deepestuniversallove - Tumblr blog

deepestuniversallove · 2 months

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Hey I literally logged in just to give you support. Don't listen to these idiots telling you that you're gross for loving Mewtwo.

Because if loving Mewtwo is gross then the entire monster-fucking community should also be shamed but they aren't hmmmmmm I wonder why.

The degenerates in this fandom are perfectly fine with Ash fucking Latias, and men fucking Gardevoir, Vaporeon, or whatever slutty monster girl bitch of the week, but nooo you self shipping with Mewtwo is apparently cONcERnING or whatever.

(I love how no one calls the Hatsune Miku guy names lol, do I smell double standards? )

But this doesn't surprise me because the Pokemon community is full of hypocrites and these are the same no - life losers who shit their pants because Ash isn't in the anime anymore, their parents truly failed in raising them.

Lord knows I faced enough trouble for loving Steven and that too, from an Eevee fucker.

Monika, sweetie you are doing nothing wrong, your love for Mewtwo is so innocent, sweet and pure. I think it's beautiful how helped you with depression and escape your narcissistic mother.

People on this site love to preach mental health support but the very minute you do something different yet harmless suddenly it's

"OH NO YOU DARE TO LOVE A "FICTIONAL CHARACTER"

Keep on giving them rectal bleeding and draw more of you and Mewtwo ;) I love to see it.

AHH thank you so much for this message!! 🥹 That is so sweet of you!

Yeah, I dunno why it has always been like this. Even 10 or even 20 years ago, I often got messages chastising me for selfshipping with Mewtwo, calling it "nasty" and "degenerate", when really, i am not doing it to specifically be a degenerate, but because I honestly love Mewtwo. In his story, he too had to fight against a narcissistic "parent" (Giovanni), just like I had to against my own. How can it be seen as a crime to want to believe? Or has it been wrong to say "Mewtwo, please teach me to be brave like you" in my mind during the hard times, especially back when I was a lonely child?

Haha, I doubt anyone could ever shame the monster fucker community out of what they are doing. Or the furry community for that matter. 🤣

There always seems to be some sort of underlying misogyny happening. Women are expected to get an IRL husband/boyfriend to serve as soon as possible, so seeing a woman openly rather selfship with a fictional character is threatening to them, because how dare a woman not be in the kitchen and make sandwiches for a man? How dare a woman prefer to be single when there is a "male crisis of loneliness" happening?

Then again, I don't think I owe society anything. Where was society when I was abused? Where was the help or the community when I needed them most? I was left to my own devices. When a fictional character like Mewtwo brings someone like me more hope than any IRL human, that's how I know we failed as a society. Even sicker is that other more destructive forms of coping mechanisms are more encouraged. Somehow selfshipping is seen as more evil by the "moral police" than dying from a drug overdose on the streets or having alcoholism.

Anyone who ever complains to me about "ruining Mewtwo" or whatever - no, you aren't "concerned", you are just using that word to camouflage that what you really want is control over me and what I put out there. And i can tell you it is futile. I haven't survived so far just for some snotty brats to tell me what i can or cannot do in MY online space. Don't like what I post? Tough titties, use the block button. No one is forcing you to look at my "cringe". My cringy stuff brings me joy and makes me happy, and I feel I deserve some happiness in this shitty world of ours. You do too, so just..go and have some fun yourself. Don't waste your only life on policing others.

So yeah, you are right, dagdasgoddess. I will keep giving people "rectal bleeding". 🤣 No one can stop me from loving Mewtwo, my guardian angel that even visits me in my dreams at night, and loves me even when I absolutely despise myself. He will always be a bastion of love for me, a symbol that life is worth living regardless of hardships.

#mewtwo #selfshipping #answered asks

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deepestuniversallove · 3 months

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My contribution to Mewtwo's birthday (and a try drawing on black paper)

#mewtwo #Mewtwo's birthday #Pokémon

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deepestuniversallove · 3 months

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I really like your lotor x s/I stuff. Will you do more sometime?

I should, it would be nice to draw more of myself and Lotor! In the meantime there's a lot under my #Lotor tag.

