desolades

[desolades]

hello, just a lil fyi, i don't have a promo but i'm currently still on my cassian brainrot over at @k4ssa so u can find me there

#here too #i cannot be free of my pew pew brainrot

[desolades]

the feral need to change my penname to moss just bc it speaks to me on a personal level

#would that be odd #i've been val on this site for yeeeears and honestly idc that much #but but but #moss is me and i am moss #it fits *me* #idk #im storing that information for later #idk if there's another moss on this site #i blame dead astronauts for it 100%

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do u ever just look at an old carrd and are like DAMN

#i was looking for julie's card and accidentally found a work of art #why is it that my best carrds are for characters that live like 1 week tops #tbd.

[desolades]

Do  you  know  what  I  would  do  when  monsters  came  into  my  dreams?  I’d  try  and  scare  them.  I’d  scream  and  yell  until  they  were  afraid  and  ran  off.  Then  they  leave  you  alone.  You  have  to  be  worse  than  them.  

#[ section ii ] — sp. #👁️👁️

[desolades]

currently working on tweaking her story but 🤓 @enwrath

#i am weak and need very little validation to make impulsive decisions and you made the mistake of enabling me so here we are

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as expected, watching true detective is making me want to write my favourite messed up she/theys detective again

i mean

#tbd. #she literally stepped out of true detective season 5 fjjfjd

[desolades]

monstrilio.

dialogue prompts from monstrilio by gerardo sámano córdova.

you know how to love me the best.

i need to love someone who won't disintegrate.

why didn't you come back sooner?

extraordinary things happen everywhere, all the time.

maybe if i try hard enough, i can be everywhere and nowhere at the same time.

i know you think you're alone. that your grief is only your own.

you have no heart.

i need you to come back. i want you here.

god chooses who he cares for, and he didn't choose us.

god has too many rules, anyway. do you really want to follow so many rules?

i don't think we're ever too old for dancing.

i'll keep your secret for a week.

you have your anger, and i have mine.

i'm worried that i bore you.

i can't stay here by myself.

write yourself a new role.

i remember what loving you felt like.

i stopped missing you a while ago.

i was afraid of my loneliness.

i had two emotions: fear and anger.

it really doesn't matter if i love you or not.

what if love doesn't make you feel better?

i want to help you. like you helped me.

i would excel in a zombie apocalypse.

i hate talking to people i don't know.

just the person i wanted. it's like i summoned you.

maybe it's okay that we taste bitter to each other.

i thought this place was invincible.

let's get you some clothes.

i wanted tonight to be special.

if you love someone, you shouldn't want to change them.

it's good you're leaving. you're bigger than all of this. bigger than us.

i'll be okay? you promise?

how do you find these places?

even i am capable of getting over things.

thinking tires me out.

art has no answer, no right way to be.

what's more human than wanting to kiss someone?

isn't that what couples do, tell each other things? secrets?

why is it sometimes people don't do what they want to do?

you can tell me. i won't be mad.

i don't have the energy to be annoyed.

are you embarrassed of me?

how do you make sure people don't stop liking you?

i wish i smoked. i'd have something to do besides pace.

what is it you're so afraid to tell me?

it's hard to focus on one feeling.

i won't abandon you again.

when people don't understand you, you can say anything you want.

may i touch you?

there are no monsters in these shadows. only me.

the pills make me care less.

no more running away.

you don't have to worry anymore.

#im reading this book and im unhinged #idk what is this genre of horror magic realism but im #this is it #you know me im always weak for horror as a way of process grief and sprinkle a bit of magic realism on top??? yes #anyway send me things im trying to muster the will to write

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my mentally ill ass waiting for jodie foster's true detective just to feel something 🧍🏼

#yes its jodie foster's true detective that is the correct name of the series #i will cry if its not good #tbd.

[desolades]

#this book 🤌 #[ fig. 2 ] — echo.

[desolades]

detective pardners detective pardners

#(i need it) #i will ever write a whole new muse for u but also i feel like tom is very good for it #tbd.

