teenager for one gods damned night doesn’t mean I’m throwing away my whole future.»

Her grandmother seethed, her expression shifting into something darker, something dangerous, but Manon must have lost her mind already, because she didn’t back down, didn’t cower, even as her grandmother yelled, «How dare you talk back to me?! You are nothing but a worthless piece of shit! I should-» 

But before she could continue her furious rant, she was interrupted by a loud yowling, Abraxos marching into the room at the worst possible moment.

And just like that, Manon’s heart stopped, her courage reduced to nothing as her grandmother’s hateful gaze slowly shifted from Manon to the cat. The woman tolerated his presence in the house at best, but for him to interrupt her like this, when she was already so angry…

Before Manon could react, her grandmother harshly grabbed Abraxos by the neck, yanking him up from the floor. The cat hissed and scrambled to get free, but her grandmother’s grip was too tight. Manon couldn’t breathe, this wasn’t happening-

«I never should have allowed this fucking creature into my house!» 

«STOP! Please, you’re hurting him!» Manon begged, her vision blurring from the tears gathering, threatening to spill over. 

Her grandmother’s eyes focused back on Manon as she screamed, Abraxos still being held in an iron grip, and the panic in his features shattered Manon’s heart into a million little pieces. She would never be able to forgive herself for this. 

«Please,» she tried once more, willing her voice to calm. «I’ll do better, I promise. I’m so sorry. It won’t happen again! Please!» 

«Fine,» her grandmother spat out, and Manon let out a sigh of relief, hastily brushing away a stray tear that had managed to escape.

Manon had stupidly enough expected her grandmother to then gently put the cat back down, before continuing her rant, but that wasn’t what happened.

Instead Manon’s grandmother gave her a malicious smile, before she flung Abraxos at the nearest wall. Manon let out a cry as the cat hit the wall, then the floor, with a painfully loud thud. 

It was only a matter of seconds, but it felt like hours, where Manon’s heart stopped beating, where her lungs stopped breathing, where Abraxos lay on the floor, completely still.

Her mind had never been so quiet before, never been so loud. This wasn’t happening, she couldn’t lose-

Then the cat moved, scrambling out of the room. 

Manon trembled, completely paralyzed as she stared at the spot where Abraxos had just been. She registered her grandmother stalking closer, until she was right up in Manon’s face, registered the hissed «If you ever cross me again, I’ll make sure that pest doesn’t make it out alive», registered her grandmother then walking away, but Manon couldn’t bring herself to answer, to move.

All she could do was stare, and stare, and hope she woke up from this nightmare soon.

It wasn’t until she heard the door of her grandmother’s study slam shut that her body started moving, taking her to her room. Manon had no control over her movements, feeling as if she was viewing her body from the outside.

As soon as she’d crossed the threshold, she carefully closed the door behind her, then made her way towards the bed with robotic movements, slowly lying down on her side. 

He’s not dead, she repeated to herself, over and over again, as her breaths became more hurried, more shallow. He’s not dead, he’s okay, he’s notdeadhesokayhesokay-

Even in her panic, Manon could feel something warm settle against her, and it was this that finally broke her.

Between quiet sobs, she managed to whisper, «I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I love you. I didn’t mean to get you hurt. She’ll never hurt you again. I promise. I’m so sorry.» 

Tears blurred her vision, and she couldn’t fill her lungs properly, but she kept stroking the soft fur, kept apologizing, hoping he would understand. 

This had all been Manon’s fault. Abraxos had been home alone for 24 hours, and Manon had left him plenty of food, but of course he would want attention as soon as he heard someone in the house. She shouldn’t have stayed so long, shouldn’t have been there at all-

She was careless, stupid, worthless-

The tears kept falling and her body kept shaking. She tried to gather her thoughts, tried to come up with a plan, but her mind was utter chaos. Everything had gone so wrong in such little time. The only thing grounding her was the steady rise and fall of Abraxos’ chest, proof he was okay, proof he didn’t hate her for letting her grandmother-

She’d almost lost him today.

And had the rational part of her mind worked in that moment, she might have felt a little pathetic for being this attached to a pet, but Abraxos had been there since she was a child. In periods of her life, he’d been her only companion, her only comfort, while growing up under the roof of this monster. 

She’d almost lost him today.

Manon couldn’t let it happen again.

Even if it meant going back to spending every waking hour working to meet her grandmother’s expectations, going back to being careful, never stepping out of line.

She couldn’t risk anyone else getting caught up in this mess, getting hurt because of her. 