If you got any suggestions on themes I could draw, I am open to hearing that too

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deepestuniversallove · 3 months

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Do you ever get accused of being a zoophile because you're attracted to Mewtwo?

Haha, I would be a rich bitch if i got a dollar for every time I got accused of being a zoophile just because I am in love with Mewtwo. 😂😂

It depends on how you define zoophilia. The real definition of zoophilia is a sexual attraction to real-life animals and is literally illegal. Not to mention despicable. I literally don't understand how anyone could harm innocent animals for sexual gratification. There is a special place in hell for such scum.

Fandom seems to have a completely different definition of zoophilia though. They seem to think that having relations with any non-human fictional character is zoophilia as well, even if said non-human has the same level of sapience (or greater) than a human. Fandom's definition for zoophilia is wrong. If anything, that would be Xenophilia, the attraction between humans and (often extraterrestrial) non-human beings.

Maybe it's just because Mewtwo is a Pokémon and people automatically assume that Pokémon = animal, hence Mewtwo = animal. I don't see it that way at all. What kind of animal can build a castle and essentially be a scientist that mastered cloning? Or that can fully speak human language and have an existential crisis? Mewtwo has a sapience and intelligence greater than a human's, hence being in love with or attracted to him is fair game. In fact, he has more in common with a Grey Alien than any real-life animal. So if anything, I'm a xenophile, I'd rather have relations with non-human aliens than any human male.

#selfshipping #zoophilia discourse #fandom wank #i have three pet mice at home that are former lab animals #i could never harm any of them #they are my babies and i am their mama bear #plus what is it with people equating fantasy with reality?

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deepestuniversallove · 3 months

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This is a small reference for the younger version of my self insert for Pokemon, which is the oldest insert of mine

Name: Monika Rogowska

Birthday: 4th March

Astrological Signs: Pisces Sun, Aquarius Moon, Pisces Venus

Height and Weight: 1.65m, 65 kg

Pet name: Diana (only Mewtwo gets to call her that)

Accessoiries: Standard trainer gear (backpack, Pokeballs and a belt that holds them), moon choker gifted to her by Mewtwo

Personality

comes from an abusive household with a narcissistic mother, hence is a bit of a people pleaser at times

is resilient in the face of challenges, even if scared at first

develops a need to be free and find her own place in the world

has only few friends for fear of being found by her abuser again

Is a bubbly person that giggles a lot when around trusted people

likes light green colored Pokemon a lot

dreams of building a life that she can live on her own terms

her Pokemon team act as her friends and as bodyguards of sorts

is not after becoming the greatest Pokemon Master (too much publicity is dangerous and could get her found)

She is a romantic

Rough Storyline

Monika is the daughter of a Team Rocket admin named Beata, living in Cherrygrove town

Beata only ever saw Monika as a pawn for her own plans, not as an own human being and basically held her in captivity, not even allowing her to get a Pokemon in the first place

Monika still manages to get a Pokemon from a breeder that had a left-over Pikachu and names him Kuma

Kuma gets discovered and is taken away from Monika, which causes her to have even more despair

she finds a way to access the files of Team Rocket and finds out about the existence of Mewtwo for the first time by watching a video of his escape from Giovanni at the Rocket headquarters

inspired after seeing the genetic Pokemon made to be a slave escape after all, she finds the will to escape herself, free Kuma and leave the misery behind

her dream becomes to find the Pokemon that had inspired her in the first place, to find Mewtwo himself and thank him

manages to escape at age 11 and travels for roughly a year

eventually she stumbles upon him shortly after the first Pokemon movie, when Mewtwo sets out to find a place to live for himself and his clones

she strikes a deal with him to take care of his clones and teach Mewtwo more about humans

they eventually fall in love

As for the Pokemon team:

- Kuma is Monikas closest companion as he was there for her from the very beginning; he is a little bit overprotective of Monika and didnt trust Mewtwo at first. Basically acting as a bit of a third wheel.

- Claire is a bubbly Clefairy who eventually develops a crush on Ichitaka the Scizor.

