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dellawren · 9 months
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What if life was easier than we make it out to be? What if all that stuff we think we have to take on isn't ours and we don't really need to worry about it? What if a lot of the pain we experience in our lives is actually just us in our own minds? Yes, sometimes the experience causes pain, but more often than not we make that pain worse through our thoughts. The experience itself starts it and the mind says "hold my beer" and finishes it. What if we could manage our thinking and understand our emotions in a way that allowed us to be okay more of the time? My life experience, specifically my healing journey over the last 9 years, has taught me self-mastery. It's taught me this process of managing thoughts and emotions, gaining mental clarity around those things, and then shifting my behavior to something that didn't offer more pain. I've learned how to be okay in my experience without really changing my experience. Sometimes I use the analogy making yourself comfortable in a chair. You squirm around a bit. You find a comfy pillow or two, maybe a blanket, and you curl up and get comfy. Well, that's how life works. You're given the chair which is your experience in your life, and you're asked to make it work. But unlike a regular old chair that you sit in, you never bother to find a way to make life more comfortable for yourself, instead you roll around in the misery and wonder why you're not happy. My life changed, not because I worked on changing external circumstances, but because I changed myself within those circumstances. I stopped reacting to the experience because I began to understand that my reactions and my interpretations of the experience were causing more pain. I learned to shift my behavior so that didn't happen anymore. I spent years just working on my thoughts before I ever did anything else. Getting control over the run away mind took some work. I'll be honest that for me, that was probably the hardest part. I sat in pools of fear because I was afraid of everything. I had to learn how not t be afraid to simply exist. Sitting in the fear while learning to manage my mind was some of the most challenging work that I did on myself. The stuff I do now is a breeze in comparison. Of course, I stared down the fear so I'm not afraid of very much anymore. I taught myself this. I was guided through it intuitively and now I live it. It's my life and my life's work. It's the thing I offer to other people to help them feel better without needing to make massive changes to their lives if they don't want to yet. That's what I write about, what I talk about, and how I live. It's given me peace. It's made my life simpler. It freed me from the pool of fear I was drowning in. It offered me hope that I had the power to create something better for myself. Thanks for reading. If you're interested in learning more about self-mastery, just follow me along. I've got lots to say if the length of this post is any indication of that! Much love to all. Della
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dellawren · 1 year
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No Book In 2023!
Just before all the chaos started in the last couple of weeks, I had an idea for something that I wanted to share with you. You'll remember I said a couple of weeks ago that I had no plans to write a book in 2023, well here's the alternative idea.
I found this little program called Obsidian. It's completely free. It's actually a Markdown editor that has some cool functionality. Markdown is a coding language, like HTML (hyper-text markup language), that allows a person to create a simple, static website.
The neat thing about Obsidian is that it creates a spider web map of the individual notes or pieces of text that get created. It's like a mind-map on steroids.
Using Obsidian I can write out all the different topics that I talk about, connect them to each other in a way that makes sense, and then display the whole thing in a static website. That's my plan. Instead of a book, I'm going to create a free website full of the concepts that I talk about.
Why?
My content is free. When I offer private coaching or paid group programs or even the Conscious Clarity Community, it's not because I'm trying to get you to pay me for some secret sauce that I'm hiding. My goal with those things is to help you apply the concepts that I offer to your own life. It's to give you the opportunity to have me focus directly on your specific situation and the thoughts that are in your head.
Tell me what you're thinking and I'll help you shift the thinking to something that allows you to see things more clearly. I can help get you out of your head and get you unstuck.
You can do that for free by reading what I write, sitting down, and figuring it out for yourself or I can help you. The choice is yours. Either way, the content itself is free. You're only paying for my support. The ideas that I offer in those paid formats aren't new ideas. They are the same things that I talk about continuously. The difference for you is that I'm applying them to you directly. I'm showing you how it works in your own life.
So, that's my project for 2023 around all the other things.
I'll be publishing the individual ideas as I write them. I'm considering offering them in paid-for PDF file downloads as well. The free static website would be exactly that, free and static, without the ability to copy or print. The PDF files would allow you to buy, download, and print specific topics and concepts that are of interest to you.