She only hoped he would understand, if not tomorrow, but some day, that this was for the best. Him hating her, was for the best.

Only for a few more months, she repeated to herself, like a mantra, through the hours of the night, until she finally fell asleep, Abraxos having settled on top of her chest.

A/N:

Where do I even start?

First of all, it feels good to be back with my yearly update of this fic (I wish I was joking, at this pace I'll finish my college degree before I finish this fic...) As usual, the chapter is posted in the middle of the night, no editing, half asleep-

Second, Abraxos, my boi, you'll get revenge, I promise!!! I'm so sorry and I love you<3<3<3 I was in high school when I outlined this fic, and remember thinking "This chapter will hurt to write but you can give your cat lots of cuddles after<3" What 16-year-old me didn't think was that it might take me a while to write (4 years), and that I would be moved out at that point, really far away from my cat *crying*

Anyways- Feel free to leave a comment, either here or on tumblr, even if it's just yelling at me:):):)

See you next year I guess

Taglist: @fireheartfaery @bookishwitchling @celestialend @darklingswhxore @onfma @sayosdreams @rowaelinismyotp @rainbowcheetah512 @wishfulimaginings @dreamlandreader

#manorian #dawninlatin qop #manon blackbeak #dorian havilliard #manon x dorian #throne of glass #sarah j maas #manorian fanfiction

[dawninlatin]

[dawninlatin]

No new chapter tonight, but I've written quite a bit, so I thought I'd share a snippet:):)

He was cuddled up in bed, watching some trashy reality show. That in itself wasn’t unusual for him, but what made this Sunday so different was the fact that Manon was cuddled up with him, currently leaning against his chest and laughing from the show she «could watch for his sake but would need to bleach her eyes, ears and brain after being exposed to».

#dawninlatin qop #manorian

[dawninlatin]

Told my roomie I was writing fanfic so she started playing cupcakKe to "get me in the mood" :) This chapter could turn out very interesting....

You are so lost, we miss you very much🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹Will there be a sequel to the Queen of Peace?

Hi nonnie!

I miss you guys too, a lot<3<3 And I promise to finish Queen of Peace someday!! But....I started uni back in August, so I'm much busier than I used to be, and when I have some free time, I rarely have the energy to write:( Maybe I'll manage to cook something up during easter break tho, who knows? (unless I have to spend the whole week of vacation writing a cell biology report that is due right after....)

#how am i supposed to live laugh love in these conditions #sorry for not posting #i've been busy dealing with the worst pms of my life:( #but now we're back

[dawninlatin]

Chaol: This is my wife Yrene, she’s a healer.

Dorian: This is my wife Manon Blackbeak-

Chaol: The White Demon?

Dorian: Actually, she’s Queen of the Witches now.

Manon: I’m a reverse healer.

Chaol:

Yrene:

Manon: You know, because I kill people.

Chaol: I-

Yrene: I like her.

Dorian: I know right?

#amazing #manorian

[dawninlatin]

I'm not making any promises, but the cell biology report is finished, and I still have a week left of vacation, so there might be a new QoP chapter coming your way this easter...

You are so lost, we miss you very much🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹Will there be a sequel to the Queen of Peace?

Hi nonnie!

I miss you guys too, a lot<3<3 And I promise to finish Queen of Peace someday!! But....I started uni back in August, so I'm much busier than I used to be, and when I have some free time, I rarely have the energy to write:( Maybe I'll manage to cook something up during easter break tho, who knows? (unless I have to spend the whole week of vacation writing a cell biology report that is due right after....)

#writing fanfic is an easter tradition at this point #dawninlatin qop

[dawninlatin]

there is a video on the Internet where the captain of the support group arranges a surprise dance for her husband at their wedding, I can't stop thinking that this is Manon from "queen of piece" dancing for Dorian along with thirteen🫣🫣

YES

i imagine asterin suggests it, and manon is against it at first, claiming she has a reputation to uphold, that she would rather die, etc. but asterin and the rest of the gang won't stop pestering her, telling her to "do it for dorian<3<3<3" and she gives in at the last moment, absolutely crushing and looking like she's having the time of her life:)

#ask

[dawninlatin]

I already read ACOTAR but I got the dramatized audio book and the scene were the Children of the Blessed argue with Nesta made me think about the "do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior Jesus Christ" meme. Nesta was so ready to throw hands.

[dawninlatin]

You are so lost, we miss you very much🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹Will there be a sequel to the Queen of Peace?

Hi nonnie!