- Ichitaka is the Brawn of the group for Monika, basically a more menacing Pokemon for protecting her. He is a very good friend of Mewtwo, greeting him with bro-fist when they see each other again

- Darar is the advisor for Monika, giving her helpful suggestions whenever she is out of ideas. Being psychic, he can speak human language too and communicate and translate Pokemon speech for her if needed

- Marisa and Basilikum are dependable Pokemon that look cute but can be very effective in traversing the environment thanks to their plant abilities

#Pikachu #pokémon #pokemon self insert #selfshipping #monika ref

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deepestuniversallove · 5 months

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Name: Mewtwo Lunar

Pet name: Miodzio (only Monika calls him that)

Origin: Kantonian Mewtwo created under orders from Giovanni of Team Rocket (He's Mewtwo from the first movie)

Birthday: 6th February 1998

Astrological signs: Aquarius Sun, Gemini Moon, Capricorn Venus

Height & Weight: 2m, 128kg

Nature: Adamant

Sex & Gender: Male, he/him

Accessories: Mewtonite X in a round crystal cage necklace (obtained after Kalos arc), Moon ball (after proposing to Monika), some various clothing

In a romantic relationship with Monika

Personality:

Has a calm demeanor and prefers to observe first to deduce if any stepping in will become necessary

Very loyal to his friends

Values intelligence and knowledge, likes to dabble in intellectual pursuits.

Suffers from depression and existential dread, feels like an outsider to the world

Can be a bit cocky sometimes and act high and mighty

Displays a great need for freedom and roaming, doesn't like being confined to small spaces

Sometimes may come across as 'emotionally constipated', preferring to rely on rational reasoning than emotions

Can act a bit 'tsundere' at times

Rough Storyline:

Is virtually unchanged from the first movie and the prequel with Aitwo

Is genetically related to Aitwo to the point of them being siblings (due to an experimentation by Dr. Fuji to infuse Aitwo's genes with Mew genes in later clones)

Difference in the story happens after the first movie and results in a changed storyline for "Mewtwo Returns"

During travels to find a new home for himself and his clones, he encounters Monika, a young human girl who is a fugitive of Team Rocket

Monika has known about Mewtwo beforehand due to her connections to Team Rocket, and was inspired by him to live on

Mewtwo finds himself in love with Monika eventually and the two begin a romantic relationship

This eventually falls apart for a few years during Monika's later teenage years, as the two lacked experience in serious relationships

Mewtwo spent a few years by himself in self-discovery, making new friends in the process

Later reunites with Monika during her travels in Kalos, rekindling their romance

Eventually starts a family

#mewtwo #selfship #selfshipping #mewtwo reference #time for me to update my reference for my version of Mewtwo #my theme for him is interspecies romance #i am convinced he has a thing for human women more than he would for any fellow Pokemon #aromantic/aroace Mewtwo? Not in my house!#but no honestly #i truly love Mewtwo #for a fictional character he turned my life around for the better

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deepestuniversallove · 6 months

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What do you think of beastiality?

Why are you asking me this and would you ask the same of a guy who is sexually attracted to Gardevoir or Vaporeon?

I assume that this question came up because I selfship with Mewtwo. To that I can only say "Harkness test". He passes that with flying colors!

If you mean real life bestiality, what is wrong with you to even ask that question? In real life it's ALWAYS wrong, because we have nothing that equals humans in intelligence and thus could never consent to interspecies relationships.

#answered asks

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deepestuniversallove · 6 months

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Nothing too fancy, but it's Kunai's and Pig's birthday today (the 20th October), and coincidentally, both are "ghost girls" (though Kunai eventually becomes just a former one) AND daughters of Mewtwo!

Pig is @xxtc-96xx 's OC, and Kunai is mine.

Kunai's older ref sheet's here - as s character, she is pretty old (she came to me in a dream 18 years ago)

#mewtwo #babytwo #fan children #tc-96 #xxtc 96xx #kunai lunar

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deepestuniversallove · 7 months

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Just me and 98!Vash. Why must he be so cute?

....the meltdown I had when he was revealed to be a Jesus figure was epic 🤣🤣 It reminded me too much of my bible-thumping ex from a decade ago.

#selfship #selfshipping #vash the stampede #trigun vash #vash #trigun

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deepestuniversallove · 7 months

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I'm going to sit down and try to explain this with patience, to everyone who still thinks calling out narcissistic abuse is 'ableist' or 'dehumanizing to the narcissists', and that abuse is something we're all equally capable of.