[desolades]

TRUE DETECTIVE SENTENCE STARTERS ;

S01xE03 - ❛ The Locked Room ❜ // 31 starters. CW: cussing. Feel free to change words and pronouns as needed!

“This world is a veil and the face you wear is not your own.”

“What do you think the average IQ of this group is, huh?”

“Can you see Texas up there on your high horse?”

“If the common good’s gotta make up fairytales, then it’s not good for anybody.”

“Your sorrows pin you to this place.”

“If the only thing keeping a person decent is the expectation of divine reward, then, brother, that person is a piece of shit, and I’d like to get as many of them out in the open as possible.”

“When you get to talking like this, you sound panicked.”

“Why would you ask that?”

“Easy. I’m not gonna hurt you.”

“People incapable of guilt usually do have a good time.”

“This is just the way things are.”

“Things don’t stay the same. Pick up what you keep, and leave the rest behind. People get better.”

“Maybe you just think you prefer it this way because it’s what you’re used to.”

“What’s our problem, you and me?”

“Where’d you get that idea, hmm?”

“That’s the extent of your concern?”

“Why is there all this space between us, _____?”

“God, you want low expectations.”

“You put a ceiling on your life, on everything, because you won’t change.”

“I think I’m all fucked up.”

“You just look them in the eyes. The whole story’s right there. Everybody wears their hunger and their haunt, you know?”

“So are you gonna go home with this guy? Huh?”

“Hey, I didn’t come here just to drink, you know.”

“Everybody is a fucking drama queen nowadays. Jesus…”

“Stop it. Go away. I don’t want this anymore.”

“You don’t have to fall in love at first sight, you know.”

“Fuck off, I’ll take my first shit through your sun-roof.”

“Hey. Think a man can love two women at once, I mean, be in love with them?”

“Do you wonder ever if you’re a bad man?”

“World needs bad men. We keep the other bad men from the door.”

“I started to believe you were going a little off your nut.  I mean, you’re bonkers, just not on this.”

#true detective this sunday im !! #send me things so i can expose your muse to the weirdness that is tommy rambling nonsense while reality shifts around him

[desolades]

i want to be here so bad and i have so much inspiration and thoughts but i don't have time.

but but i have some thoughts about the fae and their volatile personalities and the way they see humans and play things that can accidentally break, and how the forest is a lot like that and how slowly tommy becomesmore and more like it. how the world starts to become hazy around him, how people can lose their grip on reality while around him. suddenly you find a watch tower im the middle of the night, or a house in the woods, then suddenly you can't remember when it was tjat you stumbled there or if you lived there all along

#THOUGHTS #idk i cannot word properly but there are thoughts and they are in my head

[desolades]

i started reading slewfoot and why is the devil giving tommy vibes plzzzzz

#tired forest papa who just wants to sleep #tommy #you heard it here first #sure he ate some guy but no one is perfect #tbd.

[desolades]

starting 2024 reading ada limon talk about wanting to hear stories about kindness instead of suffering, while sitting outside on a hot summer day under the shade of a linden tree, with a kitten on ur lap is very tommy core, also very healing

#this is your friendly reminder to give some kindness to yourself this year #specially if the world is bad and unfeeling and loud and scary #if you can't find kindness in the world you can still be kind because being defensive and scared and rude only hurts yourself #and even if the forest eats everyone you know in town and you can hear it shifting at night #even if its starts growing on your backyard and taking over the shed and the pool #that's just fine #its always nice to see more green #the flowers are still pretty #the kittens are still fluffy #there's still a nice sunny day or there will be one eventually #tbd.

