devilishdestiny

[devilishdestiny]

Today's Adventure is that I, after an unintentional 13-hour power nap,

Got woken up at 6AM by a phone call from a friend stranded in Montana because of the heat wave and almost no cell service because of their crap provider.

OhSoThat'sHowIt'sGonnaBe.jpg

Ok.

I somehow summon a week's worth of spoons and in less than 30 minutes and 5 phone calls, get them

A hotel

An appointment with a mechanic from 2 states away

A perscription refilled from 2 states away

and A Pizza

Go me.

But then it's 8AM and there are unscheduled live humans at the door and while EVERGENCY MODE is still on, I have already blown through a ton of spoons, and also probably shouldn't meet whoever it is wearing just a pair of bootyshorts that say "CRYPTID" in Gothic Font on my ass.

So I greet them in those shorts and a T-shirt that I manage to put on both inside out and backwards

#nailedit

It is, Fortunately, not the mormons.

it is, Unfortunately, two UPS guys trying to deliver my other in-house friend's new phone except the new guy doesn't know how to operate the "sign for package" device, and the old guy that's supposed to be mentoring him is like, 92, deaf as a post, and doesn't actually know how to operate the device either.

by the way

it is already

over 100 out

it takes almost 30 minutes to sign for the phone

when i get back inside, i discover that apparently the Corgi has learned how to open his kennel from the inside because he is now out of the kennel and waiting for me to come in.

he also has cat litter all over his face because while he was waiting for me he also learned how to open the baby gate to the cat's room and help himself to a cat shit breakfast.

He'll be fine

He's a cattle dog, they're legally required to have at least 1 really disgusting snack they love.

but

more to the point

i have no idea at what point he learned to open his kennel from the inside

has he been staying there out of politeness this whole time??

And

I got other shit to do today.

namely.

I'm seeing a realator

The Devils most pathetic yet effective demons

I get a reminder text that I have an appointment with her

at least

I think that's what it is because what she sends me is: "🏡⏰12:00 ❔"

With the time typed in the middle like that.

She is, according to her profile, at least 80.

so I reply "😎👍"

and then she sends me a string of GODDAMN POST-MODERN EMOJI HEIROGLYPHICS THAT TAKE UP MY ENTIRE SCREEN.

She's on an iPhone so half of them don't even translate across platforms

It takes me half an hour and three different software programs and goddamn wingdings to translate, but she has sent me the address and rules about masking and not wearing shoes inside.

in emoji

instead of like

literally any other format

I am

FASCINATED

and simply must meet the woman so if I don't come back to update I got stolen by the fairies but I'm taking the Corgi with me as protection so I'll see y'all later.

[devilishdestiny]

A comic about being (possibly) neurodivergent, deeply rooted fears and overthinking

do NOT repost

Keep reading

[devilishdestiny]

Clients’ names and personal information have been omitted to retain their privacy.

My Etsy: LINK / My Society6: LINK / My Ko-Fi: LINK

[devilishdestiny]

Here it is! The instructions to make a pieced and quilted plague doctor mask!

Just as a heads up, this pattern is not really recommended for beginners. There is not a whole lot of explanation of the basic techniques, and it requires a fair bit of precision, two types of fusible interfacing, and an assumption that you can keep a consistent seam allowance and do some hand sewing and know when to sew things right sides together and such.

I am not promising anything, different methods will yield different results, I have never made a pattern exactly as it was written and neither should you. If you want something the same as the next person, go to the shops.

Actually, nevermind, this is a quarantine craft, stay home.

Keep reading

[devilishdestiny]

ALBERTI, Giovanni Ceiling decoration 1596-1602 Fresco Palazzo Pontifici, Vatican 

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OMFG.

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Good Omens sketchdump 1

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[devilishdestiny]

“In a jiffy. Two shakes of a lamb’s tail.”

[devilishdestiny]

Harley Quinn in Birds of Prey: And the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn (2020)

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guillermo del toro’s little brother

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The Goddess of witches - Jiyeon Ryu

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this bitch empty, TWEET

[devilishdestiny]

“I-it’s like- it’s like-” Crowley waved his hands around vaguely. “Ya know?”

Aziraphale, who did not know but, like Crowley, was far too drunk for a proper conversation, nodded sagely. “Of course.”

“And then you’re just like-” Crowley emphatically gestured at Aziraphale. “And I’m just like-” He waved a hand up and down his own body with much less enthusiasm and a disappointed sort of noise. “Ya know?”

“Yeee- no,” Aziraphale admitted. He had absolutely no idea what Crowley was talking about, but he could sense that Crowley was actually trying to say something important with those fluttering hands and wide eyes. “Maybe we should sober up?” he suggested.

“No, no, no,” Crowley insisted with a dismissive flap of his hand.  He stared off into the distance as if deep in contemplation, though it was more likely that he had simply lost his train of thought.

“I love you,” he suddenly said out of nowhere, startling Aziraphale into nearly dropping his wine. “You know that, right?”

He did. It took a few minutes of Crowley staring at him expectantly for him to realize that he hadn’t actually said so out loud. “I do.” And then, just because he wanted to say it, he added, “I love you, too.”

Crowley blushed. “Yes, Angel, I know!”

“You’re shy,” Aziraphale giggled.

“Aziraphale,” Crowley whined. “I’m trying to make a point here!”

“Right, right,” Aziraphale said with forced seriousness. “I’m sorry.” He wasn’t. Not even a little bit.

“Anyway,” Crowley continued. “I know you love me, but I’m not really your type, am I?”

Of all the things Crowley had said that evening, this one made the least amount of sense. “What?”

“Ya know,” Crowley said waving his hands at the many bookshelves surrounding them. “It’s like- I hate reading!”

Aziraphale let out a loud hoot of laughter. 

“I’m serious, Angel,” Crowley cried in dismay. “When I realized you loved me back I tried to like it, I really, really did! But it’s just the silence, and the words, and I was reading the same sentence over and over and over again- Aziraphale, stop laughing!”

“Crowley,” Aziraphale choked out between snorts of laughter. “I don’t particularly care for your car.”

“What?” Crowley blinked. “What does that have to do with anythi-”

“The way you drive. It’s soooo…” Aziraphale motioned with his hands to mimic a car swerving back and forth on the road. “But I enjoy riding along with you, even if you do try to discorporate us.”

“I know that,” Crowley said. “So what?”

“Sooooo…” Aziraphale dragged out the word pointedly. “You don’t enjoy reading. But you sit with me all the time while I’m reading, and you seem to like it well enough.”

“I just like being with you,” Crowley mumbled as he refilled his wine glass.

“Exactly!” Aziraphale stuck his finger in the air triumphantly.

“…Oh.”

“And as for my type,” Aziraphale began, popping the p.

“Writers? Poets? Really hot librarians?” Crowley suggested.

“No, you daft demon.” Aziraphale placed a slightly sloppy kiss on Crowley’s cheek. “My type is you.”

[devilishdestiny]

And, as a woman, there’s no way for me to make my own money. Not enough to earn a living or to support my family, and if I had my own money—which I don’t—that money would belong to my husband the moment we got married. And if we had children, they would be his not mine, they would be his property so don’t sit there and tell me that marriage isn’t an economic proposition because it is. It may not be for you but it most certainly is for me.

— LITTLE WOMEN (2019) dir. Greta Gerwig