I miss you guys too, a lot<3<3 And I promise to finish Queen of Peace someday!! But....I started uni back in August, so I'm much busier than I used to be, and when I have some free time, I rarely have the energy to write:( Maybe I'll manage to cook something up during easter break tho, who knows? (unless I have to spend the whole week of vacation writing a cell biology report that is due right after....)

#ask #anon #academic weapon? more like academic victim:(

[dawninlatin]

thank you so much for the mention!🥰

Love to hear that!! Love your writing so much! Do you have an manorian fics you rec? xx

Thank you!! ☺️

I’ll be honest, I’ve been avoiding them a bit so I don’t accidentally use something from another writer.

BUT! These wonderful tumblrs have some great manorian fics and fanart!

@malulls

@shadowhandss60

@dawninlatin

@propshophannah and @itach-i were two of the original manorian fic writers back in the days of Empire of Storms so they’re definitely worth checking out, even if they’re not really active on here anymore.

If anyone wants to add other manorian writers, please go ahead!

#manorian fics

[dawninlatin]

As usual, here are my thoughts and reactions while readingHouse of Flame and Shadow! It’s obviously full of spoilers, and if someone’s looking for really intelligent theories and comments, this is not the post for you🤡

• there are still five days left and 30 minutes ago i complained to my roomie how impossible it was to wait….then, as if she heard me, SJM herself posts the first chapter??😍 thank you mrs maas😭🙏

• lidia🥺

• thanks to fucking tiktok, reading the words «ruhn danaan, crown prince of the valbaran fae» will never be the same😔

• NOT THE PIERCINGS😭😭😭😭😭

• i’m seriously going through the five stages of grief over a few piercings😭😭

• is bryce in az’s torture chamber?👀🥵 gurl do you know how lucky you are-

• zaddy azriel🥵🔥

• THREE WORLDS MANAGED TO KICK THEM OUT?!?!?! IS THE THIRD WORLD THRONE OF GLASS?!?!?!?! WILL I FINALLY GET MORE MANORIAN?!?!😍😭🙏 future me, can i finally rest?🥹

• lmaooo amren isn’t a historian, she’s just really fucking old

• YASSSS GET NESTA RHYS😍😍😍

• They might be tortured, but at least Baxian has friends now😭😭

• this ruhn and lidia angst is everything😭😭

• so rhys has a bunch of pet crocodiles?? good to know😀🐊

• okay, i wasn’t gonna mention it, but now i simply have to….WHAT IS UP WITH ALL THESE NORWEGIAN NAMES??? first einar, then sigrid, and now FUCKING HILDE?? sarah i know these names sound exotic and fantasy-like to you, but to me, these are just your average middle-aged people, and it’s throwing me off💀

• A MIDDENGARD WYRM??? babes i haven’t seen you in ages🤩😍🫶

• LIDIAAAAAAAAA👏👏 i bet she’s gonna team up with the frat pack to save her mate ruhn🔥🔥

• i wanna read about lidia living with the frat pack in their….house so bad💀

• YAY RESCUE MISSION

• OMG i had forgotten how good bryce was at bullshitting people💀 this whole middengard wyrm plan is aelin level🔥🔥

• there is no way feyre, AS A HUMAN, killed that wyrm so easily in acotar🤡

• ruhnlidia is SERVING WITH ALL THIS ANGST😩😩

• «Trying to figure out what it does has been driving us all crazy.» NO BUT I NEED TO READ THIS SCENE😭😭 i just want cassian with a phone, is that too much to ask?🥲

• hunt imagining his and bryce’s future kids😭😭

• 😳😧😦🖐️🦴🩸

• THE FUCKING HARPY???

• but she was beheaded?!?!

• also pollux is actually worse than tamlin himself🤢

• RHYSAND’S SISTER??????? I NEED AN INHALER

• DUSK COURT CONFIRMED???

• FAE FROM ANOTHER WORLD??? PERHAPS ERILEA🤩

• more asteris😒

• YASSS NESTA SLAY THAT ASTERI

• bryce just left prythian? no cassian?🥺🥺

• ALSO DID SHE TAKE AZRIEL’S EMOTIONAL SUPPORT DAGGER WITH HER????? SHE CAN’T DO THAT

• he needs it to sleep🥺

• JESIBA JESIBA JESIBA JESIBA JESIBA

• mommy😍🥵

• LIDIA😍🤩😭🫶🙏🧎‍♀️👑

• what do you mean lidia isn’t coming with them?😀

• SHE BETTER NOT HAVE FUCKING DIED🤺🤺🤺🤺🤺

• i was supposed to go to sleep after this chapter😭😭

• NEVERMIND SHE’S ALIVE😅🙏🧎‍♀️

• hunt🤜🤛baxian

• them being bros is all i wanted from this book🥺

• #throwback to all the memes i made about it last time🤡

• bryce booping the autumn king’s nose with her sword just became my favorite moment of all time

• i’m sorry….WHAT??