[desolades]

INT LINWOOD'S HOUSE DAY

It  was  strange  being  in  that  house,  like  walking  the  set  of  some  half  remembered  movie  he  had  seen  as  a  kid,  fragments  of  scenes  that  didn’t  entirely  fit  together  with  what  now  lay  before  his  eyes.  Was  this  the  couch  where  he  would  sit  and  play  his  guitar  for  hours?  Was  that  his  guitar?  Was  that  his  jacket?  Or  was  it  someone  else’s?  Strangers  stared  at  him  from  picture  frames,  half  hidden  behind  yellowed  lace  curtains.  Someone’s  boots  by  the  door,  a  set  of  keys  left  on  the  corner  of  the  table,  a  washed  cup  collecting  dust  on  the  drying  rack.  The  sensation  of  trespassing  in  a  stranger’s  house  was  almost  overwhelming,  like  they  might  step  in  at  any  moment.  But  then  the  fifth  step  of  the  stairs  would  creak  in  the  exact  way  it  should,  or  the  familiar  smell  of  a  particular brand  of  cigarette  would  come  back  to  him,  and  something  would  dislodge  inside  of  him.  Like  nudging  loose  a  bolt  in  his  chest,  a  weakened  door  giving  way  just  a  crack.

The  bed  that  was  meant  to  be  his  was  unmade,  and  as  he  lay  there,  staring  at  the  stains  on  the  ceiling,  he  got  the  feeling  that  maybe  if  he  stayed  very  still,  the  man  that  was  meant  to  live  in  that  house  might  step  back  in,  take  control  of  it.  Maybe  he’d  just  gently  usher  him  aside,  let  him  know  there  had  been  a  mistake.  This  was  his  life,  he  could  go  back  home  now,  he’d  take  it  from  here.  

“  You  know,  sometimes  I  look  at  you  and  it’s  like  when  they  first  brought  you  here,  ”  the  voice  came  from  the  opposite  side  of  the  room.  In  the  aged  vanity  mirror  he  caught  sight  of  a  woman’s  reflection,  just  half  her  face  from  that  angle,  a  strong  jaw,  bitterly  set.  She  was  staring  at  him  but  he  couldn’t  see  her,  only  the  faint  smell  of  her  cigarette  smoke  reached  him.  

“  Grandma?  ”  he  asked,  uncertain  as  to  why  the  word  came  to  him,  but  it  fell  solid,  another  loose  bolt  giving  in.

“  I  didn’t  want  anything  to  do  with  you,  you  were  just  someone  else’s  baby.  Not  my  blood,  that’s  what  I  told  ‘em.  ”  she  continued,  not  really  listening  to  him.  “  I’d  already  fucked  up  raising  a  little  boy.  ”  She  sounded  almost…  sad,  bitter.  Was  this  a  memory?  He  felt  as  if  he  would  look  down  at  himself  and  find  the  body  of  some  teenage  kid,  down  to  the  scraped  jeans  and  bruised  knuckles.  Like  maybe  she  said  these  things  to  him,  or  he  dreamed  she  did.

Upon  the  vanity,  the  picture  of  a  woman  and  a  little  boy  smiled  back  at  him,  strangers  both  of  them.  The  boy’s  face  was  frozen  in  the  middle  of  some  delighted  squeal  as  his  mother  squeezed  him  lovingly,  tousled  blond  hair  and  smudged  cheeks,  the  evidence  of  a  whole  day  of  playing  in  the  garden.  Such  a  perfect  little  moment,  so  out  of  place  in  there,  for  him,  for  her.  Besides  them,  another  kid,  alone  in  the  corner  of  his  room,  surrounded  by  toys.  Dark  curls  fell  over  his  serious  face,  a  pair  of  haunting  dark  eyes  stared  unsmiling.

“  You  were  just…  such  a  tiny  thing,  like  a  stray  pup,”  a  hand,  softly  touched  the  picture  of  the  little  boy.  He  could  almost  feel  it,  her  cool  hand  on  his  forehead,  brushing  his  curls  away.  He  was  a  boy  then,  just  for  one  moment.  Somehow  safe  under  that  harsh  woman’s  protection,  her  begrudging  love  “...and  just  as  feral.  You  nearly  bit  the  hand  of  the  social  worker  when  she  tried  to  zip  your  jacket.  ”  The  bark  of  her  laugh  filled  the  room.  It  was  deep  and  resonant,  emerging  from  some  hidden  recess  within  her,  a  cavern  at  the  bottom  of  her  heart  where  no  light  could  pierce through,  but  still  her  laugh  made it back.  