Not only will it be written like a de-constructed and mind-mapped book, but it will also include questions and exercises to help you get your head around it for yourself.
If that sounds neat to you, watch for more in 2023!!
Love to all.
Della
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dellawren · 1 year
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It's been an eventful few days. Late night blogs are a great way to talk about things! Enjoy!
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dellawren · 1 year
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Using My Own Strategies!
Things happen.
I switched back to Payhip for my website because money became a thing again.
I could blame lots of things for that and even engage in arguments with the people around me. But that serves no purpose and doesn't get me anywhere.
My job is to question my own thinking and frustration around what's happening. What can I shift to help myself move forward and be a little more stable in my work?
There was a time when I would have walked away from every offer I have up right now. I would have decided that those things weren't working and that I should change it up again. I probably would have crawled back into my hole and started again. Not this time.
I moved all the offers from platform to platform. I changed nothing except to add a free trial to the Conscious Clarity Community because the functionality was available suddenly. That's all I did.
My commitment to constantly questioning my reality and my perception of my reality in this way means that now I'm looking for ways to communicate the same ideas a little differently. What can I shift that doesn't require me to tear everything down and start again? If it's not what I'm offering that's the problem, then maybe it's how I'm offering it. What needs to change?
I actually don't have an answer to this right now and I'm okay with that. This blind path that I'm on is the way forward. I get to play in the space and figure it out. I don't have to have all the answers immediately. It's okay to hang out here. Is it a little uncomfortable? Sure. But that's fine, there's nothing wrong with it.
Get okay with being uncomfortable. Get okay with not knowing. Get okay with just exploring and figuring it out as you go along. Ultimately, I've had to learn to trust myself to figure it out without completely running away from the whole thing and that's what I'm doing now.
To deal with the fear, to manage the anxiety, to get over the hurdle, you have to stand up and stay put. Your power is inside of you. It's not out there. It's not in the economy. It's not in blaming other people for things. It's exactly where it's always been, inside of you right where you buried it.
Questioning myself has allowed me to see the problem with tearing it down and starting again all the time. I found a pattern in my work that doesn't make sense. I have a habit to kick. Cool! If I don't use the failing strategy of starting again, then what do I do?
That's the question. What's the better behavior? What's the better response? The only way you find that is by questioning it. That's what I'm going to do. We'll see where I end up.
Oh yeah, I use the strategies I talk about. This is how I've done the majority of my healing work. Constant questioning like this (it's not skepticism) allows me to find a better way forward for myself. I know the answers are there; it's just a scavenger hunt to find them.
Are you ready to play the game with me?
Those offers I keep talking about are still there and they aren't going away. Hit up my shiny new website for more info. You can always message me for a link. Not sure what to pick? Hit me up for a chat! I'm happy to help!
Love to all.
Della
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dellawren · 1 year
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For anybody that is into tarot or oracle, I've put up a free worksheet to do your year-ahead tarot spread. Just pull one card for each month of 2023 and record them on the sheet. Use your journal or the back of the page to write down any notes about each card.
You can also figure out your year card in tarot by adding the month and day of your birth plus 2023.
For example my birthday is June 28th. So I would add 6(June) + 28 + 2023 = 2057. Then I add 2 + 0 + 5 + 7 = 14 which is Temperance in tarot. This card is about relationships and balance.
You can also take 14, add the digits 1 + 4 to make 5, which would then be your year path number. The year path is usually a number between 1 and 9. This can also correspond to tarot, which would be the Hierophant. This is a card of conforming and committing when upright. When in reverse it's a card of doing your own thing.
For a little extra fun, read the Temperance and Hierophant together. That could be about balanced commitments and harmony in relationships. Those relationships don't have to be with physical people. They can be with anything!
Love to all.
Della
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dellawren · 1 year
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Pain and fear turn your perception into a funhouse mirror. It's all distorted. If you want clarity, remove the filter of pain you look through.
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dellawren · 1 year
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It's Not Skepticism
Do you think I'm just skeptical of everything?
I get it if you do because I talk a lot about questioning everything and that could definitely be misconstrued as skepticism. But I'm not going for skepticism, I'm looking for truth and to find the truth we have to be able to see the pain and fear in what's happening.