• the woman was too stunned to speak

• 👁️👄👁️

• i knew she was MOMMY, but she’s also mommy?????

• «Bryce Quinlan, Queen of the Valbaran fae» *que music

• *holds lidia as i glare at the ocean queen😠* «hasn’t she been through enough????😭»

• HE CALLED HER SWEETHEART😍😭🫶🧎‍♀️🙏🥺👑😩

• rhys being referred to as «that night court dude»💀💀

• fae and stags?👀🤩

• tharion for once just use your fucking brain🫠

• finally some smut😩⚡️

• if i ever get my hands on that bitch-ass rigelus-🤬🪓💣🔪🔫🧱

• THEY JUST KILLED ALL THE HUMANS IN LUNATHION????

• i need ruhn and lidia to just fuck already😭😩

• and so does flynn and declan, apparently💀 thanks guys😌🤝

• not the autumn king again😒

• if flynn and declan getting kidnapped is what it’ll take for ruhn and lidia to get together, IT’S FUCKING WORTH IT😩🧎‍♀️

• WE WERE SO CLOSE😭😭😭😭

• them cuddling is almost as good tho😍🥰😭🌸🫶💕

• «I’m calling it now, the Star-Eater is Hunt’s father» - me, reading HOSAB in 2022

• I TOLD YA

• it feels great to be me😌

• okay i wasn’t entirely correct but CLOSE ENOUGH

• YASSSSS BRYCE GASLIGHT GATEKEEP GIRLBOSS THOSE FAE KING BASTARDS🙏🙏

• RUHN ILY😭

• i’m not crying i swear😭👑🌷🌈🏝️✨

• i laughed out loud at the fact that declan’s biggest priority was checking if they had internet now💀💀

• Hotel Horseshit💀💀 baxian you’re my fave🫶🫶🫶

• «please don’t fuck right next to us» i’m deAD

• I THOUGHT WE WERE DONE WITH THE WATERY BOWELS SARAH😭😭

• SYRINX😍😍😍😍😍

• Bryce and her mom😭🥺

• SO THE SHIFTERS WILL BASICALLY BECOME TRONE OF GLASS FAE???!🤩

• i’ll never tire of the prime coming to the rescue last minute🙏 hang in there old man✊

• SABINE YOU ARE ON THIN FUCKING ICE RN

• ithan🥹

• lidia in her girlfriend era😍💕✨🫶🥰💅

• OTTER😍🦦

• NESTA😭😭😭

• i just know ember is gonna yell at rhys😍

• i just read the ember&randall bonus chapter, and she did😍😍😍

• also I GOT TO SEE CASSIAN😍😍😍😍😍😍

• rare river queen W?

• NOT POLLUX🤺🤺🤺

• OMG THE UNDER-KING IS FROM ERILEA???????????????

• is he a skin-walker?👀

• WYRD???

• AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

• go hypaxia, slay him🔥

• 🍆💦👀😏

• i also miss your piercings, ruhn😔 gone but never forgotten✊🙏🕊️

• «…she was his and he was hers, and there was a word for it, but it eluded him.» THAT WORD IS MATE😍😭

• HE SAID «I LOVE YOU»

• screaming crying throwing up rn😍😭🥹🫶😩

• HE SHOT HER???????

• this level of angst is giving me life

• «She’s my mate, you fucker.» THE SCREAM I JUST SCRUMPT (sorry, roommates)

• 😍🥰😇🫶🔥🙏🥹😭😍😩🤩🥰🙏🔥😭🫶🫶✊🙏🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️

• SARAH JANET MAAS I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU KILL RUHN NOW-

• BRANNON?!?!?!?!?? FIRE MAGIC?!?!?!?!?!AKAJQKQKQJQKQKQLBDHFJFKEBEBJWJDVFJEJSVAVJSJAHSH

• DEAD. DECEASED. UNABLE TO FUNCTION.

• NO LIDIA DO NOT SACRIFICE YOURSELF-

• BRYCE?!😳😭

• shahar😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

• NONONONONONONONONONO

• SHE CAN’T BE DEAD, RIGHT?!?!