I don't think you understand what narcissistic abuse is, or how it differs from the other kinds of abuse. We can agree that all and any abuse is damaging, traumatic and scarring, but narcissistic abuse is so extremely pervasive, hidden, strategic and unbelievable, to the point where I can't honestly tell it's something any regular human would be capable of. And even more than this, the survivors of this particular type of abuse have found it extremely, extremely difficult to figure out they've been abused, even when they've been put through extreme, devastating, and absolutely dehumanizing scenarios. Realizing that your loved one is a narcissist requires your entire world to break down, and every piece of your heart shatters in the realization, and it takes months, even years to accept it.

The only way we can possibly figure it out is to connect the patterns. And patterns of the narcissistic abuse are focused on erasing one's own sense of self, one's perspective and ultimately, complete control over someone's emotions and behaviours. This is often done from early on, the grooming process starts at age zero, your value, worth and usefulness is determined by them, and you cannot wrangle yourself free from it on your own, not without someone confirming to you that you've been held captive, that your free will has been taken a long time ago.

Unfortunately, I have to give some examples, because I don't think it can be explained otherwise. When I was 2 years old, a narcissistic person found it a nuisance to watch over me, and they beat me up every time I disobeyed. I was a toddler. Then they proceeded to convince me that I was a demon, and would burn in hell regardless of what I do for the rest of my life. I've been brainwashed by this person to believe I was not a human being, had no human rights, that it was correct and regular for me to be locked up, beaten, and that it was my fault every single time, even when I did all that was asked of me. This person then had me comfort them after they would beat me, because it was a stressful experience for them. I wasn't allowed to cry. I would be beaten for making a face expression they didn't like. It was random and unexplainable.

Another narcissistic person created a game where they would give me wrong instructions for a task, then torture me when I did exactly as they instructed me to. It got to a point where I would beg them to tell me what to do correctly, and they would respond with a laughing 'you should be old enough to know this' and they would be even happier to beat me up and scream at me for getting it wrong. This person not only threatened to kill me regularly, but often made me believe I was in my last few seconds of life, putting me in position where I believed I was about to die. They forced me to work for them in unsafe conditions, heavy physical jobs, where I was not allowed to say I'm tired, not allowed to cry, and even after I'd do everything, they would still tell me I didn't deserve to eat. I was a child. I didn't think for a second I was being abused. I was already brainwashed to believe that everyone else had it worse, and that I was lucky.

I had no identity besides existing for them, I had no free will except to try and make myself into something they could use, and if I didn't do a good enough job, I'd be ostracized. They loved beating me, screaming at me and making me cry, and then they'd leave me in a room crying without being allowed to make any noise, while they laughed in the room next to me, as a family, loudly so I could hear what a great time they were having. They would treat other children gently in front of me in order to try and make me jealous. They would revise every part of what they did to me if I ever tried to bring it up. I wasn't allowed my own perspective, opinion, or complaint. I wasn't even allowed to remember the abuse correctly. I would be locked in a room and questioned and punished if my opinions weren't to their liking.

I don't believe this is something anyone is capable of doing. I don't believe anyone of us is capable of torturing a kid until the kid begs to be killed. I don't believe most of us are capable of erasing a child's point of view, their reality, their humanity to the point where the child is forced to live a life where they will either comply or be killed, and they will be tortured no matter what. This isn't a regular thing that a person can easily do.

Luckily, us who have been through this, have noticed that there is a specific pattern to their behaviour. That they use almost identical phrases with which their invoke guilt, fear and hopelessness. That they can go frighteningly fast from rage to laughter to acting hurt. That they enforce their will over ours with a specific type of terror that triggers both our survival instincts and our compassion and shame. That we've been groomed by them in an almost identical way - to not believe that we're allowed our own feelings, memories, opinions, point of view, or freedom. That we have learned to exist only to be an extension of them.