Under the layer of pain we all carry around there is truth. The pain acts like a filter, a funhouse mirror of sorts, that distorts and even blocks us from being able to see things clearly. When we're in pain and we use that filter, it makes us feel like we need to defend ourselves. it immediately calls in the ego to run defense for us. The problem with running on defense all the time, is that it doesn't let us own our own behavior. Instead we defend our behavior with the pain and that keeps us stuck.
To shift our behaviors and see how those are affecting what's happening around us, we have to be willing to notice the pain. We have to be willing to pay attention to how we're filtering our experience in our minds. Can you spot the distortion in your own thinking? This is the question that we have to continually ask.
It's not about being skeptical at all. It's about filtering out the pain so that the funhouse mirror stops distorting things. The more clearly we can see through the mirror, the easier it is for us to heal. We can stop taking everything on. We don't have to defend ourselves. We don't have to argue with it anymore. We can find instant clarity in recognizing the pain within ourselves and on a more limited basis, within other people.
The pain is the distortion in everybody's viewpoint on anything. Humans are taught to constantly respond from pain. We don't recognize the filter. We aren't taught to see it. So we just accept our own views without ever questioning them. My work for the last 8 years, has been to question all of it constantly. I balance my belief and trust in things working out with taking control over myself because I understand that I can influence the outcome of things through my behavior.
One of the biggest things that I've learned over the last couple of years is that my behavior was having a massive impact on what was going on in my life. I was in pain and I was attracting people that were in pain. When pain pings off of pain, you get more pain. It's just how it goes. That created chaotic relationships because neither one was able to manage their own pain.
Now I have the power to shift that because I'm in control of my own response and I'm aware of my own pain. That means that even when other people are projecting pain at me, I can recognize it and not respond the same way I used to. I no longer have to be triggered by the pain of other people. It doesn't mean I never am. I'm just able to better manage it now and come back later if I need to, to own my own stuff. That alone creates healthier relationships, even with people that aren't doing their own healing work yet.
The idea is simple - the questioning is designed to help you discover where you are hindering yourself and helping yourself through your own behavior. You learn how to use what's being reflected around you to understand yourself within your own experience. The questioning is not about skepticism of lack of trust. It is solely about understanding the self. If you'd like to work with me to begin that process for yourself, reach out to me. I have a number of options and ways to work with me. I'm happy to give you a link to my website. Love to all. Della
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dellawren · 1 year
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I can't be okay until....
Do you say this? Do you think it sometimes?
What's okay where you are right now?
It can't be all bad. There's got to be something good in the pile. What is it?
It's all about your focus. You can bounce from problem to problem and put your well-being outside of yourself and make it conditional on your circumstances, or you can find the good in the chaos and learn to be okay by focusing on that.
The choice to be okay is yours. It's not conditional on anything but what you decide to focus on.
Love to all.
Della
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dellawren · 2 years
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Blog number 2 today! Join me in The Avid Reader Club for only $5 CAD to keep up with me in real-time!
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dellawren · 2 years
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Would it be easier to heal if all you had to do was let go of the things that weighed you down and held you back?
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dellawren · 2 years
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I have a week of writing and sharing ahead of me. Here is the first of probably many blogs over the coming days. If you want to get these in real time, now is a great time to sign up for the Avid Reader Club. Only $5 CAD gets you in!
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dellawren · 2 years
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I decided to write a blog to go with Day 2 of the 100 Days of Healing. I'm not sure I'll write a blog every time, but I will write as much as I can! Enjoy!
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dellawren · 2 years
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100 Days of Healing and it's day 2! Let's talk about being authentically ourselves and how pain plays into that.
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dellawren · 2 years
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My Avid Reader club has had the opportunity to read this and now it's your turn! The big message in this blog is simple. There is nothing wrong with where you are. As new things come up and you accept them, more will be revealed in perfect time.
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dellawren · 2 years
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Join me on a 100 Days of Healing challenge as I share insights and aha moments with you for the next 100 days. Come hang out with me on YouTube or Tik Tok!
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dellawren · 2 years
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Do you do things in your life because you need to or want to? Come have a listen and let me know how the balance works out in your life!
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dellawren · 2 years
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You can have a good life. What can you change now without waiting for the pain?
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