• i’m fucking crying, i swear😭😭😭😭

• THEY’RE ALL THERE😭😭😭

• NESTA AND CASSIAN😍😍😍😍😍😍😍

• ember quinlan not caring about how deadly rhys is whatsoever is the greatest thing i’ve ever read💀

• and azriel got his dagger back? he can finally sleep🥹

• yeah bryce, cassian is a fine piece of ass😏

• NESTA GOT TO SAY ALPHAHOLE😍😍😍😍😍

• ruhn getting a hug from one of his new stepkids😍😍

• nooooo ruhn moved out of the frat house? they grow up so fast🥺

• omg hunt getting a fine for fucking bryce so bad it caused several thunderstorms is EPIC

• PEGASUSES?!?😍😍😍😍😍😍

• i can’t believe it’s over….

• i’m…..empty

• i need more🥺

• BUT I’M SO HYPED FOR ACOTAR5🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

• i also have bonus chapters to read😏😏

• THE PIERCINGS ARE BACK🙏🧎‍♀️😭😍

• DID SJM FINALLY WRITE A WEDDING SCENE?!

• this has to be a first

• i am speechless

• 👁️👄👁️

• milly garkunos you queen🫶🧎‍♀️

• i need someone to draw lettuce-baby-hunt asap💀

#hofas spoilers #crescent city #sarah j maas #house of flame and shadow #hofas

[dawninlatin]

spoilers below the cut

me last week:

me after finishing HOFAS:

#hofas spoilers #manorian

[dawninlatin]

this is not a spoiler for CC3, i know nothing (and i wanna keep it that way🤺🤺🤺), but i’m just being safe😌

I can’t wait to get my hands on that book and read the names Dorian Havilliard and Manon Blackbeak😩

Please enjoy a visualization of me finally removing the clown make-up I’ve been wearing for five years:

#the way i will absolutely SPIRAL if this doesn’t happen #in my delulu era #though i also fear the person i will become if it does happen💀 #manorian

[dawninlatin]

[dawninlatin]

manorian angst

When dark forces threaten, the leaders of Erilea must come to aid in yet another war to save their world. The problem is that Manon barely survived the hell that was the last war, and she can't go through it again.

Words: 3.1K | Masterlist | AO3 Link

«Tell me.» Manon ordered as she marched into the throne room, having landed in Orynth mere minutes ago. Abraxos had flown like the wind itself to get them here as soon as possible.

«Nice to see you too,» Aelin drawled from her throne, but her eyes lacked their usual sparkle. The room was filled with the rest of her court, and a few other leaders from Erilea’s kingdoms, including one blue-eyed king. 

«I don’t have time for this. Tell. Me.» Manon wasn’t known to be polite, even on her good days, but her heart had been racing ever since she’d received word of a new, rising threat causing her presence to be needed in Orynth immediatley, and she couldn’t think clearly when she was fighting the panic rising within her.

Not another war. Please, not another war.

«A few days ago, a portal opened, right outside of Orynth. A young female came from it, fae, frantic, begging us in the old language to help her people against these god-like creatures.» Aelin drew a shaking breath, Rowan placing a comforting hand on her shoulder.

«We know them better as the valg.»

Manon’s ears started ringing, images of collars and cold, empty eyes appearing in her mind. Of her sisters disappearing in blinding flashes of light, one by one.

She could only half-listen as Aelin explained how she’d seen this world before, when she fell through the wyrdgates, how the valg they had defeated seemed harmless in comparison to these beings that could drain whole worlds of all life, how they had tried to drain this world before, and only gotten stronger since then, how they would eventually come back.

«But not if we help them.» It was Dorian that spoke this time, and Manon would be lying if she said his voice didn’t affect her any bit.

«No.» Manon hardly needed to think. There was no way she was doing this again. She’d barely survived the last war, was barely surviving now. 

Aelin stared at her in shock. Manon couldn’t blame her. They didn’t know she was merely a ghost of who she used to be.

«You closed the gates. Our world can’t be reached,» Manon tried, but it sounded pathetic, desperate.

«She managed to reach us,» Aelin whispered. «Please.»

«No.»

She could feel a pair of sapphire eyes boring into her, and when she turned to look at him, Dorian’s face was full of hurt and betrayal. «Manon-»

«No.» Dorian could hate her all he liked, as long as it meant he was safe. Because how could she explain that just thinking about another war nearly made her suffocate? 

The king gave her a long look, before turning on his heel and storming out.