He  felt  like  maybe  he  understood  this  woman  in  a  way  the  kid  from  the  picture  couldn’t.  She  had  lost  something  precious  to  her,  and  it  had  hollowed  her  out.  There  were  no  words  for  that  kind  of  loss;  it  wasn’t  just  losing  a  child,  but  losing  the  very  idea  of  it.  The  day  her  son  never  came  home,  the  day  the  news  started  speculating  that  maybe  he  had  gone  and  killed  his  wife.  They  took  the  little  kid  from  the  picture  away  from  her.  And  then  they  dropped  another  on  her  doorstep,  as  though  could  make  up  for  it,  as  though  it  were  her  penance  for  nurturing  a  monster.  He  always  felt  like  some  part  of  her  must’ve  hated  him  for  it.  

“  You  were  just  so  little…  “  she  repeated,  her  hands  rose  and  she  looked  down  at  them,  as  if  she  could  feel  the  weight  of  a  child  there,  the  ghost  of  the  weight,  the  loss  of  it.  “  The  world  took  everything  from  you  and  left  you  all  alone,  just  like  me.  ”

“  I  think  I  lost  a  baby  too…  ”  he  said,  and  when  he  said  it  broke his heart. The  words  stuck  in  his  throat  as  it  closed  up  on  him.  For  a  moment,  he  couldn’t  breathe, they  stayed  there,  lodged  in  his  throat,  like  a  cold  stone, a petrified piece of his heart.  He  had  never  spoken  them  out  loud,  not  really,  they  didn't  want  to  be  said  out  loud.  Now  they  were  there,  out  of  him,  real  and  tangible,  a  charm  that  could  make  all  his  nightmares  come  true.  

“  Well,  you  won’t  find  her  here,  ”  the  chair  creaked  as  she  leaned  back  to  regard  him.  For  a  moment  he  thought  he  saw  the  corner  of  her  smile  in  the  mirror,  slightly  amused,  even  through  the  dark  veins  that  crept  around  her  pale  skin.  Near  the  end,  she  looked  more  corpse  than  person.  “  There  are  many  ghosts  in  this  house,  boy,  but  none  like  yours.  Your  house  is  a  forest,  and  it  has  teeth.  No  ghosts  can  live  there,  it  rejects humanity,  it rejects love.  I  always  warned  you  to  never  go  back  there.  ”  

He  blinked  and  tears  rolled  down  his  cheeks,  disappearing  into  his  beard.  The  moment  he  cleared  them  away,  the  pictures  were  gone;  there  was  no  smoke,  just  the  warm  spring  air  gently  blowing  through  the  window.  In  the  mirror's  reflection,  an  empty  wall  met  his  gaze.  He  was  alone.  Not  a  memory  then.  

He  wasn’t  sure  if  what  was  the  biggest  loss,  still  not  being  able  to  recall  her  face,  or  not  being  sure  if  any  of  it  was  true.

I  lost  a  baby  too.  That  was  true.  Heartbreakingly  true.  

#reading this again #upset again #🧍🏼 #help

[desolades]

my life for a plot where two muses who were dating when they were younger reunited back in a small town or some family party or sm. still haunted by what ifs, still pretty sure it would've never worked.

or a dirvorced couple meeting again hmm

#🤌🤌🤌🤌 #this specific kinda itch #tbd. #let me know if u vibe with this im not above bribery #i got a specific playlist for this vibe amd EVERY TIME I listen to it

[desolades]

On Love and Community

@princes-heels // ? // @inkskinned // mitski, my love mine all mine//@littlespoonsokka // @boymiffy // @2aminhouston // ? // @theviralwitch // @noodle // @criterioncollectiongirl // @fatsoupy // ? // @mjalti // george saunders, congratulations, by the way// @jb-blunk // @ponchopeligroso // @headspace-hotel // everything, everywhere, all at once(2022) //@cheruib // ? // ? // @tordenvejr

#something something tom #[ fig. 2 ] — echo.