Forever lost in this darkness
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wow. I guess it’s good to know how you really feel.
That you see me as destabilizing, better to be cut out. That you’re so much better without me.
You emotionally manipulated me, cheated on me, and now blame me for the instability. Fuck you.
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I just feel numb
I can’t trust anyone
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when did I become so cynical and jaded?
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The darkness knows no end yet I keep walking
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I’m not sure I’ve ever been okay or that I ever will be in the future.
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My heart still loves you and I can’t turn it off
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You talk of being honest with me but you never seem to know what that honesty even is.
Your feelings waxed and waned like the moon.
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I look at old photos and recognize the man I love.
I miss the man who would walk with me under starry skies, confide in me at 5am, and sprint across campus in the heat of summer to rescue me.
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Why did you say you loved me?
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“That which promised happiness when we were one in heart, is fraught with misery now that we are two."
– A Christmas Carol
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“For the moon never beams, without bringing me dreams
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;”
– E. A. Poe
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are you out there, tiny star?
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I think my heart will always hope you’ll come back
Like you’ve done before
One day I’ll see you and reach out and you’ll reach back
I know I shouldn’t keep this hope
But it’s just always there with me
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Getting used to being alone
Maybe love and human contact were just a dream
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It feels wrong to try to love anyone else
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I write emails to my therapist that I never send. It’s similar to writing here and sending my words out into the void. Sometimes my emotions and thoughts are bursting out of me and need somewhere to go
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