-

Manon flung the door open, moving into the room where she knew the king would be. «You’re not doing this either. You’re not throwing yourself into this war.» 

Dorian held her gaze for a long moment before he finally spoke, his face unreadable. «If you don’t want to fight with us, fine, there’s nothing I can do, apart from getting on my knees and begging, but I’m leaving, whether you like it or not. I refuse to see this world be destroyed after everything we did to save it.»

When Manon didn’t answer, he turned his back to her, stepping towards the tall window overlooking the gardens. «There’s nothing left for us to discuss, then.» The words were a dismissal, a cue for Manon to leave, and they left a stinging sensation in her heart.

Everything would have been a lot easier if she could leave, but she couldn’t. Not until she’d won this fight. 

Over by the window, Dorian’s jaw tightened with suppressed anger, still not looking at her. A thin layer of frost began covering the glass as she just stood there, remaining silent. 

What was there to say, anyway? That in the past two years, she could count on one hand the amount of times she’d gotten a good night’s sleep? That every time she closed her eyes, she saw her sisters racing towards their deaths, leaving her behind? That when the nightmares were at their worst, Dorian joined them? 

The truth was that Manon was hanging on by a thread, barely keeping her pain and despair hidden.

She needed to say something, though, because she had seen this determination in Dorian before, right before he’d flown off to Morath, fully prepared to sacrifice himself if it meant saving everyone else.

And it was at the memory of waking up alone in a cold tent, terrified, but also so angry, that Manon regained her ability to speak.

«Dorian, please-»

She blinked, and the ice that had slowly been creeping over the window evaporated. Dorian’s head snapped up, and he looked as if she’d struck him. The voice she’d just used hadn’t fully sounded like her own, so raw and full of anguish.

«I can’t-» Manon began, but that voice failed her, her words ending in a hitch of breath. Tears were pressing behind her eyes, dangerously close to shedding.

«You can’t what?» Dorian asked her then, the question so careful, so far from the resolve he’d showed mere moments ago.

She couldn’t do this, was what, Manon thought to herself, but she was about to rupture, about to shatter into a million little pieces she had fought tooth and nail to hold together for the past two years.There was no power in any realm that could stop it, and Dorian would bear witness to it.

«Witchling…» Dorian whispered, reaching up to tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear. He was so close now, and to her shock, Manon realized she was the one who’d moved closer, craving the comfort of his arms.

«I can’t go through it again. Dorian, please don’t-»

She drew a shuddering breath, but she couldn’t seem to get any air into her lungs. Closing her eyes, Manon let the dam break.

«I can’t… I can’t lose more of the people I love when I barely have anyone left! I’m terrified, every fucking second of every fucking day that you’ll fly off on some suicide mission again because you have this insane idea that you need to sacrifice yourself to save everyone else, and I can’t do it, Dorian! I can’t lose-»

She practically screamed it at the king, hitting his chest as the words ended in choked sobs.

Dorian didn’t say anything as he grabbed hold of her arms, then pulled her close. Manon kept heaving, feeling as if she couldn’t get enough air in her lungs, her vision clouded by tears

«Breathe, Manon. Just breathe.» Dorian’s hands moved up and down her back in a soothing motion, taking deep breaths alongside her. «In,» she tried inhaling with him, getting a little more air, «and out.» 

They stood there for what felt like forever, Dorian whispering quiet encouragements, stroking her back, until Manon’s heart finally calmed a little, her breaths becoming more steady.

Manon looked up at Dorian, giving him a wordless thank you. In return, he gave her a soft smile, and Manon was so grateful that he always seemed to know what she tried to communicate, even when she couldn’t find the right words.

Suddenly, his eyes widened, if only slightly, as if he realized something.

«Did you just tell me you love me?» Dorian held her gaze, and part of her wanted to pull away at the intensity of it, but those sapphire eyes had her hypnotized.

His voice was barely above a whisper, but Manon could hear the disbelief, the hope. It was enough to halt her crying, to make her forget, for a moment, that they were actually in the middle of a very important argument.

«That was what you got out of this? Of course I fucking love you, you complete idiot! Are you-»

She knew she sounded hysteric, but before she could finish her sentence, Dorian caught her lips with his.

The kiss was hungry, all-consuming, saying all the words neither of them could voice. 

Manon answered with that same desperate hunger, the salt of her tears mixing with a familiar taste that could only be described as Dorian. 

She needed to be even closer to him, lose herself in the pleasure only he could give her, but Dorian pulled away, panting. His hands cupped her face, and Manon felt the soft caress of an invisible finger move across her lips.