We also all noticed that we're all absolutely, beyond terrified of them, and that we don't feel we're allowed to say it, or think it. That we're taught by terror to keep believing that they're good people, that they do none of it on purpose, not even the most extreme, insane, egregious abuse. That they will go to any length, even committing more atrocities, to escape accountability. That they use tactics of darvo, gaslighting, double-bind, planting insecurities, triangulating, future faking, discarding, love bombing, mirroring, smear campaigns, projection, scapegoating, silencing, throwing tantrums, victim playing, like it's in their second nature. That they're genuinely, absolutely terrifying and almost unreal in how far they're capable of going. And most of all, that they are dangerous, and capable of completely turning another human being into their puppet, and never think for a second that it might be wrong. To them, we are nothing more but toys to manipulate, control, and discard. We are disposable. There is no limit to what they can do to us, because to them, we are not alive. They would do to us what normal people wouldn't do to a corpse. And they feel superior for it.

People abused by narcissists from early age are likely to develop the most complex and extreme disorders, complex ptsd and dissociative identity disorder being some of them, because that's what it takes to survive being a child and existing next to a narcissist. This means that small children need to be shattered in pieces in order to please the narcissist. Others that are very common are eating disorders, anxiety, depression, paranoia, avoidant personality disorder, panic disorder, and compulsions to cater to everyone's needs, to the point of our own destruction. This is what they make of us, on purpose, in order for us to be of use to them. And they will forever insist it's their right.

When I'm saying the word 'narcissist', I am not referring to 'anyone diagnosed with npd', I am referring to a person who will do this to a child, and insist on doing it for the rest of the child's life. I am writing it because I don't want children to have to live like this forever. I am not aiming to dehumanize the narcissist, their actions show who they are, I am saying, be careful and aware that this person will dehumanize you. That you are disposable to them. That making you feel good in order for you to like them, is a game to them, and one they're very good at. That playing the victim at you and demanding justice, will easily manipulate you into standing against the victims of abuse and talking down to them for 'dehumanizing their abusers', and being 'ableist to the npd', after being tortured past the point of return by those people.

A lot of us are permanently damaged by what's been done to us. We are not asking for justice. We're not asking for revenge. We are asking to be safe. We're asking for this to stop. We're asking for children not to be left alone with people who are dangerous to this level. We're asking you to understand that a narcissist left alone with a child means a child in danger.

It's common to not be aware just how bad it can go, because we think that most humans know not to torture a child. We believe that nobody would do things to children that narcissists do. If you read the stories of the survivors, you'll find out what actually happens behind closed doors. The themes of torture, dehumanization, sexual abuse, brainwashing, violence, and extreme cruelty are common, even towards toddlers.

I need you to not attack those children when they grow up and say they no longer want to be around narcissists. I need you to understand that they know what they're talking about when they say it's not safe, that they want to be protected. The society already failed to protect them at their most vulnerable, and they had to make it alive by their wits alone. And now you won't even let them speak without attacking them? It's inexcusable.

If you want to know about the narcissists, read what their victims have gone through. Then make a judgment on whether we're allowed to speak, and whether it's worth warning others to hold caution. I've heard and read stories of narcissistic parents sex-trafficking their own child, holding them captive and locked up and convincing them it's right to do this, using brutal punishments to 'train' them into inhumane slave-like behaviour, keeping the children in state so terrified the children wished they were dead. And in all those cases, they still convinced the children to love their parents, and to never blame them for any kind of abuse. Yes, even in the sex-trafficking cases.

Fighting for those children to realize that they didn't deserve that, is the only correct thing to do. Fighting to help them realize they're in danger, and that they deserve safely, it's not only right but extremely necessary, it's what we all should be putting all of our energy into.

Wanting to keep others safe will never be wrong. Wanting to protect those who still have their identity, their sense of self, their undamaged humanity, their free will and their point of view, that's worth fighting for! And above all, those who already lost it all, need to be protected. We cannot allow for already badly wounded people to be dehumanized over and over again. Nobody deserves that.

#not my art #narcissistic abuse #tw child abuse #i was 11 when i first wanted to die #i saw Mewtwo and he took up a safe space in my mind #i heard him tell me to never give up throughout the years #that one day i will be free #and somehow i survived #so narcs can get fucked #i don't think its ableist to demand that no child has to go through what me and my brother went through

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