He looked almost wild, and his eyes were stormy as he spoke in a low and raspy voice. «I love you too, Manon. You have no idea how-»

This time, she was the one who pounced, lips crashing against his. If their former kiss was hungry, this one was ravenous. She opened herself up to him, his tongue entering her mouth. She sucked on it, and a low noise came from his throat. His hands moved down, down, to cup her ass, and she grabbed the opportunity to wrap her legs around his waist. 

Dorian started walking them towards the bed, meanwhile Manon kissed a trail across his jaw, down his throat, letting her teeth graze over his pulse point. She could feel him growing harder and harder against her, and her core throbbed in answer, needing to be filled.

As he reached the bed, Dorian carelessly tossed her onto it, immediately going to work on removing her clothes. His phantom hands started pulling off her trousers, while Dorian unlaced her shirt. He reached a hand inside to cup one of her breasts, brushing a finger over an already peaked nipple. Manon moaned, urging him to just take the damn shirt off.

He obeyed with a dark chuckle, but he was still too clothed in Manon’s opinion. Dorian stepped out of his own pants, while Manon, ever so impatient, simply ripped his shirt in half.

«What if I really liked that shirt?» Dorian teased, but Manon didn’t have time for his usual swagger. Letting out a near-feral growl, she reached for him, pulling him closer.

They were both naked now, and Manon claimed his mouth in a rough kiss whilst one of her hands  moved downwards, grabbing his hard cock. She gave it a firm stroke once, twice, and Dorian groaned before he pushed her back down on the bed, beginning to kiss a trail down her neck, over her breasts, down-

«Inside me. Now.»

Manon grabbed his hair and pulled him back up to her mouth. She was already dripping wet, her cunt begging for him to fill her with his impressive length.

Invisible hands snaked up her legs, spreading them, and then Dorian lined himself up, filling her in one long, glorious stroke. She moaned at the tight fit, at the bolts of pleasure shooting up her spine. 

Dorian panted, burying his head in the crook of her neck. His lips found her pulse, and he sucked right as he started moving inside her.

Manon held him tightly, clawing at his back as he slammed to the hilt over and over again, hitting that sweet spot deep inside her. She lifted her hips to meet his strokes, and the new angle pulled an almost animalistic noise out of her as he brushed against her clit.

Already, she could feel that great wave rising, that blissful release beckoning. Dorian was close too, judging by the way he was panting, his rhythm faltering. He lifted his head and his eyes locked onto hers. Gold meeting sapphire. She couldn’t have looked away even if she wanted to. It was hypnotizing.

They were both desperate, two souls trying to get as close to each other as possible.

«Say that you’re mine,» Dorian growled, a low noise coming from his throat as Manon tightened her legs around him.

«I’m yours,» Manon moaned, unable to even identify all the emotions she was feeling in this moment. 

«You’re mine.»

«I’m yours.» 

Then he brought his thumb down on her clit, and that great wave crashed over her.

Manon screamed with pleasure, but the sound was muffled as Dorian’s mouth crashed into hers. He thrust into her hard, she could feel his cock throb inside her, could feel her cunt gripping him tight, and as she bit down on his lower lip, he followed her over the edge with a scream of his own.

-

«I’ll fight with you,» Manon said at last, looking up from where she was nestled against Dorian’s chest. A phantom hand was tracing circles on her upper thigh, but she was so exhausted the motion was more soothing than arousing. «I’ll ask my people, too, but I won’t force anyone, not after all they’ve been through.»

Dorian seemed to think for a moment. «I won’t pretend I’m not glad you’ll fight with us though I do feel a bit guilty.» He winced as he said that last part.

Manon touched her fingers to his lips, as if memorizing their shape. «You shouldn’t,» she said, not meeting his eyes. «Part of me knew from the beginning this was the right thing to do, I was just too much of a coward to admit it.» 

«Look at me.» He grabbed her chin, tilting her face upwards. «You’re not a coward. You are so strong, Manon, and we’ve hardly had time to catch our breath since the last war, in which you went through hell. Not wanting to go through that again doesn’t make you weak, it just makes you…» he trailed off, looking for the right word.

«Human?» Manon suggested with a small laugh.

Dorian smiled. «In lack of a better term, yes.»

She remembered a different time, when being called human had been the greatest insult there was, when it had been beaten into her, time and time again, that caring made her weak. That love was for foolish cowards. It pleased her to know that in the end, her grandmother had lost that battle too.

Closing her eyes, Manon whispered, «I’m just so tired of being afraid all the time.» Another tear slipped free, but Dorian wiped it away quickly. She buried her head in his chest as she started crying once more, the sobs silent this time. Dorian only held her tighter, as she shook, stroking her hair.

Two years ago, Manon never would have allowed herself to show this much emotion, to even feel this much emotion, but she was weary, both body and soul, and she couldn’t keep fighting any longer. 

«It will get better. I promise.»

One day, she vowed to herself, even if that wasn’t today, Manon would believe him. 

«And I am sorry for how I left things when I went to Morath.»

«It was crucial-» Manon began, but Dorian halted her, needing to finish his apology.

«I agree, it was crucial to winning the war, but I could have gone about it differently. You laid yourself bare in front of me, and in response, even when I knew how difficult that must have been for you, I left in the dead of night without a word. For that, I am sorry.»

Manon held his gaze, something settling within her at the words she’d unknowingly needed to hear.

«For what it’s worth, if you had woken me up to say goodbye, I probably would have followed you. I nearly did, actually, no matter how furious I was.»

«I’m surprised you didn’t propose this time, to get me to stay,» Dorian mused, a hint of teasing in his voice.

Feeling a smile tugging at her lips, Manon replied, «That plan didn’t work, if you don’t remember.» 

«Maybe I’ve changed my mind since then.» He was clearly toying with her, but it made Manon feel a little lighter inside, so she decided to play along.

«You survive whatever hell we’re about to throw ourselves into, and I’ll propose again. I’ll get a ring and everything.» Manon punctuated the words with a trail of kisses down the hard planes of his stomach.

«Deal. You survive, and I promise I’ll say yes this time,» Dorian murmured, his hands going to her hair as she reached his cock, the length hardening once more.

Holding his gaze, Manon let out a breathless «Deal.»

-

«Do you want to know what I’m fighting for?» Dorian asked, his fingers not halting their soothing motions. Manon merely hummed in answer, both of them completely spent, physically and emotionally, after three more rounds.  

«I’m fighting for a future where we can spend days in bed like this, just the two of us, no interruptions, whether that be annoying council members or impending doom.»

 Manon snorted at that, and wasn’t that exactly why she loved him so much? Only Dorian could make her laugh at a time like this.

«But there won’t be a world for us to do that in if we do nothing.»

His words made Asterin’s voice echo inside Manon.

Live, Manon. Live.

And she would. She would take up this fight, join this war, so that she could one day simply live. She owed her cousin that much.

«Should we tell the others?» Something had straightened within her, and her voice sounded stronger, even if she didn’t move from her spot halfway on top of Dorian.

«In the morning. We both need to sleep, and I selfishly want us to stay in our own bubble a little longer.» Manon felt him sigh, and she looked up at him once more, holding his gaze as she brushed his hair out of his face.

«In the morning, then.»

Because the king was right, they needed to sleep. She could feel her eyelids growing heavy, though inside, she felt like a great weight had been lifted off her.

Bringing her face closer to his, she mouthed those three wondrous words against his lips, before claiming them. Right now, they could pretend they had all the time in the world. 

«I love you too,» Dorian murmured in between lazy, unhurried kisses.

When they settled at last, Manon was tucked against his side, head resting over his heart, its steady beat a soothing lullaby. The last thing she remembered before drifting off to sleep, was Dorian pressing a kiss to her forehead.

And that night, no nightmares of the past haunted her. Instead, she dreamt of the future, of clear skies with wyverns flying over head, of lazy mornings spent in bed, of being woken up by a pair of small feet running down the hall and wide, blue eyes and a mess of white curls looking up at her. 

Manon would claw her way to that future if she had to.

Because they would win this war, they had to, and then she would finally allow herself to live.

A/N:

my will to live currently depends on us getting a glimpse of the throne of glass gang, especially manorian, in cc3:) we will get a book about them one day!! stay clowning fellow manorians<3<3

anyway, i rarely have the time to write anymore, because uni means you actually have to do schoolwork:( i should study for my chemistry exam rn, but i wanted to procrastinate, so i wrote fanfiction instead, you're welcome:):)

Taglist: @fireheartfaery @bookishwitchling @celestialams @darklingswhxore@onfma @ireallyshouldsleeprn @sayosdreams@rowaelinismyotp@rainbowcheetah512@zoyalovesbooks @wishfulimaginings @dreamlandreader

I keep a separate taglist for each ship, so let me know if you want to be added to any of them!